Married folks: Do you have "couple friends"?

[Sue G in PA]

If you are married, do you have another married couple with whom you are friends and hang out with regularly or at least every once in a while? It just struck me that dh and I do NOT have any couple friends. Sure, we have friends (more like acquaintances) from church or my friends from high school who got married and the "men" just sort of became friends, kwim? But we don't really have other couples over for dinner or go out with other couples, etc. Do you?

[astrid]

Yes, several.

 

astrid

[Sasharowan]

No. Before kids, we would have people over for cards or games, but they were usually family or long term friends, quite often single. Most of the time, the dads in our circle are on different schedules from my dh, it makes it hard for us to get together. Also, a lot of the times, I will be good friends with the mom, but dh doesn't click with the hubby and vice versa.

[Daisy]

Yes. Although since we changed churches we see them less often, but I would still say, "Yes." The men are all christian public school teachers like my husband. Among the ladies we have a charter school mom, a homeschool mom, a public school teacher mom, and a public school mom. We have known each other since our children were babies in the nursery. We are close and our children all play together.

[RoughCollie]

No. DH doesn't seem to like a lot of people. If we go out with another couple, DH kind of makes that clear by not talking much or by saying we have to leave earlier than the group otherwise would have.

 

Now, my ex-husband I were social butterflies. Hardly a day went by that we didn't socialize with from 1-5 other couples (and single friends, too). My ex-husband is a friendly extrovert who likes virtually everyone. Our house was one of the main gathering spots for our group of friends. Everyone was always welcome there.

 

DH says I like everybody, which I generally do, but when he says it, it is not a compliment. He just doesn't grok me in that way. Note, I don't understand his point of view either.

Edited May 31, 2010 by RoughCollie

[BridgeTea]

One other couple. We only manage to get the four of us together about 4-5 times a year, usually for a backyard barbeque. Occasionally it's for dinner and a movie.

[elegantlion]

Where we used to live, yes. Here, no. It's been harder to find couples we click with. My dh is older than me and we had our ds later in life, so we're older parents with an only child. (Egads! I hate typing that, I feel old.)

[GWOB]

We actually just has three other couples over for dinner and cake. Personally, I enjoy having "couple" friends. Sure, I have girlfriends whose husbands I would never inflict upon mine, but I think it is really important to have "couple" friends.

 

Now, this was actually the first time we had all these couples over at the same time. Usually, we just get together with one couple at a time. Tonight, everything worked out really well. However, I don't think it is nearly as important to have a "group" of friends. I do think this particular group of friends looks promising.

 

Before we moved here, we were involved in a group that was just ... oh let's say not beneficial for us or our kids. My poor dh was miserable every time we got together with these people. He never told me because he wanted me to be happy. While I am glad we no longer have to deal with those people, I did learn a lot about couple interactions and friendships.

[plain jane]

If you are married, do you have another married couple with whom you are friends and hang out with regularly or at least every once in a while? It just struck me that dh and I do NOT have any couple friends. Sure, we have friends (more like acquaintances) from church or my friends from high school who got married and the "men" just sort of became friends, kwim? But we don't really have other couples over for dinner or go out with other couples, etc. Do you?

 

Dh and I have several couple friends but with everyone having more (and more ;)) kids it's been increasingly harder to get together. What used to be dinner for 8 (4 adults, 1 kid per family) has now turned into dinner for up to 16 and it gets a bit, well, big. :tongue_smilie: It seems that babysitters can be hard to come by, especially if you use the same one and want to get together.

 

We did have a group of about 8 couples that we got together with once per month on a regular basis but dh and I have stopped going since we could not get a babysitter on the night that they chose. I guess we need to work on finding more babysitters since I really miss those monthly get togethers. :crying:

[GWOB]

Where we used to live, yes. Here, no. It's been harder to find couples we click with. My dh is older than me and we had our ds later in life, so we're older parents with an only child. (Egads! I hate typing that, I feel old.)

 

I am from the area in which you currently live. If you are an "older" parent, and still married to your baby daddy, you are totally out. I'm sorry :grouphug:. I know your want to move. Hopefully you can find a more welcoming area. Even though I grew up in the area, I still never really felt as though I belonged. It's not you, it's them.

