I need a hug! Long, sorry...

[Twinmom]

Today was absolutely horrid. Bad almost beyond description. I need a hug, chocolate, a big glass of wine and/or a valium! (I've settled for a couple of GABA and a big warm bowl of oatmeal!)

 

DD10 had a well-check today. At our peds office, we generally see a rotating set of nurses for the well-checks unless we request to see the same gal every time (which I will now do!). Often, we see the same lady and do alright but today was just awful. Today, I had to turn in a copy of my DD's OT eval, which has a great deal of detailed information on her SPD/anxiety disorder. The gal we saw for this visit must not have known much about SPD so she read through it in detail and proceeded to ask me questions about every. single. deficit. my. daughter. has (and some she doesn't!!)....in front of her! Questions that should not be asked in front of a 10yr old...appropriate questions to be asked of a parent, but NEVER to be asked in front of a sensitive, scared special needs child of DD's age. (I'd give you a list but it will just upset me again.) DD was humiliated, embarrassed, scared and felt like there the nurse thought there was something very wrong with her. I kept trying to give the nurse gentle hints to back off, but she didn't catch on. She kept talking as if DD wasn't even in the room.

 

And then, they came at her with a needle. :eek:

 

A major part of DD's SPD is in the area of sensory modulation. She quite literally panics, frequently. Her brain is wired to run to fight or flight (primarily fight!) over things that don't bother the average kid. We medicate this as well as treat it through OT and she has made great gains. However, embarrass and frighten her (the physical exam...first time for puberty related issues!), tell her to pee in a cup, then come at her with a needle and she sees it as an assault. No matter that her head tells her she is fine...her body tells her she is under assault.

 

Needless to say, she completely freaked out! The nurses asked me out of the room to give her a shot and a blood draw (for possible celiac and food allergies)...my first mistake was to leave! About 10 seconds later, DD is on her back in the corner of the room, screaming bloody murder, kicking one nurse in the legs and shouting insults at the other one. I ran into the room and asked them to back off...they would not and kept trying to give her the shot. Finally I started shouting at them to leave the room, NOW, and they did. It took a full 45 minutes of using every skill and tool in my arsenal to calm DD down enough to eventually get her out of there. (I was prepared to walk without the tx, but eventually she pulled herself together and agreed to try.) In the meantime, she screamed her head off, insulted everyone around, drew the office manager into the mix and had them telling me they'd have to write up an "incident report" as she had assaulted the nurse. She did go through with the tx and was proud of herself, but completely exhausted.

 

DD remained emotionally disregulated until bedtime. Neurotypical Mommy is still disregulated and thanks all of you for letting her spew all over you!

 

Time for more warm oatmeal. :svengo:

Edited July 3, 2010 by Twinmom

[mom4him]

:grouphug:I am so sorry. I have an absolute I WILL NOT LEAVE THE ROOM AND HAVE MY DC REMAIN! but I had to learn it the hard way with one of my older kids.

You did great. You did get the nurses out of there and was able to get you dd back in control of herself. An incident report? who had who backed into the corner!

Hope your second bowl of OM is sitting waiting to be ate.

More :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[melmichigan]

:grouphug: I'm sorry, as a nurse myself, who chases a kid into the corner with a needle? There is no excuse for that, and to ask the parent to leave the room with an upset child, especially when she is perfectly aware of the special needs, if she just went into them in such detail, totally unacceptable. I would be speaking to the office manager and the peds and it wouldn't be about the incident report. :glare:

 

I would praise your DD for getting herself under control, you did the right thing.

[Guest]

:grouphug: I'm sorry, as a nurse myself, who chases a kid into the corner with a needle? There is no excuse for that, and to ask the parent to leave the room with an upset child, especially when she is perfectly aware of the special needs, if she just went into them in such detail, totally unacceptable. I would be speaking to the office manager and the peds and it wouldn't be about the incident report. :glare:

 

I would praise your DD for getting herself under control, you did the right thing.

 

I absolutely agree. Sending more hugs.:grouphug:

[Laurie4b]

My heavens! I can't believe the incompetence. We had a nasty peds nurse make things so much worse for ds once in the ER over a shot, then a nice nurse came in and did it just fine. I'm so sorry that happened--for you and your dd.

[Harriet Vane]

:grouphug: I'm sorry, as a nurse myself, who chases a kid into the corner with a needle? There is no excuse for that, and to ask the parent to leave the room with an upset child, especially when she is perfectly aware of the special needs, if she just went into them in such detail, totally unacceptable. I would be speaking to the office manager and the peds and it wouldn't be about the incident report. :glare:

 

I would praise your DD for getting herself under control, you did the right thing.

 

:iagree:

I'm not a nurse, but I am horrified at the choices here. Write the letter.

[usetoschool]

:grouphug: for you and

 

this

 

 

for the incompetent nurse. What an awful experience.

