I am losing it with boys!

[FairProspects]

I have had it! I want school/learning to be anyone else's problem but mine. It seems like everyone else's children are brilliant, beg to do school, whiz through curriculum, test highly, and are generally advanced.

 

In my house, the boys fight all day, throw legos, destroy stuff, whine, growl and cry about 5 minutes of school, put heads on the table and refuse to do anything, and choose naps over learning to read (this actually happened).

 

I really tried to educate myself first, and did NOTHING academic with ds for the first 5.25 years of his life, except read-alouds & toys. We joined play-groups, took nature walks, read tons of books, did a strictly play-based co-op, made playdough, goop, gack, and I took parenting classes where we discussed the literature about play and how much better it was for brain-development. When we did start hsling I purposely tried to choose very straight on age/K (sometimes even below age-level or Pre-K) material.

 

When is this supposed to pay off? Ds HATES to read (even CVC words), can't sit still, cries over K math saying its too hard, etc. He turns 6 in a few weeks. He should be in 1st grade next year. What am I supposed to do with him? He's been given the full battery of LD tests, and does have some sensory/vision issues but these are minimal. He's mostly just a straight up boy who doesn't want anything to do with school.

 

I cry when I read about young girls who sit down to read & write. I would give anything for that experience. I can't even look at the accelerated board without getting upset.

 

Ds has so much energy, and he won't put it towards school, what do I do with him? He doesn't like sports or anything structured, he just wants free time to play all day!! The thing is, I think he is bright because he extrapolates incredible amounts of info from one situation to another, but he just can't/won't sit still or do anything that isn't hands-on. He takes so much energy to manage, and I swear we don't accomplish anything!

 

Please tell me somewhere along the line these boys grow up and actually want to do something resembling learning!! So far, all ds wants to do is be a professional Lego man or a tow truck driver! As a former teacher & academic, I'm slowly dying here!!

[Willow]

1. they are boys!

 

2. they are little!

 

My ds didn't even really start formal school until he was 10. (This was almost by accident, he had older siblings doing High School) He started MUS at age 11, with Alpha, He went through 5 levels in a year. He is now 13, doing Algebra with aplomb, he is confident and whilst he doesn't enjoy school he is generally willing and hardworking.

 

At 9 he was still reading "Here is the dog, here is the ball" By 10 and a half he had read the entire Redwall series and was looking for more!

 

WTM (which we use suggestions from now, but not earlier) does not suit all kids. Read "better late than early" by Raymond Moore and cut yourself some slack.

 

I don't suggest this if there are real learning difficulties, but if you have very little children, who just need to play a bit more then go with it for a year or two. Play with them, put the time you are putting into school into taking them to the park, legoing with them, playing board games baking etc etc.

 

I have had 'trophy tots' my eldest was reading with ease at age 3, and was reading chapter books at age 5...with ease. etc etc, but I can tell you with authority they all end up in roughly the same place in the end. It just takes some of them a bit longer to get started. ;)

[wy_kid_wrangler04]

My son was like that also. He will be 6 in October. I stopped completely until he was ready (he is just now learning his letter sounds) Do not push him. If he is not ready, wait a few more months, because when he is ready it will go so much better! For now until he is really ready just unschool him. Follow his interestes! You would be suprised how much he will learn!

 

ETA: I say was, but still kinda is like that. Now he will devote 5-20 mins a day on school (NOT in a row) and we stop when he feels like his is done. As long as I see the time increasing I am fine with this. By September I want him doing 1 hour of school (not all in a row, in 15-20 min segments) then by Jan I want to be worked up to 2-3 hours (again, not all in a row) Then the following year in 1st I am looking for 4 hours, and hour at a time then a "recess"

Edited June 16, 2010 by wy_kid_wrangler04

[fairfarmhand]

OH OH OH!

 

I have a girl who was like that!

 

Around the time she turned EIGHT YEARS OLD she finally GOT IT! Reading was so hard for her she hated it. When she finally got the hang of it we were all relieved.

 

Hang in there!

[hornblower]

:grouphug:

 

slowly, slowly, slowly. Really, it will be ok.

 

As the parent of two "late" academic bloomers (one of each gender so I can't really say it's gender based), I know your pain.

 

Keep reading to them.

 

Do projects.

 

Nature study. Birds, bugs, dinosaurs, fish (& fishing!) are often big hits at this age. So is cooking & baking - get in the kitchen and make simple recipes together. Let him measure (make a mess!) pour (make a mess) stir (make a mess).

 

Do SOTW 1 & do the fun activities - the nile delta in a roasting pan, the mummified chicken etc.

 

If you feel you must have reading & writing lessons, keep them short, short, short. For instance, one page of phonics pathways/day or 10 minutes. Set a timer & stop at 10 minutes.

 

Do a bit of handwriting practice if you like but combine it with art & painting & drawing. It's just lines & space.

 

Your kids are still very young.

 

And if I were in your shoes, I would stay far far away from any accelerated board. Love and appreciate your kids for who THEY are. Find out THEIR interests and strengths.

 

Lego & the physics of driving/ramps/smashing are all good. Get some of the more expensive lego technic kits & let your boy explore those. Get ZomeTools. Get the Snap Circuits electronics kit.

 

Have fun. It will be ok & you have lots of time.

[elegantlion]

My son whined about having to do fractions during the summer today. :glare: We skipped the writing because he would have applied no effort.

 

However, the same child is creating some vast technological center in his bedroom with the computer, Xbox, you-tube, and a video camera. I know what he's doing, but I didn't teach him. I couldn't explain what he's doing, but he loves to tell me all about it. He is passionate and willing to pour hours into whatever he is creating. Today we went to buy him a USB computer keyboard so he could type faster on the Xbox. He was four dollars short and I gave him the money. In exchange I got a six minute backrub (we negotiated terms in the electronics department), and a reminder that when he wins a big award for making film, or creating games, he has to say his mother always believed in him. :D

 

Will he ever love sitting and doing school? I don't know. but we'll stick with it, while he creates his empire.

 

P.S. Did you know they have certified Lego professionals? Big kids playing with tiny lego, they create some fascinating stuff.

 

ETA: I had to put back the hair color I had picked out for him to buy his keyboard. So the grey will stay for a few more days. The things we do for our kids.

[myfunnybunch]

He's almost 6, right?

 

Do not despair! :grouphug: He's young. If you had these issues with an older child (7-8-9) I'd be concerned, but at not-yet 6, he sounds pretty normal.

 

So much of what we think of as school is fine motor work: Writing, coloring, drawing, cutting.... Lots of boys (particularly) are not ready for that much of that kind of fine motor work yet. Their bodies want to move and jump and run and move things and manipulate objects. If he's got some sensory and vision issues in the mix, even mild ones, it's probably even harder for him to sit still. It will come slowly with time and maturity.

 

In your shoes, I would do two things: Continue to create a learning routine, and start small and go slow with the fine motor activities and the reading. You can embed 5 minutes of writing in a lesson on water, do math using counting bears or buttons instead of a worksheet, ask him to re-tell stories by acting them out, have him repeat information back to you instead of writing it. Once he's in the routine of learning time, then gradually increase the structure and fine motor and reading.

 

Especially at first, make the learning routine as hands-on as you can. Do science projects and math manipulatives and learning games that will capture his attention. Read to him as much as he'll let you. You'll get a sense for what those things are that capture his interest.

 

An example from our day (not because I think I'm an amazing teacher, but because it might help you visualize if you've got an example): Today my fussy boys came to the table to a puzzle: What are we studying this morning? They found a tray of flowers from the yard (not hard to guess the lesson today), a microscope and magnifying glasses, colored pencils and comic templates. I read to them about flower parts, we looked at a labeled diagram and I turned them loose at the tray. Once they were engaged with flowers on the tray, I asked them to draw and label what they saw. My 5 y.o. stayed engaged with the lesson for 30 minutes. He drew a yellow flower, wrote "flower" and taped it in his science notebook. Then I let him go play while his brothers finished. (They took an hour!) I just asked him what a sepal (flower part) is and he remembered.

 

A couple quick notes on other parts of your post:

 

Naptime sounds like a good idea. If he'll let you read to him before he takes a nap, do that and let him go. :) No worries....he's himself, not other children (you know, the quiet sweet ones everyone else seems to have, lol), and preferring a nap now doesn't mean he will forever.

 

Stop reading the accelerated board if it makes you upset. Your child is your child, so comparing him to other kids will just give you a headache. (Oh, wait, maybe that's just me.... ;) ) "Gifted" doesn't always equal "loves seatwork."

 

Check this guy out, just for kicks: http://www.brickartist.com/museum.html ;) Not really anything to do with this post except the guy is obviously gifted and loves Legos.

 

:grouphug: Busy boys are such a challenge for me. I grew up in a family of girls, so they're a bit of a mystery too, sometimes. But they also stretch and challenge me in so many wonderful ways. :)

 

Cat

Edited June 16, 2010 by myfunnybunch
fixing link

[FaithManor]

I agree with everyone else, he probably just isn't quite ready yet and I'd cut myself some slack. Yes, we do love to brag about our children's successes and maybe that makes it seem as though we have these picture perfect, happy homeschools. But, trust me, none of us is perfect and there were lots of pot-holes in the road to success.

 

That said, I'd wait until after he is six by several weeks, start again gently, and in the mean time, work on character development. If he can build with legos, he can sit for a few minutes of penmanship. The key is not allowing him to manipulate you with emotional outbursts. So, find the thing he hates more than anything in the whole world (and believe me, scrubbing the toilet with a toothbrush and plastic gloves has worked here before!) and make that a consequence for not cooperating cheerfully with your very reasonable request. Keep the assignment short....it doesn't take long to fold towels, unload the silverware fromt the dishwasher, feed the dog, etc. and be a cheerleading squad when he does the job right and with a good attitude. Just lay off the school work until you see a little more emotional maturity.

 

Reading is just plain hard work for a lot of kidlets. So, keep requiring him to listen to you read. Keep lots of informational books on history and science topics at your side and read more of that than fiction. Kids are absolute sponges at this age and he will absorb a lot if the material is engaging. Make his phonics fun. For my youngest, who had some sensory issues, I kept three pans around for reading time. One pan was filled with rice, one with corn meal, and one with split peas. He traced his letters in the pan with his fingers while chanting their sounds. He'd trace and read whole words that he wouldn't read on a page and it was because the sensory approach activated a neurological need for him. It didn't take long for him to convert to two dimensional reading (ink on a page) from the three dimensional. Play sand works well too. For spelling, we used magnetic letters and board - no writing...he just couldn't manage it that young.

 

If you can, find a chapter book that he'd give his "right arm" to read. My second boy was actually the toughest to get going on reading (he didn't have the sensory issues of the third - so who knows what was up with that) but wanted soooooooooo badly to read the Magic Tree House book "Knights at Dawn". I kept it on the coffee table and refused to read it to him. It was like a carrot. "There it is...when you decide to buckle down and do it, you'll get to find out what happened." One day he picked it up, read it from top to bottom occasionally coming to me for help sounding out a word whose pattern was unfamiliar to him, and then told me everything that happened. I picked my jaw up from the floor, placed it back on my skull, and gave him a "good for you" verbal compliment, a hug, and a cookie. He's an absolutely avid reader now.

 

Reading early, reading late, reading at the average, all has a tendency when learning disabilities are not present, of being inherited traits. Dh was a late reader and an early mathematician. I was an extremely early reader and a late blooming mathematician. I thought math was total Greek, though not a bad student, until I started piano lessons at 7.

 

It will get better! Just keep him close and work on his immaturity issues - whining, throwing legos, etc.

 

Faith

[Sue G in PA]

First: Did you steal my boys? :D Really. You described my home on any given day. Ds9 is taking the CAT test with this big sis this week. The child was finished with ONE test (11 questions) and began crying hysterically that it was toooooo haaaaarrrrrdddd and toooooo looooonnnngggg! Are you serious? :001_huh: What would take any other child a morning to complete is taking him all week. One test each day. :glare:

 

I don't have any advice...just sympathy. I am encouraged that somebody else had a 9yo who still was not ready for formal school. Mine certainly is NOT.

[tex-mex]

1. they are boys!

 

2. they are little!

 

:iagree:I taught K and 1st grades... boys are always developmentally slower than girls. No need to beat yourself up. They may need a year off from your program? But do not cram school into them -- as it can create a dislike of learning. Make it fun! You'd be surprised how easy it is to hs (fun) at that age. :grouphug:

[FairProspects]

My son whined about having to do fractions during the summer today. :glare: We skipped the writing because he would have applied no effort.

 

However, the same child is creating some vast technological center in his bedroom with the computer, Xbox, you-tube, and a video camera. I know what he's doing, but I didn't teach him. I couldn't explain what he's doing, but he loves to tell me all about it. He is passionate and willing to pour hours into whatever he is creating. Today we went to buy him a USB computer keyboard so he could type faster on the Xbox. He was four dollars short and I gave him the money. In exchange I got a six minute backrub (we negotiated terms in the electronics department), and a reminder that when he wins a big award for making film, or creating games, he has to say his mother always believed in him. :D

 

Will he ever love sitting and doing school? I don't know. but we'll stick with it, while he creates his empire.

 

P.S. Did you know they have certified Lego professionals? Big kids playing with tiny lego, they create some fascinating stuff.

 

ETA: I had to put back the hair color I had picked out for him to buy his keyboard. So the grey will stay for a few more days. The things we do for our kids.

 

I totally get this. Yesterday, ds built a composter, complete with motorized "stirrer" from his snap circuits/erector sets. Sure, he has the brain power to build electronics for hours on end but 5 minutes of reading puts him in a coma!!

 

Cat- That lego artist is so cool!

 

Sigh...I am just wired for girls. I sew, I love tea, and dressing up, all that. Then I had boys!! I do love them, but they are so not what I expected :tongue_smilie:!

 

As far as school, Ds does love doing science experiments, and I think he will really like SOTW next year. I just don't want to focus all our energy on these if it would somehow take away from him learning to read.

[Alicia64]

I cracked up at reading this: It seems like everyone else's children are brilliant, beg to do school.

 

No way. And if it come across that way, they're not being that honest. Okay, maybe there's one out there somewhere. But "beg?" I don't think so.

 

I agree with the idea that your kids are young.

 

I've had a lot of help with 1, 2, 3 Magic. Love that book. Re-read it often. Asked dh to read it too and he dislikes these kind of books, but he even got into it.

 

I've also found that routine, routine, routine really helps. So you sit down and do 5 math problems. Keep it short and simple, but daily.

 

Hang in there!

 

Alley

[Plucky]

This is so normal, especially for boys. Both my boys weren't really ready for a lot of academics until 7 probably. We only did a smattering of math, some handwriting, and reading lessons (one got to work out the wiggles every 10 minutes of work by playing). I had to corrall them in the bathtub for read alouds. If I could go back we'd play much more at that age. They are both bright boys able to handle their age appropriate academic load. They are joys to me as well.

[MyLittleWonders]

My oldest was just like that (and at times still is at one month shy of 9 years old). He had the intellectual ability to learn to read at 5. He didn't start learning to read until 7 1/2; now at almost 9, I think he's about 1/2 year below "grade level" and still fights it. But, slowly he is realizing he likes being able to pick up something to read on his own rather than waiting for someone to read to him.

 

It made it even harder because when I wanted to do formal academics with him, his younger brothers were running around the house playing and watching DVDs/TV. He thought that was the biggest injustice in the world. Once ds#2 started doing some K work at the table (he is, overall, a more cooperative learner, though he doesn't love it), ds#1 started finally doing some formal work without nearly as much fight. Now, he tends to get his work done, mostly in a timely manner, most days. ;) He still gripes at times (how dare I make him do both pages of his math assignment, or sit down to do reading when he could be doing something else far more destructive). But, those early years when I wanted to start formal academics with him ... they were disastrous for us both. He wasn't ready, even though I knew he was smart enough to do it.

 

So, he played. He listened to stories (he does love listening to someone else read to him). He played outside. He played with his brothers. He watched TV. We read some more. He helped me cook and bake. We went to the park. I'd fit in little "lessons" where we could ... whether that be some type of counting or patterning or sorting in real-life, or pointing out letters and sounds as we were out and about. But, for a while we were what I would consider unschoolers. I didn't like it. It went against what I wanted to be doing at that time. But, in the long run it worked for us. He has made up a huge amount of ground the last 1 1/2 years - pretty much being where he probably would be had we started formal academics at 5 1/2 or 6 years old. He's starting to write things on his own (not too often, but once in a while I "catch" him at the table with paper and a pencil :lol: ). He's starting to read books on his own (mostly picture books and early chapter books - too many words are still overwhelming for him). And he's finally becoming more cooperative with school time in general.

 

So yes, it does get better. And it is okay to take a few steps back and let him just be a boy right now. :)

[hornblower]

I just don't want to focus all our energy on these if it would somehow take away from him learning to read.

 

I strongly disagree with any idea that hands-on, creative, engaged learning would in any way interfere with learning to read, & even if it did, that it would be a problem per se.

 

There are TONS of kids (& adults!) who know HOW to read & don't read at all. *

 

I'd rather have an interested, engaged, curious pupil who is slow to master reading - even if we need to compensate with read alouds & audio books etc.

 

BTW, when I was growing up in Europe, we started school at age 7 and there was no expectation that we would already know how to read; indeed most of the class didn't.

 

*

 

 

1/3 of high school graduates never read another book for the rest of their lives.

42 percent of college graduates never read another book after college.

80 percent of U.S. families did not buy or read a book last year.

70 percent of U.S. adults have not been in a bookstore in the last five years.

 

http://www.humorwriters.org/startlingstats.html

 

 

[Pretty in Pink]

I'm saying this with a smile on my face, I promise. :chillpill:

 

This morning my perfect little angels :glare: smooshed banana all over the kitchen floor. They walked in it to see if it would make footprints (it didn't) and then they traipsed around my carpeted living room with sticky feet. Nice.

 

My youngest dumped both the entire contents of the salt shaker and half a bag of cedar animal bedding all over the living room floor. He then proceeded to throw handfuls in the air and twirl around squealing in delight. I would have been quite peeved if he weren't so darn cute! Sigh.

 

My older boys broke out the math manipulatives (without permission) and misplaced half of the new domino set. Then they embarked on a rubber band fight that spanned the common areas of our home!

 

Two nights ago I sent my 6yo to bed early for throwing something at the television screen (I walked around the corner just in time to see him take aim...I have no clue what he was thinking :confused:). The night before my 4yo went to bed early for fighting with his siblings, and particularly for bashing his little brother over the head with an aluminum water bottle. And he just now used a badminton raquet to whack a golf ball off the coffee table. Oh my word.

 

In the past few weeks my kids have clogged their toilet multiple times (it's currently out of commission pending an overdue call to the plumber), stopped up a bathtub drain with paper labels and bar soap, and gotten something stuck in the garbage disposal.

 

I can't tell you how many times I've sent a boy to his room for whining about lessons, dawdling, squabbling with a sibling, copping a poor attitude with me, back talking, etc.

 

This is nothing compared to the constant bickering that goes on when my eldest is home. He's been on vacation with a friend for the past two weeks and it's honestly been relatively peaceful without him around. Not that I would tell him that, of course, but it's true.

[Evergreen Academy]

Take heart, your son sounds like a very normal little boy (and as a mom of 5 boys, I have seen boys in action)! They are all so different, but as other posters have mentioned, boys mature a little more slowly than girls. My ds12 was my first child to homeschool from K on, and when we started him at nearly 6 years old, he still didn't know all his letters (not for lack of trying), couldn't always identify his colors, and couldn't sit still to save his life - unless he was being read to. He didn't learn to read until he was well into his 7th year, and struggled with sitting still long enough to write much until he was 8 or 9. However, by the time he was 8, he was reading far above grade level. When he was 10, I remember seeing him in a headstand against a recliner, enjoying his upside-down copy of Call of the Wild. And I thought, this is why I homeschooled him. He now is able to channel his energy and tests post high school in most subjects - I say this to give you hope!

 

Here's what we did: I kept most of K oral - as I said, he loved to be read to. I'd ask him to tell me about the story, and I'd write down his response. He'd illustrate and we'd tuck it into a binder. He liked Explode the Code, and math was a strong point for him. But he was still VERY active and needed lots of time to run, jump, ride and play. Reading - we used Phonics Pathways but would put it away when we both got too frustrated and try again in a week or two. When he was ready, we used Pathway readers.

 

In 1st and 2nd grade we did FLL - short, easy lessons that were oral. More reading aloud and narration, lots of reading on topics that interested him. I think we did a unit on Eric Carl that year (the very hungry caterpillar, etc), where we made a giant caterpillar on the wall, with a body segment for each book we read. He'd cut out the traced segment and copy the name of the book onto it. We baked a lot and did tons of nature study.

 

Try not to compare (I know it is SO hard!) and enjoy this precious time when he is little - it goes so quickly. Find what he is interested in and let him snuggle up with you and those books, keeping lessons short and choosing picture books if that grabs his attention best. I am reminding myself of all this now, as my littlest ds7 hops out of his chair and has to be retrieved and refocused every few minutes...they will get there!

Blessings,

Aimee

mom to 6 great kids ages 7-19, schooling grades 1, 3, 3 and 6

[lynn]

I can't believe I can say I have been there. Now that the 2 oldest are in highschools and doing very well, i realize hey, I survived that. You will do well. Take one day at a time

Edited June 16, 2010 by lynn

[Guest mrsjamiesouth]

You should try reading books during mealtimes, I found this helps mine. Also, get books on Audio and toss a ball back and forth while listening. You should check out HOD, LHFHG. Carrie, the author, has 4 boys and designed this curriculum for the wiggly one's.

[FairProspects]

My older boys broke out the math manipulatives (without permission) and misplaced half of the new domino set. Then they embarked on a rubber band fight that spanned the common areas of our home!

 

I think our kids would be great friends! Mine had a rubber band fight this morning too when I tried to make "math time" from Geoboards.

