Weird or not? Dress code at dd's friend's house...

[Sue G in PA]

So, here is the scoop. Dd13 has recently made friends with another homeschooling girl in our neighborhood. The girl is 11 and has a brother who just turned 13 and a baby sister who is 9 mos. Christian family (as we are), but very "legalistic" and extremely strict with the kids (to the extent that my dh and I are concerned sometimes for their emotional well-being). Anyway, the girl is a very modest dresser and has her own strict rules for what she wears (no short skirts, tight blouses, sleeveless blouses, etc.). So, dd is leaving this evening to go to said girl's house and I noticed she had changed her top. She was wearing a tank top that was a bit "form fitting" but not so tight that I "vetoed" it, kwim? We are rather conservative and modest in our dress as well. :) Dd told me that she changed b/c she isn't "allowed" to wear a top like that at their house. :001_huh: I'm like, "you are not ALLOWED?". She said she isn't allowed to wear tight tops, skirts shorter than 3" above her knees, or 2 piece bathing suits when swimming in their pool b/c of the 13yo brother that lives there. :001_huh: She recently got a "tankini" which covers her stomach except a tiny bit when she lifts her arms. So, I called the mom. I was ticked. She said, "our pool, our rules...my ds is 13 and I don't want him seeing girls in 2 piece bathing suits or immodest dress.". OKAY. Well, are ya gonna shelter him for the rest of his teenage years? Give me break. What do you do when you go out? Cover his eyes with a blind-fold when you pass a woman dress immodestly? And besides, my dd does NOT dress immodestly. She is Godly young woman who happens to be very tall for her age and very attractive. So, is this weird...the dress code thing? Or am I just crazy? BTW...she lets same son come to our house to play with my ds12 frequently so obviously she isn't that concerned about how dd dresses when she is home!

[Parrothead]

I'll give her the "her pool, her rules." That said she should provide what she thinks is appropriate for her house to her guests. Otherwise she should get a grip.

 

As for her ds, hopefully he won't go hog wild when he finally gets a bit of freedom.

 

I honestly don't get people like that.

[Crimson Wife]

I would personally respect the wishes of the family even if I personally think their standards are a bit over-the-top. It's not really any big deal IMHO to err on the side of conservatism around families who are stricter than me. For example, I'm fine with knee-length skirts and modestly cut sleeveless tops but I don't wear them to events sponsored by the local church-affiliated support group. A little bit of courtesy goes a long way, KWIM? :)

[Sue G in PA]

Agreed on the pool thing. Otherwise...:001_huh: I just don't get it.

[EJCMom]

They sound like fruitcakes to me.

[Joanne]

So, here is the scoop. Dd13 has recently made friends with another homeschooling girl in our neighborhood. The girl is 11 and has a brother who just turned 13 and a baby sister who is 9 mos. Christian family (as we are), but very "legalistic" and extremely strict with the kids (to the extent that my dh and I are concerned sometimes for their emotional well-being). Anyway, the girl is a very modest dresser and has her own strict rules for what she wears (no short skirts, tight blouses, sleeveless blouses, etc.). So, dd is leaving this evening to go to said girl's house and I noticed she had changed her top. She was wearing a tank top that was a bit "form fitting" but not so tight that I "vetoed" it, kwim? We are rather conservative and modest in our dress as well. :) Dd told me that she changed b/c she isn't "allowed" to wear a top like that at their house. :001_huh: I'm like, "you are not ALLOWED?". She said she isn't allowed to wear tight tops, skirts shorter than 3" above her knees, or 2 piece bathing suits when swimming in their pool b/c of the 13yo brother that lives there. :001_huh: She recently got a "tankini" which covers her stomach except a tiny bit when she lifts her arms. So, I called the mom. I was ticked. She said, "our pool, our rules...my ds is 13 and I don't want him seeing girls in 2 piece bathing suits or immodest dress.". OKAY. Well, are ya gonna shelter him for the rest of his teenage years? Give me break. What do you do when you go out? Cover his eyes with a blind-fold when you pass a woman dress immodestly? And besides, my dd does NOT dress immodestly. She is Godly young woman who happens to be very tall for her age and very attractive. So, is this weird...the dress code thing? Or am I just crazy? BTW...she lets same son come to our house to play with my ds12 frequently so obviously she isn't that concerned about how dd dresses when she is home!