[sheryl]

So sorry that happened. As I mentioned in an earlier thread....I agree these questions are NOT appropriate in front of your dd. They were completely unprofessional in how they handled the matter. I would discuss with doctor and if need be to the office manager.

 

As Sandy said, an incident report? Please. They are covering themselves from any possible wrong doing on their part. I would, while it's fresh, document - yes, pen and paper, everything that happened then discuss with above.

 

And, NEVER again leave the room. I learned from an earlier incident last month myself, that if you suspect these questions might be brought up again....to discuss that with the doctor as well, so that in one of their staff meetings they can bring all the nurses on board regarding your dd's special needs. They should have done that already. :glare:

 

:grouphug:

[Twinmom]

:grouphug: I'm sorry, as a nurse myself, who chases a kid into the corner with a needle? There is no excuse for that, and to ask the parent to leave the room with an upset child, especially when she is perfectly aware of the special needs, if she just went into them in such detail, totally unacceptable. I would be speaking to the office manager and the peds and it wouldn't be about the incident report. :glare:

 

I would praise your DD for getting herself under control, you did the right thing.

 

Wow, thanks! I really needed to hear that. I kept thinking of all the ways this was DD's or my fault (I'm bad that way!). It is such a relief to hear from a nurse that the way they handled this wasn't the norm or appropriate. DD can be such a difficult child in so many ways and she presents so aggressively when scared...most people look at me like, "How could you allow her to act that way?" (as if I have a choice in the matter!).

 

The problem is usually that she doesn't appear to be special needs on first glance. In fact, one of the first things the nurse said was that she found it hard to believe that DD had SPD because she'd observed her at the Y pool (small town) and she acted perfectly fine (that kind of freaked me out!!). My guess is that she was trying to learn more about DD's condition through the questions and, though inappropriate, likely meant no harm. A second nurse was the one administering the shot (she came in with a partner, so there were two nurses backing her into a corner!)...perhaps she'd not had the situation adequately explained to her? I'd hope that was the case, anyways.

 

 

I really appreciate everyone's support and encouragement! After a good night's sleep and some reflection, I think I am going to write a letter to the office manager outlining tips for managing DD in the doctor's office. A list of suggestions...do this, don't do this, speak to me privately about developmental issues, etc. It's tough to have a kid with an "invisible" disability and I'm sure tough to figure out how to handle one as well.

 

I'll try that first, but I'll let 'em have it if they pull this again! ;)

[Twinmom]

:grouphug: for you and

 

this

 

 

for the incompetent nurse. What an awful experience.

 

 

I absolutely love this! I'd put it up on my wall if I didn't think my kids would try it out!! ;)

[AspieMel]

Absolutely I agree, you need to write it all down and officially complain! That's just INSANE that they would back her into a corner, and asking you to leave the room?!?!?! *passes the GABA and red wine* :grouphug:

[chiguirre]

:grouphug: I could easily see this happening with ds2 who can be very irrational when frightened. I'm lucky in that saying Autism usually gets people's attention enough for them to stop doing whatever is setting him off. But, really, no nurse should try to force an obviously upset child to submit to a needle stick. It's so hard to know what to do in the midst of the crisis, but at least you've learned yet another lesson in the delicate art of sn parenting and you'll be better prepared next time.

[Leonor]

:grouphug: I'm so sorry for your horrible experience.

[Leonor]

I agree with the others.

 

You need to write it all down.

 

I would talk to the pediatrician as well.

[PrincessAriel]

I am so sorry you had to go through that! My dd was once held down by four nurses to get a blood sample.....not fun! I think she was only 6 at the time. I agree with the others. You need to write up your own version of an "incident report" in addition to a letter stating how to deal with your dd in the future. :grouphug:

[NCW]

My dd used to have panic attacks when they did blood draws (needed them frequently - it seemed to us - for a while). It was horrible dealing with impatient lab techs. The more frustrated they got, the worse her fear. It wasn't uncommon that they had to go get someone else to do it, and give her a chance to regroup....and I was there all the time.

 

Calm, soothing, totally competent (and very FAST) staff/nurses were the best, especially when they could chat with her about something completely off topic.

 

All I can say is kudos to you and your daughter for calming herself enough to actually do the tx. That deserves a real pat on the back.:grouphug:

[melmichigan]

I think I am going to write a letter to the office manager outlining tips for managing DD in the doctor's office. A list of suggestions...do this, don't do this, speak to me privately about developmental issues, etc. It's tough to have a kid with an "invisible" disability and I'm sure tough to figure out how to handle one as well.

 

I'll try that first, but I'll let 'em have it if they pull this again! ;)

 

I would include your view of what happened and how to avoid it happening again, and I would ask for a response from someone so you know it has been looked at and addressed.

 

In some peds offices these days the "nurses" aren't nurses, but tech's trained to do the specific job, and they just don't necessarily have the training and knowledge to deal with these situations. This would be a good time for the office to initiate some training or at least a procedural review. I am sure your DD isn't the only child with similar fears. I hope you and your DD are feeling better today. :001_smile:

[Tiramisu]

:grouphug:

 

I'm so sorry this happened to you and your dd. I know what you mean about blaming dd and yourself. When we had a terrible well-check, afterward I just wished my own dd would have acted "normal" or I could have reacted mor quickly so it would have never played out the way it did--even though I really knew it was the pediatrician was at fault. I felt so guilty for those thoughts. In the end, the incident lead to me leaving a doctor's group that I had a thirty year relationship with. It was hard, but I found a new pediatrician that is committed to helping dd get over what had happened to her. We are still working on it, but it's going well.

 

It was a terrible day. I'm know it's so hard for you.

[MariannNOVA]

I am SO sorry this happened! :cursing:

 

At our former peds practice, the NP launched into some ridiculous thing with ds and his lack of appetite (duh, the ADHD meds? Do you think?). Her response was that she was unfamiliar with the med he was taking and she could not 'assume' that his lack of appetite was a result of it. I explained AGAIN that ds was under the care of a child psychiatrist regarding said med, I took his folder from her hands (nicely) and showed her the correspondence from the Child Psych documenting EVERYTHING - she closed the file folder and said to me: 'None of that matters. Only what I say matters.' :confused: To which I responded, 'You would certainly be incorrect about that. Please leave while I get ds dressed as we are leaving now.' She opens the door to the examining room and raises her voice and says: 'He must be tested for diabetes. That's why he's not gaining weight.' :confused: To which I responded, while ds is asking 'what is diabetes?,' 'It was nice of you to be loud enough to inform the folks in the next county of your suspicions. We'll be leaving now.'

 

And we did. I stopped at the front desk, filled out forms to have all three kids files copied and told them I would contact them as to where the files should be forwarded.

 

I do not know what possesses some folks.

 

 

I'm sorry this happened to your dd and to you. You and she deserve whatever will make it better.:grouphug:

[rwjx2khsmj]

It's hard being an advocate for your child in a situation where there SHOULD be trained professionals. Unfortunately, it is the job of the parent to educate everyone that comes in contact, especially in a medical or other potentially stressful situation.

 

I'd write the letter so it's on file. And in the future, when I know the situation is potentially stressful for my dc, I'd be certain to talk about my concerns before I go into the office. Find out exactly what the expectations are and discuss them with my dc. I'd also let the provider know what actions might cause negative reactions by my dc and work out a plan to minimize the stress. A good provider will be open to the input of parents and willing to accomodate your concerns because it is in everyone's best interest.

 

If the provider isn't willing to take the time, find someone else.

[Lizzie in Ma]

Passing the wine, Valium, chocolate and hugs. You poor dears. Inexcusable behavior from the medical "professionals".

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[iammommy]

hugs, chocolate and a nice soothiing bath! You did NOTHING wrong. Their behavior was totally unprofessional. :thumbdown:Chase a kid???WHAT?? YOU should file the incident report! I would absolutely report this to the doctors. And NEVER leave her alone with them again! I never do. No. matter.what.

 

I think your dd did remarkably well, to be honest.

 

As for speaking about dd like she wasn't there, that, too, needs to be addressed. it should not be done. Maybe there needs to be another visit just between you and the doc, but to do this in front of an anxious child???Horrible. Tell them next time JUST to do the physical part of the exam and to save ANY questions for a meeting alone with you.

 

I'm so sorry they were so insensitive and incompetent!

 

HUGS! Nan:grouphug:

[gingersmom]

I feel your pain.

 

I would find a new doctors office ASAP.

 

My son had serious sensory issues when he was younger. I drove an hour away (to New York City) to take him to the doctor. The doctor knew my son would freak out so he would put my son in the examining room early, walk by and talk to him and just never rushed him.

 

My son did not take any medicine till he was 6 years old. At one point he was so sick that if the doctor could not stab him in the thigh with the needle (with the medicine) he was going to admit him to the hospital.

 

Luckily I was able to hold him in my lap while he squirmed and screamed bloody murder (before the actual shot). Afterwards he was totally fine.

 

Fast forward several years and he is amazing at the doctors office (thank goodness!). He watches the lab take blood, he watches them give shots, he asks questions, etc.

[OFIH]

Oh my, I am so sorry to hear this. Even a child with no issues at all would freak out at the sight of two nurses coming towards them with a needle and no parent to help soothe them. What were they thinking? That's not right on any level. Patient first philosophy is supposed to be implemented these days in the medical field.

 

It sounds like you have a good plan of action, but I am still so sorry this happened to your daughter.

[farmgirlinwv]

Also a nurse, and that was completely inappropriate. Hugs to you and your dd.