Teens and sleep

[TXMary2]

My 14 yo ds is a late owl and then sleeps in. We are still finishing 8th grade because of his sleeping habits. We DO school year round, but usually by August he is done with prior year. We start new year on the 23rd and I have already told him the sleeping pattern will be a no go.

 

So, how does he train himself to fall asleep earlier so he can get up at a reasonable time. I don't want him to take a medication, but perhaps doing that would help him get into the habit??? Honestly, I just don't know. I am a late owl myself, but as long as I sleep 6 hours I am OK. He needs like 12 hours and he just is not going to get that much. He can take up napping after school if he wants, but he will be required to start his day at a reasonable hour- between 8 and 9.

[Brindee]

A couple of thoughts: Sometimes the sleeping pattern is fairly ingrained, which it sounds like it is in your ds. What I did with my oldest is to get him up at a certain time every morning. If he sleeps until 12 noon, start getting him up at 11am for a few days, then at 10:30 etc. They'll have a hard time getting up at first! However, they'll start getting tired enough to go to bed earlier. It has to be consistent, even on weekends, that you get him up earlier, until he is in control and can get up himself. I wouldn't push that TOO far though. We just start our school day later....

 

2nd thought: Teenagers often have sleeping habits like that. One good thing about homeschooling is that you can adjust the hours of school to fit the peak learning times of the child! Is there a reason why he MUST start at 8 or 9am? That may sound reasonable to you, but NOT to him! I understand trying to move his bedtime back a little ways to get more sleep earlier, but I'm not sure why the manadatory early start time?

 

Even if he gets up at 2pm, you can still do school from 3-9pm, or however long it takes, can't you? Sometimes when you try to adjust them to your schedule it's harder for them, and for you!

 

Best wishes!

Edited August 4, 2010 by Brindee

[Guest]

After over a decade of getting up earlier than I did, my daughter, now fourteen, sleeps in until between nine and ten.

 

It isn't always true that kids can reset their internal clocks. I myself did, with no problem, when I was her age; I had an early morning paper route and had to get up at quarter to six all during high school. I was always in bed by nine (a parent's dream).

 

However, my daughter wanted with absolute fervor to attend private school last fall. She was so eager, and tried so hard to reset her clock. She duly got up at six-thirty for four months but she COULD NOT make her body shut down and sleep earlier in the evenings. She'd lay awake until eleven or eleven-thirty every night despite being tired (volleyball team, riding, full day of school), even when she was sick. The early morning classes were a waste of time because she was still so tired. Ironically, now that she sets her own falling-asleep time and waking-up times, she actually is getting to sleep just a little bit earlier. If I hadn't had this evidence of something absolutely physiological I don't think I would have believed it, given my own very different experience.

 

So I agree with the earlier poster who asked whether there was a vital reason school HAS to begin early at your house. If you work best during morning hours or want to be finished with your end of school earlier in the day, try to find an overlapping time when he is awake and when you can be available for intensive one-on-one help, should he need it. Otherwise you can discuss his reading or do easier, low-key work with him during the afternoon; he can do his reading, watch DVDs, do research, exercise, or go to classes or whatever else he does later on.

[Skadi]

The reason why you should not coddle his poor sleeping habits is that once he is an adult, he will have to conform to the standards of the rest of the world. Most jobs run on the 9 - 5 schedule. If he doesn't learn good habits now, he will have an even harder time as an adult.

 

My DH's parents never gave him a bed time and let him sleep in every single day (he was homeschooled). 18 years of staying up all night and sleeping all day had to radically shift when he entered college and then the job force -- although he is able to force himself to get up when he's supposed to, to this day it remains a challenge for him and he says that although going to bed at a reasonable time when he was younger might not have completely reset his biological clock, it would have better prepared him for the real world. I don't think it will just come naturally to your son when he's an adult to get up early. He has to start exerting will power and discipline now so that it becomes a force of habit later.