 

 

Icky, controlling and concerning.

[Wheres Toto]

I think it's a little odd but I guess she has the right to make the rules for her home.

 

I do not understand the two-piece bathing suit thing (not just here but in other threads). I can see not allowing bikinis but I know many people who look way more modest in a two-piece tankini than in a snug, too short one piece. I'm one of them. Any suit that fits my big hips will be too large and gapping up top. Far from modest.

[Sue G in PA]

:lol: Glad I'm not the only one with such thoughts... Oh, and btw...the whole "dress code" issue isn't the only one to surface. My ds12 told me that the mom told him that if he didn't call her ds13 EVERY day that he wasn't a TRUE friend b/c TRUE friends call every.day. :001_huh:

[Michelle My Bell]

I am actually surprised that she allows mixed swimming with all the rules she has.

 

But, I have to say that it is not our place to judge how others raise their kids. I don't think you should have said that about covering the sons eyes when he is out. To me it sounds like they are trying to do their best to raise children who have high standards even if it may offend others a bit.

 

Now if she had started making rules for you, then I might have a problem.

[Mrs Mungo]

I would stop letting dd hang out over there. If the mom asked why, I would let her know that I don't plan on having my dd abide by someone else's dress code, but her kids are still free to play at my house, if she doesn't mind their attire. That's just me.

[Rebecca VA]

By allowing immodesty in her family swimming pool the mom would be giving it her tacit OK. She's trying to hold the line.

 

I think she's going a little overboard (and yes, she should have t-shirts or modest swimsuits available for guests to use), but I understand where she's coming from.

[Sue G in PA]

The tankini that dd has actually covers MORE than her one-piece. The bottoms are like "shorts" and the top part is less low cut that her one piece. Mom was concerned b/c when dd lifted her arms her abdomen showed as did her "hip area". Umm...okay.

[Impish]

I also go with the 'my house/pool, my rules'. I have no problem sending a kid home that was dressed inappropriately (graphic tshirts come to mind, as well as shirts that the child is constantly pulling on so her BooKs don't fall out.) Sorry, but its not something that I'm ok with, shirts that have designs on them that scare the crap outta the Littles, or curse words, etc. If a parent isn't ok with it, then don't send the kiddo over.

 

What a kid wears at their house isn't my concern. Its when they're at mine that I speak up. I've suggested putting on a sweat shirt, running home for another, and had one girl decide to just go upstairs and turn her shirt inside out.

 

Just as I'd ask a child to go home for not following behaviour rules, I don't see anything wrong for asking the child not wear stuff we'd find offensive. :001_smile:

Edited August 2, 2010 by Impish
left out 2 words, whoops!

[Alenee]

I would look at it this way. Just because the teenage boy will see it outside the house doesn't mean they need to continue the trend inside their home. I believe as mothers of girls we ought to be proactive in making sure our girls know how their dress can effect a boy. This is not to say boys don't have personal responsibility with their own actions but it's a two way street. I have spoken to moms of boys who truly appreciate that effort. I wouldn't balk at all at this family's wishes. As an aside, I think your dd deserves huge kudos for respecting the parents. You're obviously doing a great job!:)

[EJCMom]

:lol: Glad I'm not the only one with such thoughts... Oh, and btw...the whole "dress code" issue isn't the only one to surface. My ds12 told me that the mom told him that if he didn't call her ds13 EVERY day that he wasn't a TRUE friend b/c TRUE friends call every.day. :001_huh:

 

Yeah. I stand by my original ruling. Fruitcakes. Except, with this addition, I would multiply it by two. Maybe even three.

[Imprimis]

I would stop letting dd hang out over there. If the mom asked why, I would let her know that I don't plan on having my dd abide by someone else's dress code, but her kids are still free to play at my house, if she doesn't mind their attire. That's just me.

 

This is probably how I would react as well.