 

Take heart, your son sounds like a very normal little boy (and as a mom of 5 boys, I have seen boys in action)! They are all so different, but as other posters have mentioned, boys mature a little more slowly than girls. My ds12 was my first child to homeschool from K on, and when we started him at nearly 6 years old, he still didn't know all his letters (not for lack of trying), couldn't always identify his colors, and couldn't sit still to save his life - unless he was being read to. He didn't learn to read until he was well into his 7th year, and struggled with sitting still long enough to write much until he was 8 or 9. However, by the time he was 8, he was reading far above grade level. When he was 10, I remember seeing him in a headstand against a recliner, enjoying his upside-down copy of Call of the Wild. And I thought, this is why I homeschooled him. He now is able to channel his energy and tests post high school in most subjects - I say this to give you hope!

 

Here's what we did: I kept most of K oral - as I said, he loved to be read to. I'd ask him to tell me about the story, and I'd write down his response. He'd illustrate and we'd tuck it into a binder. He liked Explode the Code, and math was a strong point for him. But he was still VERY active and needed lots of time to run, jump, ride and play. Reading - we used Phonics Pathways but would put it away when we both got too frustrated and try again in a week or two. When he was ready, we used Pathway readers.

 

In 1st and 2nd grade we did FLL - short, easy lessons that were oral. More reading aloud and narration, lots of reading on topics that interested him. I think we did a unit on Eric Carl that year (the very hungry caterpillar, etc), where we made a giant caterpillar on the wall, with a body segment for each book we read. He'd cut out the traced segment and copy the name of the book onto it. We baked a lot and did tons of nature study.

 

Try not to compare (I know it is SO hard!) and enjoy this precious time when he is little - it goes so quickly. Find what he is interested in and let him snuggle up with you and those books, keeping lessons short and choosing picture books if that grabs his attention best. I am reminding myself of all this now, as my littlest ds7 hops out of his chair and has to be retrieved and refocused every few minutes...they will get there!

Blessings,

Aimee

mom to 6 great kids ages 7-19, schooling grades 1, 3, 3 and 6

 

I can't believe I can say I have been there. Now that the 2 oldest are in highschools and doing very well, i realize hey, I survived that. You will do well. Take one day at a time

 

Thank you for these! They are very encouraging!

[myfunnybunch]

I just don't want to focus all our energy on these if it would somehow take away from him learning to read.

 

It won't, promise! Quite the contrary, I think. :)

 

What it will do is fill his learning time with interesting educational activity that sparks his curiousity, which will help him to learn and to enjoy school time.

 

As his reading and writing skills grow stronger it will become more and more natural to incorporate reading and writing into his schooling.

 

Cat

[Mommy22alyns]

Have to offer some :grouphug:.

[Stacy in NJ]

My children don't always want to do what's required of them. Some days they would prefer not to brush their teeth or make their beds, but those are two activites that are just required in our home. They are non-negotiable. School work is also a requirement.

 

You can wait until he's "ready", which may be tomorrow or it may be never.

 

At the age of 6, your ds should be able to sit for 15 minutes (or so) of phonics instruction. He doen't need to enjoy it; he does need to do it witout complaining. Tell him that he needs to work cooperatively for 5 minutes then he'll get an M&M (or jellybean or whatever). Give him a small treat every 5 minutes for so. Keep it light and fun but required. Expect some resistance but don't become frustrated. Be encouraging and gentle but insist he do the work. If he's a first grader tell him that this is what is required of first graders.

 

The romantic idea that homeschooling is going to be some perfect meeting of the minds between parent and child with rainbows and unicorns all the way around is really quite destructive of actual learning. While I strive to engage the minds of my dss, behave sensitively to their interests and needs, I'm not Santa Claus or Mary Poppins. Sometimes in our home it's just get 'er done.

 

Good luck. :D

[Corraleno]

I cry when I read about young girls who sit down to read & write. I would give anything for that experience. I can't even look at the accelerated board without getting upset.

I think the first and most important thing (and I mean this gently) is to stop wishing your bright, boisterous little boy was a sweet quiet little girl. I have one of each: a can't-sit-still, hates-math, would-rather-be-outside-than-do-school DS12, and an I-love-school, will-sit-for-hours-doing-workbooks-for-fun DD7. DD may be less work for me, in terms of teaching, but she's not a smarter/nicer/better/more lovable person just because she can sit still.

 

My son was an off-the-wall toddler — hyperactive, hypersensitive, extremely high maintenance. People used to give me pitying looks and say "Oh, you poor thing, I don't know how you do it." I did it because he was my son, and I knew he was an awesome little human who just had a lot of needs at that point in time. He still does, actually, at 12 — but he's truly one of the smartest, funniest, most loving and perceptive people I've ever known, of any age. I would not want him to be anything other than what he is, and he knows that, which is really really important!

 

When is this supposed to pay off? Ds HATES to read (even CVC words), can't sit still, cries over K math saying its too hard, etc. He turns 6 in a few weeks. He should be in 1st grade next year. What am I supposed to do with him? He's been given the full battery of LD tests, and does have some sensory/vision issues but these are minimal. He's mostly just a straight up boy who doesn't want anything to do with school.

It almost sounds as if you're angry with him for not producing the desired result, since the time and energy you invested in all that research hasn't "paid off" the way you expected. Maybe he doesn't know he was supposed to somehow turn into a different person when he hit 5.25.

 

Ds has so much energy, and he won't put it towards school, what do I do with him? He doesn't like sports or anything structured, he just wants free time to play all day!! The thing is, I think he is bright because he extrapolates incredible amounts of info from one situation to another, but he just can't/won't sit still or do anything that isn't hands-on. He takes so much energy to manage, and I swear we don't accomplish anything!

Then why try to force a 6 year old to sit still and use materials that don't suit his learning style and that he's apparently not ready for? Why can't he do math and reading and writing in a "hands-on" way, when he's ready?

 

Please tell me somewhere along the line these boys grow up and actually want to do something resembling learning!! So far, all ds wants to do is be a professional Lego man or a tow truck driver! As a former teacher & academic, I'm slowly dying here!!

Maybe you can redefine what you mean by "something resembling learning." I'm sure he's learning things all the time; the fact that he may not be learning phonics your way, on your schedule, doesn't mean he's not doing anything resembling learning. And I'm truly puzzled that you would expect a six year old to have career goals beyond being a Lego builder or tow truck driver. :confused:

 

I did ZERO seat work with my DS before the age of 7. He learned to read CVC words and simple sight words from using magnetic letters on the fridge. I would give him a letter and ask him to bring me 5 things that started or ended with that letter. I'd challenge him to see how fast he could do it — he loved running around the house looking for things. I'd put "AT" on the fridge, and ask him to see how many other words he could make by putting other letters in front of it; the next day I'd put "OT" there and the day after that it might be "OP." He'd happily sit on the floor making words, with no idea it was a reading/spelling "lesson;" it was just a fun game while mama cooked dinner. He learned his numbers and basic addition & subtraction with Cheerios and plastic numbers. He learned to write his name by drawing letters in a cake pan full of coffee grounds. He learned a huge amount of science from watching NOVA/Animal Planet/Discovery, etc., as well as picture books and read-alouds. He started in a Montessori school the second semester of 1st grade, just before his 7th birthday, and even there he often did his work lying on the floor, with his manipulatives spread out on a little rug. Who says little boys need to sit at a desk and do worksheets to learn something?

 

DS is 12 now. He still doesn't enjoy math, but he'll be starting Foerster's Algebra next year, despite having never seen a math workbook before the age of 7. He reads on grade level despite being dyslexic and having not started formal "reading lessons" before 7. He still takes "trampoline breaks" throughout the school day to rev up his brain cells and get the restlessness & wiggles out. We still use a lot of DVDs and documentaries for history and lots of hands-on for science. And he's a GREAT kid. Truly. People tell me all the time what a sweet, smart, thoughtful, mature kid he is — many of the same people who used to feel sorry for me for having such a crazy/difficult toddler/preschooler.

