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74Heaven

Can you help me prepare a list of "adult" behaviors/responsibilities?

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My husband and my almost 18yo daughter are having conversations about young adult reponsibilities while living in the family home:

 

Can you give me some ideas for topics of conversation?

 

Maybe a list of adult behaviors/responsibilities:

 

Getting up on time for work/other activities.

Treating parents and siblings with respect.

etc

 

lj

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*Setting short- and long-term goals

 

*Managing money: giving, short-term saving, long-term saving, spending

 

*Household responbilities: cooking (planning, shopping frugally, nutrition), cleaning

 

*Caring for and purchasing clothing, shoes

 

*Caring for car

 

*Insurance: auto, home, health

 

Boy, there's much more to *adult responsibility*, but that's a start! :tongue_smilie:

 

 

Lisa

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TIME managment! It is so easy to waste time if you don't HAVE to be somewhere. I'm still working on this one myself ;)

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Hmm. My BIL has lived with us since his early 20's (when he had to drop out of college due to his mother mismanaging his inheritance). Here are his responsibilities w/ regard to the household:

 

1. stay employed and make monthly contributions to household income of an agreed upon amount. He's responsible for his own transportation--he'll ask for a ride now and then, but since he doesn't drive he buys himself a bus pass, etc. and doesn't rely on us to get him places all the time.

 

2. His room is his own. I buy the laundry detergent and the TP, but he keeps his own bathroom clean and does his own laundry. His room is easily the cleanest in the house. :tongue_smilie:

 

3. He usually fixes his own meals; he doesn't hang out in the common areas of the house much, but when he does he cleans up after himself.

 

4. Staying in touch or letting people know of your whereabouts and comings and goings. This is partly for safety and partly courtesy. It's good to know BIL plans on getting home late so that I know who's coming into the house in the wee hours, and good for him that someone (usually DH) knows where he went so we can tell the cops should he not come home and a missing persons report be in order.

 

5. Helping out with childcare, this mostly consists of being home in the mornings or at night when everyone else in the house has work schedule overlaps so DD doesn't have to be home alone while sleeping or when she first gets up in the morning--he mostly stays in his room and she does her own thing, but he'd rescue her if the house set on fire.

 

What is expected of her and what she expects of others should be laid out clearly. Communication is important there, and mutual respect. If she's going to be an adult in the household, you can't treat her like a kid. She's also got to hold up her end of things, though.

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Our oldest should graduate this year and has no plans to go elsewhere so we decided we need to come up with a list of "adult" responsibilities for him (beyond the tiny chore list he had as a minor).

 

:bigear:

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Do what you see needs doing. For example: When you walk into a room and see the dog's dish is out of water, refill it. If the trash is full, empty it. If the laundry is on the line and it starts to rain, go get it. This sounds simple and probably silly, but not waiting to be told something to do is a "grown up" thing.

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TIME managment! It is so easy to waste time if you don't HAVE to be somewhere. I'm still working on this one myself ;)

 

:iagree:completely. Still working on this one too.

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You've received several good ideas. One of the most important in our house is to let us know when you expect to be home at night, and if it changes significantly, to call home. I'm not talking 5-10 minutes, but certainly more than 30 minutes. Be sure to let me know if you won't be home for dinner, in advance, preferably but we do understand last minute activities with friends.

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If my dd wants to go dance...she fills out all the forms, writes out the check and I sign it. When we go to the doctor, she fills out the forms. She's entering 9th.

Plus all the other things listed.

 

My kids do their own laundry at age 12....it's actually harder for me but worth it. They also cook meals.. completely with no help for our large family. etc

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A clear understanding that reaching 18 does not bring wisdom... years of life experience with a teachable spirit bring wisdom.

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Love this topic! We were just discussing this with my son. He will be going to college and staying home, but we want to recognize he is no longer a child.

 

1) Help out around the house. When he is eating at home, help with meals

 

2) Let us know his schedule. This does have to be exact, but stuff like I won't be home for dinner, or going out with friends won't be back until late

 

3) Does own laundry

 

4) Pick up after yourself

 

5) Handle school responsibilites on onw-meeting with tutors, sending in appropriate forms. (My son still needs lots of reminding on this one- I would like him to do on own)

 

6) Help out finacially with insurance, gas , etc.

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I lived at home through most of college and was expected to act like an adult -- and was treated like one, which is why it worked!

 

I was expected to take care of myself outside the home -- Buy clothes & textbooks, work part-time, make doctor appointments, register for and attend classes, fuel my car, make my own arrangements for church and social functions, etc. I had no curfew but if I expected to be gone for the evening, I did let them know and made sure that a friend would be expecting me to call when I arrived home if it was very late, as I lived way out in the country. If I didn't call when expected, the friend would call my parents and alert them. (Of course, no one I knew had a cell phone back then.)

 

I was expected to work around the house -- Do my own laundry, clean up after myself, load/empty the dishwasher, vacuum, etc. I also took over the grocery shopping and a fair portion of the cooking, as I like to cook.

 

Since I was attending college full time, my parents took care of most of the expenses and financial details beyond books, clothing, and entertainment, but, other than that, I was supposed to take care of myself and manage my own life. It was the responsibility level, or more, that I'd had living in a college dorm, but with much nicer, more considerate floor mates!

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Do what you see needs doing. For example: When you walk into a room and see the dog's dish is out of water, refill it. If the trash is full, empty it. If the laundry is on the line and it starts to rain, go get it. This sounds simple and probably silly, but not waiting to be told something to do is a "grown up" thing.

 

 

It is simple but not at all silly, HollyDay. Your message was exactly what I had been planning to add to the list.

 

Regards,

Kareni

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More and more I am expecting my kids to get themselves places via public transport, without expecting I will just be available to drive them. If it is purely social, they are learning to catch buses and trains except after dark.

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I *highly* recommend Christine Field's book: "Life Skills for Kids: Equipping Your Child for the Real World". Not only does she list oodles of important adult skills and activities, she also has wonderful specific strategies for helping you help your children learn and implement these life skills! See table of contents and sample pages. Also available through Amazon.

 

The book covers 14 areas of life:

- responsibility in the small things

- people skills

- in the home skills

- life navigation

- time organization

- space organization

- around the house (fixing/maintaining)

- money

- health habits

- your mind's life

- spiritual habits

- decision making

- creativity

- celebration skills

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