Question when your kids have friends over...

[robsiew]

Uggggg... I'm about to explode! :willy_nilly: We really need a head bursting open icon! :001_smile:

 

Okay, so today I have my friend's kids over. 4 of them. Our 4 kids get along great with them... it really is easy to have them here...except for one thing.

 

My middle ds6 does not want to play with the boys his age. All he wants to do is hang out with the two older boys (ages 9 and 10). The older boys just want to play together... they pretty much want to go off and do their "older boy thing".

 

The rest of the kids are happy to play together, except for my 6 year old. He's determined to play with the older boys. I'm not sure how to handle this. Most of me wants to say "just go play with the other 7 kids (of course the neighbor who almost lives here is over too). They are his age and they are happy to play with him. The other part of me wonders if I need to "highly encourage" the older boys to include ds6.

 

I understand my 6 y/o's desire to play with the older boys... I also understand my older child's desire to have someone his age around....

 

Any input?

[Jean in Newcastle]

I would ask the older boys to include him for 1/2 hour - genuinely include him. They will know that they will get time to do "big guy" stuff alone after that time. Then I will ask him to play with those who are his own age for the rest of the time.

[katilac]

Of course, if they include this ds, they have to include all the other littles too, right? ;)

 

I don't allow one child to be excluded from play within a group, but in this situation, where there are plenty kids there in his age range, I woudn't have a problem with the older kids playing on their own. If they have hours of play time available, I might encourage a group game or such at the beginning, but I wouldn't insist on it every time. I would give the older boys permission to request my help if younger ds doesn't listen when they politely ask to be alone. He will still have the choice of playing with a big group of kids.

 

If it were just the older boys and this younger son, I would have so much group time and so much alone time. I do think it's good for kids to have some choice in who they play with.

[5LittleMonkeys]

Oh wow, we have this at our house a lot. When we have kids over I do not make my olders play with any of the littles. My two olders have to entertain and include my littles on and off every other day so when company, in the form of children, are here its every age group to themselves. It's a special occasion that deserves special rules.

 

My dd7 always wants my dd11 and dd12 to include her and her friend who is 7 in everything they are doing. I think because she wants to show off her cool big sisters. I just say, "You and your friend need to find something to do and leave your sisters and their friend to do their own thing. If they want to play with you, they know where to find you." If I get too much whining she gets a time-out while her friend and I have a nice little chat while waiting for the time-out to be over.:D

[Ferdie]

That happens at our house and so we rotate turns. I let them play alone for an hour and then have them include the sibling for an hour and then alone time again. Sometimes they have so much fun playing all together that I let them go. Usually when they are ready for alone time I can hear it in their words or tone.

[PhunandFonics]

We used to have the same problem here and I used to make the older boys play with the younger one (when they were 10 and 6). Unfortunately this taught my younger son that all he had to do was whine to get his way and eventually my older son's friend didn't want to hang out at our house anymore.

 

Fortunately my older son (now 15) is very considerate of his younger brother and includes him for at least a period of time when he can. But there are times when he doesn't want to deal with younger brother and I honor that. Plus my younger son has learned that he can't always get his way and can entertain himself. Invaluable skills for a young man!

[Parrothead]

As the older sister, having a younger sibling tag along when there are kids the sib can play with is nothing but a nuisance to the older. If you have to "make" your elder play with your younger you will be building resentment instead of love.

 

I'd find other ways to encourage closeness between the sibs and allow each to play with his/her own age friends as opportunity arises.

[EJCMom]

We have a group of playmates who come over and it is the same situation. My ds4 wants to play with dd5 and her friends who are 5 and 6. The problem with that is that it leaves the 4-year-old friend to only play with my dd2.

 

I explained to ds that for him to do that wouldn't be a very good host to the friend. It wouldn't be nice of him to leave the friend to play with a younger kid just so he can go off and play with the older kids. We used it as an opportunity to teach the kids about good manners and being a good host/ess when they have friends over.

 

To me, even in your situation where there are other kids for the younger guests to play with, it would still be good manners for the 6-year-old to play with the kids his own age rather than go off with the older kids.

[robsiew]

Thanks everybody for your advice! I'm glad I'm not the only one who deals with this! I decided to let the olders have their time. My eldest ds rarely gets to just hang with kids his age so I thought that more important. We were on another play date today in a similar situation and ds6 again wanted to be with the olders... luckily I didn't have to mediate as the play switched up after a bit naturally...

 

I think if this becomes a pattern I may introduce the 1/2 hour deal... but I sure don't want to build resentment with the older one. I may talk to him when friends aren't over and get a game plan for next time. Maybe if he can discuss it with me before another play date we can come to a compromise he'd be happy with and ds6 would be happy with....

 

Thanks again for your input! Greatly appreciated!