 

Love that boy of yours. Make sure he knows that you love and accept him just the way he is, and find ways to teach him that fit his learning style, even if that means getting down on the floor with him and doing things in short bursts. Even if it means that "school" doesn't look like your idea of "school" for a few years. You may have to wait a little longer for the "pay off," but it will be much greater (both academically and emotionally) than if you try to hammer your little square peg into a round hole at the age of 6.

 

Jackie

[Dana]

If you can, find a chapter book that he'd give his "right arm" to read. My second boy was actually the toughest to get going on reading (he didn't have the sensory issues of the third - so who knows what was up with that) but wanted soooooooooo badly to read the Magic Tree House book "Knights at Dawn". I kept it on the coffee table and refused to read it to him. It was like a carrot. "There it is...when you decide to buckle down and do it, you'll get to find out what happened." One day he picked it up, read it from top to bottom occasionally coming to me for help sounding out a word whose pattern was unfamiliar to him, and then told me everything that happened. I picked my jaw up from the floor, placed it back on my skull, and gave him a "good for you" verbal compliment, a hug, and a cookie. He's an absolutely avid reader now.

 

 

For my son, it was Calvin and Hobbes - at 6! We'd read the comics to him on occasion, but he kept wanting to read them when we weren't willing to read aloud. He's self-taught for reading (thus the desperate need to switch to AAS so he'd get some phonics!).

 

I also kept reading time fun in the evenings with family read-alouds, so reading wasn't just him feeling put-upon.

 

We had a really rough transition when we started homeschooling in first grade. Lots of tears and crying on both sides. It does get easier with time as well - and you're not alone!

[FairProspects]

I think the first and most important thing (and I mean this gently) is to stop wishing your bright, boisterous little boy was a sweet quiet little girl. I have one of each: a can't-sit-still, hates-math, would-rather-be-outside-than-do-school DS12, and an I-love-school, will-sit-for-hours-doing-workbooks-for-fun DD7. DD may be less work for me, in terms of teaching, but she's not a smarter/nicer/better/more lovable person just because she can sit still.

 

It almost sounds as if you're angry with him for not producing the desired result, since the time and energy you invested in all that research hasn't "paid off" the way you expected. Maybe he doesn't know he was supposed to somehow turn into a different person when he hit 5.25.

 

Maybe you can redefine what you mean by "something resembling learning." I'm sure he's learning things all the time; the fact that he may not be learning phonics your way, on your schedule, doesn't mean he's not doing anything resembling learning. And I'm truly puzzled that you would expect a six year old to have career goals beyond being a Lego builder or tow truck driver. :confused:

 

Jackie

 

I do love the pants off of him. But he is absolutely not what I expected when I had kids, not just in gender, but in temperament and everything else. He is in many ways the polar opposite of me, and I think any honest parent will tell you that it is hard sometimes to reconcile reality with expectations. That doesn't mean I love him any less, or that I am any less accepting of who he is as a person, just that our relationship is not always the harmonious cake-walk I see between some of my RL friends and their children who share a lot of common interests.

 

I don't seriously expect him to have any different career goals at this stage, I'm just a rather dramatic, passionate person by nature, and I soemtimes tend to exaggerate my feelings ;).

 

Thanks for your post! It really made me think.:)

[Sebastian (a lady)]

I must be averaging our a small town in the midwest with my book buying habits then.

 

I agree that 5.5 isn't the time to decide that a kid is never going to "get" reading. I had one reading well by 1st grade, another reading well before 5 and then one who is just now at 7 coming up to what I think of as on grade level. There were times when if I hadn't already taught two kids how to read that I would have been convinced that it was actually impossible.

 

Things that I wish I'd done differently with #3:

 

Read to him more. I read aloud a lot to his brothers, but by the time he was a toddler, they were already reading novels and I got out of the habit. I should have done more of this with him.

Not start reading instruction so soon. I pushed on with 100 Easy Lessons even when I should have seen that he wasn't yet ready at 5 or even 5.5.

Be more consistant. We had a lot of interuptions in our life at that point, like moving houses (three times). I should have made consistency in lessons a priority, even if that was the majority of our school work for the day.

 

On the topic of behavior, attitude, responsiveness etc. A 5.5 yo might be not ready to learn to read, but they are old enough to learn self control. One of my mentors told me years ago that there were days when heart lessons were more important than math lessons. I find this is very true. Build foundations of behavior and obedience now that will support learning later.

[JudoMom]

My children don't always want to do what's required of them. Some days they would prefer not to brush their teeth or make their beds, but those are two activites that are just required in our home. They are non-negotiable. School work is also a requirement.

 

You can wait until he's "ready", which may be tomorrow or it may be never.

 

At the age of 6, your ds should be able to sit for 15 minutes (or so) of phonics instruction. He doen't need to enjoy it; he does need to do it witout complaining. Tell him that he needs to work cooperatively for 5 minutes then he'll get an M&M (or jellybean or whatever). Give him a small treat every 5 minutes for so. Keep it light and fun but required. Expect some resistance but don't become frustrated. Be encouraging and gentle but insist he do the work. If he's a first grader tell him that this is what is required of first graders.

 

The romantic idea that homeschooling is going to be some perfect meeting of the minds between parent and child with rainbows and unicorns all the way around is really quite destructive of actual learning. While I strive to engage the minds of my dss, behave sensitively to their interests and needs, I'm not Santa Claus or Mary Poppins. Sometimes in our home it's just get 'er done.

 

Good luck. :D

 

:iagree:

 

I would say the first boy is the hardest, because they don't have older siblings to model their behavior after.

 

But by age 5, I expect my boys to sit and do a phonics lesson, a math lesson, and a penmanship lesson. Maybe not all in a row, but I do expect it. And they do it, because they know what is expected. They know it will get done so there is no use fighting it. I view the time around the age of 5 as establishing the habit of school. The misbehavior and poor attitudes are addressed (by dh if needed).

 

I do know there are differences between boys and girls, but I don't let influence whether or not we'll have school. However, I don't require my boys to sit still for school, or even sit at all (I've got one that often stands while he works). I do have the rule that your head must be above your feet, but as much as it drives me insane I figured out early on that my boys could either concentrate on sitting still or they could concentrate on what they were learning, but they could not do both simultaneously.

[Mom-ninja.]

Come spend a day in my house and you'll feel better.

 

Read books about boys and that will make you feel better. Gurian is a good author, he's written several.

 

"Raising Cain" is a good book as well.

 

"Real Boys" is also good.

[dragons in the flower bed]

I really tried to educate myself first, and did NOTHING academic with ds for the first 5.25 years of his life, except read-alouds & toys. <snip> When we did start hsling I purposely tried to choose very straight on age/K (sometimes even below age-level or Pre-K) material.

 

Oh, so much to say, yet so many noises indicating that my children are swinging off the bunk beds with swords instead of getting under their covers with books. Forgive me if I do not proofread this. I have your son, but four years older.

 

Children are ready for kindergarten between age three and seven, not at age five. It's a range with an average, a mean and a median. It's just math, this little tidbit of developmental psychology. But you're not writing a textbook on child dev.; you're raising a boy. You don't have to use math to make your guesses look good. You don't have to guess at all!

 

I like the approach of waiting for certain signs of readiness, ignoring the date indicated by the birth certificate. In Waldorf schools they say not to teach reading until a child loses his milk teeth. That allows for educators to know that children expected to do the same task have reached the same actual physiological stage of development. Since children vary wildly, such an indicator makes a lot more sense to me. In other things, we say, "well, a child walking by eight months is within the range of normal, at thirteen months is right in range, at sixteen months is on the other far end but still normal." We need to say this about grade level too. A child who is content to do kindergarten starting at five is within the range of normal. A child starting kindergarten at six is within the range of normal, too. Four and seven are at the far ends, but still within range.

 

Nowadays I wait until my children are looking around saying, "Hey, why can't I do school?" It's my personal indicator. I didn't do this with my now-nine-year-old though. We fought about handwriting and mathematics when that child was five. It was not until second grade (age seven) that I noticed everything was suddenly mysteriously not horrible. There was (and is) still dawdling and fooling around, reluctance and wiggliness, but it had a different tone to it, and it's not at the level where it could harm my relationship with my child.

 

As well as there being a range of appropriate times for kindergarten entry, there is a range of discomfort with developmentally inappropriate requests. Some kids won't tolerate doing things that are developmentally off target because they don't tolerate non-creative things that well at all. This child of mine, who had been my unhappy kindergartener, doesn't volunteer for scary things like my younger son or obediently implement unpleasant directions like my older stepson. Oh, though, the child is brilliant, an engineer like your son, able to make crazy stuff I can't even understand. I don't bother to teach this child science anymore. I just make up a budget for science supplies. Maybe the majority of kids are not up for doing academics when they're five, but enough of them can tolerate it by then that it's only the odd few who show that distaste. It's even more important with these easily upset children to know where they are developmentally and wait for the right moment to jump in with something like formal lessons.

 

A kid who can construct a composter out of an erector set and a snap circuits kit at age five but can't read is developing asynchronously. That's a sign of giftedness. Accelerated can means a kid tolerates well or is good at doing schoolwork as often as it indicates superior intelligence. In fact, giftedness sometimes causes a child to not tolerate schoolwork. A lot of the folks on the accelerated/gifted boards have children who are talented in some areas and at the lower end of the range of normal in other areas. You should go read and read carefully. I think accelerated is an odd name for that board. All WTM kids are accelerated 'cause the national average is way way lower than what even our slowest kids on this board are doing by third grade.

 

I hear what you're saying, though, about being frustrated with your child's unwillingness to get going on this grand homeschool adventure. I too am a little tweaked after visiting an amazing blog like satorismiles. I do have one kid like Satori, but because none of the others are, I don't have the time to do all the things he'd be game for. I would advise you to find the parents of boys like yours and weigh their posts more heavily than all of the rest. Check out Mama Lynx's threads on here. Her oldest was slow to warm to academics, and now he's doing threateningly impressive things.

 

And :grouphug:. It will be okay. It will not just be okay; it will be good. In four years you'll be wizened and can write encouraging posts to moms of young engineers.

Edited June 23, 2010 by dragons in the flower bed

[2boysmom]

School really didn't start for my boys till ten. (I have two) If I had to go back, I would have stopped pushing school till then. Everything else I tried to teach before ten, I had to re-teach anyway. I would just enjoy your boys. Go outside. Enjoy nature. Smell the flowers. Put away the books (there will be plenty of time for that). They are too small for you to be fretting over school IMO. (been there done that).

[treestarfae]

I got advice from a Kindergarten teacher to not start my kids until they were 6 for K. In K they do alot of crafts and beginner learning. It's not until 1st grade age 7 that we crack down. Has worked for us. I would try time4learning visual interactive lessons http://www.time4learning.com/ . Try a sample lesson. My kids do computer classes every other day. They need computer skills and they enjoy the lessons.

[kalanamak]

 

In my house, the boys fight all day, throw legos, destroy stuff, whine, growl and cry about 5 minutes of school, put heads on the table and refuse to do anything, and choose naps over learning to read (this actually happened).

 

 

I haven't read the others, but I would do two things:

 

1) 4 hours outside HARD running/playing a day. Run them into the ground.

2) get them used to coloring or drawing or sitting still playing with something quietly while you read to them first.

 

From there, I would start insisting on 5 minutes of seat work at a time. If a child cuts up after that much exercise, he gets 5 minutes time out until he can come back and do five minutes. KEEP YOUR COOL. Make it very cilinical. Say "I know you are unhappy about this, but it is going to happen regardless." Point out how fast it can go with some proper attitude. I even rewarded with ice cream (which was a big deal to kiddo). I've only seen one show of SuperNanny, but I imagine a child carrying on like the girl who didn't want to go to bed for the first 2 weeks.:glare:

 

Work up from there. I did it this way, but I started the day he turned 4. By the end of K5 I had 15 minutes a day (7 days a week, I add). By the end of 1st it was 30 minutes per day plus science fun and read alouds, but 30 of the 3 R's. Now, at the end of second grade, I can get 2-3 hours a day plus science art etc. It took a long time, but it worked, he thrives, and he STILL gets 4 hours a day outside.

 

I know I only have one, but I'd work on the fight, destroy, growl first, and a good hard run a day would be my first step. We are "brought up", my mother used to say, from the wild beasts. She had a pack of wild boys.

[Mom-ninja.]

I do love the pants off of him. But he is absolutely not what I expected when I had kids, not just in gender, but in temperament and everything else. He is in many ways the polar opposite of me, and I think any honest parent will tell you that it is hard sometimes to reconcile reality with expectations. That doesn't mean I love him any less, or that I am any less accepting of who he is as a person, just that our relationship is not always the harmonious cake-walk I see between some of my RL friends and their children who share a lot of common interests.

 

 

I so understand this.

[EKS]

My children don't always want to do what's required of them. Some days they would prefer not to brush their teeth or make their beds, but those are two activites that are just required in our home. They are non-negotiable. School work is also a requirement.

 

You can wait until he's "ready", which may be tomorrow or it may be never.

 

At the age of 6, your ds should be able to sit for 15 minutes (or so) of phonics instruction. He doen't need to enjoy it; he does need to do it witout complaining. Tell him that he needs to work cooperatively for 5 minutes then he'll get an M&M (or jellybean or whatever). Give him a small treat every 5 minutes for so. Keep it light and fun but required. Expect some resistance but don't become frustrated. Be encouraging and gentle but insist he do the work. If he's a first grader tell him that this is what is required of first graders.

 

The romantic idea that homeschooling is going to be some perfect meeting of the minds between parent and child with rainbows and unicorns all the way around is really quite destructive of actual learning. While I strive to engage the minds of my dss, behave sensitively to their interests and needs, I'm not Santa Claus or Mary Poppins. Sometimes in our home it's just get 'er done.

 

Good luck. :D

 

:iagree:

[coffeegal]

I got advice from a Kindergarten teacher to not start my kids until they were 6 for K.

 

In my area, most boys with summer birthdays are held back a year. Around here, your son would be entering K. ;) Also, I bribed #4 to teach him to read. He got a snack, m&m's, cookie, cheese, or other yummy for every lesson we completed. lol, he'd bring me his phonics book every time he was snackish. :D We've long since dropped the bribing. It won't work for every child, but it worked wonderfully with ds 7.