[NanceXToo]

Yes, we have three sets of couple friends that we get together with fairly regularly (individually, not all three couples at once). We go to each other's houses for dinner, and the kids play, sometimes we play board games together, sometimes we go out to eat or to some adult social outing together.

 

One couple I met on a stay-at-home-mom's meetup group I used to belong to. The other mom and I hit it off so I asked her if she wanted to bring her husband and kids over for a barbecue so I could see if we all hit it off- and we did. After that, we regularly got together with them.

 

Another couple I met through my homeschool meetup group. She brought her husband along when they came to a co-op type thing I hosted at my house and my husband happened to be home too so they chatted a little and seemed to get along. Not long thereafter, she posted on the group's board asking if anyone wanted to come over for an informal get together to just hang out and socialize. My husband and I were the only ones who went, but we had a great time, and thereafter, we pretty regularly invite each other over to each other's houses for dinner and hanging out.

 

Another couple my husband actually met the guy through his saltwater aquarium hobby and asked if I would mind if he invited the guy and his wife over for dinner so I could meet his wife too. I said sure, and it went pretty well, so now and then we continue getting together for bbq's and whatnot.

 

It's great having friends like that. So I think you should maybe take the first step, pick someone you seem like you hit it off with well enough, and invite them over for a low key BBQ. Have a couple of drinks (if that's your thing), cook out, b.s., maybe see if they want to play a board game, and just see how it goes :)

[GWOB]

Dh and I have several couple friends but with everyone having more (and more ;)) kids it's been increasingly harder to get together. What used to be dinner for 8 (4 adults, 1 kid per family) has now turned into dinner for up to 16 and it gets a bit, well, big. :tongue_smilie: It seems that babysitters can be hard to come by, especially if you use the same one and want to get together.

 

We did have a group of about 8 couples that we got together with once per month on a regular basis but dh and I have stopped going since we could not get a babysitter on the night that they chose. I guess we need to work on finding more babysitters since I really miss those monthly get togethers. :crying:

 

We just had 3 other couples over. We had a total of 17!!! kids! Now, I don't think that could happen every weekend, but it sure was nice. Hopefully you can find a way to make it work, if only occasionally.

[Aggie]

We have friends, but we don't take time to get together very often. Work schedules, kids' schedules...it's too much.

 

We also live *very* close to my parents and siblings. We have dinner at least once a week and all the cousins are close, so that's pretty much our social life for now.

[Sue G in PA]

This just started to really bug me tonight. I was always a social butterfly. Always around people. I like people. I am an extrovert. I get energy from being around people. Dh is the complete opposite. AND, dh never really had a lot of friends. In fact, he doesn't keep in touch with any of his friends from high school or college. At church, he talks to people, but doesn't have any real friends. He has co-workers, but none that he would call or talk to outside of work. But he is ok with this! I am not. I NEED people. I've suggested getting together with other couples and while he isn't adverse...he sure isn't very excited about it either. He'd do it for me, but I'd spend the evening worrying about him. That's not much fun. I think dh has turned me into a homebody. :glare:

[NanceXToo]

Well, if I were you, I'd give it a try anyway. Give it a few tries. You said he'd go along with it for you, so give it a shot. You never know, he may be fine and end up warming up to somebody! Then at least you'll know you tried.

 

But if you invite people over and he just seems like he's not into it and it's awkward and obviously not working out etc, then you need to just make sure you make time for YOUR friendships with YOUR friends- have girls night/moms night out periodically. Even if you can't do things as a couple, it doesn't mean you can't do things with your friends on your own at least.

[jujsky]

Yes, several couple friends, in fact.