[Sue G in PA]

Okay, it was a bit judgemental of me to make the comment about "covering his eyes." Agreed...I apologize. This whole family just creeps me out though. This dress code was simply the straw that broke the camels back for me. I would do the same as you, Imp...re: the offensive t-shirt or shirts too low cut. But the thing is...my dd doesn't dress immodestly! We are conservative here. Her skirts are not "too" short, her tops are not low-cut (not that she has cleavage yet, anyway) or too tight. Umm...aren't bathing suits tight? So, this is wear I take issue. Mom is judging US by setting this dress code. I've heard her dd make comments to my dd about her outfits before and how she would NEVER dress like that. "Oh goodness, those shorts are WAY too short!" or "I'm not allowed to wear halter tops. They are soooo immodest!". Stuff like that. I won't get into the other stuff. Too weird. But, I do have a choice here, you are all right. I can send her over to play or not. I'm leaning toward not from now on.

[Caitilin]

I would stop letting dd hang out over there. If the mom asked why, I would let her know that I don't plan on having my dd abide by someone else's dress code, but her kids are still free to play at my house, if she doesn't mind their attire. That's just me.

 

:iagree::iagree:Respect is one thing, but demands are another. And it sounds like this family has other "stuff" going on, what with the "true friends" business. I make sure that my kids dress in things that will not draw attention to them when we are with those whose standards are more conservative than our own, but I wouldn't be buying any new swimsuits either, KWIM? :D

[MistyJ]

We are friends with another hs family in our church, and these issues come up constantly. We are very conservative, but not compared to these folks. Crazy stuff. I had some leopard print flats I wanted to hand on to her girls. "We don't allow the girls to wear animal prints."

 

It takes a lot of tongue biting. For us, the friendship of another hs family in the neighborhood is worth putting up with it. It's hard when their religious proclamations are just off (we are the same religion), bc then I have to clarify the truth with ds 13, and you just know our ds is going to go back to their ds with the information....

[Joanne]

I would look at it this way. Just because the teenage boy will see it outside the house doesn't mean they need to continue the trend inside their home. I believe as mothers of girls we ought to be proactive in making sure our girls know how their dress can effect a boy. This is not to say boys don't have personal responsibility with their own actions but it's a two way street. I have spoken to moms of boys who truly appreciate that effort. I wouldn't balk at all at this family's wishes. As an aside, I think your dd deserves huge kudos for respecting the parents. You're obviously doing a great job!:)

 

I think shielding teens from sexual thoughts, admiring attractiveness, physical beauty and *de*sexualizing them is harmful, punitive, controlling and icky.

 

I'd severely restrict my children from this family.

[Erica in PA]

I don't think it's weird. I'm actually a bit surprised that family rules like this are a surprise to you. Not wearing tight shirts or short skirts or wearing belly-revealing tops/swimsuits are all common among my Christian friends. I think what she said about her son and not seeing girls in bathing suits or immodest dress, at their own home, sounds reasonable. We personally haven't had the need for rules like these for guests at our home, but I know many who do, and I understand their reasoning. If we did have a swimming pool, I wouldn't allow any two piece bathing suits that intentionally show the midriff, either.

 

I would just try to not take it personally, and if your dd enjoys being with this family, explain that they are fellow believers, but have different ideas about how to honor God than we do, and that that is fine.

[Guest Dulcimeramy]

I could maybe understand if the mother had addressed this with you (once) in a private, respectful, mother-to-mother discussion. I don't think the mother had any right to address this with your daughter.

 

The shaming and the lack of boundaries in that home sound just awful, and I wouldn't let my daughter be subjected to all that negativity anymore.

[Catwoman]

I've heard her dd make comments to my dd about her outfits before and how she would NEVER dress like that. "Oh goodness, those shorts are WAY too short!" or "I'm not allowed to wear halter tops. They are soooo immodest!". Stuff like that. I won't get into the other stuff. Too weird.

 

I'm sorry to say this, but that "Christian" daughter is as judgmental as her mother. I would be beyond annoyed if I heard one of my son's "friends" criticize him in the way that girl treats your dd.

 

To be honest, the dd's self-righteous attitude bothers me a lot more than the dress code issue.

 

The family may have the very best of intentions, but overall they seem a bit... how can I say this delicately... "over the top" to me.

 

Cat

[Mynyel]

The whole modesty thing is what made my daughter decide to stop going to the AHG troop she was in.

 

The leader would harp (and I do mean harp) about modesty at every. meeting.

 

It got to the point where I had to put my foot down with my dd. Everytime we would go shopping and I would say "Oh that's a cute top or those are nice pants" or whatever my daughter would come back and say "Oh "AHG leader" wouldn't like those." "Oh, AHG leader would like those" and so on. I had to finally start asking her. "What do you like, I don't care what AHG Leader likes. She doesn't have to wear it".

 

It was seriously messing up my daughter. She was afraid to buy anything that this person might disapprove of. She wasn't being her own person, she was conforming to another persons wished simply because if she didn't this person would call her out (in private but still).

 

She finally stopped going. I would never let my kids hand around that household if they are pushing dress code on my kids. I understand "my house, my rules" but that is taking it too far. It can make a kid afraid to wear anything but a Berka (no offense meant, just using an example here).

 

So yes they are weird (to me) and no my daughter wouldn't be going to their house. Their kids, however, would be welcome at my house.

[RanchGirl]

The dress code itself doesn't bother me, it sounds fairly reasonable. And though they know you don't share their perspective on it, they clearly want to be friends... that's fairly open minded. But it sounds like there are other things bothering you about this family. If they set off your internal alarms, I would restrict my kids access over there. Not just for requiring modest dress though.

[WarriorMama]

So, here is the scoop. Dd13 has recently made friends with another homeschooling girl in our neighborhood. The girl is 11 and has a brother who just turned 13 and a baby sister who is 9 mos. Christian family (as we are), but very "legalistic" and extremely strict with the kids (to the extent that my dh and I are concerned sometimes for their emotional well-being). Anyway, the girl is a very modest dresser and has her own strict rules for what she wears (no short skirts, tight blouses, sleeveless blouses, etc.). So, dd is leaving this evening to go to said girl's house and I noticed she had changed her top. She was wearing a tank top that was a bit "form fitting" but not so tight that I "vetoed" it, kwim? We are rather conservative and modest in our dress as well. :) Dd told me that she changed b/c she isn't "allowed" to wear a top like that at their house. :001_huh: I'm like, "you are not ALLOWED?". She said she isn't allowed to wear tight tops, skirts shorter than 3" above her knees, or 2 piece bathing suits when swimming in their pool b/c of the 13yo brother that lives there. :001_huh: She recently got a "tankini" which covers her stomach except a tiny bit when she lifts her arms. So, I called the mom. I was ticked. She said, "our pool, our rules...my ds is 13 and I don't want him seeing girls in 2 piece bathing suits or immodest dress.". OKAY. Well, are ya gonna shelter him for the rest of his teenage years? Give me break. What do you do when you go out? Cover his eyes with a blind-fold when you pass a woman dress immodestly? And besides, my dd does NOT dress immodestly. She is Godly young woman who happens to be very tall for her age and very attractive. So, is this weird...the dress code thing? Or am I just crazy? BTW...she lets same son come to our house to play with my ds12 frequently so obviously she isn't that concerned about how dd dresses when she is home!

 

I think it sounds weird and kind of silly, but that's just my opinion. Her pool, her rules, sure...even if I thought it was ridiculous, I would go along with a person's house rules (or not allow my children to visit, which is where I'd be headed in your situation). What would get me here isn't the fact that she has rules you don't agree with, but the fact that she took it upon herself to tell YOUR dd what she is and isn't 'allowed' to wear. Excuse me, WHAT?!

 

I would have been mortified as a 13yo if somebody I barely knew (and who had no right!) took it upon themselves to tell me I was dressed immodestly, and I would be LIVID if somebody ever told my daughter how she was allowed to dress. If she has a house rule or preference, she should have called YOU and addressed it. YOU are the parent, and she had no right. Major crossing of boundaries, in my opinion.