[Tree House Academy]

I have two boys - ages almost 11 and almost 7. They differ in about every way possible. I have one son who is very academic minded. He can be a little distractable, but, for the most part, if I put it in front of him he does it and does it well. My other son, just today, had a battle of wills with me that *I* had to win. It was over reading a story aloud to me. It was something he is usually allowed to read to himself but today I wanted to hear him read it. I won't tell you how it all went down, but let's just say, he read it to me. You have to pick your battles and I think battles over school are not ones we, as homeschooling parents, can stand to lose. Whatever it takes...

 

Overall, my kids can be quite a challenge...but I know some girls who can be just as bad. I think it has much more to do with the child's personality than their gender. Hang in there, and start choosing your battles. Just make sure that, when you choose to go head to head with a stubborn kiddo, you always come out on top. Otherwise, the battle paid off for them and they are likely to repeat it hoping for the same results next time.

[Dawn in OH]

I have had it! I want school/learning to be anyone else's problem but mine. It seems like everyone else's children are brilliant, beg to do school, whiz through curriculum, test highly, and are generally advanced.

 

In my house, the boys fight all day, throw legos, destroy stuff, whine, growl and cry about 5 minutes of school, put heads on the table and refuse to do anything, and choose naps over learning to read (this actually happened).

 

 

 

Been there, and fairly recently too!

 

I can't say for certain since my oldest boy just turned 9 and the others are still too little for school, but it seems that mine is getting a little bit better about it each year.

 

He often does make it plain that all he wants to do is play with toys. I have to give him "the school lecture" at least once a week. It was a nightmare getting him to sit down and work at age 6. It was a tad less painful at age 7, and it seems to be getting a tiny bit better each year.

 

Hang in there.

[FairProspects]

Oh, so much to say, yet so many noises indicating that my children are swinging off the bunk beds with swords instead of getting under their covers with books. Forgive me if I do not proofread this. I have your son, but four years older.

 

Children are ready for kindergarten between age three and seven, not at age five. It's a range with an average, a mean and a median. It's just math, this little tidbit of developmental psychology. But you're not writing a textbook on child dev.; you're raising a boy. You don't have to use math to make your guesses look good. You don't have to guess at all!

 

I like the approach of waiting for certain signs of readiness, ignoring the date indicated by the birth certificate. In Waldorf schools they say not to teach reading until a child loses his milk teeth. That allows for educators to know that children expected to do the same task have reached the same actual physiological stage of development. Since children vary wildly, such an indicator makes a lot more sense to me. In other things, we say, "well, a child walking by eight months is within the range of normal, at thirteen months is right in range, at sixteen months is on the other far end but still normal." We need to say this about grade level too. A child who is content to do kindergarten starting at five is within the range of normal. A child starting kindergarten at six is within the range of normal, too. Four and seven are at the far ends, but still within range.

 

Nowadays I wait until my children are looking around saying, "Hey, why can't I do school?" It's my personal indicator. I didn't do this with my now-nine-year-old though. We fought about handwriting and mathematics when that child was five. It was not until second grade (age seven) that I noticed everything was suddenly mysteriously not horrible. There was (and is) still dawdling and fooling around, reluctance and wiggliness, but it had a different tone to it, and it's not at the level where it could harm my relationship with my child.

 

As well as there being a range of appropriate times for kindergarten entry, there is a range of discomfort with developmentally inappropriate requests. Some kids won't tolerate doing things that are developmentally off target because they don't tolerate non-creative things that well at all. This child of mine, who had been my unhappy kindergartener, doesn't volunteer for scary things like my younger son or obediently implement unpleasant directions like my older stepson. Oh, though, the child is brilliant, an engineer like your son, able to make crazy stuff I can't even understand. I don't bother to teach this child science anymore. I just make up a budget for science supplies. Maybe the majority of kids are not up for doing academics when they're five, but enough of them can tolerate it by then that it's only the odd few who show that distaste. It's even more important with these easily upset children to know where they are developmentally and wait for the right moment to jump in with something like formal lessons.

 

A kid who can construct a composter out of an erector set and a snap circuits kit at age five but can't read is developing asynchronously. That's a sign of giftedness. Accelerated can means a kid tolerates well or is good at doing schoolwork as often as it indicates superior intelligence. In fact, giftedness sometimes causes a child to not tolerate schoolwork. A lot of the folks on the accelerated/gifted boards have children who are talented in some areas and at the lower end of the range of normal in other areas. You should go read and read carefully. I think accelerated is an odd name for that board. All WTM kids are accelerated 'cause the national average is way way lower than what even our slowest kids on this board are doing by third grade.

 

I hear what you're saying, though, about being frustrated with your child's unwillingness to get going on this grand homeschool adventure. I too am a little tweaked after visiting an amazing blog like satorismiles. I do have one kid like Satori, but because none of the others are, I don't have the time to do anything all the things he'd be game for. I would advise you to find the parents of boys like yours and weigh their posts more heavily than all of the rest. Check out Mama Lynx's threads on here. Her oldest was slow to warm to academics, and now he's doing threateningly impressive things.

 

And :grouphug:. It will be okay. It will not just be okay; it will be good. In four years you'll be wizened and can write encouraging posts to moms of young engineers.

 

Oh my goodness! Thank you so much for this!

 

And running and bribing might work well too:D!

 

Ack, its just been a pretty cruddy day in general. Late in the day, I got a lovely phone call from the nurse that ds is now also showing significant allergic responses to dogs, peanuts, tree nuts & soy, in addition to his already anaphylactic response to dairy, eggs and wheat :tongue_smilie:. Oh, and right after that Dh walks in and says he got a talking to at work and is not feeling great about his job security. I could really use a break....

 

And FWIW, he hasn't lost any baby teeth yet. The dentist predicts around age 7.

Edited June 17, 2010 by FairProspects

[Miss Marple]

I can't even look at the accelerated board without getting upset.

 

Are you honestly upset that your very young boy isn't accelerated? While you may think he is not learning, I can assure you he is learning something every time he tumbles off the sofa, spills something, makes cool noises, etc. You may not be able to relate to it, but that's not his fault. It might not be what you want him to be learning when you want him to learn it but that's the way it goes with very young children. You're the mama - you've got to "mama up" to the job of parenting a BOY no matter what your expectations were.

 

When is this supposed to pay off?

 

As the mom of 4 boys, it pays off and it pays off big. I think it pays off big about the same time girls get to be totally obnoxious (I can say that because I was one and had 2 sisters)! Few girls will pump your gas, few girls will kill a snake for you, few girls will be happy with 2 pairs of jeans, a couple of t-shirts, and a pair of flip-flops (and boys seldom hold grudges). Are you only seeking a payoff in terms of accelerated academics? You son may never be able to measure up to your standards esp. if you have set those standards at an "accelerated" level in kindergarten. And, yes, payoff can come in terms of academics, too. My oldest has a full ride (tuition, living expenses) at his university. But I despaired of him reading - I tried to make him conform to my idea of "how to do it right" rather than let him learn in the best way he could. And that happened to be hanging upside down on the sofa with his legs thrown over the back, or putting together legos quietly while we read aloud, or learning his times tables jumping on the trampoline (also a great way to learn prepositions).

 

Boys need lots of exercise, frequent changes in activity, and a patient mama who will instill in them a work ethic, responsibility, and discipline. Kalanamak offered you some great advice on practical ways to begin schooling. Begin slow and work up to it - just like any other exercise, the body/brain needs to build up stamina.

 

Boys are fantastic! Let your boy think he's the absolute best kid you could ever have had! Whatever expectations you had, lay them aside and let your son show you how wonderful he is - enjoy the things he enjoys, read the books boys like (my boys could not abide sappy girly books), do messy hands-on activities, and find some great books on tape (it'll help save your sanity). And there is nothing wrong with requiring a certain amount of time per day as "quiet time" - even boys need to learn to be quiet/still. But realize he will never be the girl you thought you would have - and you'll come to appreciate all his boyishness :001_smile:

Edited June 17, 2010 by CynthiaOK

[qfbrenda]

As a mom of 5 boys, I have to applaud CynthiaOK's post. :iagree: 100%

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

If you ever get a chance to hear Andrew Pudewa speak at a homeschooling convention, try to get to his speech about "Teaching boys and others who would rather build forts all day." For me, it was quite eye-opening about the different learning styles of boys v. girls. I am no longer requiring my boys to sit in a chair to write. They can kneel on the floor (ds1's preferred posture) or stand at the table (ds2's preference).

[Corraleno]

Children are ready for kindergarten between age three and seven, not at age five. It's a range with an average, a mean and a median. It's just math, this little tidbit of developmental psychology. But you're not writing a textbook on child dev.; you're raising a boy. You don't have to use math to make your guesses look good. You don't have to guess at all!

 

...

 

A kid who can construct a composter out of an erector set and a snap circuits kit at age five but can't read is developing asynchronously. That's a sign of giftedness. Accelerated can means a kid tolerates well or is good at doing schoolwork as often as it indicates superior intelligence. In fact, giftedness sometimes causes a child to not tolerate schoolwork. A lot of the folks on the accelerated/gifted boards have children who are talented in some areas and at the lower end of the range of normal in other areas. You should go read and read carefully.

 

Standing O for this entire post :hurray: :hurray: :hurray: :hurray: :hurray:

 

Jackie

[iona]

thank you ladies to all who have replied. i am eating this up.

 

i have three boys. the oldest will be 6 in november and of course i have all these academic "plans" about what i'd like to do with him:tongue_smilie: which i'm hoping aren't just more about me.

 

in my daily schedule i am trying to include physical activity, fine motor (legos, playdo, drawing), and "life skills"(picking up toys, cleaning, personal hygiene) as well as reading to him and basic phonics and arithmetic. these are more to give me ideas when i'm pulling my hair out trying to think of what to do next. it gives me a framework for a well rounded day and even if "academics" is 7 minutes on the fly then we have done so much more education and enrichmentwise.

 

i'm hoping to embrace my boys for who they are, but right now i just feel tired...so tired.

 

:grouphug: you are not alone (you should know this by the legos thrown at your head)

 

btw ds has lost 3 teeth, so i'm hoping the "milkteeth guage" isn't set in stone...he is only 5 1/2! :lol:

[2squared]

I'll join the crowd since my 6yo sounds very much like the OP's son. Luckily for me, my ds follows a typical first-born girl. :)

 

I have found that reading lessons progress much more effectively if they involve a lot of tickling. Math lessons can last a full 15-20 minutes if I make mini competitions throughout the lesson. Handwriting.....I haven't figured out how to make that smoother for my little guy.

[TheModestMom]

My son is 6, and he can read a few of the bob books, that is it. I read little house on the prairie books when I was 5, so this has been an adjustment for me. But I really do see that he is learning, just slower than I would like! I'm not worried, I just know he is a boy and will take longer!

[Corraleno]

Boys are fantastic! Let your boy think he's the absolute best kid you could ever have had! Whatever expectations you had, lay them aside and let your son show you how wonderful he is - enjoy the things he enjoys, read the books boys like (my boys could not abide sappy girly books), do messy hands-on activities, and find some great books on tape (it'll help save your sanity). And there is nothing wrong with requiring a certain amount of time per day as "quiet time" - even boys need to learn to be quiet/still. But realize he will never be the girl you thought you would have - and you'll come to appreciate all his boyishness :001_smile:

YES to all of this. When I was trying to get pregnant, I wanted a little girl soooo badly. When I saw the first ultrasound at 11 weeks, there was this manic little grub wiggling around so fast the technician couldn't even measure him and my heart sank. I just knew it was a boy — a big, nutso, ADD boy. I was so disappointed, I even worried about whether I could love a son as much as a daughter. It sounds awful now, but that's how I felt at the time. I grieved the loss of the "dream child" I had hoped for, and dealt instead with the colicky insomniac velcro baby I got. Who then turned into a crazy monster toddler/preschooler.

 

And then, gradually, that crazy monster child who was sooo different from me, turned into this amazing, smart, funny, incredibly loving 5'3" 12 year old man-child, with whom I have so many things in common. He talks to me about everything, we have deep meaningful conversations about the meaning of life and how miraculous the behavior of ants is and how walking along the river makes him feel happy and free. He says unexpectedly witty things that leave me doubled over with laughter. I look into those big brown eyes and see a level of absolute unconditional love I never knew was possible before I had this child.

 

Boys are loud and crazy and sometimes reckless but if you accept them for who they are, they will love you madly and forever. What's the first thing a 400 lb linebacker does when someone points a TV camera at him? He mouths "Hi mom!" Have patience with your crazy little guys, because they will rock your world in a few years, in ways you can't imagine right now.

 

Jackie

Edited June 17, 2010 by Corraleno

[kalanamak]

But realize he will never be the girl you thought you would have - and you'll come to appreciate all his boyishness :001_smile:

 

I have to laugh every time I read something like this. My mother joked that, after a very good girl and a pack a boys, she was leaving home if I, the caboose, was also a boy. I turned out to be the worst of the bunch. Plus I absolutely hated her until I was 9. I used to lick her fork when I was setting the table so she would catch some germ and die.:lol:

[Food4Thought]

Boys are fantastic! Let your boy think he's the absolute best kid you could ever have had! Whatever expectations you had, lay them aside and let your son show you how wonderful he is - enjoy the things he enjoys, read the books boys like (my boys could not abide sappy girly books), do messy hands-on activities, and find some great books on tape (it'll help save your sanity). And there is nothing wrong with requiring a certain amount of time per day as "quiet time" - even boys need to learn to be quiet/still. But realize he will never be the girl you thought you would have - and you'll come to appreciate all his boyishness :001_smile:

 

I <3 this. :001_wub:

 

Two books I have read recently that absolutely changed my expectations for my son:

Better Late Than Early by the Moores (old science, but a good primer)

The Trouble With Boys by Peg Tyre

 

If you only read one, read the 2nd one. Boys generally struggle with fine motor skills at this age, so expecting him to sit and focus on small letters and writing may be incredibly difficult for him! BTW, your son sounds like mine - brilliant and full of life and opinions and conversation. Mine hates seatwork too - our style looks a *lot* more like unschool than the classical method at this point, although I am teaching the exact same things. He is learning every day! Keep track of what your son *is* learning and don't compare him to others (or even to what your own education tells you to expect!). :grouphug:

[Peela]

My boy is still like that. He is 14. So I cant help.

SOmewhere along the line he did manage to learn to read. And when he was 9.5, he decided thick books were cool and his reading took off.

He can write at a fairly average standard..barely though. Not for lack of my trying, I can tell you.

He is stubborn, a perfectionist (which translates to: if I cant already do it, I will fail, therefore I don't want to learn it in case I fail), dyslexic but I dont know if that makes any difference anymore...

He has not been easy to homeschool, or parent. He is beligerant today. We instigated a system of paying him to get his maths correct, because he wasnt caring and wasnt trying very hard. Yesterday he got 100%. Today, as soon as he realised he had several wrong, even though he would still get partial payment, he started acting like..a 6yo.

 

Breath, take one day at a time, have FUN, and break things down into small bits. ANd remember you have a lot of time up your sleeve.