For those of you who have lots of young ones, a husband who travels and high hopes:

[yellowperch]

How do you do it?

 

I'm weeks away from my first full school year hsing. We started in April when db slept more and was content to nurse and be held. It was a gorgeous spring in NE and our little HS experiment went okay. But now the reality of my situation is settling in.

 

I know others have walked this road before.

 

So, if you aspire to a rigorous program for your three oldest (1, 3, and 5th grade), have younger children who are busy, busy, busy and also need lots of love and affection and attention; have a husband who travels not for days but for weeks and months at a time; family a drive (90 minutes) away (but who are older and while have willing spirits and great intentions can't really be factored into the equation); some money for a bit of help (cleaning or tutoring or babysitting?) but not much so must use it wisely and for greatest effect; are just starting out; and like a neat orderly home and a tiny bit of quiet time and time for personal fitness here is my question:

 

How do you do it?

 

Do you streamline your home so that everyone has one toy (I'm tempted)?eat chicken, rice and brocolli every night to keep life simple? Sleep 4 hours a night? Spend your last dimes on help to get everything done? Clone yourselves?

 

I feel like I can handle the school stuff and enjoy it if I also didn't have a house to run solo.

 

Really, how do you do it? And how happy are you? How effective?

 

TIA, hugely

[tiffany k]

One day at a time.

 

Isn't that all we can do?

 

It's good you have some money available to make things smoother. I don't want a housekeeper and I can't find a sitter willing to take on five kids, but I treat myself to great hair and nice clothes and that helps make me feel human and I want to get out and interact with others, which is very important (to me) when I'm in the thick of it.

 

Does it help to know that you aren't alone?:001_smile:

[G5052]

I've always had to carry the full load of housework, a large yard, homeschooling, and a part-time professional career because DH is disabled and has to spend sometimes days at a time in bed because of medical problems. We don't have family near by and are perpetually cash-poor, so I've just made do. It's actually harder in some ways now with teens because I do all of the driving and their schoolwork is much harder for me to keep up with.

 

Bottom line is that you have to be an organizational whiz to pull it off somewhat well, but you'll never do it all perfectly. If you feel sorry for yourself or look at how easy other people have it, it will pull you down. We are not the picture of a homeschooling family that I had hoped for 10 years ago when we started, but it works.

 

I have a friend who is a single parent and manages far more on far less income while working extremely hard, so I think of her when I hate being the one almost always in charge.

[yellowperch]

It really does help to now I am not alone! I hope I don't sound whiney. I am just trying to be realistic and gather wisdom, insight and practical how-tos.

[Catherine]

I have a homeschooling friend who is a single parent to three, who must support the four of them and teach all three kids and basically do everything that must be done. So I always think of her when I'm tempted to feel sorry for myself.

 

I only have four kids so I'm not in your situation, though dh is pretty unavailable, and I work on the weekends. Accept that perfection is out of the question. Prioritize. I decided that this year, I was not going to sacrifice my sanity again (last year was *tough*). I hired someone to clean every two weeks, I am finding music teachers who will come here or who live very close by, I am hiring out chemistry lab for my eighth grader. I clean quickly and superficially, declutter relentlessly, and am accepting that my eldest may not have his choice of colleges, because some of our $$ needs to support my efforts here at home, as opposed to going into his college fund. I am saying no to some driving-intensive activities and finding carpool partners for those that we keep. I set up a small room for myself in which no kids with food or drinks are allowed, and no interruption of mom is allowed unless it's a dire emergency. That kind of thing.

 

Best wishes!

[elfgivas]

schedules and routines are our friends : ).

 

i read at breakfast, one of the FIAR books or whatever was going at the time.

then we had chore time and outdoor time. the olders each had a little one to be their chore buddy. then we all went outside.... the olders exercised or played while i was with the littles.

 

then we went in and started our academic day. we would start with the preschool theme of the week, songs and fingerplays with the littles and whichever of the the olders wanted to. then, i would start academics with the olders, with one of them doing more theme of the week actitivites with the littles.

 

then i'd open the littles "school box".... it would be sequencing cards or lacing or making animals out of pattern blocks...

 

then i'd get the older who'd been with them started. then, the littles would play while the olders did academics (having had mommy time to start, they were more contented to play on their own). i closed doors or used baby gates to keep them in the same space as i was.

 

we include music practice as school, and used the internet for math games, so one or more of the olders would do that while i worked with their siblings more closely. half time, everyone switch.

 

then at 10 am, it was "recess" or coffee break. i got to be by myself while they watched an educational half hour dvd.... magic school bus or signing time or ???? (something appropriate for as many ages as possible).

 

then at 10:30, i would start the olders on book work again, while the littles curled up in bed with me and read the Before five in a row book for the week, and then did an activity to go with it. three ring circus until lunch time.

 

after lunch, everyone napped or had happy horizontal hour (individual reading time in their beds). then the olders started in again, and the littles woke up as they did. by that point in the day, the olders should have finished all the one on one work they need my help with. we would listen to one episode of story of the world on cd, and do an activity from it (some days) all together. we would listen to a foreign language cd/dvd and practice all together.

 

then it was free time/outdoor time/activity time until dinner. after dinner, it is free time unless dh is at home, in which case we do something of his choosing as a family.

 

largefamilylogistics.com was a real help to us as we tried to sort it all out....

 

you can do this! i started by focusing on the pre breakfast and breakfast time and weaving it until it worked, then moving on to the morning and lunch time. we start the school year gradually each year, so we can figure out how to make each thing work. by the end of the second week we are up and running (most years ; ).

 

have fun,

ann

 

eta: the morning coffee break and after lunch hour helped keep me sane while single parenting when dh is away (which for us is about 50% of the time).... it may be more important for the success of the enterprise than any other single thing.

[MomsintheGarden]

I have been there! Dh has traveled a lot over the years, usually for a week or two at a time. We have seven children. The major problem for me when dh travels is that something big often breaks when he's away (sigh).

 

Here are some ways I that have helped me cope:

 

- Lower your standards somewhat. (yes, this kills me, too) Keep a priority list of what's absolutely necessary to keep you happy and get the children to help you do it.

 

- When Dad is not home, keep meals simple (healthy, but simple!).

 

- Teach the children to do chores during the summer. This is a lot of work but you must do it. Buy small-sized rubber gloves and lots of cleaning wipes.

For example:

A 4yo can pick up his toys AND the baby's toys. If he can't pick them all up, he has too many available. He can also help set the table, fold washcloths, wipe down the sink/baseboards/bathroom floors/small spots on the kitchen floors with a wet washcloth or wrung-out cleaning wipe.

An 8yo can unload and load the dishwasher, scrub simple dishes, dust, vacuum, fold towels and underwear, take out the trash, and on and on.

A 10yo can cook simple meals, mop floors, clean toilets and sinks, and many other things.

All of your children can entertain the baby for a short time (4yo right near you) while you do lessons.

You get the picture. You cannot do this alone and your children need to work with you to clean.

 

- About lessons: Your 8 and 10yos can do much by themselves. If they cannot, that needs to be your priority for this year. I spend a lot of time one-on-one at that age, but do as much as they can by themselves.

 

That's all I can think of right now!

 

Best Wishes,

GardenMom

[mrs.m]

I don't have the baby factor in my situation and I have less children. My DH travels Sun or Mon and returns on Thurs. Every week!!! The advantage is we can go with him and sometimes do! I just pack up the books and we do school in his apartment or hotel.

 

The biggest thing is to get help! Find someone you trust to babysit if necessary. I'm often in a situation where I have two kids that have to be in two different places. ack! Fortunately, I have parents in town who help out and will run kids to ball games and other events. But I can't rely on them every evening. They are my kids, after all! ;) A sitter comes in handy when I feel like they are being used too often. Maybe someone from your homeschool group can put you in contact with a responsible teen that could use some extra cash?

 

And I hired a housekeeper and someone to help with the yard. Don't feel guilty about it, just do it. It will save you some sanity! I can't afford weekly but every-other-week gives me a break on cleaning the floors and the bathroom. It gets to be too much on myself and the children.

 

And find some friends that are encouraging and not downers about your situation. I had a group that seemed to think that I should be angry with my husband for traveling. I didn't need that attitude finding it's way to my heart. He's doing what he has to support us and he gives us a lot of time when he is home. So, I don't hang out with them as much as I used to and have found some other mom's that have a similar situation.

 

And I learned to let go of the idea of having a perfectly clean house. Some days we are here all day and living in our house. Every now and then, I'm too tired to fold the laundry or get the dishes from the sink to the dishwasher. I do enlist the kids but I see them wearing down too. So give yourself permission to take a break when you feel like it is all spinning out of control.

 

And one more thing, I figured out last year that I lose my mind every 7 weeks. I get tired of everything and just need some down time. So for school I scheduled a 6 on, 1 off schedule so I have that break. DH tries to be home that week too. Look at your patterns and see if you can work around those! It took me almost 2 years to figure that out.

Edited July 31, 2010 by jannylynn

[MotherGoose]

You all amaze me! Especially those with large families. I seem to struggle enough getting about with only 2 children (dd4 and dd 16 months). I manage, and I don't want to complain at all. Seeing your plans and success gives me hope. I just have to ask: when do you go to the grocery store, Wal-Mart, whatever? I cannot imagine dragging 5 children along, although I see folks doing it. They are better than me :)

[Pretty in Pink]

Hmmm. Well, I do step up the academics in 5th grade, but before that I am more relaxed than some, more rigorous than others. I guess that's true of each grade level though.

 

How do I do it? I have four kids, three still fairly young ones, my dh is military, I'm a student as well. I'll be honest. My laundry piles up (though I'm certain this actually creates more work than it avoids). I usually make one meal per day that requires effort (during the week it's usually lunch). We do sandwiches/leftovers/burritos/etc. for supper a lot. I don't bake. All snacks are pretty much grab-and-go (popcorn, fruit, veggie, nuts, string cheese...)

 

I don't make beds.

 

I am more productive under pressure I suppose. I get more done when I have lots to do.

 

My kids do chores. They pretty much do most of the kitchen chores daily (I mop as needed and do some tidying while I cook). They do their own room and bathroom. They care for the animals. They take out the trash. They can vacuum, dust, sort laundry, etc. when asked.

 

I operate a 'Chore Treasure Chest'. My kids bank points for chores completed and cash in on Fridays. Seriously, they sometimes beg for extra chores when they are saving points for a cool item in the treasure chest.

 

I buy all of my groceries/cleaning supplies/diapers/etc. at the same store on the same day each week. Yes, I take all of my kids along. I bribe them for good behavior with the promise of a chocolate bar when we reach the checkout! They split one Hershey bar four ways but it's like striking gold to them! LOL

 

I don't have any hired help (well, we do have a lawn service but that is because we are renters...when we were homeowners I did all of the lawn maintance as well, weekly). If you need help and can afford it then do it and don't feel bad. There are some weeks that I just want to take all of my laundry to the laundromat and pay them to wash/dry/fold it for me.

 

I do think it's very important to maintain yourself. Don't neglect your physical fitness. We have a Y membership and they have childcare at certain times of the day, so I can exercise 5 days a week and I never have to worry about finding a sitter to do so. Since we're there anyway I often take the kids for a dip in the pool afterwards. The days I miss this I can tell that it really affects my mood.

[yellowperch]

Just bumping this up to see if there are more replies. Again, I really appreciate any advice, suggestions, practical "this is how I did it" tips, words of wisdom to keep in mind.

 

I have a lot to learn!