[Tokyomarie]

It isn't always true that kids can reset their internal clocks. I myself did, with no problem, when I was her age; I had an early morning paper route and had to get up at quarter to six all during high school. I was always in bed by nine (a parent's dream).

 

Hey, another former paper carrier! I, too, had a morning paper route while in high school. I got up at 5:30am to do my route & was usually in bed about 9:30pm, sometimes a bit earlier, sometimes a bit later. If I wasn't in my room by 10pm, my dad would shoo me off to bed. Usually, I was plenty tired enough to go to bed without a hassle. I grew up with a lot of structure in the home and I do not recall any talk about all the trouble with teens having a hard time falling asleep. In our home, it was simply expected that the teens went to bed at a decent hour because we needed our sleep and had to be up early for school. In our house, there were no phones or TVs in the bedrooms. I shared a room with my younger sisters, so it was already dark & quiet when I went in. No night lights allowed. Good basic sleep hygiene practices.

 

I rarely had much difficulty with my girls. Though with today's evening schedules, they didn't usually get down so early, we aimed for them to be in their rooms by 10pm on a school night. Didn't always work but it was unusual for them to be up past 11pm. They didn't have difficulty getting up by 8 or 8:30am so we could start school by 9 or 9:30am.

 

Fast forward to today. My son has always had a hard time falling asleep at night. Couple that with the fact that he and his father both have become severerly addicted to X-box games and I threw up my hands a couple of years ago and gave up trying to get him to bed. I felt I was one cranky woman against two lackadaisical, undisciplined males. And my whole outlook on life is now out of whack because there is no routine in my home. Now I have a hard time going to bed early enough to get up & live my life on a decent schedule.

 

My son's learning & behavior has truly suffered for it. Now that we have identified my son's learning challenges, I have actually gone ahead at the recommendation of our neuropsychologist and my son's primary care doc and scheduled an evaluation with a sleep specialist. If this was a completely new issue, I'd chalk it solely up to bad habits but his difficulty falling asleep has persisted at least since he was about 7yo. I'm hoping though that the sleep specialist can get through to my dh that it is not acceptable to encourage his son's habit of staying awake so late at night. If that doesn't work, this may be our last year of homeschool because I'm sure that son having to be up at dark o'thirty in the morning to go to a classroom will help change dh's tune.

[JennW in SoCal]

The reason why you should not coddle his poor sleeping habits is that once he is an adult, he will have to conform to the standards of the rest of the world. Most jobs run on the 9 - 5 schedule. If he doesn't learn good habits now, he will have an even harder time as an adult.

 

 

I don't agree. We humans are an adaptable species and can adjust when there is motivation. Alarm clocks are a marvelous invention. And in this day and age it seems many jobs are on flex schedules. My dh has always followed his body clock, but he is a professional artist who works at home.

 

Teen-agers are often going through huge growth spurts and need their sleep. My youngest ds grew 12" in less than a year and NEEDED at least 10 hours of sleep a night at least, sometimes 12 hours. During the school year he got up between 9 and 10, this summer it is between 11 and 12. If he needs to be somewhere in the morning, he sets his alarm clock.

 

Perhaps the ds of the original poster is going through a big growth spurt, too. The beauty of homeschooling is that you can adjust the school to fit the child. Tweak his school work, nudge his body clock a bit earlier, but let him get the sleep he needs.

[ChemMommy]

and has trouble falling asleep before 11pm and would sleep until about 10 am, if allowed.

 

This is quite different from my son when he was 12; at twelve, he got up at 7am and went to be by 9pm.

 

I think it is just a consequence of growing so much during these early teen years.

 

During the school year, we insist that he be up by 9am and that he be pleasant-tempered. However, if he starts school later in the day, he has to work later in the day. Getting behind is not allowed; sleeping later is.

 

When you talk to high school ps teachers, they will tell you that the kids are absolutely asleep during the first few hours of the day and that the kids come alive later into the evening. I think they will all outgrow this stage and become well-adjusted adult 8-5 workers.

[holdoll]

I don't let our teen hi-jack the day. If she starts her day later, then that means my day runs longer. I don't want to be doing English Lit at 9 pm. I do make sure she gets daily exercise and require no phones/texting after 10 pm. She's usually ready to hit the sack by 11 and is ready to do school by 9 am. Not unreasonable at all IMO.

[CathyT]

and has trouble falling asleep before 11pm and would sleep until about 10 am, if allowed.

 

This is quite different from my son when he was 12; at twelve, he got up at 7am and went to be by 9pm.

 

I think it is just a consequence of growing so much during these early teen years.

 

During the school year, we insist that he be up by 9am and that he be pleasant-tempered. However, if he starts school later in the day, he has to work later in the day. Getting behind is not allowed; sleeping later is.

 

When you talk to high school ps teachers, they will tell you that the kids are absolutely asleep during the first few hours of the day and that the kids come alive later into the evening. I think they will all outgrow this stage and become well-adjusted adult 8-5 workers.

 

I totally agree with this. My sons went through months of growth spurts and before, during, and after each spurt they just needed that extra sleep. My 16 year old is 6'4" and I think his brain is catching up to his body. Both my teens can't go to sleep before 11 but we do ask them to turn off all electronic devices after 10 and be in the kitchen by 9:30 am, happy and ready for breakfast. If they have a morning class somewhere else, then they figure out what time they should be up and what time I should be ready to drive the car :lol:

 

If my kids are late for breakfast, they have to clean up the whole kitchen and the others do not have to do their morning kitchen chores. That is incentive to be ready at what we have decided is a reasonable time for our family...

 

Cathy

[Renee in NC]

I don't let our teen hi-jack the day. If she starts her day later, then that means my day runs longer. I don't want to be doing English Lit at 9 pm. I do make sure she gets daily exercise and require no phones/texting after 10 pm. She's usually ready to hit the sack by 11 and is ready to do school by 9 am. Not unreasonable at all IMO.

 

:iagree: With my oldest, I didn't regulate his sleep much because he went to school and if he was tired it was his problem, not mine. For my 12yo, though, I need him to be up and working. I want to be DONE by 3pm and I have 4 others to school - I can't have him dragging the day out forever because he wants to sleep until 10am.

[elegantlion]

I don't agree. We humans are an adaptable species and can adjust when there is motivation. Alarm clocks are a marvelous invention. And in this day and age it seems many jobs are on flex schedules. My dh has always followed his body clock, but he is a professional artist who works at home.

 

Teen-agers are often going through huge growth spurts and need their sleep. My youngest ds grew 12" in less than a year and NEEDED at least 10 hours of sleep a night at least, sometimes 12 hours. During the school year he got up between 9 and 10, this summer it is between 11 and 12. If he needs to be somewhere in the morning, he sets his alarm clock.

 

Perhaps the ds of the original poster is going through a big growth spurt, too. The beauty of homeschooling is that you can adjust the school to fit the child. Tweak his school work, nudge his body clock a bit earlier, but let him get the sleep he needs.

 

:iagree:My ds has been going through growth spurts in the last 6 months. He sleeps many more hours, he even fell asleep in school last year. Plus he's becoming a night owl. I am a firm believer in personal internal body clocks, so we'll work with it within reason. We do adjust his bedtime during school time, but I still let him sleep in.

 

My dh is self-employed and goes to work around 8 or 9, but loves to get up early. My dad worked 2pm - 10pm most of his career. He was on day shift for a while and hated it. He's not a morning person, even in retirement, he'll stay up until 1am and get up at 9:30 or 10am.

 

When ds gets closer to college we'll work to reset his sleep habits to align with college time.

[Cindy in FL.]

I recently heard Dr. Archibald Hart on the radio talking about sleep and the problems associated with it. He did discuss teens as well. Maybe you could look at some of his stuff (he has a website, I think) and get help. I wasn't totally listening, but what I heard sounded good.

 

Cindy

[Susan C.]

Our dd was the sleep disaster child..... even now, if she sleeps in much past 9, she can NOT go to bed until 1 am or later. I kept on her about owning how she is, and if she stays up late and sleeps in, then of course, she can't go to sleep that night. So, she has started setting her alarm clock to get up early (even if she stays up late). She exercises, has the house to herself (and loves it), and actually gets in quite a bad mood if she can't keep the early get up early to bed schedule. So for her, the problem is that she hadn't found her right time slot. Her friends comment that they can't get to sleep at night, but they have slept in well past noon, and then have their cell phones and computers going to all hours of the night. The white light from the computer does mess up your body clock and make it difficult to get to sleep, so it does help to stop computer time a few hours before bedtime. We have also found that if she does stay up later, she is more tired, and needs way more sleep (same for me and ds). Going to bed earlier for some reason is more efficient sleepwise, in Moore's homeschool books, he said that every hour of sleep before midnight is worth two hours. Maybe that's it.

[Teachin'Mine]

If he needs 12 hours of sleep, and you want to start by 8 or 9, then that has to be his lights out time at night. Instead of trying to have him get to sleep earlier, just have him up with an alarm clock and doing his school work. He'll be really tired the first week or so, but his internal clock should adjust and he'll be able to get to sleep earlier. Some tea in the morning might help.

[Guest Deila]

I have five kids, two night owls, three morning larks. They were born like this. So some of this sleep pattern stuff is somewhat biological. That is not to say it can't be changed.

 

But I did read a study about teens and sleep. The upshot is that teens are more awake and alert at night and if allowed to start school later (this study moved it from 8 am to 8:30 am) their grades improve. They just don't cope well in the am.

http://ridgelineacademy.blogspot.com/2010/07/case-for-sleeping-in.html

 

My ds is 15 and he really perks up in the evening. I drag around at night and tell him, "this is how you feel in the morning." My new daugher-in-law, a brain of a woman is not a morning person. But good grades all through college? yes, in the sciences. She is going to be a nurse, which works well for a night shift.:001_smile:

[Brindee]

The reason why you should not coddle his poor sleeping habits is that once he is an adult, he will have to conform to the standards of the rest of the world. Most jobs run on the 9 - 5 schedule. If he doesn't learn good habits now, he will have an even harder time as an adult.

 

My DH's parents never gave him a bed time and let him sleep in every single day (he was homeschooled). 18 years of staying up all night and sleeping all day had to radically shift when he entered college and then the job force -- although he is able to force himself to get up when he's supposed to, to this day it remains a challenge for him and he says that although going to bed at a reasonable time when he was younger might not have completely reset his biological clock, it would have better prepared him for the real world. I don't think it will just come naturally to your son when he's an adult to get up early. He has to start exerting will power and discipline now so that it becomes a force of habit later.

 

I don't agree. We humans are an adaptable species and can adjust when there is motivation. Alarm clocks are a marvelous invention. And in this day and age it seems many jobs are on flex schedules. My dh has always followed his body clock, but he is a professional artist who works at home.

 

Teen-agers are often going through huge growth spurts and need their sleep. My youngest ds grew 12" in less than a year and NEEDED at least 10 hours of sleep a night at least, sometimes 12 hours. During the school year he got up between 9 and 10, this summer it is between 11 and 12. If he needs to be somewhere in the morning, he sets his alarm clock.

 

Perhaps the ds of the original poster is going through a big growth spurt, too. The beauty of homeschooling is that you can adjust the school to fit the child. Tweak his school work, nudge his body clock a bit earlier, but let him get the sleep he needs.

:iagree: with this second post.

 

Skadi: It's not "coddling", it's working with a situation that causes the teenager to struggle to sleep before 11pm, and makes it hard to get up early. I was able to help my oldest adjust somewhat, but not huge amounts. He wasn't being difficult or nasty about it, it was how his "internal clock" was, and he did sooo much better if I allowed him the sleep he needed by starting a little later. He DID get all his work done, and faster, with more understanding, if I allowed him thaat extra time!

 

and has trouble falling asleep before 11pm and would sleep until about 10 am, if allowed.

 

This is quite different from my son when he was 12; at twelve, he got up at 7am and went to be by 9pm.

 

I think it is just a consequence of growing so much during these early teen years.

 

During the school year, we insist that he be up by 9am and that he be pleasant-tempered. However, if he starts school later in the day, he has to work later in the day. Getting behind is not allowed; sleeping later is.

 

When you talk to high school ps teachers, they will tell you that the kids are absolutely asleep during the first few hours of the day and that the kids come alive later into the evening. I think they will all outgrow this stage and become well-adjusted adult 8-5 workers.

:iagree: My oldest used to sleep so much less and get up early. We'd be done with schoolwork then, about the time he wanted to get up when he went through this period of life! He went to college last year and did fine! He set his alarm clock and was able to adjust. I felt like that allowing him to sleep in more while he was having his growth spurt was needed. It doesn't mean he'll forever need to sleep in or that he's lazy or isn't ready for the real world! It just allowed him that extra sleep time that many kids that have to be at school early don't get! He's a very well-adjusted young man.

 

I don't let our teen hi-jack the day. If she starts her day later, then that means my day runs longer. I don't want to be doing English Lit at 9 pm. I do make sure she gets daily exercise and require no phones/texting after 10 pm. She's usually ready to hit the sack by 11 and is ready to do school by 9 am. Not unreasonable at all IMO.

Well, by the time my oldest got to the stage of needing extra sleep, he was doing most of his work on his own anyway. It didn't bother my day, since I could do the grading, and anything I needed to do in the morning while he was still sleeping, and just go over things with him when he started working on his schoolwork. A LOT of parents are helping their highschoolers with homework at 9pm or later, so it wouldn't be much different than that. I didn't consider it "hi-jacking" at all, since he was much happier and did better with his schoolwork if I allowed him the sleep he needed!

 

:iagree: With my oldest, I didn't regulate his sleep much because he went to school and if he was tired it was his problem, not mine. For my 12yo, though, I need him to be up and working. I want to be DONE by 3pm and I have 4 others to school - I can't have him dragging the day out forever because he wants to sleep until 10am.

My son was still getting up early at 12 years old. We didn't do the later sleeping thing until he as closer to 15. Once he DID sleep longer, I was able to work with the other kids while he was still sleeping (since they were usually up earlier), then, when he started, I just had to go over the plans for his schoolwork day and spend awhile on a couple things, and I was done WELL before 3pm!

 

I have five kids, two night owls, three morning larks. They were born like this. So some of this sleep pattern stuff is somewhat biological. That is not to say it can't be changed.

 

But I did read a study about teens and sleep. The upshot is that teens are more awake and alert at night and if allowed to start school later (this study moved it from 8 am to 8:30 am) their grades improve. They just don't cope well in the am.

http://ridgelineacademy.blogspot.com/2010/07/case-for-sleeping-in.html

 

My ds is 15 and he really perks up in the evening. I drag around at night and tell him, "this is how you feel in the morning." My new daugher-in-law, a brain of a woman is not a morning person. But good grades all through college? yes, in the sciences. She is going to be a nurse, which works well for a night shift.:001_smile:

:iagree: Honestly, it helped my son be MORE well-adjusted rather than the opposite. He did NOT dread doing his work, and was able to concentrate much better when he DID do it, and it was way less stress for me to get him through it all! And, as I said above, he did very well in his freshman year of college! Edited August 4, 2010 by Brindee

[Brindee]

 

AEven if he gets up at 2pm, you can still do school from 3-9pm, or however long it takes, can't you?

