Doctor Problems

[Jyniffrec]

We have a doctor that has been with us since dd's diagnosis. He had been in practice 2 weeks when we walked through his doors. It was an amazing diagnosis and he has been extremely caring and helpful in a lot of sticky situations. But lately ... he's not been playing nice. He has lectured me about being wasteful with syringes :confused: and then at the next visit it was an ER visit that he disapproved of. So I asked the front desk lady if other parents have these kinds of problems with him. Her answer? She gave me his direct superior's personal line and said to call it on the weekend when no one was around. She clearly wanted me to rat on him. I have met other parents who have had these kinds of problems with him but it hadn't happened to us until now.

 

I sent him an email over the weekend asking about dd's symptoms and again I got a lecturing response back. I am really annoyed but don't feel free to call his superior about it. I think it could backfire and he could easily find out who it is. This particular speciality is a small world in pediatrics and a bad name among them can get you blacklisted, even if you are a diligent, caring parent.

 

I really want to email something back like, "I'm not going to dignify your email with a proper answer. We can discuss this when I see you again." Or something along those lines. So I'm just going to post it here instead of getting my medical head chopped off. :tongue_smilie:

[AspieMel]

Is there any way to move to a different practice? my gut reaction would be to give him what for and find a better doctor, but I tend to have very short patience with the medical field.. with there being a limited supply of docs for what you need, it may be best to simply find a new doc quietly, let your "feet" do the admonishing.. if that's possible...

[Jyniffrec]

Yes, Mel, I have really thought of moving all of her care to Cincinnati but the complication is that she sometimes needs urgent care at the ER and then in hospital here. I guess we could just have them fly her to Cincy if we need them to but it sure creates a lot of complications. The only other option here in town is a man who has told us he wouldn't have the patience to let us explore our options like we have so far (and have saved her colon as a result!). The doctor we have right now has been very willing to look at alternatives to the standard protocols, but Cincy is even more willing. It would be a tough move for me - every six months at the very least would require a trip to Ohio and that is on top of trips we already take to Vanderbilt.

 

If I did leave I think it would have to be quietly, as you suggested. It would be hard to leave all the friends we have made at our hospital and it would be hard to face them when we take our younger one in, but if I were pushed hard enough I guess I would.

[Mom2J112903]

We have changed docs so many times in J's short life, it is mind-boggling. Now J is not as critical care as your daughter is, but even when it comes to a routine pedi, we need one that is not looking for a horse all the time.

 

The first time we changed pedi's, we just never went back. Easy as that. Then when we chaged again, we point blank told them that we were not happy with them. Well, DH did, I couldn't do it since I was in that office at least 3x a week with J. Then we moved and lost our beloved pedi whom really did some looking and helped us. When we moved down here it took only one visit to realize that the first one was NOT a good match for us. Then another one, and UGH, yeah, just left that practice as well. Now we have a practice while VERY conventional they do not look for a horse, but look for anything and we have been very happy with them.

 

We used to travel to Columbus, OH from Morgantown, W.Va quite often for J's pedi GI. SO worth it!

 

Cincy is a great city, I have family there and LOVE the city. :)

 

You have to do what is in the best intrest of your child, and I know you know you what that is. :grouphug:

[Jyniffrec]

Wow, Crystal, thank you for saying those things. I think I am so relationship oriented that it is hard for me to break things off, even if the other person isn't treating me fairly. I just may switch to Cincy even if it means a lot of car rides back and forth. The GIs there (which is who we would move from here in TN) are just great and are also willing to listen to my crazy ideas. :001_smile: DD already has her hepatologist there and we are considered transplant bound (I think...) so maybe we would get listened to a little more.

 

Now I just need the courage to act.

[Barb_]

Wow, Crystal, thank you for saying those things. I think I am so relationship oriented that it is hard for me to break things off, even if the other person isn't treating me fairly. I just may switch to Cincy even if it means a lot of car rides back and forth. The GIs there (which is who we would move from here in TN) are just great and are also willing to listen to my crazy ideas. :001_smile: DD already has her hepatologist there and we are considered transplant bound (I think...) so maybe we would get listened to a little more.

 

Now I just need the courage to act.

 

If you do decide to switch, I would still call his supervisor. He's a new doc and needs to be called on his behavior while he's still young and somewhat impressionable, don't you think?

 

Barb

[Jyniffrec]

Yes, Barb, I do think I should do something. A lot of the people around here are uneducated and worship the doctors. They feel so intimidated that they don't feel confident enough to say anything or when they do it doesn't come across in a way that would have any impression on him. I openly argue with him sometimes but we have an intense history that, like I said before, the other doctors didn't totally agree with. So when I do disagree he backs off. I have told him before that we needed to talk and I think he got a little scared. He asked me about it a couple of months later but I had talked to one of the nurses and worked through whatever it was.

 

All that being said, I think I could confront him in the office and tell him that I didn't hire him to criticize how many medication syringes we use or whether we made the right decision to go to the ER or not. His job is to make sure my kids are well. When we first met I made it clear that I respected the fact that he had gone to school for a long time and that he had a lot of knowledge but that many people could do his job if they applied their time in the same way he had. I think he respects me for those kind of candid discussions. I just had major surgery and, I am told, nearly died. I think I was very sick in the months leading up to the surgery and wasn't thinking straight. I wonder if he sensed a weakness in me and jumped on it. I haven't told him about the surgery.

 

Looking at what I just posted it seems like things have gotten a little tangled. But I should say that DD was so sick that he called everyday for awhile and was constantly checking in on her to make sure she was okay. He said that any other family would have stayed in the hospital for weeks on end but that he trusted us enough to come when we needed to. So these discussions and disagreements are the result of a back and forth conversation for over a year about what we were going to do and a lot of concern and fear for DD's life.

 

Ugh, life is so complicated. We didn't ever go to the pediatrician before any of this started. Now we spend every major holiday in the hospital. :tongue_smilie: