Prairie~Phlox Posted July 31, 2010 Share Posted July 31, 2010 (edited) deleting Edited August 1, 2010 by Prairie~Phlox Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PollyOR Posted July 31, 2010 Share Posted July 31, 2010 No. The husband sounds depressed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoughCollie Posted July 31, 2010 Share Posted July 31, 2010 (edited) Their house will be foreclosed upon, and if they have no long-term ability to continue paying the mortgage, it would be a waste of their meager resources for them to do so. They need to forget about paying for anything extra, including internet service, and focus on what they are going to do when living in a cardboard box time arrives. The church ought to find jobs for the guy to do for pay. Could he work as a janitor or a handyman? It would give him some self respect, which a handout would not do. What can he do? I wouldn't be surprised if he is depressed. Someone need to light a fire under his butt to get him going. Surely his wife has tried, but it should be someone who has no dog in the hunt. Is he a lazy bum who thinks the world owes him a living, and who is a taker who has no sense of personal responsibility and duty to his family? Edited July 31, 2010 by RoughCollie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Prairie~Phlox Posted July 31, 2010 Author Share Posted July 31, 2010 (edited) Their house will be foreclosed upon. They need to forget about paying for anything extra and focus on what they are going to do when living in a cardboard box time arrives. deleting Edited August 1, 2010 by Prairie~Phlox Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrs.m Posted July 31, 2010 Share Posted July 31, 2010 I can say, sure, that's exactly what I would do in that situation. But when it comes to actually being in the middle of that same stresful situation, I'm not exactly sure what I would do. It's hard to find a job these days and what we are seeing from the outside may not be the entire story. (agreeing with the depression idea too!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
littlebug42 Posted July 31, 2010 Share Posted July 31, 2010 I have to have my internet to work so I would have to keep it but I don't know what I would do in that situation. When they are that far behind, whatever they pay for internet would not be terribly helpful so I could see them trying to keep things as normal as possible for the kids with their schooling. It is really hard to make such a call unless you are in their shoes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoughCollie Posted July 31, 2010 Share Posted July 31, 2010 (edited) They are trying to work with the mortgage company, but I have no idea how they can afford to pay anything. Mortgage lenders are super about taking late payments and leading people to think the lender will work with them. Once the turnip is squeezed dry, the house is foreclosed upon and the mortgagee has no money left to move to a new place because they paid it all to the lender. I have heard of this happening to lots of people. The mortgage company usually has a good reason for not helping, but those reasons were highly foreseeable by the lender and the debtor. Usually the debtor is out of work or doesn't make enough money to be able to pay a mortgage even if the amount has been adjusted to make it affordable. The lender plays footsie with the debtor only because it wants to squeeze the last possible dime out of him. Desperate debtors are sometimes suckers for this ploy, and I think the lenders' behavior is deplorable, but what I think doesn't matter. I am a big believer in laying the truth cards out on the table and going from there -- scrupulous honesty is important on both sides. Edited July 31, 2010 by RoughCollie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoughCollie Posted July 31, 2010 Share Posted July 31, 2010 I can say, sure, that's exactly what I would do in that situation. But when it comes to actually being in the middle of that same stresful situation, I'm not exactly sure what I would do. I see your point. I would rather take the scarce resources and use them to keep my kids' lives as "normal" as possible, and have the adults do without instead, unless it was foreseeable that we would end up living a cardboard box under a bridge somewhere. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShutterBug Posted July 31, 2010 Share Posted July 31, 2010 Personally, I need the internet for work, but if I didn't and was in this situation not only would the internet (and cable) connection be shut off I'd also sell the computer, TV, gaming systems and anything else in the home that I could liquidate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
6packofun Posted July 31, 2010 Share Posted July 31, 2010 (edited) That's tough because the internet IS useful for school, finding employment opportunities, etc. If the dh is depressed or unable/unwilling to get work, are they on food stamps? If they don't qualify for that, I'd get rid of the internet. If they DO, and can really truly make use of the internet for school and to help their situation (even for MOM to stay sane, IMO!) than it's worth it. It's really difficult to make a judgment without knowing their expenses, income and what is really being spent, kwim? Edited July 31, 2010 by 6packofun ./. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renee in NC Posted July 31, 2010 Share Posted July 31, 2010 (edited) Are they paying the internet themselves? If he has no job and they have no income, how are they keeping it on anyway? My Dad was paying for our internet. Recently, because of an increase in his already high medical expenses, he wasn't going to be able to do so anymore. We were having it turned off until my FIL offered to pick it up. That $38 a month is our only luxury, but it would go (and has gone) in the past. ETA: I would be careful about judging. It's very easy to be on the outside looking in - think of Job's friends. Things are not always what they seem. I can't imagine why she *wouldn't* stay with him - for richer and poorer, in good times and bad, etc. Edited July 31, 2010 by Renee in FL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MotherGoose Posted July 31, 2010 Share Posted July 31, 2010 No. I've known of people like this too. He needs to sell the Xbox, cut off the cell phone & internet ,and sell anything else not tied down. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoughCollie Posted July 31, 2010 Share Posted July 31, 2010 (edited) Things are not always what they seem. I can't imagine why she *wouldn't* stay with him - for richer and poorer, in good times and bad, etc. I can't imagine that either. You would not believe how many "friends" advised me to divorce my husband, starting when our financial hardships arose and became evident. They did this out of the blue - free advice worth exactly what I paid for it. The one who hammered on the theme the most has since left her husband and children for greener pastures (so she can make lots of money and not have to share it; another man is not involved), so I think she was projecting her feelings onto me. She was my best friend for 20 years, but is no longer in the picture. Edited July 31, 2010 by RoughCollie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted July 31, 2010 Share Posted July 31, 2010 I can't imagine that either. You would not believe how many "friends" advised me to divorce my husband, starting when our financial hardships arose and became evident. They did this out of the blue - free advice worth exactly what I paid for it. The one who hammered on the theme the most has since left her husband and children for greener pastures (so she can make lots of money and not have to share it; another man is not involved), so I think she was projecting her feelings onto me. She was my best friend for 20 years, but is no longer in the picture. Boy do I know this one! When I went to work, my dh was at home full time. We'd made the decision TOGETHER, that I'd go to work, and he'd come home and start a business, something he always dreamed of. Since I was homeschooling Diva, it meant that I was able to work afternoon shifts (3-11) and the occasional overnight on top of it...If I hadn't been homeschooling, it would have been impossible, since I wouldn't want to miss all of Diva's at home time, but since we were, it meant that I missed 4 hrs of the kids (bedtime was 7-8 pm). I had so many unsolicited comments about how it was Wolf's job to take care of us, that he was the man, he should be working, not at home, etc. I never understood how its ok for ME to be at home without comment, but for him to be its completely wrong. There have been times since I was injured that Worker's Comp demanded me to be in a full time day rehab program (unsuccessful) that meant Wolf was at home, taking time off/lay off work to be with our children, since we'd made the decision before having Tazzie that one of us would always be home with the kids, no daycare. We took huge heat for that as well...Worker's Comp would pay a stranger to mind the kids, but not Wolf. I still don't understand that mind set... You never know what happens in someone else's marriage. To speculate is simple gossip. I'd be hurt and furious if I found a 'friend' posted on a forum about my marriage and financial situation/decisions. It would be the last that the 'friend' ever heard from me...and I'd be running from the church too, if that's where the information was trickling from. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Prairie~Phlox Posted July 31, 2010 Author Share Posted July 31, 2010 (edited) deleting Edited August 1, 2010 by Prairie~Phlox Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrs.m Posted July 31, 2010 Share Posted July 31, 2010 How much have you discussed how you are feeling with her? What we would hypothetically do in this situation doesn't really matter. She's the one living through it right here and now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoughCollie Posted July 31, 2010 Share Posted July 31, 2010 Ok, so if you didn't have food for your children, had dental problems that you couldn't pay for and your husband had no desire to earn an income, you would just sit by and watch it all go down the drain? Can she get a job and make enough money (realistically) to support herself and the kids? What is the situation from the guy's point of view, do you know? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted July 31, 2010 Share Posted July 31, 2010 so I might, depending on the situation. My son is looking for a job. Even really common, minimum wages jobs have asked him to do online applications. So I guess I might, if that were a factor. Plus, really, the price of internet is incredibly cheap for what you get, if you are using it to educate children. But the job thing is scary. If his health is bad or he otherwise seems like employment isn't happening, I wonder if she needs to think long term about a career for herself? What a tough position. Her stress level must be out the roof. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Prairie~Phlox Posted August 1, 2010 Author Share Posted August 1, 2010 deleting Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted August 1, 2010 Share Posted August 1, 2010 I missed the thread before the delete, but I can, I think add a face to a similar situation. DH was unemployed Dec until 2 weeks ago. I was working, although a significant percent of my income disappears in the summer. Child support, which on paper is finally up from $400 a month, is very behind. Over the past 3-4 years, we've had various utilities cut-off. They then get elevated in terms of priority. :lol::001_huh: Our internet, land line and basic cable are "bundled" and under contract. We've had foreclosure papers pending for......many months. We've been in the process of a loan modification. That modification, which was supposed to take 90 days, has been pending since JANUARY. I've made a mortgage payment every month during that, but the processing and paperwork is bizarre. It was approved and I signed the papers and returned them in their pre-paid envelope and they lost them and issued foreclosure! Luckily, the tracking number showed the papers were, indeed, returned in May. :confused: The foreclosure is supposedly stayed and they told me not to make July's payment until I hear from them. My point isn't really to disclose too much personal info but to say that things can absolutely be complicated behind the scenes and be very different than they appear. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.