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Do you mix swim?  

  1. 1. Do you mix swim?

    • Yes, we allow mix swimming
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    • No, we do not allow mix swimming
      5
    • The "other" option
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Do you swim with the opposite sex? This part I would like to see the numbers on. I've never heard of this type thing.

 

Not necessarily part of the poll: If you do not mix swim, do you go to the beach, river, lake? If you have a pool will your dds swim with their dad and/or brothers as long as it is just your immediate family?

Edited by Parrothead
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My family and most all of our aquaintances have always allowed "mixed" swimming. But there was a group (I forgot who they were) that used the encampment near where I grew up that did not. They even went so far as to park all the buses around the pool so that no one even walking by would see the girls while they were swimming. It seemed very strange to me at the time.

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If you have girls and boys for kids you have to have mixed swimming. If they want to bring a friend over wel... mixed again!

 

Not much is going to happen if you have a couple of adults around... it is when you aren't around that you need to worry! ;)

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I've never heard of unmixed swimming... interesting question!

 

We have 2 pools in our neighborhood, and of course, they are not segregated by sex, so we all swim together. I grew up where everyone went into the pool at our house. We have many in our family (cousins, etc), and I can't imagine us being separated by boys/girls while growing up.

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I've never heard of unmixed swimming... interesting question!

 

We have 2 pools in our neighborhood, and of course, they are not segregated by sex, so we all swim together. I grew up where everyone went into the pool at our house. We have many in our family (cousins, etc), and I can't imagine us being separated by boys/girls while growing up.

I'd never heard of it (in modern times) until the thread here yesterday.

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If you have girls and boys for kids you have to have mixed swimming. If they want to bring a friend over wel... mixed again!

 

Not much is going to happen if you have a couple of adults around... it is when you aren't around that you need to worry! ;)

 

For cultural groups that do not do mixed swimming, no, you do not have to have mixed swimming. You either go to different places or use them at different times. The cultural mores are more than simply due to fears of something kinky happening. (We do mixed swimming but I have friends who do not.)

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In Europe there were mixed days, ladies-only days and men-only days at the baths (due to nakedness, not because of non-mixed swimming as described here). I know Muslim countries often have separate pools for men and women. I'm not sure how this works in the US?

 

We do mixed swimming. We spend lots of time on the beach. We see LOADS of scantily clad men and women. There are usually quite a lot of naked babies and topless toddlers. Sometimes, we see people changing in the parking lot (usually Europeans).

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We've never had an issue with it but we also do a lot of direct supervising too. We don't let the boys into our big blow up above ground pool when dd has her best friend over. Not because of the boy girl thing, but because they just want to sit and relax, cool off, chill. The boys want to play naval war games which inevitably causes strife between big sis and little brothers.

 

There was a pastor in this area, about twenty years ago, that used to preach that it was wrong for any man to swim with his own daughter once she was past the age of twelve. No body took him seriously but I have often wondered if either he had been abused/possibly some terrible background of that in his family or if he had a pretty major personal thought life problem and so he projected his own weakness onto other men.

 

Faith

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The denomination I grew up in technically doesn't allow mixed swimming outside of immediate family. Most people I knew did swim together, however, but guys always wore shirts and long pants or shorts. Girls wore skirts, culottes, or shorts and dark t-shirts. If males and females were swimming separately, you could wear what you wanted. Most of my family is still in this denomination and still swims this way.

 

The camp in our state that is affiliated with this denomination separates swimming times for girls and boys. Swimsuits can be worn during these separate swim times, but the opposite sex is not allowed anywhere in the same vicinity.

 

I think someone mentioned on the other thread that some people view swimsuits basically as underwear. This is definitely the view in the denomination I grew up in.

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Can you elaborate?

 

What has been explained to me has something to do with respect for the different sexes. But I am not a good person to explain this second hand because while I was able to nod and felt like I "got it" when they were telling me how they viewed it, I'm finding that I can't explain it to someone else because deep down I don't see things the same way.

