New to this board: sp. ed, adhd, attachment questions.

[MistyJ]

Hi,

 

We are in the process of adopting a 7yo ds from the foster system.

 

He has had 1 year of 1/2 day kindergarten in a special ed room, 10:4 student teacher ratio. His bio mom never put him in school; he was neglected; still can't read; ED, gets speech therapy, dx adhd on dexedrine and risperdol.

 

Our ps in a block away; I'm terrifed to hs him. Plan to keep him in ps for services at least. Except that they bus some kids to another, nearby school, for some services. I'm thinking that might be too much for him, the bus, the kids, and during this time of year, the tremendous heat.

 

I am checking out local therapists who specialize in attachment issues.

 

After reading all the adoption horror stories on here, we are deciding to give ourselves one year, rather than six months, before finalizing the adoption, and allowing ourselves to fail, hard as that is to say, in case we really can't parent him.

 

Sorry this is long, but if you have the time:

 

1. I'm interested in diet for adhd (he was sucking down a large Dr. Pepper when we met him (???!!!) ).

 

2. Seeing if his psychiatrist would consider trying to take him off the dexedrine while adjusting the risperdol and maybe adding a mood stabilizer (this is my bipolar bias). Has anyone done this?

 

3. What about ps? Is it too overstimulating? Do I need him there in order to focus on my other two dc during the day?

 

4. Ideas for working on fine motor skills.

 

5. I'm buying "When love is not enough" today. Anything in particular that has helped you with your adopted child?

 

I've been hammered with "adoption realism" on another thread, so please, this is not the place to tell me about what a mistake we're making.

[mykdsmomy]

Hi :) I'm pretty new here too but not new to parenting an adopted child. Do you mind if I ask you if he was prenatally exposed to alcohol or other substances?

 

My ds6 has extreme learning challenges as well as severe behavioral challenges. It took us 4 years to diagnose him as being on the FAS spectrum. You may be dealing with the same. Even if you don't know for certain that bio mom drank/did drugs, it is still worth looking into.

 

I would also recommend Beyond Consequences Logic and Control by Heather Forbes. It is an excellent book and has dramatically changed our view of parenting him. Feel free to pm me if you want to talk more :) Good luck!!

[ElizabethB]

:grouphug:

 

If you do send him to school, make sure you are teaching the sight words phonetically to counter their influence.

 

I read an interesting book that you may enjoy that shows how whole word teaching and diet contribute to ADHD, The Diseasing of America's Children: Exposing the ADHD Fiasco and Empowering Parents to Take Back Control

[Irishmommy]

I don't have any advice for you, as I have no experience with this (yet!), but have also considered adopting from foster care. Bless you for wanting to help this boy. I pray that all goes as smoothly as it can go. I hope someone on here has some advice for you. Again, thank you for wanting to help the "least of these".:grouphug:

[Laurie4b]

Hi,

 

We are in the process of adopting a 7yo ds from the foster system.

 

He has had 1 year of 1/2 day kindergarten in a special ed room, 10:4 student teacher ratio. His bio mom never put him in school; he was neglected; still can't read; ED, gets speech therapy, dx adhd on dexedrine and risperdol.

 

Our ps in a block away; I'm terrifed to hs him. Plan to keep him in ps for services at least. Except that they bus some kids to another, nearby school, for some services. I'm thinking that might be too much for him, the bus, the kids, and during this time of year, the tremendous heat.

 

I am checking out local therapists who specialize in attachment issues.

 

After reading all the adoption horror stories on here, we are deciding to give ourselves one year, rather than six months, before finalizing the adoption, and allowing ourselves to fail, hard as that is to say, in case we really can't parent him.

 

Sorry this is long, but if you have the time:

 

1. I'm interested in diet for adhd (he was sucking down a large Dr. Pepper when we met him (???!!!) ).

 

2. Seeing if his psychiatrist would consider trying to take him off the dexedrine while adjusting the risperdol and maybe adding a mood stabilizer (this is my bipolar bias). Has anyone done this?