[elise1mds]

We don't have any couples friends, either. DH doesn't keep in touch with people that he used to work with, and I hardly know any of his current coworkers (he doesn't have an office and they don't do 'office' get-togethers). He's not in any activites outside of the home to make friends, eithere. He just doesn't seem to need a lot of socialization (EEK! I said the 's' word! Run away! Run away!). I'm not a highly social person, but I do need to get away from my kids/house/husband once in a while and be *me,* not *mom.*

 

So I've more or less given up on doing things as a couple. Once in a while, I'll suggest it, but he'd much rather just go out with me and then go home, whereas when I go out, I tend to go out and stay out late. He's pretty good about letting me go out on my own with my girlfriends, though, and I love getting to do the things that he doesn't care to do. He does like some of my friends' husbands, and when we get together for birthdays, he has a good time, but it's not his idea of fun on a regular basis.

 

One of these days, though, I'm going to invite two of my good foodie friends and their husbands (and maybe kids) over for a murder mystery dinner, and I'm not going to warn him! :D

[Chris in VA]

We had a couple in Seminary (next door neighbors in Seminary Apt housing) that we adored, and I think they liked us pretty well, too! We fell out of touch after living far from each other, and when they came to visit 2 years ago, we saw how much we've changed--we are much more conservative than they are, and it showed.

We tried here to have two couples as friends, but Dh is also their minister, and that didn't really work. The women remained very, very close, and the other husbands got along super well, but not my husband. He just doesn't make friends, calling acquaintances "friends," but they really aren't. We attach to people differently. It's hard for me to just see this as a difference without judging it.

[GWOB]

This just started to really bug me tonight. I was always a social butterfly. Always around people. I like people. I am an extrovert. I get energy from being around people. Dh is the complete opposite. AND, dh never really had a lot of friends. In fact, he doesn't keep in touch with any of his friends from high school or college. At church, he talks to people, but doesn't have any real friends. He has co-workers, but none that he would call or talk to outside of work. But he is ok with this! I am not. I NEED people. I've suggested getting together with other couples and while he isn't adverse...he sure isn't very excited about it either. He'd do it for me, but I'd spend the evening worrying about him. That's not much fun. I think dh has turned me into a homebody. :glare:

 

You know, my dh is the same way. While he is well-liked at work, he is just a quiet type of guy. He does not keep in touch with any old friends. He doesn't do well in crowds, and he generally is not a fan of many people. OTOH, I like people. I need people. So, we had a talk. I explained to him that I needed friends, couple friends, and if he didn't want to be bored/annoyed when I invited people over, he should suggest a few people. Tonight we had 2 other non-social kind of guys and a guy who is just really, really nice and likeable. It worked great! Of course, they all work together, but it was a pretty good match. I say start off with other quiet-ish guys. I know that worked for me.

[RamonaQ]

We have many friends that we like, as couples. However, we also like them as families, so we socialize as families-- kids and all. That said, it has always been our priority to socialize as a family, which takes work to find good fits, but we so dearly value our friends that do fit with all of us!

[Paintedlady]

We have quite a few. Over the course of our marriage some have come and gone but most we've maintained contact with.

[mom31257]

I would say yes. My best friend's dh gets along well with my dh. The problem is that they don't get to spend a lot of time together. Her dh is a bread man, and goes to bed very early and works 6-7 days a week. This makes it very challenging for us to have the guys together.

 

We also have neighbors that we really get along well with, but I spend a lot more time with the wife than the husbands do together.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Yes, though I work harder to maintain the relationships than my husband does. By that I mean that I will call the wife once in a while and we'll talk. Usually when we get together as a couple, the wife and I will make the arrangements. Then we tell our husbands to be there.:) We don't get together as a couple very often though (perhaps once or twice a year). We do get together in groups on occasion (group hymn sing or something like that with others).

[mommaduck]

Yes, but I can only tick off three that we see somewhat regularly or consider really close.

[EmeraldGirl]

Yes, we have two couple friends in particular, and one that we get together with at least once a month. I am a social butterfly and am praying for a few more to have over occassionally. Plus I think it is good to have a few close friends, especially as we grow older. But sometimes in different seasons in our lives those friendships change a bit.

[Peela]

We have couple friends and single friends. We don't "go out" with other couples very much though, as a couple. There is one other couple we invite over sometimes- they dont have kids so it works best if they come here. Over the years, we did used to have more couple friends. Nowadays, I think its more singles- and even when the singles are in a relationship, its a "girlfriend" for me or a "guyfriend" for dh, and we dont necessarily both relate to both - just one of us relates to our friend.

[Rosie_0801]

No couple friends here. Dh doesn't like to talk to anyone about anything except computers and RPGs and while there are plenty of such people around, they are either single or with other people who only want to talk about computers and RPGs. We only socialise with other couples in a group situation- SCA. Not that any of this bothers us, I'm not hugely sociable and dh is even less so. Besides, he's half deaf and having more than two other people in a conversation is too much work unless he's doing the talking.

 

Rosie

[Heidi @ Mt Hope]

We're lucky.... my best friend married dh's best friend. And they have kids the same ages as our two older boys. And they live about 2 miles down the road. Makes getting together handy. :)

 

We do have another couple that we used to see more often, but getting together these days is really difficult.

 

We spend *a lot* of time with family (dh's and mine), so that takes up much of our social time.

[kalanamak]

We have couple friends and single friends. We don't "go out" with other couples very much though, as a couple. There is one other couple we invite over sometimes- they dont have kids so it works best if they come here. Over the years, we did used to have more couple friends.

 

 

I wish, but we are so different, I can't dream there would be something like that. My idea of a good time is doing some project together, the more technical the better, like making empanadas or jelly, or talking about books, and his idea of fun is a zillion people to talk to, taking photos, and hugging everyone good night. Think lab puppy on two legs.

[Liz CA]

We were friends with one couple where we used to live. Now we meet once a week with 2 other couples. It's easier when there are no small kids anymore and when homeschooling is over. More leisure time, more time to make plans.

 

[EarleneW]

For the most part, couple friends is all we really do hang out with. We have a few friends that are just ours, but not really many. I mean i do go to girls night out sometimes, but for the most part it is just all the wives of the couple friends.

[Momof1plustwins]

No. DH doesn't seem to like a lot of people. If we go out with another couple, DH kind of makes that clear by not talking much or by saying we have to leave earlier than the group otherwise would have.

 

I don't understand his point of view either.

 

This is my husband in a nutshell. I am an extrovert who would love to have people over and vice versa, but my hubby is very much introverted. It's kinda sad.

[sassenach]

Yes. We've moved a bit over the years and we generally have 2-3 couples in each place that become pretty good friends. We even have several that we have successfuly vacationed with! We have developed most of these friendships through small groups. We also have a couple of other ministry families that we are extremely close with.

[Tap]

One couple, but I am also friends with the wife and dh separately. It isn't the typical friendship combo though. I work part time with the wife, we have pharmacy in common, she has a 1.5yo, and we are good friends. I am also friends with the dh, we have education/a love of books (he is in graduate school to become a childrens' school librarian), he was also a stay at home dad, loves to garden, loves to cook and do projects around the house. The dad and I get along great too.

 

Occasionally, we all get together.

[TravelingChris]

No, not in the last few places we have lived. Yes, to some other places. Currently my dh works with only two other people- his boss whose wife lives in the place he will return to after this job and the secretary. My dh travels a lot, another couple we could be friends with the husband is always travelling too.

[momofkhm]

The couple who led us both to Christ. We met them 16/17 years ago and we still get together with them every week for breakfast. They refer to us at family outings as the <Last name> cousins. They are our local family. All of our family lives 4 hours (or more) away from us.

 

There are other couples we get together with, but those tend to be friends of one of us and then when added to the family dynamic we all became friends. That doesn't make much sense. Mike worked with dh. DH wanted to invite Mike over for dinner so we did. Now Mike and Sharon our another couple we are friends with. It goes the other way as well.

[Renee in NC]

Not really. Dh and I are so different that people who are my type are not people that are his type. And people like him just think I am plain strange!:lol:

[Granny_Weatherwax]

No - for many reasons. DH's work requires him to be gone quite a bit. There is no set schedule so planning things in advance is extremely difficult. DH and I also have very different friends. His are hardworking, blue collar types who like to get together to shoot the bull about farming, hunting etc. Most are non-Christian. My friends are more white collar, graduate school educated, conservative Christians.

