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Would you have your dc take standardized test to appease your mom?


Would you have your dc take standardized test to appease your mom?  

  1. 1. Would you have your dc take standardized test to appease your mom?

    • Yes, with no practice testing.
      5
    • Yes, with practice testing.
      14
    • No way!
      161
    • Other (I remembered to add it this time! Yea, me!)
      9


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My mom has been getting more and more nervous about homeschooling as my oldest inches towards high school. The most recent conversation covered standardized tests (which are not required in our state) and why not take them.

 

Part of me wants to put my foot down and say no just because I can. The more mature part of me says, "What could it hurt?"

 

I'm reasonably sure they are close to on grade level in most things. Both of them have pretty bad handwriting and the older is a terrible speller. But I don't need a test to tell me that.

 

I have some philosophical problems with standardized tests. The kids that take these tests are usually very.well.practiced. at them so any percentile rankings are suspect.

 

The other consideration is what would I do if they scored low? Put them in school? Not likely. Change how we school? Probably not, though we might take fewer breaks.

 

What would you do?

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I wouldn't have my kids take a standardized test to appease someone else. If the scores don't come back as high as you'd like the plan would have backfired. BUT, I think I will start testing around middle school so that they get used to taking tests. It's a separate skill that kids need these days imho. My purpose would be to make them very well practiced at the tests, and their results would be less important to me. It might be something to consider.

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I had my DD take not one but two different standardized tests to appease my DH last year. The first one didn't give him the kind of information he wanted (it was the short form CAT-E from Seton) so he insisted on re-testing with the Iowa.

 

If your kids may attend college, I think it's useful to do at least some standardized testing before they go to take the SAT/ACT. Their competition will be mostly kids who have been required by NCLB to have taken standardized tests annually from 2nd or 3rd grade on.

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No. We do standardized testing every year according to our state law, but I wouldn't test or share scores with my parent to prove anything. I don't feel the need to justify my parenting choices to anyone other than my husband.

Edited by Crissy
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No. We do standardized texting every year according to our state law, but I wouldn't test or share scores with my parent to prove anything. I don't feel the need to justify my parenting choices to anyone other than my husband.

 

:iagree:

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I think it depends on the relationship with your mom and how really deep-felt her concerns are. If my mom was really concerned, I would want to put her mind at ease. I do have a great relationship with my mom, and she has had her doubts in the past about us homeschooling. She has come around now to accepting it and even think it is a good thing.

 

Our state requires some testing. You must start by 3rd grade and test at least every 3 years. You don't have to submit results, but I send in copies. I want them to see that homeschooled kids are doing well.

 

I would test even if our state didn't require it. We test every other year, with our kids on alternating years to save money. I tested my ds in Kindergarten last year. I think he actually thought the test was fun. If I saw a problem, though, I would test every year to watch for improvement.

 

I believe standardized tests are too demonized in the homeschooling community. I think it is good practice for the big ones later (SAT, ACT, etc.). I also think it is good to show areas you might believe your child has mastered, but in a timed situation has not. It stretches your child to do something different as well. If it is the standard that the rest of America is looking at, then it isn't unreasonable to see how our kids stand up to it.

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I voted "No way" would I have my kids test to please my Mom. I'd have my kids tested to evaluate their skills and knowledge and to see what areas I as their teacher need to work on. I see Standardized Testing as a positive tool in our homeschool but I do nothing to please others.

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I would not have my kids take a standardized test to appease anyone except their dad. We will have to do standardized tests every 2 years starting in 3rd grade to comply with our state's regulations (and the state does provide for some alternatives to the tests).

 

OP - since it sounds like your state doesn't require testing, I would just smile and thank mom for her input... :)

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I think it depends on the relationship with your mom and how really deep-felt her concerns are. If my mom was really concerned, I would want to put her mind at ease. I do have a great relationship with my mom, and she has had her doubts in the past about us homeschooling. She has come around now to accepting it and even think it is a good thing.

 

 

 

I believe standardized tests are too demonized in the homeschooling community. I think it is good practice for the big ones later (SAT, ACT, etc.). I also think it is good to show areas you might believe your child has mastered, but in a timed situation has not. It stretches your child to do something different as well. If it is the standard that the rest of America is looking at, then it isn't unreasonable to see how our kids stand up to it.

 

:iagree: If my manipulative MIL suggested it, I wouldn't show her the results. But if my parents, who are genuinely concerned and interested, wanted to know, I'd let them see the scores.:001_smile:

 

:iagree: with the last paragraph, too.:001_smile:

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I *would absolutely* test my dc in order to reassure my mom that her grandchildren were being adequately educated. To my way of thinking, it's a win-win-win situation.

#1. Either the kids would do well, in which case I'd let her know their scores were fine. That's a positive, OR...

#2. I'd find out that one or more of my kids weren't quite where they needed to be, which I view as a positive, because then I'd know where to remediate. AND

#3. The kids would get practice in a skill they will likely need later on, also a positive.

I really want my parents (or dh's, for that matter), to have an emotional investment in my dc's well-being, and I cultivate that relationship whenever I can. :001_smile:

 

ETA: Part of this is determined by the language that is used to describe it--"appease" and "justify" could just as easily be replaced with "reassure", and that changes the entire picture. We can choose to be offended, or choose to view people with the best possible motive, depending on the personalities of those involved. Unless someone is truly evil, I usually choose to attribute them with the best motives.

Edited by Julie in CA
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I voted other. Up until this spring I would have never ever had dd take a standardized test to appease anyone - not the state, not my mom.

 

Then I talked to a friend about year end assessment. We have to have one type or another. I got talked into having dd do one particular test.

 

She took the test, came pretty darn close to acing it and there was no hassle, no fuss, no muss.

 

I'm a convert to year-end testing. If my mother asks I would no offer the scores.

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I vote "no way". It is not my job to appease my mother. I also hate the whole standardized testing thing. I won't put my kids on the spot like that. Besides, while my children may be doing well, they may not know the answers to what's on the standardized test. I'm not teaching to the test. The test results could just add fuel to the fire.

 

I fully realize that the children will need test taking skills. I do give small tests here and there. Spelling tests. End of the unit Science tests. I will have them take more formal tests when they are older. But they are only about to begin working on third grade material this year. I'm guessing that my son's writing ability is below level right now. As is his spelling. He is above grade level with reading, grammar and phonics. All it would take for him to bomb a test at this point is for some directions to be worded differently than he expects, or require writing.

 

Honestly, I think if my mom felt so little of my teaching ability that she wanted to see a test score I would be pretty hurt and angry and not really interested in making her feel better after insulting me. But that could be the PMS talking. :001_unsure:

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Your mother cares about her grandchildren. However, *you* are their mother, and *you* get to make all decisions about how your dc will be educated. You don't need her approval, you don't need her permission. *She* should trust your judgement as a parent, and even if she doesn't, she should keep her opinions to herself. And I say that with all kindness and respect.

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My mom has been getting more and more nervous about homeschooling as my oldest inches towards high school. The most recent conversation covered standardized tests (which are not required in our state) and why not take them.

 

Part of me wants to put my foot down and say no just because I can. The more mature part of me says, "What could it hurt?"

 

I'm reasonably sure they are close to on grade level in most things. Both of them have pretty bad handwriting and the older is a terrible speller. But I don't need a test to tell me that.

 

I have some philosophical problems with standardized tests. The kids that take these tests are usually very.well.practiced. at them so any percentile rankings are suspect.

 

The other consideration is what would I do if they scored low? Put them in school? Not likely. Change how we school? Probably not, though we might take fewer breaks.

 

What would you do?

 

I would not administer exams to please anyone other than the kids' father (and the state if law requires it). I'm not going to do a test just to get grandma off my back or to appease any other extended family.

 

*However* I also don't want to have the SAT or AP exams be the first time my kids encounter the format and environment of a standardized test. There are some techniques that make a test day go better or worse. High stakes test days aren't when I want them learning those. If your concern is that other kids are well practiced, well that isn't going to go away in high school. If anything that will be more of a factor.

 

So I might find ways to do some exams. Then if the scores come back, great, I can flaunt that around. If they don't come back well, then I can assess if that is because of something that we should work on or just due to a mismatch between what we're learning and what they are testing.

 

I wouldn't tell critical relatives that we're doing an assessment ahead of time.

 

I also have been known to just pull sample tests out to give to the kids. They tend to think it is sort of fun and it reminds me of things that I might have forgotten (like teaching about amphibians) or that the kids tend to forget (like proper capitalization).

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No. We do standardized testing every year according to our state law, but I wouldn't test or share scores with my parent to prove anything. I don't feel the need to justify my parenting choices to anyone other than my husband.

 

 

Yep. My mom's approval (while nice) isn't any basis for my decisions.

 

I don't mind taking the tests, as our state requires, simply to give my kids time to practice taking tests. We've nevernevernever practiced a test; my test prep consisted of telling my kids I could care less what their scores were. I really believe in eliminating test anxiety! {Must confess-it's SAT time for my oldest and NOW we finally care about the score and will do some prep.}

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Sure.

 

I can't explain well, I don't think. But I did this and it worked out well. I learned things I didn't know and my mom relaxed and kiddo got experience. Win, win, win. The first time (kiddo was 6), I used an individual assessment. The second time it was the SAT/ACT (late elem). My daughter then did all the PSAT/PLAN/ACT/SAT/college placement stuff. My son has only tested in regards to learning issues when younger then 7th grade state test.

 

I don't think testing is evil OR necessary. Being as I didn't really care, I didn't see a reason NOT to do it any more than I see a reason TO do it. But we did gain information in every situation which was nice also. And my mom is very friendly about our homeschooling which is nice too :)

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I'm reasonably sure they are close to on grade level in most things. Both of them have pretty bad handwriting and the older is a terrible speller. But I don't need a test to tell me that.

 

I have some philosophical problems with standardized tests. The kids that take these tests are usually very.well.practiced. at them so any percentile rankings are suspect.

 

The other consideration is what would I do if they scored low? Put them in school? Not likely. Change how we school? Probably not, though we might take fewer breaks.

 

What would you do?

 

I would say no, based upon the bolded part.

 

No. We do standardized testing every year according to our state law, but I wouldn't test or share scores with my parent to prove anything. I don't feel the need to justify my parenting choices to anyone other than my husband.

 

:iagree: We are not required to test and I don't test. If my dh wanted to see, I would consider it, but he has the same feeling about testing as me.

 

As for my mother, I would feel hurt that she didn't trust my parenting and my ability to educate. We've been homeschooling for 6 years and my mom's trust in my ability has grown as she has seen ds develop. However, I don't share all the nitty gritty details with her either. :D I share the good, bad, and ugly with other homeschooling families and my dh, people that I trust to understand what I mean. I share the mostly good, some of the bad, but never the ugly with my mother, it makes it easier as she doesn't view homeschooling like someone who is actively schooling.

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I'm sorry but I would not.

 

You know, you are an adult now. I'm sorry that your Mom is stressed and worried about the kids being homeschooled. Unless your mom is privy to some information (that we are not) about your general competence to function as an adult, then I would say it's not really your responsibility to quell every fear she is having.

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My answer was, NO WAY, as that is not a good reason to test. However your reasons for not wanting to test aren't really very good reasons, IMHO. I think that there are MANY reasons not to test... but bad handwriting and spelling? Last test we did, it was multiple choice. Aren't they all? (granted my kids are younger....)

 

First of all, if your mom is willing to PAY for the testing... I would say, why not. Put her money where her nose is.

 

The tests are NOT a big deal. They are pretty easy w/o prep.

 

But I personally think they are stupid and don't show what you *know* or have learned, only how well you can figure out that particular test. They are almost completely worthless. My kids like to take them though.

 

Sorry for my prickly and abrasive post. :tongue_smilie:

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I used to give my boys the Texas TAKs test in order to please my parents-in-law. Our test prep consisted of showing them a past paper and explaining how the exam worked. Then they would do the papers and that was it. The TAKs is available online, so it was easy and stress-free to administer at home.

 

My parents-in-law had no great opinion of the Texas educational system or its testing regime, but at least they could see that the boys were doing okay. I felt that family harmony was worth an hour or two of our time, and the test practice wasn't a bad thing.

 

Laura

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I've got some great things to consider now.

 

1. Why do I care so much what she thinks? Why don't I just refuse to discuss it with her? (Can you say, "boundary issues?????"

2. Is this a case of genuine concern that could be addressed with my mom?

3. When do I plan to start testing (and I do, as practice before the SAT)????

 

There's much to consider....

 

I really appreciate everyone's input! Thank you!

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I'm not against testing as a whole, but I would never do it simply to appease/inform anyone besides dh, myself or the child himself (or state law required it). It's no one else's business!

 

Are you going to discuss the results with her? At what score/percentile will she "approve?"

 

Even if I tested, I'd be cautious about sharing any results. It's just not fair to the dc. They are your (you and dh) responsibility, and shouldn't feel any pressure to perform for Grandma.

 

I'd perhaps (PERHAPS!!!) explain that I don't need to test b/c I know exactly where their weak and strong areas are (that would be my main purpose in testing), and am already teaching in a way that builds up the weak spots while allowing them to thrive in their strong areas.

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Awww, c'mon, she's my MOM. Sure, I'd spend a day testing and several hours prepping. She's my MOM, after all. This year was the first time I did testing and my mom WAS eager to learn the results. I shared. She was proud. There isn't much I wouldn't do for her. . . so long as it isn't harmful, I'll do it.

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If you accept the conversations on the subject, you'll have to find a way to acknowledge her concerns, I guess. I prefer the strict boundary method and tell the concerned person that I have this under control and the subject is CLOSED.

 

Yes, she's your mom, but there should still be boundaries unless you choose not to set them. In that case, do what she says and smile happily as you give her the results.

 

My mom is the kind of mom who throws guilt trips around. I don't care that she's my mom, that was wrong. I just told her one day I wasn't going to listen to that anymore. It took several times hanging up on her and once asking her to leave my house, but now we have a nice cordial relationship. But that's just me.

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Not one bloody chance. :001_smile: If you do test your kids just to appease her, next year it will be something else. Bring out the bean dip, and give it a few years for her to see your kids are thriving "in spite of" homeschooling. ;)

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I voted no.

 

I think testing can be a great tool to help you, the parent/teacher, know more about where the kids stand academically or even just knowing how to test.

 

I think testing to appease someone else has the potential for failure no matter how well your children score. To be in a position to be expected to share those results every year is (if you will forgive the analogy) like handing them the gun and ammunition. The other party can pick apart and use those tests in any manner they choose to make the situation look bad.

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I think testing to appease someone else has the potential for failure no matter how well your children score. To be in a position to be expected to share those results every year is (if you will forgive the analogy) like handing them the gun and ammunition. The other party can pick apart and use those tests in any manner they choose to make the situation look bad.

 

That I hadn't considered.....

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Awww, c'mon, she's my MOM. Sure, I'd spend a day testing and several hours prepping. She's my MOM, after all. This year was the first time I did testing and my mom WAS eager to learn the results. I shared. She was proud. There isn't much I wouldn't do for her. . . so long as it isn't harmful, I'll do it.

 

 

This is such a sweet sentiment. :001_wub: It made me smile.

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I gave my dc the TAKS test this yr--it's the state test, it's free online, & it's for 3rd g & up, & ds was in 3rd g. He got a perfect score on the reading & scored in the top percentile for math. Dd, 1st g, insisted that she wanted to take it, too, so I let her have a go at the reading. 90th percentile. I thought they were doing ok, but we've had some crazy yrs, & I am their mom after all--a little biased, lol. So I was glad to see the scores.

 

I loved testing when I was a kid, & I love having concrete data to share w/ people when I can or need to. Usually, though, w/ good scores, you don't get to share them. :glare:

 

I think if you're thinking about doing it "to appease someone" that means you're at least a smidge curious yourself...so why not do it? You don't have to mention it to your mom. Then when you get the results, you can decide whether or not to share them. :001_smile:

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I haven't read any other responses. I voted No Way!

 

I do have my kids tested in order to be in compliance with my state law. But I wouldn't do it just to appease someone else.

 

Testing can only do so much. It tells me that my ds is an ace speller. But in reality he can only ace spelling tests. He can't apply proper spelling to his writing. This is a learning issue that a test won't help me identify.

 

My kids test well. We don't do any test prep at all. I really don't care what the test results are, BUT my kids are interested in how they did. We do share the results with them. It doesn't tell us anything we don't already know.

 

I just want to encourage you to do what you know is right for your family. :001_smile:

 

Cinder

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What would you do?

 

For my own mother? I'd do it. She loves my kids and I'd know the heart behind it. If it were me, I'd tell her straight up that regardless of the score, you are going to continue homeschooling, but that you will test them to make her feel better (even though it wouldn't if they scored low;)). Then I would definitely do some test prep with them and take the test. I really think much of it would depend completely on your relationship with your mom.

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I voted no way.

 

I have done standardized tests twice since my kids are older and I am not opposed to them as I once was. I think they are useful. I'm glad I've started to use them.

 

But I would not do that just to get my mom off my back. She raised her children. Now it's my turn.

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No. We do standardized testing every year according to our state law, but I wouldn't test or share scores with my parent to prove anything. I don't feel the need to justify my parenting choices to anyone other than my husband.

 

:iagree: My parents don't affect our parenting or schooling decisions. Have you or your dh told your mother to mind her own business? After all, she has nothing at stake here, except maybe "I told you so" if she doesn't like the results. This is a slippery slope - what if you have them test but the results don't satisfy her (for whatever reason)? IMHO, it's opening a big can of worms that needs to be left undisturbed.

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