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Help! My boys are driving me nuts!


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The boys are about to turn 8 and 10 and this past year they have gone from nice, docile boys to aggressive, mean boys. At least with each other. They are calling names, screaming at each other, and hitting. Going into each other's rooms to destroy things when they are mad. You name it. It's awful! We have talked to numerous people about what to do. We've tried taking away privileges, groundings, whole days spent in the boring bathroom with nothing to do. I'm at my wit's end with them and if I don't figure out what to do with them I think I'll just run away! (Not really, don't panic).

 

Any ideas or suggestions of what to do? Really I'll try anything:confused:

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They are calling names, screaming at each other, and hitting. Going into each other's rooms to destroy things when they are mad.
Completely inappropriate and not to be tolerated. I absolutely cannot stand petty behavior and destroying other people's things because you are mad is very petty.

 

 

I'm not going to make any suggestion really because no one really knows what is going on in your home with the whole family dynamics etc., but I will say that you need to work on having the boys express their emotions in more appropriate ways. When you are angry, it does not give you license to act like an animal.

 

Make them say, "I am angry because....." Work on having them listen to each other. Work on NOT solving their issues or taking sides but to have them come up with solutions. Work on getting them to discuss their problems instead of reacting to them.

 

Let them know it is ok to be angry, but not ok to be rude and destructive.

 

And for the record, mine are bickering right this minute. :tongue_smilie:

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Make them say, "I am angry because....." Work on having them listen to each other. Work on NOT solving their issues or taking sides but to have them come up with solutions. Work on getting them to discuss their problems instead of reacting to them.

 

Let them know it is ok to be angry, but not ok to be rude and destructive.

 

 

I've done this for years!!! It doesn't work. I keep trying, but it still doesn't work. My middle son seems to have a worse temper (inherited, I think--judging from the way certain family members act) and lashes out before he thinks. My older son is more of a manipulator or thought-out pesterer and instigator. He purposely tries to irritate his brother until he loses his temper and gets in trouble. The problem is that what's done is done. We can lecture and talk with them about how best to react in that situation, but they don't use it, they react first, then deal with the consequence.

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The boys are about to turn 8 and 10 and this past year they have gone from nice, docile boys to aggressive, mean boys. At least with each other. They are calling names, screaming at each other, and hitting. Going into each other's rooms to destroy things when they are mad. You name it. It's awful! We have talked to numerous people about what to do. We've tried taking away privileges, groundings, whole days spent in the boring bathroom with nothing to do. I'm at my wit's end with them and if I don't figure out what to do with them I think I'll just run away! (Not really, don't panic).

 

Any ideas or suggestions of what to do? Really I'll try anything:confused:

 

Around here their world would stop. All outside activities, anything fun, time with friends. Then they would work together. My house would be spotless and the yard work would be done. If I ran out of jobs before they could get along I would make stuff up (move this rock pile over there. And when you're done move it back). Once they could work together, then they could play together. Once they could play together, then they'd get outside activities back. I'd explain to them what was happening and why, but then I'd pretty much stop talking and let them get to work.

 

I've got one with a hot, trigger temper and he's learned to remove himself and go to a quiet room when he's mad. It is possible.

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I've got one with a hot, trigger temper and he's learned to remove himself and go to a quiet room when he's mad. It is possible.

That's encouraging.

 

I have done the work together thing, too. It does help, sometimes. But then it's like they forget and start acting up again. I guess I can just keep at it.

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Well, you could go the 'hard labour' route :) or, as an alternative, you could find some sports or athletic endeavours that tap them out, physically. A year ago, my boys started paddling, and in the wintertime, they ran, lifted weights, pushed into cardio, realized they could run 7 k without stopping . . . and wouldn't you know it, that aggressive, bear-cub, never-stop energy found an outlet.

They are much more enjoyable to live with.

T

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I agree with Sweetpeach - more exercise. I find my boys (who are 18 mths apart) need hard exercise every day. If we start the day with a run or a rousing game of soccer or some other sport that requires running (or even run around the house 15 times) the day goes so much better and they just get along better.

 

They are learning to recognize and feel pent up energy and they will go down on their own and run on the stair climber if the weather is bad or go outside and run around.

 

I do have to watch that it is genuine and not just a math delaying

tactic :glare: but all in all it has improved things around here.

 

Boys do have boundless energy it seems.

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  • 3 weeks later...

I've done the labor thing, and still do to some extent. It does help them focus their energy in positive ways.

 

Exercise, they could ALWAYS use more. My middle son is willing to run 3 miles with me a few days a week, but that doesn't last all day.

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Angie, bless your heart! How I feel for you and can totally understand.

 

What you are experiencing sounds absolutely normal. My boys do the same crazy things (at least I think it's crazy!).

 

However, this is part of their nature. The energy simply needs to be disseminated in other ways. This is what has helped me:

 

1) Having a more structured day that keeps them busy (blah, I know,this requires a bit of planning and work, but it is SO worth it.)

2) Get them up uber-early in the morning and then they will be ready for bed early (hopefully!!)

3) Have organized wrestling matches, with the rest of your family as an audience. (this is hilarious).

4) Try to enjoy them and laugh a lot. Don't get frustrated, they know your weaknesses, and this is where they like you to be (frustrated).

 

Blessings!

 

Camy

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I have three boys and honestly in public its like butter wouldn't melt in their mouths but every once in a while at home they turn into little Tasmanian Devils (you know like the cartoon one where it spins around like a tornado leaving nothing but destruction in its path?). We have one of these on average about once a week and its usually if they haven't had enough exercise. I've also noticed that junk food can contribute to it.

 

Boys will be boys but I think you have to find ways to direct that energy into other things. Also, separate them every once in while. let them get some time to just be by themselves. Find ways for them to become allies against you. I know thats a weird thing to say, but I will deliberately say to my boys "this is a problem and the three of you need to come up with a system together to make this work, because I'm not having it" and I find that they work together to come up with a solution so that they can get their privilege back. I'm the big bad guy and they are the team.

 

Also, a mini trampoline is great. We use ours for getting wiggles out and to practice our skip counting!

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I may not really understand. But, exercise helps us a lot also.

 

We were having a lot of problems with one of my sons lying and just taking pleasure in mean behavior. I started a verse notebook for him. He has a verse on lying and one on mean behavior ( Proverbs 10:23, A fool finds pleasure in evil conduct, but a man of understanding delights in wisdom.) We pray for each person in the family at the beginning of the day. Throughout the day if he is taking pleasure in something mean (i.e. knocking over someone else's building) then he has to copy over the verse. It's there in his notebook ready for him. If he has consistently struggled with it, then we do preemptive copy work at the beginning of the day. It has really seemed to help. It's really helped my mental state to have a plan.

 

Good luck.

 

Summer

ds7, ds5, ds3, ds7mo

http://www.thebrothersh.blogspot.com

 

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