Belongings left around the house:Help!

[Miss Peregrine]

This has been an ongoing problem for years. I have been patient and reasonable and understanding. Now I am done.

 

I have heard moms say they throw away belongings that are left out. I don't think I could throw away something really valuable. But it's reeeeeaaaaly tempting.

 

What about just picking the left items up and putting them in a basket and they lose them for ? long. Have to pay to get them back? I don't know.

 

Yes, a regular clean up time happens. I don't stand there and watch. I come back to the room and half the stuff is still there.:banghead: while they have run off. This makes me yell.

 

I get tired of calling them back all the time. Besides, at their ages(14, 12, 10, and 7) I think they should have gotten it by now. Okay, the 2 youngest might need more time, but the olders, I'm done.

 

Ok, so I need some non-punishing, relevant and respectful ideas to deal with this.

[Dana]

I might give one final warning, then box/bag up everything that's out. If they start looking for their things, you might let them go through the bag at that point. If it continues (you picking up their stuff), then you stop letting them go through the bag until some pre-arranged point (like on the weekend or on a certain day of the month).

[dirty ethel rackham]

I have a friend who puts things in "jail." Her jail is an empty fish tank - so the items are very easily seen. The kids have to do chores above and beyond their usual jobs to "bail" them out of jail. She gives them a 2-day warning as to when things get throwno out and then ... she does it. It has helped the clutter monster in her house. I think I need to do this. However, these days, most of their clutter has been school work and they really don't care if that gets tossed:(.

[JVA]

We've tried the 'jail' thing. It worked pretty well. If they wanted them out of jail, they had to pay me 25 cents per item. I'd probably 'up' that now to 50 cents. If they don't want to pay for it, it goes to Salvation Army.

I hate clutter and wanted everything in its 'place'. The hardest thing for us was having a place for everything. Bookshelves, crates, and drawers are my favorite pieces of furniture. Sometimes we found there was just too much 'stuff' and things had to go. I regularly purge and do it when no one is home. My rules are if they haven't used it in a year or so- it goes out the door. I learned the hard way that if they 'helped' me sort/purge, not much was let go. A renewed sense of propriety and interest would suddenly appear and we'd have a difficult discussion about why I thought it should go bye-bye and they didn't. No fun in that!

Our kids knew what the standarda of cleanliness was for the house...it was clearly laid out. Clutter (toys, magazines, guitars, electronic gadgets etc) did NOT belong laying around. They have a place. When it got bad enough, I wouldn't even tell them to tidy-up, I just started collecting things in a bag. Sometimes I would wait until they went to bed. If it was still out, in the bag it went. When they would hunt for things and then come ask me, I would tell them they were in jail and would remain there for a week. THEN, they could 'buy' it back. I didn't really have to do this very many times. They kept their things close and their rooms in a semi-decent state.

Hope these ideas are helpful. They're certainly not original but they really helped my sanity.

[Laura Corin]

I just put everything in a basket, then they have to empty the basket and put everything away each morning. That way the mess doesn't drive me crazy, but they still have to deal with their own stuff.

 

Laura

[justamouse]

when my 15 yo was small I collected it all in a garbage bag and threw it out. After a week I allowed her to go back in and get out the American Girl dolls. I've never had to do it again, she tells the littles and they pick up without lip.

[Parrothead]

We kinda have assigned seating in the living room. When dd has left stuff around, I'll pile it in "her" chair. She has to put the stuff away before she can sit down and watch TV.

[OrganicAnn]

There is a game/competition that specifically works on "stuff" left around the house. It is in the book "Get Your Act Together" by Pam Young and Peggy Smith. If your kids are competitive, it might work well for you.

[Aggie]

I'd tell them today that this is starting this tomorrow.

 

If a dc doesn't respect an item enough to put it away, then off the item goes. Ebay, goodwill, or trash.

 

You do have to be willing to get rid of something(s). But think of it this way...isn't your sanity worth more than their most expensive possession? An ipod can be replaced someday. The hours you've lost to irritation and anger can never be replaced.

[nd293]

The best I've heard was someone who said that anything she picks up must be earned back by a chore - so if she gets the extra work of picking something up, she doesn't have to do another job, e.g. folding laundry. Makes sense to me!

[Food4Thought]

About two weeks ago, I started my own store. Anything I pick up at night goes in the store. The kids have to pay me (5 cents at this point) or do a special chore to buy back one toy. My store is getting very full. Pretty soon, my store will disappear, and the things the kids don't care about will go to Goodwill. It's pretty easy to see what they really care about, because they "buy" them back first thing in the morning. They're also better about picking things up before bedtime when I remind them about the store policy.

[Athome]

I would definitely agree with putting the toys away for a period of time like a "time-out" but don't forget to address the heart issue specifically here as well.

[Rosie_0801]

I bag stuff up and put it in the shed. It's out of my way, and if anyone (meaning dh because the kids are too small to notice) wants their stuff, I send them out to find it. If he wanted to put his stuff away, I daresay he would. The last bag I put out there is still there, minus the one thing he was looking for a few weeks back. I do this so I don't have to bother being cross.

 

Rosie

[tarana]

I bag the toys that does not get picked up at the time of cleanup & hide it in a secret place. I told my twins (8ys) that I threw it out.

After 2 weeks of good behavior (no toys in living room) I got them back. Now the girls are more careful about their belongings.

[Cindy in FL.]

I have a basket that I toss things in as I find them. Once a week I have the boys clean it out and put everything away. They know to look there if they can't find something of theirs. It keeps me from getting upset about the mess.

 

Cindy

[AHASRADA]

I agree with all the great suggestions. As in all training/discipline, the most important aspect is not exactly how you approach solving the problem, but ensuring that it is motivated by a rational desire to teach, not by malice or frustration.

 

As long as kids are given fair warning, plus a few "trial runs" where they can buy back their items with chores, etc. before the items are thrown out, it sounds like a fair and effective learning tool.

 

My only concern with gathering and tossing items in a moment of rage and frustration are the possible emotional effects on the children. Unfortunately, these are the types of actions that can stay with a person for a lifetime if it is remembered as random, unfair and cruel. In watching episodes of the series "Hoarders", one thing many of the hoarders had in common was a trauma as a child where their personal belongings were arbitrarily and forcibly taken from them.

 

Not that any of us would do that to our dc, but it's something to keep in mind when we are at our wits end and are tempted to just throw it all out.

[Miss Peregrine]

Thankyou! I am thinking over all the suggestions and AHASRADA, yes, you are right. I do want them to learn to be orderly and take care of their belongings. I do not want to be spiteful.