Hehe, btw, my ds (or any of my children....my oldest is the only one that had this "problem") never slept 'til 2pm, that was just a silly example. The latest he ever slept was 11am. :tongue_smilie::001_smile:

[johnandtinagilbert]

:grouphug: OP, just wanted to say I'm in this boat again. My growing rapidly 14yo needs lots of sleep, but we start school with Bible/Worship at 7am. It's the best way to start our day, and we should all be there together. Not pleasing for Mr. Sleepyhead.

 

I would like him to sleep more, as I have compassion for his growth season, but I can't handle school after 5pm. I wake up at 5 or 5:30. If I were schooling with him at 7pm, I'd be crazy, grouchy and the rest of the house would suffer.

 

I will offer the "you earn it nap" in the afternoon. Get most of your work finished by lunch and you can nap.

 

I will talk to him more today about working at night. Perhaps he can go back to sleep after bible, so long as his work gets done daily, I don't care when he does it, only that it won't involve me later in the day.

[johnandtinagilbert]

I wanted to jump back in here with some encouragement. Last year, I had this struggle with my eldest child. It was not only my first full on puberty experience, but a long year with him. He wanted to sleep a lot. This year, he's been up, on his own (alarm clock) and just this very morning rose at 6:15 (15 min. early) b/c he wanted to get his laundry done early b/c he has plans with friends this evening. How 'bout that?! Self initiative in an almost 15yo. It can happen. OOOOhhhh this gives me hope for Mr. Sleepyhead...who also got up on time this morning! Perhaps I will make it through these teen years after all :D

[ma23peas]

I haven't read all the responses..but I see a 'trend' among teenagers...I have a niece that attends public school and she routinely stays up ALL night. Sleeping from 8am-4pm!

 

I firmly agree they need LOTS of sleep but I believe it is a lack of self control and responsibility when they become night owls...what is he doing late? Playing on the computer? social networking? If he were doing something productive and creating something (artist/writer etc.) then I might allow it every now and then...but he's taken advantage of this and I think allowing it is going to make it harder for you to straighten it back up..

 

My answer is exercise....we are trying as a family to get an hour a day..so my kids are motivated to knock it out first thing every morning (jog, swim, dance practice, basketball..anything to keep moving for an hour) it's AMAZING what exercise will do for your attitude, your energy...etc.

 

I would simply wake him up 2 hours earlier than he's getting up now..keep him active busy and on task...then require he go to bed 1 hour earlier than he does now (2 hours if he stays up in his room...no computer/ipod/etc...lights out)...Then wake him up 1 hour earlier than the day before until you hit a good spot..I think it's best for kids to rise early and go to bed no later than 10pm...my 15 year old went to bed at 9pm last night, he did some double workouts (strength training) and was beat! He woke up on his own at 7am....I think 10 hours is plenty of sleep...

 

If you want your children to be productive and active, they have to be productive and active..not much about staying up is either of those.

 

Tara

[Only me]

I would like to say that just because a teen wakes up late and stays up late doesn't mean that they are lazy. Extra exercise doesn't do the trick for my dd. She has never been a morning person but once she became a teen her life has become miserable with severe insomnia. For over two years now dd has not had more than 5 hours of sleep a night and even that is interupted. She can't fall asleep until at least 2:00 am and often much later than that. She also wakes up several times a night for 10-30 minutes at a time. So even if she "sleeps" from 2 until 10 the doctors say that she is actually sleeping half that time.

 

She has seen two different sleep specialists, had two sleep studies, has seen several different specialists (neurologist, endocrinologist and several more) but no one has been able to help her. We have tried having het wake up earlier every day. We have tried sleep deprivation. She tried several sleep meds with awful side effects and one that sent her to the hospital. She has done everything she should and still can't sleep. Even though she has severe knee problems (may need surgery) she does karate and also does at least 1/2 hour of intense physical therapy a day. She is exhausted but still can't sleep. Last fall she went to a private high school for a few months before we had to bring her home again. she was getting up at 6:00 every day and only getting 1-2 hours of sleep a night seneral nights. She lost weight, got sick all the time. I truly thought we may lose her at one point. I know that her case is extreme but I think it is wrong to assume that a teen is just being lazy or that they can easily reset their clock. I would do anything if my daughter could just get some sleep.