[Heather in AL]

Icky, controlling and concerning.

 

:iagree: This. It's creepy to me.

 

I would stop letting dd hang out over there. If the mom asked why, I would let her know that I don't plan on having my dd abide by someone else's dress code, but her kids are still free to play at my house, if she doesn't mind their attire. That's just me.

 

:iagree: This, too.

 

I understand the pool rules, but not the main reason behind it (her ds).

 

If someone were to tell me my dd was dressed immodestly, I'm afraid I'd tell them where to go.

[kalanamak]

:lol: Glad I'm not the only one with such thoughts... Oh, and btw...the whole "dress code" issue isn't the only one to surface. My ds12 told me that the mom told him that if he didn't call her ds13 EVERY day that he wasn't a TRUE friend b/c TRUE friends call every.day. :001_huh:

 

Control freaks. Good chance to talk to your kids about normalcy.

[WarriorMama]

I could maybe understand if the mother had addressed this with you (once) in a private, respectful, mother-to-mother discussion. I don't think the mother had any right to address this with your daughter.

 

The shaming and the lack of boundaries in that home sound just awful, and I wouldn't let my daughter be subjected to all that negativity anymore.

 

:iagree:

 

This is EXACTLY what I think, only much more succinct and better worded. :001_smile:

[5kidsforME]

I would look at it this way. Just because the teenage boy will see it outside the house doesn't mean they need to continue the trend inside their home. I believe as mothers of girls we ought to be proactive in making sure our girls know how their dress can effect a boy. This is not to say boys don't have personal responsibility with their own actions but it's a two way street. I have spoken to moms of boys who truly appreciate that effort. I wouldn't balk at all at this family's wishes. As an aside, I think your dd deserves huge kudos for respecting the parents. You're obviously doing a great job!:)

 

:iagree:

[StephanieZ]

They sound like fruitcakes to me.

 

:iagree: Personally, I would minimize my dc's relationships with the family. Personally, I wouldn't want my dc over there at all w/o me in attendance b/c

 

They sound like fruitcakes to me.

 

and I'd wonder what other weirdness was coming down the track. Hopefully you have other friendships to foster for your dc. . . I wouldn't bar my kids from being friends with them, but I'd put more effort into OTHER relationships.

[Mommyof4ks]

I agree with the 'her pool her rules' thing on the dress, but the 'calling daily = friend and not = not a friend' thing is odd. We have some rules that people think are crazy too though (we don't let our 10 yr old dd watch rated R movies, which others think is nuts, that sort of thing), so I just let those things go as long as my kids are friends with the other kids.

[StephanieZ]

This whole family just creeps me out though.

 

Enough said. Trust your gut. Stay away!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[mommaduck]

Personally, I don't think their family's personal choices are horrible. In fact, I shared them at one time, it's very common in this area of PA as you know, and your OP makes me wonder just what you thought about us when we met :glare: We've come a long way since then. However, I do agree that their comments are wrong, harsh, and judgmental. Her rules as well, though I have say that if they were an anabaptist family, I would not be surprised (especially if they felt they were watching your kids or for swimming...in fact, at one time, we did not mix swim either). Personally, if I were you, I would not permit my child over there due to the comments and the fact that your daughter is not accepted as she is. YOU are her parent. YOU get to choose the standards for YOUR home and YOUR family. They get to choose the standards for theirs. ("standards" does not mean higher or lower, just different...principle is the same, modest and decently dressed, application is different, her choices vs your choices)

 

:lol: Glad I'm not the only one with such thoughts... Oh, and btw...the whole "dress code" issue isn't the only one to surface. My ds12 told me that the mom told him that if he didn't call her ds13 EVERY day that he wasn't a TRUE friend b/c TRUE friends call every.day. :001_huh:

THIS part, I agree, is whacked out.

Edited August 2, 2010 by mommaduck

[DesertDweller]

Honestly, if she has to make rules about what other people can wear to be in their home, they should just not invite people over. I don't get that. If I thought someone was dressing immodestly everytime they came to my house and it was a problem, I wouldn't have them come over anymore. I would not tell them how to dress.

 

I do understand the whole bikini thing to a point. But as someone else said, if your going to be so strict about it, why have mixed swimming in the first place?

[Alenee]

I think shielding teens from sexual thoughts, admiring attractiveness, physical beauty and *de*sexualizing them is harmful, punitive, controlling and icky.

 

I'd severely restrict my children from this family.

 

Opinions are a plenty!

 

and the rest...nevermind..........

Edited August 2, 2010 by Alenee

[starwarsmomma]

Homeschooling family?

 

Wonder if they read this forum?

 

Could get messy, posting this on here.

[FaithManor]

Well, if these people are Christians, then they do a good job of ruining their Christian witness. I am not exactly certain how one shows the love of Christ to others if one is always judging others, making them uncomfortable around one, and making crazy demands such as "You must call everyday!"

 

It's reverse judgmentality. But, it could also be code for, "We don't want your dd around our dd so instead of just coming out and saying it, we'll make it uncomfortable for her to be here." Seriously, I would consider that to be a possible message.

 

DH and I have a wide diversity of friends from multiple faiths and personal convictions, all with different house rules. We've always been able to manage this without drama and in the rare case of problems, we don't have our children get together anymore.

 

As for the pool, they shouldn't invite anyone over if they have such huge issues. Also, when dd's best friend comes over (she's nineteen and owns quite the skimpy bikini), we just don't have the boys swim with the girls unless DH and I are getting in. It solves the whole problem. Plus, most teenage girls welcome a respite from the nutty pool behavior of most adolescent boys. They have their privacy, DS 13 doesn't get an eyeful of BooK, and no hard feelings. I don't expect this young lady to feel the way that I do about modest dress. All we can do is role model what we feel is best or harm the relationship. The relationship with this dear girl is too precious to consider disrupting over a dress code.

 

At church, when the youth have a pool party or go canoeing, the rule is no speedos and thong or string type bikini bottoms and EVERYONE wears a tee shirt over their bathing suit, boys included. It kind of keeps the gawking to a minimum and the fun stays clean.

 

Faith

[Mrs Mungo]

Personally, I don't think their family's personal choices are horrible.

 

Just for clarity (I know your post was not to me), I am not claiming that the family's personal choices are horrible. I am saying that I have strong boundaries and telling my children they are required to adhere to a dress code would cross those boundaries. A family that adheres to the brand of legalism that allows one to tell *other families* what their personal choices *should be* would not be compatible with my family.

[Alphabetika]

I would personally respect the wishes of the family even if I personally think their standards are a bit over-the-top. It's not really any big deal IMHO to err on the side of conservatism around families who are stricter than me. For example, I'm fine with knee-length skirts and modestly cut sleeveless tops but I don't wear them to events sponsored by the local church-affiliated support group. A little bit of courtesy goes a long way, KWIM? :)

 

 

:iagree:

[mommaduck]

Just for clarity (I know your post was not to me), I am not claiming that the family's personal choices are horrible. I am saying that I have strong boundaries and telling my children they are required to adhere to a dress code would cross those boundaries. A family that adheres to the brand of legalism that allows one to tell *other families* what their personal choices *should be* would not be compatible with my family.

:iagree: and I pointed that out in further in my post ;) at the same time as pointing out that there are religious cultural issues at play in THIS AREA (Lancaster County, PA). Basically, I'm surprised that any of this is a surprise or new to Sue. And I added that, personally, my children wouldn't be allowed over there either, because they would not be compatible with our family as well.

Edited August 2, 2010 by mommaduck

[Alenee]

Just for clarity (I know your post was not to me), I am not claiming that the family's personal choices are horrible. I am saying that I have strong boundaries and telling my children they are required to adhere to a dress code would cross those boundaries. A family that adheres to the brand of legalism that allows one to tell *other families* what their personal choices *should be* would not be compatible with my family.

 

But that's just it. From the OP's original statements, they aren't telling the girl to have different choices outside their home but that they have rules inside THEIR home. Ands really, legalism refers to how one obtains salvation, not about rules within a person's home.

[Audrey]

So, here is the scoop. Dd13 has recently made friends with another homeschooling girl in our neighborhood. The girl is 11 and has a brother who just turned 13 and a baby sister who is 9 mos. Christian family (as we are), but very "legalistic" and extremely strict with the kids (to the extent that my dh and I are concerned sometimes for their emotional well-being). Anyway, the girl is a very modest dresser and has her own strict rules for what she wears (no short skirts, tight blouses, sleeveless blouses, etc.). So, dd is leaving this evening to go to said girl's house and I noticed she had changed her top. She was wearing a tank top that was a bit "form fitting" but not so tight that I "vetoed" it, kwim? We are rather conservative and modest in our dress as well. :) Dd told me that she changed b/c she isn't "allowed" to wear a top like that at their house. :001_huh: I'm like, "you are not ALLOWED?". She said she isn't allowed to wear tight tops, skirts shorter than 3" above her knees, or 2 piece bathing suits when swimming in their pool b/c of the 13yo brother that lives there. :001_huh: She recently got a "tankini" which covers her stomach except a tiny bit when she lifts her arms. So, I called the mom. I was ticked. She said, "our pool, our rules...my ds is 13 and I don't want him seeing girls in 2 piece bathing suits or immodest dress.". OKAY. Well, are ya gonna shelter him for the rest of his teenage years? Give me break. What do you do when you go out? Cover his eyes with a blind-fold when you pass a woman dress immodestly? And besides, my dd does NOT dress immodestly. She is Godly young woman who happens to be very tall for her age and very attractive. So, is this weird...the dress code thing? Or am I just crazy? BTW...she lets same son come to our house to play with my ds12 frequently so obviously she isn't that concerned about how dd dresses when she is home!

 

 

I vote weird.

[Wheres Toto]

Given the new information I vote for greatly restricting access to these people. They seem super controlling, to the point of trying make your ds call theirs daily. Totally strange! Their dd saying negative things to yours is not what friends do, ick! Their whole attitude is judgmental and negative and I wouldn't want my kids exposed to that. If the mom had dealt with things in a more discrete way and their dd had been taught manners thenI might deal with the house rules, but they didn't deal with it well. I don't like it when people use shame and I won't subject my kids to it.

:iagree:

[Kalypso]

We have some friends that have 3 teen boys ages 14, 14, and 16. The last time we were invited over for a BBQ, the parents requested that all teen girls wear a swim shirt and boy shorts with it. My teens did not swim because they only had one piece swimsuits that they wear for swim team. I figured it was "their pool, their rules", but my dh thought it was really weird considering the families invited are all pretty conservative in their dress.

 

This family is nice and hasn't seemed strange in other ways, so we went and the teens played basketball instead.

[Alenee]

Yes, the thing about friends calling friends, THAT sounds weird.

[milovany]

Just for clarity (I know your post was not to me), I am not claiming that the family's personal choices are horrible ....

 

You're not, but plenty of people in this thread are, LOL. I find it sorta interesting that people are so, uh, judgmental about this family's personal decisions and perceived judgmentalism. Most of us posting are somewhat judgmental if we're honest. I'm surprised at how harsh some are being for a family that's probably doing what they believe is best for their children and God.

[Stacy in NJ]

The fact that they're paying attention to your dd skirt length and the tightness of her shirts because they have a 13 yo boy is beyond icky. It sends a really creepy message to your dd, as if she were resonsible for any sexual thoughs their son has. It's one thing to control your child's dress, behavior, and friendships, it's another to insist their friends maintain the same standards.

 

Run away, or at least, allow their children to play at your house be not vice versa.

[Alenee]

You're not, but plenty of people in this thread are, LOL. I find it sorta interesting that people are so, uh, judgmental about this family's personal decisions and perceived judgmentalism. Most of us posting are somewhat judgmental if we're honest. I'm surprised at how harsh some are being for a family that's probably doing what they believe is best for their children and God.

 

:iagree: emphatically!

[MissKNG]

She is Godly young woman!

 

Maybe she is just trying to follow 1 Timothy 2:9? If the Lord places it on her heart for modest dress, that is between her and her God.