 

I'm afraid that growing up in Japan I've even gone to mixed baths where men and women washed and bathed with no clothes on at all. There was nothing sexual about it. But that's a whole 'nother culture and totally different mores!

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Sometimes, we see people changing in the parking lot (usually Europeans).

 

:lol: Yes, I know some European folks like this. The modest ones will make a little 'tent' for themselves out of a towel. The others just drop their clothes & change without missing a beat & without stopping the flow of conversation.

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I belonged to a women-only gym when we lived in Boston and I have to say I felt way more comfortable exercising there. I would be more inclined to join a gym here if there was a (full-service) female-only one in my area. Or even a coed gym with designated female-only hours.

 

I don't go to public pools during hours when I know there are likely to be lots of teen & young adult males. Sometimes there are a few SAHD's or grandfathers when I go but they're not the ones I'm most concerned about. It's the unwanted attention, and that's mostly coming from the mid-teen to mid-20's singles.

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When we went to camp, there was no mixed swimming. Girls swam at one time and boys at a different time. And we were to have modest clothing to wear over our swimming suit when moving between the pool and the dorms.

 

I went to camp *somewhere in the Texas Hill Country* and we couldn't swim together. Kind of a pain!! We had to almost fully dress to get to and from the pool and they tried to time it so that the girls and boys didn't pass each other. We also had to wear jeans all summer. Texas ----August----Miserable!!! Plus this was the 80's remember how TIGHT we wore our Jordaches?????

 

UGH...

 

Lara

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Would you all have a stroke if I told you Indy's been to a topless beach? When we were in the south of France in May, the beach in Villafranche was topless. We were surprised, but Indy (7) just took it all in stride. He leaned over to me and said that some of the women had forgotten their bras. I told him they just didn't want to get tan lines (because I couldn't think of anything else to say) and he said "oh, that's a good idea" and that was that. He didn't mention it again and happily played in the water. Things are far more relaxed over here than in the States though, so we just roll with it. We've found that if we don't make a big deal out of things, he doesn't really care.

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Would you all have a stroke if I told you Indy's been to a topless beach? When we were in the south of France in May, the beach in Villafranche was topless. We were surprised, but Indy (7) just took it all in stride. He leaned over to me and said that some of the women had forgotten their bras. I told him they just didn't want to get tan lines (because I couldn't think of anything else to say) and he said "oh, that's a good idea" and that was that. He didn't mention it again and happily played in the water. Things are far more relaxed over here than in the States though, so we just roll with it. We've found that if we don't make a big deal out of things, he doesn't really care.

 

Did you see my Egypt comment? My girls were there, they didn't really seem to notice. :D SO, no, I wouldn't have a stroke.

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In Europe there were mixed days, ladies-only days and men-only days at the baths (due to nakedness, not because of non-mixed swimming as described here). I know Muslim countries often have separate pools for men and women. I'm not sure how this works in the US?

 

We do mixed swimming. We spend lots of time on the beach. We see LOADS of scantily clad men and women. There are usually quite a lot of naked babies and topless toddlers. Sometimes, we see people changing in the parking lot (usually Europeans).

 

It is a cultural thing, I guess. And the culture of not attaching sexuality to bare flesh is not strictly European. Dh and I used to be avid SCUBA divers (pre-kids). We thought nothing of changing out of wetsuits and/or wet swimsuits, down to our alltogether, and into dry shorts & shirt in a parking lot full of other divers and miscellaneous other people. We might throw open the car door and change behind it, but more so we could reach our dry stuff on the seat than for modesty. Everyone did this. Nobody gawked at anybody. I know when dh went diving without me, he didn't change his habits, nor did I when I was with a group of divers w/o dh present. No big deal in that culture. Neither of us is European.

 

And kind of off topic, but this conversation reminds me of that Seinfeld episode when Jerry had the nudist girlfriend. Not all naked is good naked. Not all naked is sexy naked.

