WWYD- custody/vacation

[Carrie12345]

My ex and I are pretty flexible when it comes to visitation. If he has something special going on, I do my best to make sure ds is there, and he does the same for me.

 

Right now, we're on an every-other-week school schedule, and ex is unemployed. Ds spent the whole week there last week, and this week at home.

 

Dh is on vacation next week. We're not going away or anything, but we do have some fun planned. Dh is taking the kids fishing, we're going to visit Steamtown, and probably hit the zoo and maybe the science center. Hopefully, the weather will hold up for some decent pool time.

 

Ds says he wants to spend the week with his father. I'm sure his father would be happy to have him, but also willing to go with whatever I say.

 

I'm torn. I don't want ds to resent having to stay, but he's a very moody kid who complains about the differences in our houses. Here, he has chores, school work, general responsibilities, and isn't treated like the little prince he is at his dad's. There, it's fun, 24/7.

 

We're finally going to have some fun, and he's looking to skip out on it. Which would be fine if it weren't for the fact that we're all going to go back to normal (:tongue_smilie:) at the end of the week! He'll come right back to his "boring" routine!

 

I've sort of pointed this out to him, and he's just shrugged it off.

 

Would you make him stay or let him go?

[bettyandbob]

Could ds do just part of the week with your ex. Could you list the activities and ask ds which ones he most likes to participate with the family and schedule those on days early in the week and then send him to your ex.

 

I can understand not wanting him to miss "fun" time at your house. I think giving kids choices can help reduce feelings of resentment. So, maybe a compromise would help.

[Carrie12345]

Could ds do just part of the week with your ex. Could you list the activities and ask ds which ones he most likes to participate with the family and schedule those on days early in the week and then send him to your ex.

 

I can understand not wanting him to miss "fun" time at your house. I think giving kids choices can help reduce feelings of resentment. So, maybe a compromise would help.

 

Hm. You know, that may be *somewhat* workable. I kind of blew that idea off b/c it'd be such a pain to spend nearly 2 hours doing a pick up on "vacation", but we do have dentist appointments scheduled out there on Tuesday (yay, vacation, lol). Maybe if we do the zoo on Monday, since we plan to buy our annual passes anyway...

 

I love how this board is here to point out the obvious to me! :D

[Mom0012]

I would encourage him to participate in vacation time with you. My stepdaughter never wanted to participate in family activities with us and my husband didn't feel he should force her. As she got into her teens, she went on vacation with us less and less. In my opinion, it took away from her being a part of our family and now that she is an adult, she is angry with us that we never did any family activities with her. She doesn't remember the part about not wanting to go with us. I'm not sure how old your son is, but it is very normal for preteens/teens to want to skip out on family activities. In a stepfamily, they are just more likely to have an out (the other parent).

 

I like the idea of doing some fun activities at the beginning of the week and then letting him go to his dad's. Or, would it be possible, if he's spending two weeks with you, to then spend two weeks with his dad? Maybe that would make him more amenable to doing the activities with you.

 

Lisa