[DianeJM]

...this may be our last year of homeschool because I'm sure that son having to be up at dark o'thirty in the morning to go to a classroom will help change dh's tune.

 

You go, girl, and I hope dh will be the one to have to get ds up in the morning and take him there. LOL.

[DianeJM]

Well, I guess I would say that I have mixed feelings about kids and sleep.

 

I tend to not want to wake the kids up in the morning for school but just let them wake naturally. (Okay, well, that was alright when they were little, but certainly not any more. Youngest is now 12 and has started that sleeping in thing a bit.)

 

On the other hand, I tend to not want to let them sleep in either. I

 

I have heard that teens need about 10 hours of sleep, more or less, and I would like mine to get pretty close to that. So that's my goal. Sometimes, with the older teens, I have to almost nag at them to make sure they get to sleep early enough to get the needed amount of sleep, but of course, there are many nights we go to bed leaving 3 out of the 4 still awake until who knows when. Their problem if they have a tough time getting up for work or church the next day. That's for older teens. I would not let my younger teens stay up like that.

 

All this to say, I think a 14-year-old needs to be allowed the chance to get the sleep he needs, or most of it anyway; he's growing up a storm. I would talk to him and discuss different options, and if he's fairly reasonable, maybe you two could come up with a solution together, given your desires for school, and his need for sleep. Kids are much more willing to go for something they have a hand in deciding (if that would be appropriate for your family and this particular kid).

 

Hey, I heard someone say this about her dh when he was a teen and in public high school: during one summer break he grew 6 inches! She says that during the school year he was never able to get the sleep he needed, and that one summer he slept and slept and slept, much to his mom's chagrin, but I guess he was busy growing.

 

This is not an easy one, I wish you the best!

[JennW in SoCal]

I guess the part I don't understand in this discussion is how some families do school -- why it is that a late start means mom has to be involved with school after 5pm. Or why a late start means that school can't be done in time for afternoon and evening activities.

 

The only focused time I spent with my kids on a daily basis, during high school, was for math, otherwise they were reading, writing or studying. We did math at a set time each day, if we needed other focused time together we'd make sure it happened early on in the school day, too. My kids worked on the rest of their subjects the rest of the time, reading in the evening or writing their essays. We tended to find time for book discussions here and there -- in the car, while making dinner, or when there was an odd gap in a day.

 

Each family has to find its own path -- my way is by no means the only way!! I'd just suggest to those of you entering the high school years for the first time that things will evolve as your teens mature and become their own person. It helps to be flexible with all the different facets of high school life -- show your kids that both of you can compromise to make it work.

 

Tina -- I think your morning daily Bible time is a very special and sweet family tradition. But I could never survive in your family!! 7am for me is quiet time with my cup of coffee. In all honesty, I like my kids sleeping in as it gives me time to wake up:lol:

[ma23peas]

I would like to say that just because a teen wakes up late and stays up late doesn't mean that they are lazy.

 

Absolutely, but I do not think the OP's child had a sleeping disorder just that he/she has gotten into the habit of staying up late...if children perform their studies better at night, more power to them, but of the vast majority out there staying up past midnight...they're not doing homework.

 

Hope your daughter gets some help soon, sleep clinics are somewhat helpful, and sleep apnea studies really do work..I used to think they were a bit on the crockery side, but I've seen remarkable improvements when people use the oxygen mask at night...

 

Tara

[johnandtinagilbert]

I haven't read all the responses..but I see a 'trend' among teenagers...I have a niece that attends public school and she routinely stays up ALL night. Sleeping from 8am-4pm!

 

I firmly agree they need LOTS of sleep but I believe it is a lack of self control and responsibility when they become night owls...what is he doing late? Playing on the computer? social networking? If he were doing something productive and creating something (artist/writer etc.) then I might allow it every now and then...but he's taken advantage of this and I think allowing it is going to make it harder for you to straighten it back up..

 

My answer is exercise....we are trying as a family to get an hour a day..so my kids are motivated to knock it out first thing every morning (jog, swim, dance practice, basketball..anything to keep moving for an hour) it's AMAZING what exercise will do for your attitude, your energy...etc.

 

I would simply wake him up 2 hours earlier than he's getting up now..keep him active busy and on task...then require he go to bed 1 hour earlier than he does now (2 hours if he stays up in his room...no computer/ipod/etc...lights out)...Then wake him up 1 hour earlier than the day before until you hit a good spot..I think it's best for kids to rise early and go to bed no later than 10pm...my 15 year old went to bed at 9pm last night, he did some double workouts (strength training) and was beat! He woke up on his own at 7am....I think 10 hours is plenty of sleep...

 

If you want your children to be productive and active, they have to be productive and active..not much about staying up is either of those.

 

Tara

Great point.

[Tokyomarie]

You go, girl, and I hope dh will be the one to have to get ds up in the morning and take him there. LOL.

 

Hehe:D. That would be a good one. Dh has to get up at 6am to drive son 40min to the school that has been recommended to us so ds can be there before 8am!

 

We just got back from our first appt. with the sleep specialist. We shall see what transpires from here. Which I hope will be good things, because my son is a good kid and my husband really is a good guy, but at this point, our lack of a decent routine is just about doing me in.

[johnandtinagilbert]

I guess the part I don't understand in this discussion is how some families do school -- why it is that a late start means mom has to be involved with school after 5pm. Or why a late start means that school can't be done in time for afternoon and evening activities.

 

The only focused time I spent with my kids on a daily basis, during high school, was for math, otherwise they were reading, writing or studying. We did math at a set time each day, if we needed other focused time together we'd make sure it happened early on in the school day, too. My kids worked on the rest of their subjects the rest of the time, reading in the evening or writing their essays. We tended to find time for book discussions here and there -- in the car, while making dinner, or when there was an odd gap in a day.

 

Each family has to find its own path -- my way is by no means the only way!! I'd just suggest to those of you entering the high school years for the first time that things will evolve as your teens mature and become their own person. It helps to be flexible with all the different facets of high school life -- show your kids that both of you can compromise to make it work.

 

Tina -- I think your morning daily Bible time is a very special and sweet family tradition. But I could never survive in your family!! 7am for me is quiet time with my cup of coffee. In all honesty, I like my kids sleeping in as it gives me time to wake up:lol:

:D re: bible study

I'm sad to say, although they are still young (13 and nearly 15) my teen boys (not so much my girl :glare:) need me to urge them through their day. The nearly 15yo is getting better, but the 13 yo, not so much. If they were doing school in the evenings, either I'd be asking about school all evening, or we'd be wrestling come time for his afternoon meeting b/c the work wouldn't get done. I'm hoping they will both outgrow this, in fact, I'm confident they will, it's just, come 5pm, I need to focus on the house, dinner, extra-curr. and if schoolwork was one more thing I needed to keep my attention on, I'd blow a gasket. I *might* feel differently if I didn't have so many peoples, but I don't know b/c I've always had a lot of peoples ;)

 

It is so hard to allow them to grow into them"selves" and still have them serve the whole of the family. Something I'm surely watching, learning, and gleaning from the forum! I can't wait to see who they become, I just hope we all get there with plenty of sleep and few unhappy moments.

[TXMary2]

Thanks for all the suggestions. I think I will start waking him up 30 minutes earlier each day over the next couple of weeks.

 

Getting his work done isn't an issue, but he does need guidance from me and there are certain subjects we do lecture style and I want to be done with all schooling by 3pm so I can run errands, cook dinner, exercise and generally do the things I need/want to do.

 

I like to start our day together with devotions and worship. Also, his workload is going to be bigger now that he will be in high school and he needs more time to get it done. I do know he needs lots of rest. I guess I will just have to be firm about lights out happening earlier.