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I grew up in a denomination that didn't allow mixed swimming except for immediate familes. Church camp was alway frustrating for me. The boys got more swim time because it didn't matter if girls saw them but the pool area had to be blocked off to all boys and men when the girls were swimming, causing I'm sure horrible, terrible, very awful inconvenience for the guys.

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It is a cultural thing, I guess. And the culture of not attaching sexuality to bare flesh is not strictly European. Dh and I used to be avid SCUBA divers (pre-kids). We thought nothing of changing out of wetsuits and/or wet swimsuits, down to our alltogether, and into dry shorts & shirt in a parking lot full of other divers and miscellaneous other people. We might throw open the car door and change behind it, but more so we could reach our dry stuff on the seat than for modesty. Everyone did this. Nobody gawked at anybody. I know when dh went diving without me, he didn't change his habits, nor did I when I was with a group of divers w/o dh present. No big deal in that culture. Neither of us is European.

 

I didn't mean to suggest it was strictly European. However, when I see swimmers (no scuba divers) in the middle of the extremely crowded parking lot at Waimea Bay in the middle of the summer (as opposed to during surf season, that's a whole other thing) instead of in the large changing rooms, it has been my experience that judging by their look and dress they seem to be mostly European. ;)

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I had never heard of it before we moved to our current location. There is a group here, that will not let their kids mix swim. It made me feel uncomfortable to have to explain to my innocent daughter what the thought of their intentions were. At her age it brought more attention to what I was trying to avoid than I wanted. Now she thinks that everyone is " looking" at her in a way she never thought of before. We have since stopped attending these events. At certain ages I can see it would be more appropriate to address this.

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I didn't mean to suggest it was strictly European. However, when I see swimmers (no scuba divers) in the middle of the extremely crowded parking lot at Waimea Bay in the middle of the summer (as opposed to during surf season, that's a whole other thing) instead of in the large changing rooms, it has been my experience that judging by their look and dress they seem to be mostly European. ;)

 

Oh yeah, I didn't think you were implying it is strictly a European thing. I was really just try to reinforce to myself that I'm not a freak for being what many consider to be immodest. There are actually whole groups of people who share my immodesty! I am being assimilated into the culture around me, though. It has been a long time since I shed any clothing in public. Course, it has also been a long time since I've been diving.

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Oh yeah, I didn't think you were implying it is strictly a European thing. I was really just try to reinforce to myself that I'm not a freak for being what many consider to be immodest. There are actually whole groups of people who share my immodesty! I am being assimilated into the culture around me, though. It has been a long time since I shed any clothing in public. Course, it has also been a long time since I've been diving.

 

Well, I don't think you're a freak, fwiw. :D

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The denomination I grew up in technically doesn't allow mixed swimming outside of immediate family. Most people I knew did swim together, however, but guys always wore shirts and long pants or shorts. Girls wore skirts, culottes, or shorts and dark t-shirts. If males and females were swimming separately, you could wear what you wanted. Most of my family is still in this denomination and still swims this way.

 

The camp in our state that is affiliated with this denomination separates swimming times for girls and boys. Swimsuits can be worn during these separate swim times, but the opposite sex is not allowed anywhere in the same vicinity.

 

I think someone mentioned on the other thread that some people view swimsuits basically as underwear. This is definitely the view in the denomination I grew up in.

 

I grew up in the Nazarene church and this was there view then. I dont know now as I rebelled big time from all the legalism.

 

My boys have been raised on the beach which is mixed swimming.

 

I know the reason regards modesty. I was the weird religious kid in school with all the rules. So my boys make their own decision and own convictions.

 

My 17 year old does not mix swim because he says its really hard not to lust or think about sex when the girl is basically naked:D He only swims at home with his family. This is his choice and I respect his biblical convictions.

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We mix swim. Separate swimming is new to me. I grew up on the liberal west coast and so did DH. Now we live a couple miles from the beach/bay. Even going to the park people are in bikinis by the bay. Geez, people are even in bikini tops at the grocery store here, so it doesn't phase me.

