When do you make them work it out?

[ciyates]

DS is 14 and a star scout. He has a few issues at summer camp and had a BOR and is basically on probation with the troop. I support their decision to discipline him. He has to resign as SPL and be on his best behavior. If he meets a few goals he will be eligible for advancement in January. We had a meeting with the Chairperson and he told us all of these great characteristics of a good troop and how my DS isn't living up to the Scout oath and law. In some ways he is right and in others I think he is wrong. Afterwards we looked closely at our troop and realized that all of the signs of a good troop are missing from our group. The boys have no interest in working together, building one another up or even really like one another. The older boys (my DS included) pick on the little guys, the language is bad and the morale is terrible. I am so torn with making my son step up and meet the goals (I don't want him to quit when the going gets tough) and between trying to find a healthier troop. We are working on DS's behavior and his attitude but we can't influence the rest of the troop. What should we do?

[JVA]

We were in a troop years ago that sounds like yours... we eventually DID leave and found one that had better leadership, a proven track record and committed families. All three of our older boys got their Eagles through this great troop.

It's great that you are working with your son on his behaviour. He will sense your loyalty to him and know that you're on his team. But, it will be hard for him to stand 'alone' in those high standards. Will he have the fortitude to do that? Can he do the right thing if he's the only one? At 14, and looking back on our boys, it was hard for mine to do this.

I would sit down with the scoutmaster(s) and analyze the troop culture, comparing it to the ideal scouting atmosphere. Are the leaders committed to whole-hearted change? Would parents back them up? Bring in a district leader to facilitate this. If you think it's a losing battle, then hunt for a better troop. I'm sure there's one somewhere nearby. All the while, emphasizing to your son that he's NOT off the hook and better behaviour is expected everywhere and at all times.

Our youngest should be getting his Star soon and we talked over the summer that now he's one of the older 'guys' (at 13!-cracks me up but there is a huge group of 11 yr olds) and needs to set an example for them.

I hope you find a solution soon. Scouting is worth the efforts you will make.

[laurad1125]

To me, knowing when to leave a toxic situation (relationship, job, group) is just as important as learning to stick it out in a difficult situation. He's already identified this as not meeting the definition of a "good troop." Is the "good troop" definition one you both believe in? If so, I would find one.

 

BTW - We changed Cub Scout packs mid year this year because similar reasons. We couldn't be happier. It makes all the difference to be with a group of scouts that approach things in a similar way.

[ciyates]

At the meeting (my DS was not in the room) we pointed out some of the problems with the other kids behavior that lead to DS misbehaving as well.

We were not trying to take the blame off of DS but did point out that our DS is held to one standard and the other kids to another.

Our Scoutmaster is a wonderful guy but won't stand up to anyone. A parent was so made that her DS was not elect for OA and my son was that she emailed me several times about it. I went to the tap out ceremony and her DS sulked and pouted the entire time.

 

If we changed troops how do we tell what they are like?

 

Carrie

[laurad1125]

When we changed packs, we talked to people in the pack. We also went to a couple of events before we decided to change. We had some candid conversations with people in the new pack. We also talked to people at the district level. It wasn't easy but we're really, really glad we did.