Another poll about anti-homeschooling relatives

[laurad1125]

Lately, my mom and I have been discussing homeschooling. A lot. She's concerned. It seems that when we have these talks, she mentions a concern and we talk about it for quite a while 20-30 minutes and then she feels better and understands we've got it covered. So I've been working on the assumption that if I can just educate her enough.....

 

Has anyone here been able to address the concerns of a relative well enough to make them a supporter? Or am I likely just talking to hear myself talk?

[golfcartmama]

:bigear: I have family that work in the school system and it is HORRIBLE. They are now quizzing my son on every subject every time we see them. I am FED UP. I need a nice but direct way to say mind your own business!

[jenL]

We seem to go in phases where we have to "explain ourselves" to relatives. I find it to be something where they need to be educated and then they are fine. Homeschooling is a foreign concept to our family, so they often have many questions. Thankfully, those on my side listen... not so sure about my inlaws... any choice that wouldn't be their choice is viewed as wrong anyway, so I don't care much what they think.

[HRAAB]

The only thing I've ever seen turn an anti-homeschooling relative into a pro-homeschooling relative is the end result. They have not been able to argue with that. That is the main reason I no longer engage in those conversations. If my two older dd's aren't enough proof, there's nothing I can say to convince them. When they were small, doubters always seemed to have more 'concerns' than I could counter.

[RebeccaS]

Ok, I am an "other". I'm not too sure how my uncle felt about us homeschooling. He never said a word about it. However, over the last few years, he has become a big supporter. He spent last year trying to convince my sil to homeschool her kids after seeing us at work. My parents were not necessarily against it, just, unsure about the whole thing. A good conversation really cleared things up and they are really supportive, though they feel that we should attend co-op for...

 

 

 

 

 

wait for it.....

 

 

 

 

 

socialization. :D

[Crimson Wife]

My anti-HS relatives are now convinced that it's okay for us personally because the public schools here in CA are horrible and the private ones too expensive and we're graduates of a top college, yadda, yadda, yadda. But they still think it's a bad thing in general and needs to be heavily regulated because not everyone is as conscientious as we are. :rolleyes:

 

Oh, and they still give me a guilt trip about how much better the public schools would be if parents who cared so much about education would work for the benefit of everyone and not just their own kids :rolleyes::rolleyes:

 

You just can't please some people so pass the bean dip! :D

[EJCMom]

I voted "other." My parents *say* that they think it is wonderful that I'm homeschooling, but whenever I see them they ask questions in such a way that it leads me to believe that they really aren't all that keen on the idea.

 

The way that I've handled it so far is to simply answer exactly the question they asked, without further explanation. I don't view it as my job to convince them that homeschooling is the right choice for our family, because ultimately it doesn't really matter what they think. It isn't going to change our decision.

 

For example, they once asked "the socializaion question," and my response was simply, "I'm satisfied with what I've learned in my research on that subject, and feel that we have that covered." Then I just changed the subject.

 

I don't know if they will ever be convinced. I think the best thing for peace in my family is that we just avoid the topic altogether.

[SonshineLearner]

I think that people are thinking of their own education; perhaps they are pleased with it. Perhaps they are just defensive about what they did with THEIR children. We feel like it's what God would have us do, or We feel like we have a responsibility to educate them to the best of their ability.... We'd be happy to have them involved in______; would you want to think about finding out how much that would cost, and perhaps add it as a Christmas gift for the children? I'm sure they'd love that!! I mean... sometimes you get to the heart of the questions... and you can both be pleased... they will help extra... or they won't... and they won't want to to suggest their help anymore :)

[Amy loves Bud]

I voted other. I've just never really tried. :001_smile:

 

I figure in the end either they will be right or I will. Until then, there's no point in arguing about it because we aren't going to change our minds.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I voted "other". My ILs have come around - not because of any explanation - but because they see with their own eyes that my kids are being educated and are not any more strange than the other grandkids. My MIL has started to express some concern about high school, though.

 

My own parents, who had no problem with me homeschooling for elementary or middle school, have started to drop "why don't you put him into 'real' school" one-liners now that high school is coming up.

[extendedforecast]

My parents bite their tongues and try to support me as much as possible. When I was a child, they sent me to a private school while they worked in business. After I grew up, they decided to make career changes in education. My mom is a school counselor, and my dad is a teacher. Needless to say, they have been brainwashed, at least to me it seems. Whenever I try to explain why we choose to homeschool our kids, they acknowledge my points and then tell me to send the kids to a private school to avoid those issues. The thing is, I cannot afford to send my kids to a private school, and even if I could, I don't think it would be the best solution. So, I accept their help in the form of books on education, workbooks, subscriptions to websites, and supplies. Most of it is useless to me, but I appreciate that they love me and my children and want to help as much as they can.

 

ETA: The other reason they want me to put them in a private school is for socialization.

Edited August 7, 2010 by extendedforecast

[TX Bluebonnet]

I voted other. If any of my relatives have objections to homeschooling they are smart enough to keep quiet!

[Pretty in Pink]

I voted NO, they didn't believe my explanations. Nothing I have ever said or explained to an anti-homeschooling relative has swayed their opinion. Several relatives have come around over the years though, only after seeing the results of our efforts.

[Food4Thought]

I voted, "Yes, and they now support homeschooling." At least this is true with regards to DS. However, I think it's only because my son has Asperger's, and his *doctor* has said that homeschooling is probably the best possible thing I could do for him. That goes a long way to stop any sort of discussion.

 

On the other hand, my DD is preschool age now, and I have a lot of people wondering if I'm going to put her in the church preschool for "socialization." So I'll have to keep working on friends over the next few years as I ease into homeschooling her. For some reason, it's always weird people at church who come up with the bizarre anti-homeschooling questions and comments. Both sides of the family are fully on board with it after seeing DS after one year.

[Whereneverever]

I voted yes, and they now support. It wasn't so much any explanations or arguments- it was time. Seeing my children develop and learn has really been more powerful then anything I could say, you know?

[fhjmom]

I voted "other", too. I have at least two aunts and a cousin whom I know disapprove of our homeschooling, but I don't factor their opinion into our decision making. One aunt actually cornered me at Christmas and proceeded to make a huge scene, literally screaming at me, giving me all the reasons I needed to put my kids in public school, and ending up calling me a not-very-nice-name-that-rhymes-with-witch because I refused to engage her and was trying to walk away. Ruined Christmas for everyone and carried over to Easter. I will never feel the same way about her ever again over that one, and I thought we used to be close before that little incident.

 

So I don't waste my breath.

[AngieW in Texas]

My dh's mom was all for it right from the beginning, but my oldest was only 2.5yo when she died.

 

My dh's exstepfather's wife was against it, but after her dd had a horrible year at school, she started asking me about it. She didn't end up hsing, but wasn't so dead-set against it after that.

 

The others don't like it (except for exstepfather who thinks whatever we choose to do is fine), but don't bother us about it either. They all got very excited when oldest went to ps for 6th and 7th grade and were disappointed when she decided to return to hs. They are all glad that she's doing well in her community college classes. I think they're waiting to see whether or not she'll actually be able to get into college and do well there with a hs education. That's their litmus test.

[Sebastian (a lady)]

Lately, my mom and I have been discussing homeschooling. A lot. She's concerned. It seems that when we have these talks, she mentions a concern and we talk about it for quite a while 20-30 minutes and then she feels better and understands we've got it covered. So I've been working on the assumption that if I can just educate her enough.....

 

Has anyone here been able to address the concerns of a relative well enough to make them a supporter? Or am I likely just talking to hear myself talk?

 

If she brings it up and seems satisfied after you talk about it, then brings it up again, it would make me wonder what conversations she's having with other people. Does she talk with her siblings about their grandkids (and the wonderful things they are doing) and then wonder if her grandkids are missing out? Does she have people questioning her at work or church about what her grandkids are doing?

 

I think it can be a good thing that she will bring up the concerns and talk about them to you. Especially if she's listening enough to agree after a time.

 

I wrote an essay a while back about feeding our parents enough information for them to deal with fears brought up in their dealings with their own peers.

 

On the other hand, if it is the same concern over and over, then I'd wonder if she were really listening.

[Julie in MO]

my in-laws have always been dead-set against home schooling and very verbal (and somewhat abusive) in sharing their opinions. When they saw that we were determined to continue home schooling (as we felt led by God to do so and are loving it) they chose to stop speaking to us for a number of years, simply because of home schooling. It just breaks my dd's hearts (and ours), but the girls both love home schooling and ask us to continue every year. The grandparents won't go to band concerts, piano recitals, or award ceremonies, aren't interested in hearing what we're learning or doing, and won't spend any quality time with the grandchildren. It's just sad (and frankly, not normal behavior). We don't try to help them understand or educate them about home schooling anymore. We really only see them at Christmas (a very icy holiday in all respects).

 

Wow...now I feel sad all over again. I better look at the results of your poll and see if there's hope in other peoples' situations.:001_smile:

 

Blessings,

Julie

[homeschoolally]

The only thing I've ever seen turn an anti-homeschooling relative into a pro-homeschooling relative is the end result. They have not been able to argue with that.

 

:iagree: You have to be patient, but this has been our experience as well. We haven't gotten to the 'end' yet, but after 6 years or so of homeschooling when the 'tween' years hit it was hard to ignore the benefits. Hang in there!!!

[Rosy]

The only thing I've ever seen turn an anti-homeschooling relative into a pro-homeschooling relative is the end result. They have not been able to argue with that.

 

That. My mom actually said recently something to my kids about how they got to learn more and better because I'm working with them at home than if they were in school. I just about fell over. I think she still would prefer that I put them in school because it's what she's comfortable with, even though she can't argue with the results. :P

[Natalieclare]

My mom became a homeschool supporter the spring before I started homeschooling; my teacher-father's school had 5 bomb threats that spring, all false alarms of course. But that was enough for my mom! I think this was shortly after the whole Columbine tragedy. She just wanted her grandbabies safe.

 

It has taken my dad many more years to become a supporter. I think he still has that type of thinking that it would be better for me, as a caring parent, to put my child in school so I could better my community's schools. But he is happy about the things the kids are doing and learning. It's been years and years since I have heard a comment like, "Are you still gonna homeschool those kids of yours?"

 

I might even ask him to help me out this year. :001_smile:

[Pamela H in Texas]

I think TIME will be your best friend in this situation.

 

I think it's great, btw, that your mom cares so much and that you have a relationship where she feels comfy discussing it with you as long as she isn't driving you bonkers (in which case, you may need to set up some better boundaries).

 

My mom came along pretty easily in regards to my daughter. She took a little more time for my son. She is proud of all of us though :)

[elegantlion]

I voted other. My parents were unsure but supported us. Now they love it.

 

My sister thinks I'm an idiot and has given me unsolicited advice before. That's her personality and started way before homeschooling. I ignore or vent to my mother. I think she's starting to trust me after 6 years, but I really don't give a rip what she thinks.

 

My dh's side of the family? IDK, they're respectful and kind, but I really don't know how they view homeschooling. I never asked and we just don't talk about it much. They are all very education oriented, higher degrees, work in education, but I don't know how they feel about it. Again, they didn't ask for my opinion on sending their kids to private school, I don't ask for their approval or opinion on my educational choice.

 

I wouldn't try to appease anyone. I would simply state "Thank you for your concern. We feel this is the best decision for our family right now." Smile and shut up. Don't allow it become a talking point. If they brought real concerns to the table I again state, "Thank you, for your concern. Believe me that was a concern of mine early on, but there is a wealth of resources available to homeschoolers to help with that situation." You don't have to explain what those resources are.

[NanceXToo]

My anti-homeschooling relative was an aunt (who was a schoolteacher for many years).

 

She gave me her reasons why she didn't care for the idea of homeschooling.

 

I gave her my reasons why I thought homeschooling was the way to go.

 

In the end, what I had to say to her was: "I understand that you don't agree with the idea of homeschooling, and I don't expect to change your mind, but I hope that you will respect and support my decision anyway."

 

And she said that of course she would, and that she thought I would make a good teacher, and that if there was anything she could do to help, that I should let her know.

[Snickerdoodle]

The grandparents won't go to band concerts, piano recitals, or award ceremonies, aren't interested in hearing what we're learning or doing, and won't spend any quality time with the grandchildren.

 

 

 

Wow, unbelievable. I'm sorry they had to hurt the kids this way.

[FO4UR]

I have several family members who silently disagree with HSing...meaning I know how they feel even though they are completely loving and respectful towards me and my family.

 

We talk some...we agree on lots of things, but just come from opposite sides on *how.* I choose to keep focusing on what we can agree on...and my own dc. They do the same and it's a happy situation.

 

I'll let the proof be in the pudding...

 

my in-laws have always been dead-set against home schooling and very verbal (and somewhat abusive) in sharing their opinions. When they saw that we were determined to continue home schooling (as we felt led by God to do so and are loving it) they chose to stop speaking to us for a number of years, simply because of home schooling. It just breaks my dd's hearts (and ours), but the girls both love home schooling and ask us to continue every year. The grandparents won't go to band concerts, piano recitals, or award ceremonies, aren't interested in hearing what we're learning or doing, and won't spend any quality time with the grandchildren. It's just sad (and frankly, not normal behavior). We don't try to help them understand or educate them about home schooling anymore. We really only see them at Christmas (a very icy holiday in all respects).

 

Wow...now I feel sad all over again. I better look at the results of your poll and see if there's hope in other peoples' situations.:001_smile:

 

Blessings,

Julie

 

 

I'm sorry! In all honesty though, if it weren't HSing, it would be some other decision that they couldn't control...don't feel a bit of guilt...and maybe even be a bit thankful that a line was drawn in the sand early b/c these kinds of people are cancerous.

[SilverMoon]

I needed to vote for both "No" options. :tongue_smilie:

 

The only thing that has convinced nosy rellies is time. Time to see the kids really were thriving, time to see they were doing great academically, time to see we really were going to teach them well. Just time.

 

We were five or six years into this homeschooling gig when my MIL and I actually had a civil conversation, with no accusations, about how the kids were doing. Until that conversation I simply bean-dipped her every time we even came close to the topic. Curiosity finally got the better of her and she learned to be nice about it. :lol: A couple/few years after that incident I can actually discuss curricula, scheduling and kids' performance with her and the conversations stay peaceful.

[stripe]

I am not exactly sure how people feel; however, I have another relative who is homeschooling and the daughter of some friends of my parents is too, so at least they don't feel we are oddballs. I suspect that they may not be sure about homeschooling in general, but no one in my family feels I am underqualified, so at least they give me the benefit of the doubt.

[Photo Ninja]

I voted Other because while I was able to explain a lot and answer questions and concerns, the primary reason they changed their minds was seeing the outcome of hsing. The proof has been in the pudding, so to speak.

[Love2Smile]

I voted "other" because I have no desire to explain how I "run" my family to anyone, it's none of anyone's business, if someone doesn't like it..."OH WELL!"

[Ginevra]

I can't say explaining/talking ever did much good. It was time that helped win anti-hs family members to something approaching polite resignation in most cases, or full support in one or two cases.

[Jen+4dc]

But they still think it's a bad thing in general and needs to be heavily regulated because not everyone is as conscientious as we are. :rolleyes:

 

Oh, and they still give me a guilt trip about how much better the public schools would be if parents who cared so much about education would work for the benefit of everyone and not just their own kids :rolleyes::rolleyes:

 

You just can't please some people so pass the bean dip! :D

Ditto! I hate that: the ps would be better if you would stay. Guess what? I don't care, at least not enough to leave dd there at the expense of her emotional/physical/academic well-being! I'm sorry but my first priority has to be to my own children.

 

I don't view it as my job to convince them that homeschooling is the right choice for our family, because ultimately it doesn't really matter what they think. It isn't going to change our decision.

.

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

 

We just don't discuss it very often or in depth. All my in-laws are public school teachers/principals. I get along great with them, we just avoid this subject for the most part.:D

[Belacqua]

Ditto! I hate that: the ps would be better if you would stay. Guess what? I don't care, at least not enough to leave dd there at the expense of her emotional/physical/academic well-being! I'm sorry but my first priority has to be to my own children.

 

 

I'm astonished by how many of us have gotten that argument. If somebody said that to me, I don't think I'd be able to respond beyond incoherent sputtering. Are we really expected to sacrifice our own kids to The Cause?

[gaillardia]

My ils don't say a word about homeschooling, weird. No questions, nothing! At first I heard a lot about socialization and my sanity (did I go insane? I will go insane if I homeschool, etc.)

My mother thought I had too much on my plate but I told her all the negative stuff that was going on in son's first year of school and she knew another family that homeschooled, but she thought they were nuts too.

My sister was very negative about it at first, at times she thinks she needs to give them a lesson and drill them about something historical, mathematical or grammatical. The air stills, not a word is spoken...children sniff, clear the throat....:blink: ...there are too many of us for things to stay quiet and on track for long when we're visiting.:tongue_smilie:

My grandmother was a teacher (1920+) so she was pleased I was going to be teaching my own kids. :) Her father was a ps teacher also.