 

3. What about ps? Is it too overstimulating? Do I need him there in order to focus on my other two dc during the day?

 

4. Ideas for working on fine motor skills.

 

5. I'm buying "When love is not enough" today. Anything in particular that has helped you with your adopted child?

 

I've been hammered with "adoption realism" on another thread, so please, this is not the place to tell me about what a mistake we're making.

 

One thing to know is that kids in the foster care system are sometimes dx'd with ADHD when they are instead depressed. In that case ADHD-like behaviors are something akin to an adult in grief "keeping busy." The irritable behaviors that often indicate depression in kids are another clue that it could be depression rather than ADHD. Some ADHD meds work on both depression and ADHD. The name of the med is escaping me right now. Maybe it will come back...seems like it starts with an "e"... (that could be totally off.) :s

 

What does ED mean? emotionally disturbed? What are the behavioral manifestations?

 

I would not focus much on academics for the first year (not that I wouldn't do some, but I wouldn't make it a goal to see improvement or to catch him up, etc) . I would focus primarily on attachment. It's likely that he will need to redo earlier phases of development to begin to grow up emotionally and you have to be prepared to interpret that and respond on a dime, because it's not a linear progression.

 

Bonding is more likely to take place the more time you are with the child, but that closeness will also be provocative to RAD if he has that. I would secure a good RAD therapist now. And I would strongly consider homeschooling the first year at least.

 

If I homeschooled him, I would focus on *experiences* in which he learns rather than academic ABC 123 kind of learning. A child without the experience base has a harder time learning in the first place and experiences are more likely to set the stage for bonding rather than practicing addition facts, kwim? So lots of reading aloud to him, NATURE walks (I think nature is very healing; there is some research to support long periods in nature as being calming to ADHD kids), learning the names of things in the nature walks, cooking (measurements, etc.), math that has to do with money and food, trips to different environments (farm, beach, forest, city, mall, etc.) local field trips to see the inside workings of post office, store, etc., museums... in other words, let him soak up experiences. Write about these experiences when you get home. Let him tell you about them and you write down what he says--- you can simply do captions for a scrapbook. (Scrap-booking is very important for foster kids. Get photos of his bio family, their houses, etc. if possible, photos of current foster family, etc. and help him have a timeline of his life. ) But definitely scrapbook your experiences with him, so that he begins to develop a sense of history, belonging, etc. The reading/writing in those activities is a bonus--not the focus. The most important thing it does is give him a connection between writing (and re-reading) and himself. You could also keep a journal for him that he dictates to you each day.

 

Research unschooling. (I am not an unschooler, but well-done unschooling would be a good match I think for both building attachment and building his foundation for future education.)

 

For fine motor skills, let him work with real-life stuff, not forming letters of the alphabet. Google fine motor skill activities and see what you come up with. Working with clay is good to strengthen fingers (get various consistencies, working up to fairly hard clay), stringing beads, fingerpainting, drawing in shaving cream, cutting---all stuff that is fun, but is developing fine motor skills. You'll also want to develop visual-spatial skills with puzzles, pathfinding, selected video games, etc.

 

In other words, I would do a very enriched kindergarten environment this year--the kind of environment you provided for all your other children in their preschool years. That is more important to "catch up on" than ABC's, phonics, math facts, etc. That type of learning will go much faster once he has the experience- base and you have a solid bond. That kind of learning rarely sticks with kids without the bonds or the experience-base, which is why they do so poorly in school. So build the foundation the first year. If you succeed, you should be able to catch him up on the other stuff in time.

Edited July 12, 2010 by Laurie4b

[MistyJ]

Hi :) I'm pretty new here too but not new to parenting an adopted child. Do you mind if I ask you if he was prenatally exposed to alcohol or other substances?

 

My ds6 has extreme learning challenges as well as severe behavioral challenges. It took us 4 years to diagnose him as being on the FAS spectrum. You may be dealing with the same. Even if you don't know for certain that bio mom drank/did drugs, it is still worth looking into.

 

I would also recommend Beyond Consequences Logic and Control by Heather Forbes. It is an excellent book and has dramatically changed our view of parenting him. Feel free to pm me if you want to talk more :) Good luck!!

 

We have requested the birth records. Haven't seen them yet. Wrote down your book suggestion!

 

These forums are amazing.

[MistyJ]

One thing to know is that kids in the foster care system are sometimes dx'd with ADHD when they are instead depressed. In that case ADHD-like behaviors are something akin to an adult in grief "keeping busy." The irritable behaviors that often indicate depression in kids are another clue that it could be depression rather than ADHD. Some ADHD meds work on both depression and ADHD. The name of the med is escaping me right now. Maybe it will come back...seems like it starts with an "e"... (that could be totally off.) :s

 

What does ED mean? emotionally disturbed? What are the behavioral manifestations?

 

I would not focus much on academics for the first year (not that I wouldn't do some, but I wouldn't make it a goal to see improvement or to catch him up, etc) . I would focus primarily on attachment. It's likely that he will need to redo earlier phases of development to begin to grow up emotionally and you have to be prepared to interpret that and respond on a dime, because it's not a linear progression.

 

Bonding is more likely to take place the more time you are with the child, but that closeness will also be provocative to RAD if he has that. I would secure a good RAD therapist now. And I would strongly consider homeschooling the first year at least.

 

If I homeschooled him, I would focus on *experiences* in which he learns rather than academic ABC 123 kind of learning. A child without the experience base has a harder time learning in the first place and experiences are more likely to set the stage for bonding rather than practicing addition facts, kwim? So lots of reading aloud to him, NATURE walks (I think nature is very healing; there is some research to support long periods in nature as being calming to ADHD kids), learning the names of things in the nature walks, cooking (measurements, etc.), math that has to do with money and food, trips to different environments (farm, beach, forest, city, mall, etc.) local field trips to see the inside workings of post office, store, etc., museums... in other words, let him soak up experiences. Write about these experiences when you get home. Let him tell you about them and you write down what he says--- you can simply do captions for a scrapbook. (Scrap-booking is very important for foster kids. Get photos of his bio family, their houses, etc. if possible, photos of current foster family, etc. and help him have a timeline of his life. ) But definitely scrapbook your experiences with him, so that he begins to develop a sense of history, belonging, etc. The reading/writing in those activities is a bonus--not the focus. The most important thing it does is give him a connection between writing (and re-reading) and himself. You could also keep a journal for him that he dictates to you each day.

 

Research unschooling. (I am not an unschooler, but well-done unschooling would be a good match I think for both building attachment and building his foundation for future education.)

 

For fine motor skills, let him work with real-life stuff, not forming letters of the alphabet. Google fine motor skill activities and see what you come up with. Working with clay is good to strengthen fingers (get various consistencies, working up to fairly hard clay), stringing beads, fingerpainting, drawing in shaving cream, cutting---all stuff that is fun, but is developing fine motor skills. You'll also want to develop visual-spatial skills with puzzles, pathfinding, selected video games, etc.

 

In other words, I would do a very enriched kindergarten environment this year--the kind of environment you provided for all your other children in their preschool years. That is more important to "catch up on" than ABC's, phonics, math facts, etc. That type of learning will go much faster once he has the experience- base and you have a solid bond. That kind of learning rarely sticks with kids without the bonds or the experience-base, which is why they do so poorly in school. So build the foundation the first year. If you succeed, you should be able to catch him up on the other stuff in time.

 

I printed this to read and reread. Thank you!

[Laurie4b]

Remembered one of the meds: desipramine. But there's another...

[SamanthaBea]

My best friend has been fostering and adopting kids for over thirty years. All the kids are special needs in some way. Honestly, I wouldn't put any pressure on yourself or your child during this transition time. Do whatever schooling you feel more comfortable with. It's not like you can't change your mind later!

 

Also, if you do go the PS route, your child will have a special plan determined at a meeting between you, the teachers, counselors, etc. (in my state it is called an IEP). You can certainly address your bus concerns there--and don't be afraid to be a strong advocate!

 

Personally, I would wait to make or request any medication changes until after you've had some time to settle into a routine and observe the child's moods and behaviors. A chage in meds happening at the same time as a big change in living arrangements could cause confusion--is the child acting this way due to the new environment or due to the new meds?

 

If there is anything that you would like me to ask my friend in particular, please let me know. She is a wealth of knowledge!