Well, my 9 year old knows about birth control now.

[NanceXToo]

Would I have necessarily had a conversation about birth control with my 9 year old? No. I had figured that for now it was enough that we'd had the talk about periods and about where babies come from. I didn't figure we'd have to go any further than that for a little while yet.

 

But since a boy her age who lives nearby in the neighborhood informed her that Silly Bandz are made from "used condoms" and then proceeded to tell her what a condom is and what it is used for, and she then came to check with me about whether Silly Bandz are really made out of used condoms, we had to talk.

 

Alexa: "Are Silly Bandz made out of used condoms?"

 

Me: "Uh... No! Do you even know what a condom IS?"

 

Alexa: "Yes."

 

Me: "What is it?"

 

Alexa: "it's something a man puts...somewhere...on one of his body parts...giggle, smile....you know..."

 

Me: "his penis."

 

Alexa: "Yes. So a woman doesn't have a baby."

 

Me: "Right. It's called 'birth control.' There are different things men and women can do to make sure that they don't have a baby when they aren't ready to. A condom is one way. A woman can take birth control pills. There are different ways, so they don't end up having a baby when they didn't want to."

 

Alexa: "Well, I'm just going to be surprised about when I have a baby!"

 

Me: "Yeah, well, if you decide to just be 'surprised' every time, you might have 15 or 20 kids."

 

Someone pass me a Vodka and OJ and reassure me that I didn't totally botch the job haha.

 

Oh, and if you see a kid named Chris riding his bike around my town, please give him a smack in the back of the head for me and tell him to stop talking to my daughter about condoms.

 

Thank you.

[Remudamom]

I think you did good! I'd a been running out the door with a bb gun!

[Impish]

I think you did good! I'd a been running out the door with a bb gun!

:iagree: And I don't even want to consider what Wolf would do :glare:

[LaxMom]

OK, I'm kind of laughing because on the one hand, I was the kid with the, um, "open" parents who were so annoying about discussing such intimate issues I once asked my mother if it would be ok if I just learned them in the street like all the other kids.

 

On the other, I think I might be having a Very Frank Discussion with the parents of the kid down the street so they can clear up their son's misconceptions - about Silly Bands AND appropriate topics of discussion.

 

I think you did a great job of informing without over-explaining.

[Pegasus]

You get TWO thumbs up, IMHO. The first is for doing a great job answering your DDs questions openly and honestly. The second is for having a great relationship with her so that she felt comfortable coming to you to ask in the first place.

 

Pegasus

[coffeefreak]

You did Awesome Mom! :thumbup1:

 

Now go let his parents know what he said and that you think they need to have a talk with him :glare:

[Starr]

I'll never look at a silly bandz and not think about this post! :lol:

[wy_kid_wrangler04]

I think you did good! I'd a been running out the door with a bb gun!

 

:iagree: And I don't even want to consider what Wolf would do :glare:

(replace wolf with my dh)

 

Now go let his parents know what he said and that you think they need to have a talk with him :glare:

 

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree: with all the above!!!

[Jen in PA]

I'll never look at a silly bandz and not think about this post! :lol:

 

:iagree:

 

I am so not prepared for that conversation -- I think you did a great job handling it!

[lollie010]

I'll never look at a silly bandz and not think about this post! :lol:

 

Yep, done with silly bandz. I want them all out of the house now. LOL

[Barb_]

Sounds like you hit the right note. Nice job :cheers2:

 

Barb

[NanceXToo]

Thanks all lol. I guess by default this also covers the whole "people have sex for fun, not just for making babies" concept huh? Not sure if she actually made that connection, but there it was!

 

As for the boy- he doesn't live ON my street, I just know he's somewhere nearby because he rides his bike over here all the time to play with the kids on our block.

 

I don't know his last name, his phone number, his address, or his parents.

 

However, I talked to my husband last night, and we agreed that the next time one of us saw the kid, we'd say something to him.

 

It would be in a gentle tone, nothing angry. We would say something like:

 

"Hey, Chris, listen, Buddy. Just so you know, Silly Bandz are NOT made from condoms. That's just some silly rumor some kids started and other kids keep passing around. If you ever hear anything that sounds a little weird or gross to you, that you're not sure if it is really true, you're better off asking your mom and dad about it before you tell it to anyone else.

 

Also, listen. Alexa's only nine (he's 10), and some conversations are not appropriate for her. If you're going to be hanging out with her, we need you to keep the language clean around her and not talk to her about things that might not be considered appropriate. Such as condoms. Okay?"

 

....sound okay?

 

I want to get my point across to him without sounding mean, embarrassing my daughter, or saying anything to him that I wouldn't want another parent saying to my child without me being involved in the conversation etc.

[coffeefreak]

Thanks all lol. I guess by default this also covers the whole "people have sex for fun, not just for making babies" concept huh? Not sure if she actually made that connection, but there it was!

 

As for the boy- he doesn't live ON my street, I just know he's somewhere nearby because he rides his bike over here all the time to play with the kids on our block.

 

I don't know his last name, his phone number, his address, or his parents.

 

However, I talked to my husband last night, and we agreed that the next time one of us saw the kid, we'd say something to him.

 

It would be in a gentle tone, nothing angry. We would say something like:

 

"Hey, Chris, listen, Buddy. Just so you know, Silly Bandz are NOT made from condoms. That's just some silly rumor some kids started and other kids keep passing around. If you ever hear anything that sounds a little weird or gross to you, that you're not sure if it is really true, you're better off asking your mom and dad about it before you tell it to anyone else.

 

Also, listen. Alexa's only nine (he's 10), and some conversations are not appropriate for her. If you're going to be hanging out with her, we need you to keep the language clean around her and not talk to her about things that might not be considered appropriate. Such as condoms. Okay?"

 

....sound okay?

 

I want to get my point across to him without sounding mean, embarrassing my daughter, or saying anything to him that I wouldn't want another parent saying to my child without me being involved in the conversation etc.

 

It sounds good to me! It's hard when you don't know the parents, but the reality is, we aren't going to know them all anymore, are we? My dd went to VBS with a friend last week. A girl came up to her and told her to close her legs. When dd asked why, the other girl said, "Because it's gross!" So, when my poor confused dd asked me later why that girl would say something like that and why she was so mean, I just had to say, "Because someone else has treated her that way. Ignore what she said, you did nothing wrong and it was a stupid thing to say. She simply wanted someone to pick on." I am actually sad for that girl, but we don't know who she is, we can't talk to her or her parents, all we can do is pray for her.

 

 

You're doing the right thing!

Blessings!

Dorinda

[Parrothead]

Thanks all lol. I guess by default this also covers the whole "people have sex for fun, not just for making babies" concept huh? Not sure if she actually made that connection, but there it was!

 

As for the boy- he doesn't live ON my street, I just know he's somewhere nearby because he rides his bike over here all the time to play with the kids on our block.

 

I don't know his last name, his phone number, his address, or his parents.

 

However, I talked to my husband last night, and we agreed that the next time one of us saw the kid, we'd say something to him.

 

It would be in a gentle tone, nothing angry. We would say something like:

 

"Hey, Chris, listen, Buddy. Just so you know, Silly Bandz are NOT made from condoms. That's just some silly rumor some kids started and other kids keep passing around. If you ever hear anything that sounds a little weird or gross to you, that you're not sure if it is really true, you're better off asking your mom and dad about it before you tell it to anyone else.

 

Also, listen. Alexa's only nine (he's 10), and some conversations are not appropriate for her. If you're going to be hanging out with her, we need you to keep the language clean around her and not talk to her about things that might not be considered appropriate. Such as condoms. Okay?"

 

....sound okay?

 

I want to get my point across to him without sounding mean, embarrassing my daughter, or saying anything to him that I wouldn't want another parent saying to my child without me being involved in the conversation etc.

Then don't say anything to him at all. This kid is a shocker. He liked shock value of used condoms=silly bandz. He could conceivable go home and tell his mom that some lady on ZZZ street (I was gonna use X :lol:) is talking to him about condoms. Well, here comes an angry mother pounding on your door.

 

Or he will forever tease your dd, and get the other kids to tease her too.

 

Or both.

 

This kids knows these things are not made from used condoms. Talking to him will only make things worse. Either have him show you where he lives so you can talk directly to the mother (which will be his word against your dd's) or ignore him.

[duckens]

"Hey, Chris, listen, Buddy. Just so you know, Silly Bandz are NOT made from condoms. That's just some silly rumor some kids started and other kids keep passing around. If you ever hear anything that sounds a little weird or gross to you, that you're not sure if it is really true, you're better off asking your mom and dad about it before you tell it to anyone else.

 

Also, listen. Alexa's only nine (he's 10), and some conversations are not appropriate for her. If you're going to be hanging out with her, we need you to keep the language clean around her and not talk to her about things that might not be considered appropriate. Such as condoms. Okay?"

And then I would add, "Because I would really hate to have to talk to your folks about this...."

 

In the last couple of years, I have had three experiences of ADULTS modifying their behavior when I mention casually that telephoning their parents/in-laws will be then next step (when it comes to debt collection).

 

Clarification: I don't telephone the parents to shake them down for money; just to ask for an alternative way to reach their adult child who either hangs up on me when I ask for a payment plan of $10/week or replies with anger, swearing, and threats to call the cops on me for calling once every 2-3weeks during normal business hours to arrange said payment plan.

 

I don't even have to know the parents or have their names and phone numbers handy. Just the threat brings prompt (if partial) payment to me and much more politeness.

 

My point is that people behave a certain way if they think they can get away with it. If they know others are watching, they will modify their behavior.

[texasmama]

I think you handled the situation very well.:grouphug:

[NanceXToo]

Well, as an update, we saw Chris today for the first time since this came up.

 

My husband handled it. He walked up to him on the sidewalk (he was right near our house anyway) and very gently and in a friendly (not angry or mean or anything) manner, said something like:

 

"Hey, Buddy, I need you to do me a favor- when you're hanging out with Alexa, I just need you to think about what you're saying to her, before you say it...some conversations, like about condoms, are not appropriate for her, okay? And that whole thing about the silly bands being made from condoms- that's not even true."

 

The kid interjected "Oh, my sister told me about that!"

 

And my husband said, "Well, if you hear something like that, that sounds a little silly or gross or weird to you, you should ask your parents about it before you tell it to other kids. It isn't true. Anyway, that was all I wanted to say, we'll see you later okay?"

 

The kid said "ok" and that was that!

[Guest]

Well, as an update, we saw Chris today for the first time since this came up.

 

My husband handled it. He walked up to him on the sidewalk (he was right near our house anyway) and very gently and in a friendly (not angry or mean or anything) manner, said something like:

 

"Hey, Buddy, I need you to do me a favor- when you're hanging out with Alexa, I just need you to think about what you're saying to her, before you say it...some conversations, like about condoms, are not appropriate for her, okay? And that whole thing about the silly bands being made from condoms- that's not even true."

 

The kid interjected "Oh, my sister told me about that!"

 

And my husband said, "Well, if you hear something like that, that sounds a little silly or gross or weird to you, you should ask your parents about it before you tell it to other kids. It isn't true. Anyway, that was all I wanted to say, we'll see you later okay?"

 

The kid said "ok" and that was that!

 

I think it was handled very well!

[Crimson Wife]

There are different things men and women can do to make sure that they don't have a baby when they aren't ready to. A condom is one way. A woman can take birth control pills. There are different ways, so they don't end up having a baby when they didn't want to.

 

I would strongly encourage you to clarify to your DD that contraceptives only reduce the risk of pregnancy and that 50% of all unplanned pregnancies are the result of contraceptive failure. You don't want her getting a false sense of security about contraceptives. Far too many teen girls wind up pregnant when they think they're being "safe".

 

A good analogy is wearing a motorcycle helmet. Wearing a helmet when riding a motorcycle reduces but does not eliminate the chance of serious injury or death. The biker still has to ride responsibly and avoid things like speeding, weaving in & out of traffic, riding drunk, etc.

[mama23]

Oh wow, I don't know what I would do to that little punk if he said something like that to my DD. All I can say is, he better run and run fast!!!

[dirty ethel rackham]

Wow! He handled that perfectly. I wish I had a little voice in my head that would give me the perfect things to say in instances like that:).

[ereks mom]

And I'm also wondering why he would want to share this type of information with your dd. His parents (or whoever gave him the info) should have also taught him that this isn't something you just go around talking about. Sheesh! :glare: