I am losing it with boys!

[redheadeddaughter]

Oh this thread is full of so much wisdom. I just want to go and snuggle my boy right now. I've also felt like the OP many times.

Since I only have 1 boy... and he's only 7, I only have a little to add:

 

1) If you want to continue with formal lessons, you could try doing everything (and I mean everything... I even wrote entire books on the whiteboard at one point. Sentence by sentence. ) on a chalkboard or blackboard. Once I did this the lessons went from 5 minutes before system overload to 15 or 20 (and now a few hours, if he is really into something). This was a little bit of a pain, but the payoff was huge. Or maybe it was just a fluke. Worth a try though. And thankfully he isn't allergic to paper anymore.

2) I think some other posters mentioned focusing on character for a bit. I think this is awesome advice too. We had whining. And we had to take care of that (or at least make it manageable) before we got much learning done. Or before I was sane enough to teach coherently anyway!

[ElizabethB]

:grouphug:

 

You need more recess!

 

Let me tell you about "The Day With No Recess..." (and, this was my class of upper elementary students, there was a 2rd grader but she was a girl who sat still, the rest were 3rd grade or above.)

 

Once upon a time I taught a class of children in Little Rock. One day when it was rainy and cold, the evil bureaucracy conspired to steal their recess.

 

Because of sensible rules, the children were not allowed to play outside when it was below 20 degrees AND raining. Because of insensible rules, the children were mandated to do X minutes of math and X minutes of reading a day, etc. regardless of whether they got any outdoor recess or not. Because this school had no gym and the evil bureaucracy did not permit them to cycle through the cafeteria and sacrifice a few of their mandated minutes of academics, they sat through the last half of the day learning absolutely nothing instead of having some cafeteria recess and learning a bit of something. (They all got recess together in the cafeteria at lunch and in their classrooms during normal recess periods.)

 

When we got the children that day at the end of school, we made them go outside and run around for a few minutes until they begged to come in, but it was still hopeless, they learned absolutely nothing that day. We let them play games 40 minutes early, but even that did not get to their brains.

 

So, more recess!

 

Also, games are good. For boys, I like games that incorporate relay races, preferably where they do the running and you sit. Get six $1 packages of magnetic letters and play some games with relay races. They run back and forth and scoop up letters and then build words. You can also do relay races to scoop up words on cards or something that you are learning to sound out that lesson.

 

I also recommend working from a white board and playing my game.

 

(Luckily, it is not that cold in Little Rock often, or those poor children would learn nothing and suffer from lack of exercise during the winter.)

[Miss Marple]

Plus I absolutely hated her until I was 9. I used to lick her fork when I was setting the table so she would catch some germ and die.

 

LOL! Reminds me of a story my grandmother told. She was put, along with her younger siblings, into an orphanage when her father could no longer take care of them (Depression era, mother died in childbirth). When he remarried again to a woman only a few years older than my grandmother was, grandmother was a bit put out. This step-mother would ask her for a glass of water. She (grandmother) would put her toe in the glass before delivering it! It seemed to give her a great sense of satisfaction :rofl:

Edited June 17, 2010 by CynthiaOK

[NanceXToo]

Just for the heck of it, maybe you should read this book and see if it helps with your way of thinking at all:

 

http://www.amazon.com/Better-Late-Than-Early-Education/dp/0883490498/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1276778870&sr=1-1

[woolybear]

Are you honestly upset that your very young boy isn't accelerated? While you may think he is not learning, I can assure you he is learning something every time he tumbles off the sofa, spills something, makes cool noises, etc. You may not be able to relate to it, but that's not his fault. It might not be what you want him to be learning when you want him to learn it but that's the way it goes with very young children. You're the mama - you've got to "mama up" to the job of parenting a BOY no matter what your expectations were.

 

 

 

As the mom of 4 boys, it pays off and it pays off big. I think it pays off big about the same time girls get to be totally obnoxious (I can say that because I was one and had 2 sisters)! Few girls will pump your gas, few girls will kill a snake for you, few girls will be happy with 2 pairs of jeans, a couple of t-shirts, and a pair of flip-flops (and boys seldom hold grudges). Are you only seeking a payoff in terms of accelerated academics? You son may never be able to measure up to your standards esp. if you have set those standards at an "accelerated" level in kindergarten. And, yes, payoff can come in terms of academics, too. My oldest has a full ride (tuition, living expenses) at his university. But I despaired of him reading - I tried to make him conform to my idea of "how to do it right" rather than let him learn in the best way he could. And that happened to be hanging upside down on the sofa with his legs thrown over the back, or putting together legos quietly while we read aloud, or learning his times tables jumping on the trampoline (also a great way to learn prepositions).

 

Boys need lots of exercise, frequent changes in activity, and a patient mama who will instill in them a work ethic, responsibility, and discipline. Kalanamak offered you some great advice on practical ways to begin schooling. Begin slow and work up to it - just like any other exercise, the body/brain needs to build up stamina.

 

Boys are fantastic! Let your boy think he's the absolute best kid you could ever have had! Whatever expectations you had, lay them aside and let your son show you how wonderful he is - enjoy the things he enjoys, read the books boys like (my boys could not abide sappy girly books), do messy hands-on activities, and find some great books on tape (it'll help save your sanity). And there is nothing wrong with requiring a certain amount of time per day as "quiet time" - even boys need to learn to be quiet/still. But realize he will never be the girl you thought you would have - and you'll come to appreciate all his boyishness :001_smile:

Wow! Some wonderful thoughts here!

[woolybear]

I haven't finished reading all the posts on this thread, but isn't it wonderful to hear all of this???!!! I have no particular words of advice, it's just good to hear I'm not alone.

 

Not school at all, but my boys went out to play the other day. (They are almost 10 and 7 1/2.) One came running back in and asked to borrow a broom. Five minutes later I look outside and they are dueling with the brooms. Said brooms are now bent, nicked, and almost broken. What the.....???? Didn't they think MAYBE that wasn't a good idea?

 

Anyway, I'm learning a lot here on this thread. Thank you all for the wisdom shared.

[Wheres Toto]

I'm saying this with a smile on my face, I promise. :chillpill:

 

This morning my perfect little angels :glare: smooshed banana all over the kitchen floor. They walked in it to see if it would make footprints (it didn't) and then they traipsed around my carpeted living room with sticky feet. Nice.

 

My youngest dumped both the entire contents of the salt shaker and half a bag of cedar animal bedding all over the living room floor. He then proceeded to throw handfuls in the air and twirl around squealing in delight. I would have been quite peeved if he weren't so darn cute! Sigh.

 

My older boys broke out the math manipulatives (without permission) and misplaced half of the new domino set. Then they embarked on a rubber band fight that spanned the common areas of our home!

 

Two nights ago I sent my 6yo to bed early for throwing something at the television screen (I walked around the corner just in time to see him take aim...I have no clue what he was thinking :confused:). The night before my 4yo went to bed early for fighting with his siblings, and particularly for bashing his little brother over the head with an aluminum water bottle. And he just now used a badminton raquet to whack a golf ball off the coffee table. Oh my word.

 

In the past few weeks my kids have clogged their toilet multiple times (it's currently out of commission pending an overdue call to the plumber), stopped up a bathtub drain with paper labels and bar soap, and gotten something stuck in the garbage disposal.

 

I can't tell you how many times I've sent a boy to his room for whining about lessons, dawdling, squabbling with a sibling, copping a poor attitude with me, back talking, etc.

 

This is nothing compared to the constant bickering that goes on when my eldest is home. He's been on vacation with a friend for the past two weeks and it's honestly been relatively peaceful without him around. Not that I would tell him that, of course, but it's true.

 

Thank you so much for posting this!! I thought I was the only one whose kids seemed to do the most destructive, messiest, grossest things without taking two seconds to think if its a good idea.

[Stacy in NJ]

:iagree:

 

I would say the first boy is the hardest, because they don't have older siblings to model their behavior after.

 

But by age 5, I expect my boys to sit and do a phonics lesson, a math lesson, and a penmanship lesson. Maybe not all in a row, but I do expect it. And they do it, because they know what is expected. They know it will get done so there is no use fighting it. I view the time around the age of 5 as establishing the habit of school. The misbehavior and poor attitudes are addressed (by dh if needed).

 

I do know there are differences between boys and girls, but I don't let influence whether or not we'll have school. However, I don't require my boys to sit still for school, or even sit at all (I've got one that often stands while he works). I do have the rule that your head must be above your feet, but as much as it drives me insane I figured out early on that my boys could either concentrate on sitting still or they could concentrate on what they were learning, but they could not do both simultaneously.

 

:iagree:

 

I particularly argree with NOT making them sit still. My 11 yo still does some of his school work sitting on an exercise ball.

[woolybear]

 

Boys are fantastic! Let your boy think he's the absolute best kid you could ever have had! Whatever expectations you had, lay them aside and let your son show you how wonderful he is - enjoy the things he enjoys, read the books boys like (my boys could not abide sappy girly books), do messy hands-on activities, and find some great books on tape (it'll help save your sanity). And there is nothing wrong with requiring a certain amount of time per day as "quiet time" - even boys need to learn to be quiet/still. But realize he will never be the girl you thought you would have - and you'll come to appreciate all his boyishness :001_smile:

 

I have reread this several times today and it has really helped shift some negative thinking I had gotten into lately. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

[woolybear]

I think the first and most important thing (and I mean this gently) is to stop wishing your bright, boisterous little boy was a sweet quiet little girl. I have one of each: a can't-sit-still, hates-math, would-rather-be-outside-than-do-school DS12, and an I-love-school, will-sit-for-hours-doing-workbooks-for-fun DD7. DD may be less work for me, in terms of teaching, but she's not a smarter/nicer/better/more lovable person just because she can sit still.

 

My son was an off-the-wall toddler — hyperactive, hypersensitive, extremely high maintenance. People used to give me pitying looks and say "Oh, you poor thing, I don't know how you do it." I did it because he was my son, and I knew he was an awesome little human who just had a lot of needs at that point in time. He still does, actually, at 12 — but he's truly one of the smartest, funniest, most loving and perceptive people I've ever known, of any age. I would not want him to be anything other than what he is, and he knows that, which is really really important!

 

 

It almost sounds as if you're angry with him for not producing the desired result, since the time and energy you invested in all that research hasn't "paid off" the way you expected. Maybe he doesn't know he was supposed to somehow turn into a different person when he hit 5.25.

 

 

Then why try to force a 6 year old to sit still and use materials that don't suit his learning style and that he's apparently not ready for? Why can't he do math and reading and writing in a "hands-on" way, when he's ready?

 

 

Maybe you can redefine what you mean by "something resembling learning." I'm sure he's learning things all the time; the fact that he may not be learning phonics your way, on your schedule, doesn't mean he's not doing anything resembling learning. And I'm truly puzzled that you would expect a six year old to have career goals beyond being a Lego builder or tow truck driver. :confused:

 

I did ZERO seat work with my DS before the age of 7. He learned to read CVC words and simple sight words from using magnetic letters on the fridge. I would give him a letter and ask him to bring me 5 things that started or ended with that letter. I'd challenge him to see how fast he could do it — he loved running around the house looking for things. I'd put "AT" on the fridge, and ask him to see how many other words he could make by putting other letters in front of it; the next day I'd put "OT" there and the day after that it might be "OP." He'd happily sit on the floor making words, with no idea it was a reading/spelling "lesson;" it was just a fun game while mama cooked dinner. He learned his numbers and basic addition & subtraction with Cheerios and plastic numbers. He learned to write his name by drawing letters in a cake pan full of coffee grounds. He learned a huge amount of science from watching NOVA/Animal Planet/Discovery, etc., as well as picture books and read-alouds. He started in a Montessori school the second semester of 1st grade, just before his 7th birthday, and even there he often did his work lying on the floor, with his manipulatives spread out on a little rug. Who says little boys need to sit at a desk and do worksheets to learn something?

 

DS is 12 now. He still doesn't enjoy math, but he'll be starting Foerster's Algebra next year, despite having never seen a math workbook before the age of 7. He reads on grade level despite being dyslexic and having not started formal "reading lessons" before 7. He still takes "trampoline breaks" throughout the school day to rev up his brain cells and get the restlessness & wiggles out. We still use a lot of DVDs and documentaries for history and lots of hands-on for science. And he's a GREAT kid. Truly. People tell me all the time what a sweet, smart, thoughtful, mature kid he is — many of the same people who used to feel sorry for me for having such a crazy/difficult toddler/preschooler.

 

Love that boy of yours. Make sure he knows that you love and accept him just the way he is, and find ways to teach him that fit his learning style, even if that means getting down on the floor with him and doing things in short bursts. Even if it means that "school" doesn't look like your idea of "school" for a few years. You may have to wait a little longer for the "pay off," but it will be much greater (both academically and emotionally) than if you try to hammer your little square peg into a round hole at the age of 6.

 

Jackie

 

So much wisdom here as well. I am learning so much from this thread.:bigear:

[mom31257]

I'm probably coming from a totally different perspective here, but I think waiting too late can backfire with some kids. I have known quite a few friends with boys that didn't make them do anything like school until official school age, and then it was torturous to get them started. Even if they are fine later, I know it can't make right now any easier knowing that.

 

My ds started asking to do school when he was 2 because his big sister was doing it. I think that influence definitely helped. We started then, very gently, but whatever I set out for him to do he had to finish. I didn't want to ever give him the option that he could choose to do it or not because I knew someday he wouldn't have that option.

 

He did fun stuff like playdough, we read books, etc., but I always included some type of workbook. He did a K level math program when he was 4, and a K4 Phonics program. We did a full K year of phonics and math, and I included him in MOH Vol. 1 with his big sister. He really loved all the ancient civilizations, especially any battles. I can't say that he really started to like to read until this year (1st grade). He doesn't always like his school work, but he knows that he won't get to play or do the things he likes unless he does it.

 

I don't think a K child should have a lot of school work to do each day, but I don't think it is unreasonable to expect a K age child to do a little reading, math, and some kind of history or science topic on a daily basis.

 

I hope you find what can bring a balance for you and your kids.

[mama2cntrykids]

The only child of *mine* that has begged to do school is my 4 yr old dd (when she was three yrs old, none the less, lol).

 

I have a 7 y/o ds who would rather do *nothing* than do school. Really. Nothing. And he has to. I've learned many things regarding school and him this past year. One of those things is, he almost ever does stuff "by the book". I've had to tweak so.many.things during his 1st grade yr, it was unbelieveable!

 

I keep telling myself, "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming". If something isn't working and there's lots of tears, find ways to bend it to him, not the other way around. The curriculum works for you, you don't work for it. Hugs to you sister!

[AppleGreen]

:grouphug: It is really tough to reconcile your expectations w/ reality. My oldest was a huge, huge lesson in that for me and it was hard! I think Jackie made some excellent points. I will say that this year has been our best year (3rd grade). He has been able to focus a little more (but is still highly distractable!) Reading in particular really took off for us the latter half of the year and that has been huge!

 

I really feel like it is a fine line. I can beat myself up over the fighting and battling w/ my child in those early school years, but I also see the benefit in persevering and consistently giving the message that school is important and something we do. He does love to learn, some subjects more than others. I think a big part of our successful year was finally finding good curriculum fits, getting a good rhythm in place, lots of breaks and just general maturing. The boy brain is wired differently than the girl brain. Recognizing and adjusting for that in my teaching probably helped as well. Don't underestimate what can be learned and accomplished w/ lots of hands on learning! If that makes it more enjoyable for him--do it!

[Miss Marple]

I have reread this several times today and it has really helped shift some negative thinking I had gotten into lately. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

:grouphug: Sometimes the noise and activity can really take its toll. But remember, you are there to civilize these fellas. It's OK to demand some quiet and peace :001_smile:

[winoelle]

If you ever get a chance to hear Andrew Pudewa speak at a homeschooling convention, try to get to his speech about "Teaching boys and others who would rather build forts all day." For me, it was quite eye-opening about the different learning styles of boys v. girls. I am no longer requiring my boys to sit in a chair to write. They can kneel on the floor (ds1's preferred posture) or stand at the table (ds2's preference).

 

 

:iagree: Go hear Pudewa if you get the chance, he is fantastic. I have a daughter who is like this and it took Pudewa to point out that forcing her to sit at the table is silly. I battled with her every day to get her to do her math, now that I let her take it where she wants, usually the floor, she is doing it happily. I let her move more, stand during things where possible, and let go a little and it has made a world of difference.

 

Noelle

[Irishmommy]

My son EXPLODED at 3. Before that age he was a wonderfully tempered baby. At 3 things seemed to go haywire for him, too much too soon. I begged him to color, he'd have none of it. I did read to him though. I just read, read, read. He still has a love for reading (now he can do it on his own), I like to think all the mama reading helped.

ALSO, let yourself mourn for the child you THOUGHT you'd have, then GET OVER IT. When I did that myself, I was so much better at dealing with him, rather than wondering why he wouldn't do all the things I just knew he'd do. School still isn't a cake walk with him. It took me a long time to find a good LA fit for him, now I just have to work on getting the right math for him.

Anyway, hugs to you. I do know how frustrating it can be. AND, I have a feeling that older ds will seem like a cake walk compared to younger ds.:tongue_smilie::lol:

[ClassicalTwins]

I wanted "A" boy but got a set! Reading these stories is totally cracking me up. My boys are wonderful "normal" boys, especially after reading these stories, I truly feel better about what we are experiencing in my house.

 

We have days were they are set and ready to go, then can go weeks without the first book being opened, except a read a loud.

 

They are 7, and I keep reminding myself they are only young once and I have to enjoy them....:lurk5: