Rich with Kids Posted July 28, 2010 Share Posted July 28, 2010 We caught our dd12 in a huge, sneaky lie and after the initial shock and awe of confronting her, I am seeking ways to lift her up. It is all tied to cell phone use, a boy that was telling her he loved her :glare: and pressure from her friends to have a boyfriend. She only met him in person once, but they have had a "relationship" through texting for about 8 weeks. There hasn't been any physical contact. I have been squeaking by after a year of dealing with some emotional issues. I am well on the other side, but my kids haven't gone unscathed through the process. I think she was reaching out for attention and also testing some boundaries. I need scripture, quotes, maybe a daily devotional to encourage her and open some dialogue about self-worth, finding joy, making good choices, etc. Bless her heart, she seemed relieved that she was caught, I can't imagine how hard this has been for her to be living with some of the choices she's made. Please help me turn this into a positive, teachable situation. Thank you! Katy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rich with Kids Posted July 28, 2010 Author Share Posted July 28, 2010 bump... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted July 28, 2010 Share Posted July 28, 2010 My ds is 12 and we've dealt with some family stress in the last year. I'll PM you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted July 28, 2010 Share Posted July 28, 2010 :grouphug: No advice, just wanted to say I respect your desire to show your daughter both love and protection. Bless you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
74Heaven Posted July 28, 2010 Share Posted July 28, 2010 Sorry, not much advice here either. Except, I totally support you and think you have the exact right ideas. I have not been as good at encouraging after a big "crime" but I think it goes a long way toward getting or keeping a child's heart knitted with the parents' hearts'. Also, this is a good oppty to talk about God's amazing forgiveness and how quickly he restores us when we are repentant. And I have learned a lot and seen much love result from the effort made by parents. I will pray! lj Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted July 28, 2010 Share Posted July 28, 2010 Having special girl-times where you talk, do your nails together or have a special tea can be ways to work on your relationship as mom and daughter. That is important because those scriptures or just Biblical principals can come up more naturally in that setting and be heard not as a lecture but as genuinely helpful advice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Journey Posted July 28, 2010 Share Posted July 28, 2010 There is a great book called A Girl (or a Young Girl) after God's own Heart by Elizabeth George. My girls really liked it. Also, there is a book called The Power of a Praying Teen and another one called Just enough Light for the Step I'm on (or something like that) both by Stormie Omartian. Both of my girls like those and I really like Stormie's books. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hillfarm Posted July 28, 2010 Share Posted July 28, 2010 Several years ago I heard part of a radio program that talked about how many Christian children have a very shallow faith because we parents do such a great job of sheltering them that they are blissfully unaware of the ugliness and dangers of real life. I just recently had a rather lengthy "teaching moment" with my 11yo dd about stepping out from under the umbrella of God's protection. It was prompted by the disappearance of a young teen in our area who was sneaking out at night to meet a boy, who with several friends later abducted her. Regarding reconciliation, I like the example of King David. He was loved by God but made some very bad choices anyway. God still loved him in spite of his choices, however did not protect him from many of the dire natural consequences of those choices. David was able to rise up and be a great king and a strong force for God in spite of all this difficulty. Also, I would point out to your dd that the Bible wasn't kidding when it says ALL have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. Sadly, your dd succumbed to temptation and was disobedient and untruthful. She is now reaping some consequences of those actions. Welcome to the human race. Now she can personally understand why we need a Savior, why her parents, pastors, or other respected authorities are not perfect. IMO, what's done is done. Now is the time to search hard for all the lemonade to be made from this situation, to capitalize on every valuable lesson that you can possibly mine from the lemons. HTH Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michelle O. in MO Posted July 28, 2010 Share Posted July 28, 2010 (edited) I would talk to her about how much Jesus loves her, how deeply He loves her - mistakes and all. I would talk to her about our sin nature as human beings and God's great grace for us with that. I would also talk to her about forgiveness of sins and how God casts them as far as the east is from the west. He remembers them no more, today is a new day, there is no condemnation here and then what a wonderful child she is. Tell her how happy you are to be her mommy, that Jesus knew exactly what He was doing when He picked her little soul off the shelf and gave her to you. Then repeat all of this the next day, and the next. Edited July 28, 2010 by Michelle O. in MO Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldberry Posted July 28, 2010 Share Posted July 28, 2010 You are a great mom to recognize how your own parenting might have led her to seek attention elsewhere. So admit it to her and apologize. This has a HUGE impact. I have a friend who got into a similar situation as a teen. Her older brother was getting married and there was a ton of drama with that going on at the time. When it all came out to her father, her father said very honestly, "With your mom and I being so focused on ---'s situation, I guess you probably just wanted someone to actually give a d*** about you." (Her parents NEVER cussed, BTW). Then of course, they had further conversation about the implications, etc. But the point was, that conversation stuck with my friend to this day. It totally cemented in her mind how much her dad loved her for not blaming the whole thing on her, how her parents weren't perfect but they were able to admit it and move on. GREAT teachable moment in itself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rich with Kids Posted July 28, 2010 Author Share Posted July 28, 2010 Thank you so much, ladies. I love coming here to jump start inspiration. That's what you do for me. You have given me some great places to start and some great suggestions. I am actually looking forward to this time with her. (Let's just say she'll be living like a princess in a tower for a bit ;)) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Natalieclare Posted July 28, 2010 Share Posted July 28, 2010 I wish she could come hang out with my girls for a bit! They are very strong and vocal about not wanting to hurry romance into their lives, yet there is nothing fusty about them. Not one bit. They could help your dd along to exert peer pressure in the other direction! ;) One of my favorite scripture stories to bring to my kids is Luke 7, when Jesus asks Simon, "Which of them will love him more?" and Simon answered, "The one, I suppose, for whom he cancelled the larger debt." I make sure to point out that as she humbled herself, her greater sins didn't keep her from receiving grace and intimacy with the Lord. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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