 

We have a clothing optional beach close by too, although I don't frequent it and neither do my kids. :D

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I've never had any problem with mixed swimming, though I wear a pretty modest suit (not out of conviction, other than the conviction that nobody is interested in looking at my thighs); my teenage daughter wears a racing suit that's built for swimming, unlike mine, and I have no problem with it.

 

But I admit it was pretty amusing one morning when I was out at our neighborhood pool by myself, doing laps, and as I got out I encountered a colleague of my husband's, who was just arriving. We said hi and started to chat, and as we talked we both drew our towels around ourselves for maximum coverage.... For both of us, it was just too weird to be partly dressed when usually we saw each other fully covered.

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We mix swim. Then again, we are not religious though I do value modesty (I don't wear shorts and don't like wearing bathing suits - not because I think anyone would want to see my body but just because I don't like feeling exposed ;) ). The boys wear trunks and rash guards for sun protection. Ds#1 often questions the inequity of women having to wear a shirt/top while men can go topless. He just doesn't get why it's such a big deal. :) (He's only nine, but he has watched me BF both his brothers, saw his youngest brother born, has watched other women BF and will watch it again when little bean is born). Our goal is to teach them to respect and honor the bodies we were born with - and though not religious, we do believe we are divinely created to be who we are.

 

I remember the first time I met some cousins in Norway - I was not quite 18 and in a one-piece & shorts and they were all topless. They were older than I, their parents were there (their mom was topless) and it was not a big deal to anyone. It was the same when we spent the afternoon at Frogner park ... men were topless and women were topless. :) (I kept my shirt on the whole time! :lol: )

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Having a light bulb moment here -

 

The fall/winter swim team that dd is joining has several practice options and locations. One is listed for "same sex practice". I was all :confused: but I think I understand now...

 

We've always permitted mixed swimming. Sometimes in summer swim team they would have boys only/girls only lanes, but usually they divided up by age.

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Oh yeah, I didn't think you were implying it is strictly a European thing. I was really just try to reinforce to myself that I'm not a freak for being what many consider to be immodest. There are actually whole groups of people who share my immodesty! I am being assimilated into the culture around me, though. It has been a long time since I shed any clothing in public. Course, it has also been a long time since I've been diving.

 

You're not a freak!

 

When I lived in Portland OR, I used to go to public baths that had hot tubs, saunas, and a sundeck. Technically it was "clothing optional" but I never ever saw anyone in a bathing suit. It was totally nonsexual, just a great place to relax.

 

I moved from there to Iowa for grad school. In Iowa women wore swimsuits in the sauna that was INSIDE the women's locker room. It was a whole different world.

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We don't have anything but mixed swimming here and we have no problem with that. My DC do wear rash guard shirts and swim shorts unless they are specifically at swim team or practice for it but we are often at the YMCA or at the beach, it has the added benefit of saving on sunscreen too. :)

Edited by melmichigan
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When we lived in an Arab country women we would go to several semi-public pools. Local women would not swim, although young girls would. It's interesting to note that women DID sometimes swim on the beaches or rivers - they simply swam in their abayas (long black cloaks) and head-scarves. Pools tend to insist on "recognised bathing clothes" which excludes women who have found a way to marry their values with everyday activities such as swimming. We did occasionally go to one indoor pool at a female-only gym - that was for women and children (young boys also).

 

Most gyms offered a "women only" slot in the mornings.

 

ETA: When we were there, I usually swam with short on in pools. On beaches I would wear a T-shirt, and shorts, or more often 3/4 length pants to swim in. I felt much more comfortable swimming in the Middle East than I ever have in the West where I am "on display". Now we are in Australia I prefer a tankini with shorts over.

Edited by nd293
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Mixed swimming here. The chaps might go topless, and little kids naked. Boys tend to go naked longer than girls, but mostly we cover up for sunsmart reasons! If it's warm enough to swim, it's usually the sort of weather where we'll all burn if we're going to be out in the sun longer than five minutes.

