cell phone rules and etiquette for my 14yo ds

[charmama4]

So, dh and I have agreed to allow ds to get a cell phone. I look at a cell phone as a privilege and not a right and can be taken away when the use is abused. My question to all you fine parents with cell phone lugging teens is what rules do you apply to the cell phone and what punishment do you use when a rule is broken? In addition to these questions, could you share some of your wisdom of your experiences as well? Thank you in advance.

[SonshineLearner]

There are tons of threads that are really good. Some have had their kids put their phones on the charger each night, some have them bring their phones to have text messages erased(you can verify text amt of #'s by looking at the phone bill online)

Ours is.... remember not to send any photo that is in any way revealing. Remember any photo can be loaded to facebook ect... by anyone else that you send it to.... The phone is always something I can ask to spot check by picking it up and looking through the messages... and I've done it!

You really have to just go over the text part more than any other. Also, is it like dinner time years ago? No answering the phone during dinner? No looking at texts? You'll have to see what will make your phone happy with your teens using them... which is partially done by habits that the parents follow...

 

:)

[MamaT]

There are tons of threads that are really good. Some have had their kids put their phones on the charger each night, some have them bring their phones to have text messages erased(you can verify text amt of #'s by looking at the phone bill online)

Ours is.... remember not to send any photo that is in any way revealing. Remember any photo can be loaded to facebook ect... by anyone else that you send it to.... The phone is always something I can ask to spot check by picking it up and looking through the messages... and I've done it!

You really have to just go over the text part more than any other. Also, is it like dinner time years ago? No answering the phone during dinner? No looking at texts? You'll have to see what will make your phone happy with your teens using them... which is partially done by habits that the parents follow...

 

:)

 

This is basically what we do. No calls/texts after 10:00 p.m., don't bring the phone to dinner, etc. We also pick it up and scroll through texts randomly. We haven't had any issues so far.

[dirty ethel rackham]

My rule is, if the phone gets in the way of being a polite, agreeable kid (like not answering me when I talk due to texting, playing games, etc.) it gets removed. I am always amazed at how much rudeness other parents tolerate. I just want to smack them upside the head and say "Hey, she is talking to you. You must respond under penalty of death" (Yeah, that is a little much:).)

 

However, in our house, it has not been a problem because the kids' friends haven't bought into the "teen phone culture." In fact, I have to remind my boys to take the cell phone when they leave the house as well as to make sure it is charged before going to bed in the evening. Oh, and we don't have a texting plan, so they would have to pay for texts.

[Pamela H in Texas]

Well, we didn't really think about rules, but I think it's because we waited til our kids were at a place maturity wise that we just didn't need to worry about it. I agree with Ellen that they need to be polite, respectful, and appropriate.

 

I have shared before, but....last year, there was a reminder to parents that it may be a wise thing to disallow the children's cells for the religious convention dates (or at least times) so they wouldn't be inappropriate. I about fell over. I wouldn't have allowed my kids to have a cell phone AT ALL (at ANY time) if I didn't believe they would know to turn it off for the convention (and any other religious activity)!

 

Seriously, like you, I believe having a cell phone is a privilege. If you are anticipating ANY issues, I wouldn't suggest getting him one. For us, we just chat about crazy things we see (IRL or on tv or whatever) or hear about. And guidelines and teaching has been pretty clear along the way. If y'all've done that, you probably don't really need any rules. Simply "be respectful" is probably good enough in a home with good discipline and a child who is ready for the responsibility.

[JustGin]

So, dh and I have agreed to allow ds to get a cell phone. I look at a cell phone as a privilege and not a right and can be taken away when the use is abused. My question to all you fine parents with cell phone lugging teens is what rules do you apply to the cell phone and what punishment do you use when a rule is broken? In addition to these questions, could you share some of your wisdom of your experiences as well? Thank you in advance.

 

All our cell phone users are expected to use good manners with them i.e. not texting at inappropriate times and places, not taking calls when in a face to face conversation and so on. Non of them drive yet, so that is not an issue and they are very good about being my secretary in the car until I get a blue tooth headset.

 

As for texting - we have an unlimited plan and I know this is one of the primary ways teens socialize now, so as long as they follow our rules about polite use, we're fine. Our only other big cell phone rule is no texting/im'ing with persons of the opposite gender. We are raising our children to value their emotional purity and consider texting and virtual chatting in the same category as being alone with a person. No matter what safeguards one has, it's still a private conversation.

 

We recently allowed our oldest to text a very short list of guys she knows after she came to us requesting permission. We vetted the list and had a long talk with her about the potential problems. She is true friends with these fellows, and I know them well. She agreed to not delete texts and knows that we can and will read her messages if we feel a concern. All our children know that we check their useage record regularly.

[charmama4]

There are tons of threads that are really good. Some have had their kids put their phones on the charger each night, some have them bring their phones to have text messages erased(you can verify text amt of #'s by looking at the phone bill online)

Ours is.... remember not to send any photo that is in any way revealing. Remember any photo can be loaded to facebook ect... by anyone else that you send it to.... The phone is always something I can ask to spot check by picking it up and looking through the messages... and I've done it!

You really have to just go over the text part more than any other. Also, is it like dinner time years ago? No answering the phone during dinner? No looking at texts? You'll have to see what will make your phone happy with your teens using them... which is partially done by habits that the parents follow...

 

:)

 

I like being able to check online :D. Texting is a concern and will also keep in mind the photos. Thank you.

[gingersmom]

My daughter loses her phone more than she actually uses it.

[charmama4]

This is basically what we do. No calls/texts after 10:00 p.m., don't bring the phone to dinner, etc. We also pick it up and scroll through texts randomly. We haven't had any issues so far.

 

I did inform ds that I would pick up the phone and check randomly. 10pm? I was actually thinking 9pm b/c that's when *I* go to bed! :lol: