Planning on putting my high needs adopted son in ps: give me the pros and cons.

[MistyJ]

We are in the process of adopting a 7yo adhd, ed, speech delayed boy. He is not moved in yet.

 

He is such a needy, non-stop-chatter little fireball, I don't see myself able to homeschool my other children with him in the house. He has had one year on 1/2 day kindergarten in a special ed room.

 

It's getting gummed up because our ps starts 8/9; we had an 8/7 move-in date, but we are slowing down the transition bc we feel we need more support, more coaching, more time for our other dc to adjust. His foster family's ps starts 8/16. They have hs'd during the summer, but feel they need the respite of ps, and want him to start on time.

 

I shudder at the thought of him starting school twice. So I guess I either move him in next week, or I homeschool him when he moves in later. I accept that I am not thinking clearly.:tongue_smilie: This is a stressful time.

 

I should add that there is bipolar in the family, and this little bundle in ps might fulfill the very realistic need for balance.

[Ailaena]

Can they enroll him in your school? That way he can start the year and not have to change schools if you want to keep him there?

 

eta::grouphug: Congrats on your new addition!

[Smithie]

My instinct would be to move that child in on 8/7 and unschool him for a year, with in-home childcare a few hours every day so you could focus on the elders. He's got so much going on (inside his head and out) that the stress of structured schooling seems like something he could skip during his transition into your family.

 

Now, given financial limitations and/or the homeschooling laws in your state, that approach may not be feasible. But if he could have a year at home with you to just be loved and accepted and make a little progress in the three Rs, I think you might reduce the long-term stress.

[Ravin]

Will putting him in school really help? If you would pull him out again when he moves in with you, I don't see how it would ease the transition, it would just be another disruption in his life. If he's the only kid of 3 in school, he may well feel like he isn't entirely part of the family. As a foster kid there are often rules that don't apply to the bio kids. Those will hopefully be minimized or eliminated with adoption.

 

On the other hand, the whole family, not just your new son, have to make a big transition, and if the family as a whole (including DS7) will benefit from him being in school, it may be the way to go.

 

Have you talked to his caseworker, your caseworker, his therapist, and/or his CASA about all this?

[3littlekeets]

Oh wow...that's a big decision, isn't it?

 

I think you can clearly see the pros and cons of each. If the other children are older, and you are worried about him feeling "left out," you can honestly tell him that older children get homeschooled and when he gets a bit older, if it works for him, you can talk to him about it then too, but that Kindy and 1st grade (or longer :tongue_smilie:) go to public school.

 

If he has multiple issues, it may be in your best interest as a family to transition with him in school -- so you can decide if you can teach him down the road rather than making him feel "kicked out," later on.

 

Good luck! My oldest is homeschooled and the two youngers are in ps, and we simply take it on an individual needs basis -- and family resource/interest allocation assessment. At some point, things may change. :grouphug:

[Ottakee]

Can they start him in your school? If needed, could you pick him up for school and bring him home even for a few weeks? I know this is tough but I understand the type of child you are adopting and school might be a very good situation for him as well as give your other kids a respite from him during the day so you can fill up their need for attention as you will be needing to spend a lot of time with him when he is home.

 

Honestly as well, the doctors, therapists, powers that be, etc. will be more willing to advocate for services for post adoption and now if the school is also having the same struggles and it isn't just at home he is having trouble.

 

This is tough but if push comes to shove, you might have to have him switch schools along the way. I would make SURE that you are talking to your local school NOW about his needs, etc. so they can prepare.

[MistyJ]

Can they start him in your school? If needed, could you pick him up for school and bring him home even for a few weeks? I know this is tough but I understand the type of child you are adopting and school might be a very good situation for him as well as give your other kids a respite from him during the day so you can fill up their need for attention as you will be needing to spend a lot of time with him when he is home.

 

 

Our school is too far for the foster parents (and me) to realistically drive each day and keep order in our respective homes. I broached it with the f. dad today, asking if they could homeschool him a bit more and then I'll start him in school here. He didn't like that idea, even though he and his wife have be hs'ing him during the summer. They are really caring, involved people, so I'm not pushing him on this. I think he needs his down time, too.

 

I LOVE the idea of in home care while I school the others. Unfortunately, the system has found a way not to give us his subsidy until the adoption is final, so there isn't money for that now. But I should rethink that later.

 

I 100% agree that this sweet boy should be home with us full-time. In his case, we have been given the green light by CPS to homeschool, using ps for services. My other dc aren't independent enough (or our programs are to teacher intensive) and this sweet boy needs/demands too much attention.

[Ottakee]

I LOVE the idea of in home care while I school the others. Unfortunately, the system has found a way not to give us his subsidy until the adoption is final, so there isn't money for that now.

 

This would be a RED FLAG for me.........esp. if you are waiting up to 1 year to finalized his adoption. The first year of transition is when you will MOST need the services and extra support. Why can't you become licensed as his foster parents and then get his foster care payments/support until the adoption is finalized? That is what we did with all 3 of our children. If you have already been approved for adoption, then getting a foster care license should not take that long.

 

I did send our oldest son to school the first year he was with us. It was not ideal but it also helped with the adjustment of him being here. I think a great deal will depend on your local school and what programs they have to meet his needs. A good teacher/aide and supports can be wonderful for these kids while the wrong teacher/classroom can be terrible.

[Teachin'Mine]

How long do you need before he can move in? If you'd be ready any time before 8/16, that would prevent him having to start school where he'll soon be leaving. He can always start ps a little later in your district. I know it's best to start at the beginning, but it seems better than if he had to go to a new school twice. I think the ps could work out well for a year as your family and he transition. It will also give you the opportunity to get evaluations done at the school district's expense, so you have the information should you choose to bring him home with the rest of your family. Personally, I would think it would be better to bring him home sooner rather than later since your dc will be on summer break and you can all spend some time having fun together.

[Tap]

I would allow him to start in his old school and then transition him to the new school when the time comes. He already attended the other school, so it isn't really new to him. It may bring balance to his day as you have said. When you are ready to bring him home permanently, switch schools then. By then you will have a chance to settle into your school year, and it will be easier for you to focus on him at that time. It will be a lot for you to handle, starting your homeschool year and putting him in school, all at once.

 

I understand you not wanting to switch him mid-year unnecessarily, but if that is what needs to happen, you can deal with it then.

 

I wouldn't create stress, where there doesn't have to be stress. Once he settles in, you can make the decision then.

 

If possible, I would start my homeschool early to allow time to get established and to get ahead on some subjects. That will allow you to have some days that school gets pushed aside or you can do school lite to get you through the day when he gets there.

 

Even having a child in ps doesn't really feel like a break sometimes when you have so many other things on your plate. By the time I deal with dd3s (adopted) issues in the morning, then take her to daycare, homeschool my dd11, and pick dd3 up, I am exhausted. The extra time driving and getting the kids settled takes a huge chunk of my school day. Then finding balance with dd3s therapy appointments (2x week), doctor appointments and such....drastically reduces the number of days we can do a full homeschool day.

 

The first year we had dd3 (came to us at 5mo) dd11 only got about a 1/2 year of homeschool in. Ds15 was in a homeschool hybrid at the time, so he did get his work in, but we didn't do any of our typical field trips and enrichment projects that year. Luckily we were ahead on all of our subjects, so we were able to take advantage of that and know we finished the year on target, but it was also sad to loose all the extra work we had accomplished.

[MistyJ]

How long do you need before he can move in? If you'd be ready any time before 8/16' date=' that would prevent him having to start school where he'll soon be leaving. He can always start ps a little later in your district. I know it's best to start at the beginning, but it seems better than if he had to go to a new school twice. I think the ps could work out well for a year as your family and he transition. It will also give you the opportunity to get evaluations done at the school district's expense, so you have the information should you choose to bring him home with the rest of your family. Personally, I would think it would be better to bring him home sooner rather than later since your dc will be on summer break and you can all spend some time having fun together.[/quote']

 

 

:iagree: I went for a walk ALONE this morning and was able to have big thoughts. If his foster father is adamant he starts school with his district's start date (8/16) then we'll bring him home 8/16. I was thinking I'd give my dc the week off, strong arm husband to take off as many days as he can, and we just play games, eat and cuddle for the week, and start school here late, at the end of August.

 

But then we don't have time to recertify for foster care before he moves in, so we lose the upper hand trying to get a monthly subsidy. (Can I tell you we took the EXACT same training as the foster parents? They were in the same room! We just checked a different box bc we weren't ready to foster 4 years ago.)

 

This forum is amazing. I hope I give as much as I get. :001_wub:

[MistyJ]

I would allow him to start in his old school and then transition him to the new school when the time comes. He already attended the other school, so it isn't really new to him. It may bring balance to his day as you have said. When you are ready to bring him home permanently, switch schools then. By then you will have a chance to settle into your school year, and it will be easier for you to focus on him at that time. It will be a lot for you to handle, starting your homeschool year and putting him in school, all at once.

QUOTE]

 

 

This is a new foster family for him, so the other school is new too.

 

We have been having visits for almost a month...2 overnights. What's the ideal transition period for an older adopted child? His foster parents are excellent, so he doesn't need to "escape" a bad situation.

[Tap]

I would allow him to start in his old school and then transition him to the new school when the time comes. He already attended the other school, so it isn't really new to him. It may bring balance to his day as you have said. When you are ready to bring him home permanently, switch schools then. By then you will have a chance to settle into your school year, and it will be easier for you to focus on him at that time. It will be a lot for you to handle, starting your homeschool year and putting him in school, all at once.

QUOTE]

 

 

This is a new foster family for him, so the other school is new too.

 

When do you think he will be with you permanently?

 

How far away is he from the school in your district?

[MistyJ]

 

When do you think he will be with you permanently?

 

How far away is he from the school in your district?

 

With traffic, it would likely be over a 30 minute drive each way. His foster father has said he's not up for that. I could push, I guess, but I'm trying to avoid being overbearing. They have another foster child to get to school every day.

 

We had scheduled August 7 as the move in date, after only about a month of visits, but we all felt that was rushing it. We also had a colossal setback with his room when we fold mold and had to tear out drywall and carpeting. That may have been God's directive to slow down. Carpeting comes next week.

[Ottakee]

I would still ask on the foster care. In our area, they told us if we had our paperwork for adoption done they could emergency approve us in 24 hours for foster care. I just know the risk/expenses/therapies, etc. that might be invovled here. Also, who is to say that after a year they decide he does NOT qualify for the subsidy since he is doing "so well" without it?

 

Again, this is not about the money but I have seen families in near financial ruin and their families suffering as they didnt' get the subsidy they should have for a child with special needs.

[Dobela]

Congratulations!

 

Coming from an adoptive parent /former foster parent - I vote for putting him in public school at first. One, if he has gone before, he will do fine most likely. Two, transitioning a new child into the family routine can be absolutely exhausting in addition to being completely disruptive. Yes, they are bigger but it is similar to adding a new infant to the mix. We found it was easier to keep some parts of the family routine the same then gradually work in the new child. If this is a high demand child that is a strong contrast to your other children, the transition could be more difficult at first. Believe me, just the time from 3pm-bedtime can be exhausting the first days/weeks. however, it doesn't matter how much training you have or how prepared you think you are - you are never as prepared as you think you are for that child to come in. Plan on a honeymoon period :)

 

In addition, a new school could be a comforting routine to the child you are adopting since most schools I have known have similar expectations and routines. Even if you decide to bring him home later, the school can help with transitions while providing help with emotional needs and provide any other special classes he needs like speech without your having to schedule and drive all over for therapies.

 

I would also take cue from the current foster parents. If they have been homeschooling him all summer and are very tired, then ps could be a good thing at first. It honestly sounds like his emotional needs and his personality are very demanding. It doesn't meant they always will be, but right now they are. Friends of ours have adopted older children with great success - using a combination of homeschooling and public and private schools as needs and circumstances change. How it worked depended on the child. And then the biggest positive changes occurred after the adoption was final - when the child knew it was forever and not moving again.

 

I also agree with Ottakee - if he is in your home, then you should be receiving the subsidy and all that comes with foster parents. If you are not, something is wrong. Is there an attorney ad litem or someone representing the child that can help you with this? In our state the adoption can also be finalized within 6 months ofthe child moving in with the adoptive family. Also, in our state the paperwork trail for adoptionand foster care is the same - but entered into the system computers differently. It may just take an order of change somewhere for you to receive the foster care or other payments. If the child is receiving SSI, that may also be used to pay for outside needs as well even if he is considered a ward of the state. If he isn't, it may be that you need to ask for CPS to apply for it to cover additional needs he may have.

[Tap]

 

With traffic, it would likely be over a 30 minute drive each way. His foster father has said he's not up for that. I could push, I guess, but I'm trying to avoid being overbearing. They have another foster child to get to school every day.

 

We had scheduled August 7 as the move in date, after only about a month of visits, but we all felt that was rushing it. We also had a colossal setback with his room when we fold mold and had to tear out drywall and carpeting. That may have been God's directive to slow down. Carpeting comes next week.

 

What if he would drive him 1/2 way in the morning and you could meet him, and bring him the rest of the way. Then in the evening, you could pick him up from school, spend some time with him at your home, and then drive him again to a half way point. This could potentially be a good opportunity to give you some bonding time with him and could help the transition process. Maybe each car trip, you could have one of your bios go with you to give each child some one on one time with him. Even if I had to do the entire 2 hours each day, I would be inclined to do it, if for no other reason than bonding with him, giving him some time in your home and for you children to adjust to his energy level.

[Teachin'Mine]

:iagree: I went for a walk ALONE this morning and was able to have big thoughts. If his foster father is adamant he starts school with his district's start date (8/16) then we'll bring him home 8/16. I was thinking I'd give my dc the week off, strong arm husband to take off as many days as he can, and we just play games, eat and cuddle for the week, and start school here late, at the end of August.

 

But then we don't have time to recertify for foster care before he moves in, so we lose the upper hand trying to get a monthly subsidy. (Can I tell you we took the EXACT same training as the foster parents? They were in the same room! We just checked a different box bc we weren't ready to foster 4 years ago.)

 

This forum is amazing. I hope I give as much as I get. :001_wub:

 

Misty it sounds like a good plan. :) You might try talking with your case worker and asking if, under the circumstances, they couldn't certify you by the 16th.

 

I agree - this forum is simply amazing!!! :)