How to work around a child's perfection?

[piraterose]

How do you combat your child's perfection tendencies, without pulling your hair out, and keep her moving forward?

 

My 6-yo daughter struggles with this (I'll admit she comes by it naturally). But, it's really a HUGE road block for her and she can't move forward.

 

examples:

 

1. For a couple days she has been working on a drawing to go with the Caterpillar poem in FLL (her choice to do - I did not require it). The first day she drew the leaf without issue. Gets to the caterpillar and road block! She "doesn't know how to draw a caterpillar", "I can't do it". She starts to get upset, so we decided to put it off to finish the next day. Next day comes and she's still blocked. I (and daddy) draw several options on a separate piece of but none of them suit her. She wants it to be "wiggly" so I draw wiggly a couple different ways. Even even asked her to practice what she was picturing in her head on the extra paper. She tried but it wasn't "right", again "I can't do it". I'm begging her that it doesn't have to be perfect it would all be good. She's crying that she WANTS to do the project, she just doesn't know how to.

 

At this point she had a complete emotional meltdown (tears and all), so we had to set it aside again. As daddy carries her away, she's still crying she "wants to do it, I want to do it!"

 

2. At another time we were working on the first photo narrative in FLL and the last question is in regards to giving proper names to the people in the picture. She was all "I don't know". I ask her what her favorite name is, if there are any kids at school that she likes the names of, anything to coax a name, ANY name out of her.

 

This did not surprise me. She only has one doll that we managed to get her to name, the rest of her dolls go unnamed (unless it already has a name - like Barbie).

 

 

 

When it comes down to it I jut think creativity is not her strong suit. She's much more comfortable with math and hard facts. She can't come up with endings to stories and has had trouble with coming up with two sentence "stories" (required at public school).

 

I don't want to push her to the point of frustration (like happened in the first example), but I don't want her to think that she can just walk away from finishing her assignments, just because it requires a little effort and imagination on her part. I am of the philosophy of encouraging/praising the effort and not just praising her for being "smart".

Edited July 29, 2010 by piraterose

[fairfarmhand]

Maybe put away the creative stuff for awhile.

 

Instead,help her out. If you are naming the people in the photo say, I'm naming this person Fred. Who should this be? Do you like Joanna or Annie for her? Then write down the one she says.

 

I would not force the "making a creative ending" for story stuff right now. She is just 6. But perhaps when reading a story, when you get to the climax before you turn the page say.... " I hope that this happens...what do you think?"

 

It is especially important that your dd sees that you mess up and it is ok. Have you ever ruined a batch of biscuits? Just shrug and say, whoops! I Guess we have to try again! Your dd is (I'm assuming by your subject line) an only child so she is trying to measure herself against 2 competent adults, even though she is only 6. She is AFRAID to make a mistake. (my oldest dd is 4 years older than her sister so she has many traits of an only child) Your dd desperately need to see you and your dh mess up and handle it.

 

Reading the birth order book by Kevin Leman gave me so much more insight on my oldest daughter.

[Renthead Mommy]

Well we have issues with art like that. My just turned 8yo has never been much of a drawer/colorer. He'd do it if you said here, do this. And he'd do the puzzles and mazes on placemats, and always asked for crayons, but wouldn't draw on the placemats. He'll do battle schematics, but not much else just for fun.

 

When he did do things it 'wasn't good enough' or 'didn't look right' and would get frustrated. I've realized all this has led to him not knowing how to draw things and that is also part of his problem. Plus most of his art exposure is realistic art. He's been to the Met a number of times, plus the National Gallery. He know works of the "Masters" and I think thinks art should look more like what they do. Not what a 7/8yo does.

 

Two weeks ago, after a similar conversation I decided we needed to go to a different type of art musuem, so we headed into the city and spent a few hours at the MoMA.

 

Modern art is one of those things you either get or don't. I admit, I don't. But he got the point of the visit. And let's face it, there are a number of things there that look like an 8yo did it! LOL! And that was what I wanted him to see.

 

He came away from it understanding that art doesn't have to be perfect. And seeing things in a museum similar to what he's done/can do really helped him. He's relaxed since then on the art thing. He gets that it doesn't have to look like everyone else's, the books, or whatever. It should look like what he can draw it as. It doesn't have to be perfect. So mission accomplished.

 

Plus there is nothing funnier to an 8yo boy than a wall of Yoko Ono butts! "Why did she take all those pictures of butts? Is it the same butt or a bunch of people's butt? Who's butt is it?" (Actually that's a good question? Who's butt? Yoko's? John's? Somebody else?)

 

But maybe try exposing her to your MoMA. We are also going to be using Draw Wright Now for handwriting this year. I think he needs some actual 'how to draw' lessons and he'd be happier too if he had an idea how to go about things. So he can do a picture and just practice his cursive with the info from that days lesson.

 

As for other things, we had freak out issues with math at that age. He'd be afraid he'd get math problems wrong and just couldn't do them because of that. Sometimes even with me. I don't know if it was an age thing, an only child thing (and I do agree with the PP that that is also an issue for things) or what, but we seemed to have finally moved beyond that. So maybe that will give you some hope for the future.

Edited July 29, 2010 by Renthead Mommy

[piraterose]

But the thing like ending the story - it was her question, not mine. We read a story which finished without revealing the winning team of the football game (wasn't the point of the story) and she asked who won. I asked her who she thought won. I guess I could have just made up something and moved on, but I like to get her to use her mind.

 

It has been my experience that a statement like "what do you think?" is very frustrating for her and usually just invites an "I don't know" response.

 

I've actually have learned to back away from the WTM idea of correcting mistakes along they way, because it really upsets her. After she finishes writing a sentence (for example), I just explain to her what is incorrect and we move on without fixing it/or lingering on it.

 

I guess when I say "creative" I actually mean using her brain to think beyond a yes or no answer. I'm not asking for elaborate stories (though school is) I just want her to think about something and to be able have a conversation with me about it without saying "I don't know" or "I can't".