Need some encouragement.

[Renee in NC]

Just when I feel like I am getting a handle on things, someone takes the wind out of my sails.

 

I saw my aunt last night and school came up (because we were talking about her taking my 9yo on a trip the week we are supposed to start school.) This started the conversation about why I am not putting the kids in school.

 

Why won't I put them in school?

Why can't the girls go to school so I would have more time for the boys?

Wouldn't more time with the 9yo get him "caught up"?

They need to be around other people than Mom so they can learn to accomodate others instead of being accomodated.

 

Keep in mind, that I have a boy who tests mildly MR and another boy who tests Borderling MR with severe LDs. Accomodated? If it turns out that these results are right, they will ALWAYS be accomodated!:glare: I just told her that the local school doesn't have a self-contained classroom and that my 9yo in particular could not function in a regular classroom (and I don't want him bussed across the county, KWIM?)

 

See, the prevailing opinion in my family on both sides is that my dc have the issues they have because I homeschool. If they had gone to school, they wouldn't have these issues. I can't possibly homeschool them effectively because there is so many of them (no one agrees with my family size either.)

 

I am just plain tired of it. I need to "pass the bean dip" so to speak because discussing it with them just shows me that it doesn't matter what I say - it's wrong. If I just put them in school, they would be fine and I could have a real life with a career and our family wouldn't be so poor.

 

I told my dh that I don't even think that my aunt parented very effectively (so I do *not* take parenting advice from her), so why does it bother me so much?

 

I think I just want some respect that these are my dc and I am doing what I think is best for them. Their issues are NOT MY FAULT!

 

Hugs or something? Please?:tongue_smilie:

[lmrich]

:grouphug::grouphug:

 

Breathe in then out. Your aunt love you and can see that you are tired. Maybe she just wants to find an easy solution for your exhaustion. So, get some rest. Have a park day. Have pj day. Take care of you; you are worth it.

[RamonaQ]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I am very sure there is a long history in which you have felt that you have had to defend the choices you make to your family. I also bet your aunt loves you and is trying to figure out some way to help. Alternatively, she is just trying to understand. I do think understanding LDs can be very difficult for those that have no experience with them.

 

Hang in there, know you are doing what is best for your family. It is clear to me that you have done a lot of work trying to figure that out, and you don't take homeschooling lightly.

[katemary63]

:grouphug: Sorry. I know how hard it is to "not let it bother you." But that's all you can do. You can't change her or your family. You have to know that you are doing what you believe is right and rest in that.......rest in that.

[merry gardens]

Just when I feel like I am getting a handle on things, someone takes the wind out of my sails.

 

I saw my aunt last night and school came up (because we were talking about her taking my 9yo on a trip the week we are supposed to start school.) This started the conversation about why I am not putting the kids in school.

 

Why won't I put them in school?

Why can't the girls go to school so I would have more time for the boys?

Wouldn't more time with the 9yo get him "caught up"?

They need to be around other people than Mom so they can learn to accomodate others instead of being accomodated.

 

Keep in mind, that I have a boy who tests mildly MR and another boy who tests Borderling MR with severe LDs. Accomodated? If it turns out that these results are right, they will ALWAYS be accomodated!:glare: I just told her that the local school doesn't have a self-contained classroom and that my 9yo in particular could not function in a regular classroom (and I don't want him bussed across the county, KWIM?)

 

See, the prevailing opinion in my family on both sides is that my dc have the issues they have because I homeschool. If they had gone to school, they wouldn't have these issues. I can't possibly homeschool them effectively because there is so many of them (no one agrees with my family size either.)

 

I am just plain tired of it. I need to "pass the bean dip" so to speak because discussing it with them just shows me that it doesn't matter what I say - it's wrong. If I just put them in school, they would be fine and I could have a real life with a career and our family wouldn't be so poor.

 

I told my dh that I don't even think that my aunt parented very effectively (so I do *not* take parenting advice from her), so why does it bother me so much?

 

I think I just want some respect that these are my dc and I am doing what I think is best for them. Their issues are NOT MY FAULT!

 

Hugs or something? Please?:tongue_smilie:

:grouphug:

 

No great words of advice, but (((hugs))) and sympathy.

[Jan in SC]

:grouphug: :grouphug:

 

I have well meaning parents that don't understand lds. I actually did put my son in school last year for third grade. He had an amazing resource teacher and she helped him tremendously! He is doing so well that we decided to come back home. My parents don't really understand that decision, though. It is hard to hear differences of opinions, especially from people who haven't been there.

 

I think homeschooling is a wonderful and valid choice! For us, it has taken a lot of therapy (OT, PT, vision) to get to this point. It is so expensive. That is the biggest downside. :tongue_smilie:

[mykdsmomy]

I understand how you're feeling right now because I'm in a similar boat. I think it's important to remember that no one knows your children better than YOU do. Even family members who "think" they know the situation, do not fully grasp the whole picture. You are responsible for these children, not your aunt and not anyone else (except your DH ;) ).

You will make the best decision for YOUR family and while it may not always make sense to outsiders, you need to stay focused on your instinct of what works and what doesn't. (hope that makes sense).

 

I am feeling especially rattled right now (about our decision to continue homeschooling) and I need to take my own advice ;)

 

:grouphug:

[Renee in NC]

Thanks all. It is particularly difficult because they are *not* getting therapy at this time and would get it in ps. It will be January at the earliest before they can get therapy again and even then we may not have the options we once did (we're going to owe the therapy place a lot of money because the insurance denied it for being out-of-network and Medicaid won't pay it because they won't pay for out-of-network claims.:glare:)

 

I know she cares, but harping on me to put them in school doesn't help anything. It started from the time we moved here and it is very clear she is just anti-homeschool. I know she loved my dc very much, but I wish that she could see that I do what I think is in their best interests. I *have* thought through this and I don't think that he will be served best in a ps program. The biggest reason is that I don't think he *is* MR at all, yet that is how he is diagnosed and that is how he will be treated!:glare:

 

Anyway, I just have to be like the duck, right?

[Jan in SC]

Can you not get services as a homeschooler?

[Renee in NC]

Can you not get services as a homeschooler?

 

He could only get speech, but I am leery of that. The psych who did his testing only had one recommendation - that he go to ps and be put into a program for students with mental retardation. I would end up having to provide the test report to "back me up" so to speak because he functions on a high K, low 1st grade level (in all subjects.)

 

If I can't handle my *aunt* harassing me about this, I imagine that my ability to handle the psych, social worker, ESE director, etc. piling against me would be nil. (This happened last year to a mother who put her SN child in a local school - she was blamed for her child's lack of ability by all the people at attendance at the meeting.)

 

If he were eligible to get full services from the school, I would do it because it would be worth it. For speech once or twice a week? Not worth it.

[Jan in SC]

I would agree with you! It's too bad he can't get OT at school. I don't guess clinics do pro bono work? It's really sad that children can't get the care they need!!

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

[Geo]

All I can think of is, "boundaries". You've been polite (I assume) and heard their point of view (again and again). It's time to practice your final say on the matter...and include the possibilty that "I may utilize the ps at some point in the future, but not at this point in time."...because...well, you never know. It may cause distance at first, but that will eventually be replaced with respectful resignation of your decisions. Endeavor to resolve within yourself that you may never win their approval or support of your decisions.

Having said that...

 

:grouphug: :grouphug::grouphug:

 

Geo

[Renee in NC]

All I can think of is, "boundaries". You've been polite (I assume) and heard their point of view (again and again). It's time to practice your final say on the matter...and include the possibilty that "I may utilize the ps at some point in the future, but not at this point in time."...because...well, you never know. It may cause distance at first, but that will eventually be replaced with respectful resignation of your decisions. Endeavor to resolve within yourself that you may never win their approval or support of your decisions.

Having said that...

 

:grouphug: :grouphug::grouphug:

 

Geo

 

That's basically how the conversation ended - I told her that we would see in the future, but that this year we had decided to keep everyone home. I need to skip the stuff in the middle where I try to justify to her *why* we have made the decisions we have - there is nothing I can say that is going to make her say, "I know you have thought all this through and I respect your decision even if I don't agree with it."

[Renee in NC]

I would agree with you! It's too bad he can't get OT at school. I don't guess clinics do pro bono work? It's really sad that children can't get the care they need!!

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

Believe it or not, the clinic they are no longer getting care with due to the insurance issues is Easter Seals.:tongue_smilie: It is a business just like any other, despite what they may want you to think when they ask for donations....;)

[hsbaby]

First::grouphug: Sorry your Aunt doesn't seem to have any clue about your situation!

 

Secondly, I did have my special needs daughter in PS....from pre-school through 4th grade. She received all of their therapies and services. But, guess what, she is flourishing more at home than she ever did in ps! I really felt that as dd was getting older and making SLOW progress, that the schools sort of gave up on her. The last year she was in PS I thought she was making huge improvements in math. She was bringing home math worksheets full of double digit adding...and getting A's! Come to find out, they had given the class calculators....in 4th grade!!! These were kids that couldn't even add 5+5 (including my dd, come to find out once we started hsing!). So, we had to go back to square one once I brought her home. 3 years later and she is just now "getting" how to add and subtract. But, the point is, I didn't give up and she was able to eventually learn it!

 

I don't know why people think that ps is the "place to be" for special needs kids. I truly believe I can provide all the "special services" for her at home. OT was a joke (I used to have to go with her and watched through the window as they would work on fine motor skills by cutting paper, playing with play dough and large motor skills by setting up obstacle courses and pushing her on a swing. Really?!?!? Ummmm...I can do all that!). They never worked on social skills training, despite my pleading. We now use Model Me at home and I have seen a lot of progress.

 

I don't know, sorry for rambling. I just really think that we, as parents, are FAR better equipped to deal with our kids LD's by working at their level, giving them one on one attention, and giving extra attention to the skills they really need to work on. It just frustrates me so much when people infer the schools can do a better job. BTDT....and not just within one school district (3 in one state and 2 in another...it was all the same). You are doing such a great thing for your kids!!!

[elise1mds]

I was just wondering how things were going on the therapy front. And then this on top of it. UGH. There's only so much duck you can be before you want to go all silverback gorilla on people. I'm sure that'd be counterproductive, though. Hopefully you don't have to put up with her and her rant often. FWIW, I think you're doing an awesome job, and now you have more evidence to back it up. You are one awesome mama!!!!

[Renee in NC]

I was just wondering how things were going on the therapy front. And then this on top of it. UGH. There's only so much duck you can be before you want to go all silverback gorilla on people. I'm sure that'd be counterproductive, though. Hopefully you don't have to put up with her and her rant often. FWIW, I think you're doing an awesome job, and now you have more evidence to back it up. You are one awesome mama!!!!

 

No progress on the therapy front. It's probably good, though, as we won't be able to get them there after September. We'll be down to one car and the cost of driving to that side of town 3 round trips would be prohibitive (dh to work, then to therapy, then back to pick him up - there wouldn't be any overlap.)

[sleepymommy]

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

Your aunt is probably telling you these things out of genuine love for you and your kids, BUT she should understand your POV as well and come to know when to let it go as well.

 

My mil gets on me about homeschooling pretty often, I usually listen the first time and try to respond politely, for the times after that I turn off my ears, bite my tongue and walk away (or get off the phone and avoid her phone calls for awhile).

 

A lot of times, it's no use trying to convince the other side. You just keep doing what's best for you and your family and continue to know your doing a good job and are an amazing mother!

[sands1978]

:grouphug:

[Guest Fabion]

Hello!

First, I have to say how impressed I am with the wonderful, kind posters who help all of the newbies on this forum! I'm so thankful I found this site! I've been reading posts for about a week now, and I've already learned so much from all of you!

 

I have just begun my sleep apnea "journey". I have to say, I'm not thrilled about the whole idea at this point! In fact, I'm a bit depressed about it. I'm trying hard to remain upbeat and positive.....I do want it to work! Here's my story, and I'm hoping someone can give me some encouraging words.

 

I am a 52 year old female. I've been treated for high blood pressure for the past 2 years. Last December, I went into Atrial Fibrillation and was put on additional heart medication to regulate my heart rate. Tests were done, and all came back normal. Cardiologist suggested a sleep study.

 

I had my first sleep study a month ago. It was an absolutely miserable experience for me. I could not relax, and I didn't believe I slept at all. Imagine how sad and upset I was to learn I had severe sleep apnea and had to come back to do it all over again!!

 

The second study WITH THE MASK is T O N I G H T!! I am very, very nervous today! I don't have an idea how I am going to be able to sleep with the mask on (I'm anxious anyway with the tendency for "mini" panic attacks where I don't feel like I'm getting in enough air when I get scared or nervous). Can anyone offer any encouraging words?? I know I won't get used to it right away, but will I be able to tolerate it all night??

 

Thanks, again, for being there for those of us just learning about sleep apnea. It's so encouraging to read about the people who have truly been helped with treatment.