 

I know one of our state's country cities has a large Muslim population and they were calling for one of the pools to have a Muslim ladies only session one morning a week. I don't know if they got what they wanted, since there was a big uproar. :glare:

 

Rosie

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Do you swim with the opposite sex? This part I would like to see the numbers on. I've never heard of this type thing.

 

Not necessarily part of the poll: If you do not mix swim, do you go to the beach, river, lake? If you have a pool will your dds swim with their dad and/or brothers as long as it is just your immediate family?

 

My kids are competitive swimmers...It goes without saying that they swim mixed...

Faithe

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I grew up in a church that did not "allow" mixed swimming or pants on women. But my family always did both. It was slightly confusing to me as a child, and even as a teenager, that my family did not follow the church on this; especially because my family followed the church on other equally questionable things. And being a very sincere Christian, I wanted to do the really most right thing.

 

But, no, as a grown up, I have no problem with mixed swimming events. My church just recently rented the local water park for the evening. Everyone had a great time.

Edited by Cindyg
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It is a cultural thing, I guess. And the culture of not attaching sexuality to bare flesh is not strictly European. Dh and I used to be avid SCUBA divers (pre-kids). We thought nothing of changing out of wetsuits and/or wet swimsuits, down to our alltogether, and into dry shorts & shirt in a parking lot full of other divers and miscellaneous other people. We might throw open the car door and change behind it, but more so we could reach our dry stuff on the seat than for modesty. Everyone did this. Nobody gawked at anybody. I know when dh went diving without me, he didn't change his habits, nor did I when I was with a group of divers w/o dh present. No big deal in that culture. Neither of us is European.

 

And kind of off topic, but this conversation reminds me of that Seinfeld episode when Jerry had the nudist girlfriend. Not all naked is good naked. Not all naked is sexy naked.

I think that is something that is more of a beach culture than anything else. I've always changed behind the car door at the beach, and think nothing of it. But then again, I've never been very... hmmm... inhibited. I think there are different signals people send. Come-and-get-it-naked is way different than be-polite-and-give-me-just-a-second naked.

 

 

Sheesh! I didn't read your last line until after I posted. LOL

Edited by Parrothead
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I had never heard of it before we moved to our current location. There is a group here, that will not let their kids mix swim. It made me feel uncomfortable to have to explain to my innocent daughter what the thought of their intentions were. At her age it brought more attention to what I was trying to avoid than I wanted. Now she thinks that everyone is " looking" at her in a way she never thought of before. We have since stopped attending these events. At certain ages I can see it would be more appropriate to address this.

I've often told dd that some people are just a little different. It doesn't mean anything bad, just different.

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a couple years ago we had an American family move here from California. The father was surprised that we did not have the option of single sex swim lessons for kids. I had never heard of any Americans that segregated for swimming & I grew up in "Puritan" New England. This same man was trying to find single sex activities for his kids. The funny thing was that he had his daughters play baseball, as there is no softball for kids here, only men, and baseball is just getting started. So he valued baseball, more than his feelings about segregation, but all other activities were off limit if they were mixed. :lol:

 

We swim in mixed company. My dc wear modest outfits, board shorts & long-sleeve rash shirts, but that is as much for sun protection as for modesty. Dd is in venturers and sails & dives. She found a way to change clothes in public without exposing herself. Sometimes there is no other option, especially if you're tramping (hiking) in the bush.

 

JMHO,

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We do mixed swimming - no big deal. I had not heard of the non-mixed swimming until my dd14 joined the homeschool girls' soccer team. One of the families had an end-of-season pool party for the team and their families, and it was specified that no boys would be allowed in, or near, the pool. I found it bizarre. The two assistants for the whole season were 2 boys, probably about 9 or 10, and they were not allowed to swim. Fathers and brothers of the girls were expected to be across the street playing sports of some sort. It was stated that they did not want the girls causing their christian brothers to fall. :glare: To me, that is just treating the men and boys as if they are all perverts. I found it disgusting.

 

To me, it actually emphasizes and creates issues where there would not have otherwise been one. I couldn't imagine telling my ds, that was 9 at the time, that we were going to a pool party...but that he couldn't swim...because there were girls in the pool. I still find it bizarre. It basically sexualizes something that isn't. We didn't attend, and we didn't do soccer again.

 

I realize that for some people they see it as a way of being modest, or lessening adolescent tension. I honestly just don't see the point of creating this huge deal out of it. If I see someone in public dressed in a sexually provocative way, I use it as a teaching moment. In a way, it is a gauge as to what my children even notice. If they notice, then I have a chance to talk about it. I can ask questions, and discover what they think about the situation. I'm not looking to shield my children from all reality. I'm hoping to raise them in a way that helps them continue dealing with reality, long after I'm gone.

 

And honestly, for the most part, there's just not that much interesting or intriguing to my kids, when it comes to bodies. They have been raised where no one body part is deemed more important than another. We don't use funny names, or made-up words for any part of our body. We use the appropriate name. All parts of our bodies have a purpose, and our culture has done so much to hugely sexualize every single part of us that it can. My dc do not blink an eye when they encounter one of my good friends breast feeding. I don't freak out if they walk in on me when I'm changing. We just don't make a big deal out of our bodies in that way. I teach them ownership of their body, and that they should honor and take care of it. It isn't something to be ashamed of. So, seeing someone in their bathing suit, isn't going to throw them off kilter, regardless of the person's gender. It's just a person wearing the appropriate attire for the recreation they are enjoying. And really...my kids are just there to swim...

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It was stated that they did not want the girls causing their christian brothers to fall. :glare: To me, that is just treating the men and boys as if they are all perverts. I found it disgusting.

 

 

:iagree:This is how I feel too... I would be offended if people assumed my boys were perverts just because they are boys.

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Here in Portland, one of the public pools offers female only swim times because the Muslim population asked for it.
Both male- and female-only swim sessions are provided so as not to discriminate either against clients or employees. It was a rather nifty solution to the problem, though unfortunately neither session is particularly well attended.
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We mix swim. In our own pool, we often wear nothing. Same in my childhood, even in the river where we lived- when no one else was around.

 

However....I can honestly say that while I have never seen a need for segregated swimming....I do think there is a really lovely side to it. I think there is something loevely about women and children swimming and sharing women and children only time, and the same for men to have time for just men to share with each other. I am not thinking from a religious or moral point of view, as that doesn't concern me at all (and I have never seen any kinkiness while in such situations- but plenty in other situations)....more just that it is beautiful for women and men to have times when it is just them. They talk about different things. They share differently. Ever been in a circle of women chatting and had a man join in? It changes...even subtly.

So....I am thinking back to Roman days...we just had a Pompeii exhibition here in my city (still here I think) and it reminded me of those bathing times- separate bathing times for men and women. Wouldn't it be lovely to wander down to the communal baths for female bathing times? (OK, forget about the hygeine aspect :) ) I love the idea!

A bit off topic, I know...but it touched something in me.....:)

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We mix swim. In our own pool, we often wear nothing. Same in my childhood, even in the river where we lived- when no one else was around.

 

However....I can honestly say that while I have never seen a need for segregated swimming....I do think there is a really lovely side to it. I think there is something loevely about women and children swimming and sharing women and children only time, and the same for men to have time for just men to share with each other. I am not thinking from a religious or moral point of view, as that doesn't concern me at all (and I have never seen any kinkiness while in such situations- but plenty in other situations)....more just that it is beautiful for women and men to have times when it is just them. They talk about different things. They share differently. Ever been in a circle of women chatting and had a man join in? It changes...even subtly.

So....I am thinking back to Roman days...we just had a Pompeii exhibition here in my city (still here I think) and it reminded me of those bathing times- separate bathing times for men and women. Wouldn't it be lovely to wander down to the communal baths for female bathing times? (OK, forget about the hygeine aspect :) ) I love the idea!

A bit off topic, I know...but it touched something in me.....:)

 

This is what was explained to me by my friend who does not do mixed swimming. I drew a blank but you did a wonderful job of talking about that aspect of it, Peela.

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