Bridal shower?

[nanette]

Who should have a bridal shower under these circumstances? I have a friend that is getting married in October. We've been friends for 37 years. We've had our "seasons" where we talk all the time and others where we go a month or longer without talking. Since last August when she started dating this guy, we haven't talked that much. I know she has other close friends that she talks with and sees more than me. She isn't having a bridal party, so it isn't the typical maid of honor hosting a party deal. She is only having a flower girl- my daughter. I feel kind of obligated since I am her longest friend, but like I said, she has at least one friend that I know of that she has been alot closer with. She has taken this friend to the place she is getting married and talked with her about helping with things. For all I know someone else is already planning a shower. What do I do? Have the party? Call this other friend? Call her mom? I have never done a party and wouldn't have a clue. As you can tell, I am very confused. Please help.

[MariannNOVA]

I think I would start by calling the other friend (the one she has talked with about helping with things).....and go from there. Hopefully, aafter talking to that friend, you will have some direction and you won't be so confused. And, what fun that your dd will be the flower girl.:001_smile:

[FaithManor]

Is this a first marriage? Bridal showers are very rarely ever thrown for second marriages.

 

Since you aren't in the bridal party, I don't think you should feel that you need to do this. It is her family's responsibility at that point to choose to do so or not. You are probably already going to the expense of dress and shoes for your dd. Normally, the bridesmaids share the cost of the shower or multiple family members may do so as well. It is not appropriate to fall to just one person. You could call the mother and offer to "help" should anyone in the family be planning a little get together. Make your offer plain..."I'd like to bring a salad or dessert if you are planning a little party for X." Or maybe offer to help put up the decorations but not buy any, etc. It does not naturally fall to just you to make plans and shoulder the costs.

 

Of course, the whole bridal shower thing is a mystery to me anyway. I am against the concept that others are obligated to give gifts in addition to a wedding gift and there shouldn't be any expectation of wedding gifts either. My mother insisted that I throw a shower for my sister and I did it to keep the family peace (dd was a bridesmaid as well and the only other member of the bridal party was a young child so I ended up footing the bill), but I did not appreciate the event.

 

So, since I am biased, maybe you had better wait for the advice of others.

 

Faith

[nanette]

This is a first marriage for her, and a second for him.

Anyone else have any advice?

[Dolphin]

Assume the friend is throwing the shower, and call and offer to help. Let her know that it is early and that you understand that she is probably not far along in the planning, but if she needs any assistance you wanted to offer her some. That way if the friend hasn't thought of it, you give her a chance to do so, if it gets to close to the wedding she might feel bad that she didn't think of it.

 

An English tea is always a good shower theme (babies and bridal) little tea sandwiches. Easy to make and fairly inexpensive. I get one loaf of white and one of brown and make the sandwiches with one of each slice of bread. looks cute. Then cut one set of sandwiches into triangles, and the other into fingers. Cucumber sandwhiches are just butter and cucumber slice with a little salt and pepper. I then usually do egg salad for the triangles.

 

Good luck

[Mommyof4ks]

I too would call the other friend. Maybe you two could work together to throw the shower?

[Brenda in FL]

I agree - you should get in touch with the other friend and coordinate with her. Your friend deserves a shower and I wouldn't expect her mother to do it. But maybe she has a sister, or an aunt or cousin that could be a possible hostess?

[Parrothead]

I agree - you should get in touch with the other friend and coordinate with her. Your friend deserves a shower and I wouldn't expect her mother to do it. But maybe she has a sister, or an aunt or cousin that could be a possible hostess?

Etiquettely speaking family hosting baby or bridal showers is a no-no.

 

OP - you are an old friend. Are there other old friends that you know of? Maybe you can host a shower with the guests being friends that would not be invited by the other friend. Cookies and punch, a couple games taken from internet sources and voila - bridal shower.

Edited August 4, 2010 by Parrothead

[OrganicAnn]

I guess I'm more direct. I would ask the bride if she would like you to have a shower for her. Since your DD is the only wedding party and you are a long time friend, then I think you need to offer to host a shower. I would also ask the bride if she would like you to ask other friend to be involved hosting the party.

 

If you know the friend really well or the mom really well, then I might ask them. Otherwise I would ask the bride what she wants.

[Ohdanigirl]

Etiquettely speaking family hosting baby or bridal showers is a no-no.

 

 

Actually I think it also depends on the family/culture. For example, in my culture it would be assumed that the sisters/mother and bridal party would take care of a bridal shower, for a baby shower it would be the mother of the mother to be. Maybe mother in-law and sister in-law(s) would do a second one if the families are large or in different cities. This is mostly because these events would tend to be an expense that non family members are not likely to take on. Food is a big deal, and you would usually serve a sit down meal.

 

As to your question, I think it would be a good idea to call around as others have suggested. Also, don't do anything just because you feel obligated.