 

Out of the two of us DH is the more extroverted and social. DH has many more friends than I do. He would love to have people over every week or go out and have a good time. I on the other hand am the home body. I tend to get anxious when I am in social groups. It is easier for me to stay home. It is a very confusing part of my personality. I can stand in front of 100 people, give a lecture, share personal stories, etc and be just fine. Put me in a more intimate social gathering, though, and I self-destruct.

[MaMa2005]

We did have a number of couple friends for years. However, when DS came home from China, people avoided us like the plague. It was hard for them to move us from a couple into another category - old folks with a little one! Oh, well after 28 years of marriage, DH and I are still best friends and that's what counts.

[Impish]

I wish, but we are so different, I can't dream there would be something like that. My idea of a good time is doing some project together, the more technical the better, like making empanadas or jelly, or talking about books, and his idea of fun is a zillion people to talk to, taking photos, and hugging everyone good night. Think lab puppy on two legs.

:lol:

I on the other hand am the home body. I tend to get anxious when I am in social groups. It is easier for me to stay home. It is a very confusing part of my personality. I can stand in front of 100 people, give a lecture, share personal stories, etc and be just fine. Put me in a more intimate social gathering, though, and I self-destruct.

This is me.

 

Wolf has buddies at work...one that he met through work that he's kept in touch with for a cpl of years now.

 

We don't have any 'couple' friends, as in a married couple that we get together with. I *think* that SpecialMama and her dh would be a good fit (who can tell for sure with husbands?) and her dh even invited mine to play floor hockey, so there's potential...the likely issue is babysitters. Usually our dh's stay home so we can go out :lol:

 

It'd be nice though, to go for dinner with another couple...:001_smile:

[AHASRADA]

Yes, quite a few, actually. I had never really thought that much about it, but whenever dh or I make a new friend, we always make an effort to get together as couples. We do both have some acquaintances who we have only seen on an individual basis, but if it is someone we truly "click" with and hope to build a lasting friendship with, for us that means being friends with the entire family, I with the wife, dh with the other dh, and our kids with theirs.

 

Of course, this is successful to varying degrees. Sometimes the women or the men don't have as much in common as the other spouses, or the kids aren't quite the right age, etc. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work, and the original individuals maintain their private friendship, but most of the time, we are at least moderately successful, and get together with the families of our friends at least a couple of times a year.

 

Neither dh nor I are the types to spend extended amounts of time out with "the girls" or "the guys" when the other is home, unless we can do it at the same time (get together as families, then split off for activities by gender). We each fell more comfortable and happy to be socializing when we know the other has companionship as well.

[IsabelC]

We used to when we were younger, but it's kinda petered out since having kids and starting on home education. I now have a few lovely women friends who are home birthing, home educating etc types, but at the stage the husbands / partners don't see a lot of each other (they are doing work or study so it's not that easy to organize). Hoping to do more stuff involving the menfolks though, because I think it's great to have that support and friendship for them as well.

[dangermom]

Yes, we have several couples that we like to go out with or get together with. We are trying to be more social, so we're doing it more now.

[Denisemomof4]

yes, we do. There is one couple we see regularly, and they are some of our best friends. There are others we see irregularly.

 

ETA: I am more social than dh, so I have more time with friends than he does, and he's perfectly happy that way.

[fivetails]

Nope. No "couples" friends here... in fact, I'm the only one who actually has friends that I go out and do stuff with sometimes. Dh doesn't really like people. :tongue_smilie:

[Sue G in PA]

I hear of folks at church who get together on a regular basis, see their posts on FB, hear them talking about all the fun they had...it really makes me kind of sad. I think people at our church see us as "the homeschool family with 7 kids" and not so much as just 2 people who need friends just as much as any other family. It makes me wonder if people just really don't like us. :confused: We live farther away from our church than any other family (about 30 min. away) and so asking people over for dinner or something just doesn't work. Nobody wants to travel "that far" to get anywhere.

[Mejane]

Yes, several. Ironically, they are all friends we met through our kids. :001_smile:

[KidsHappen]

No, to tell you the truth we simply don't have room for anyone else in our lives. We have eight children, four of which are married and have children, one engaged. All of the ILs families are also parts of our extended family. Then we have a ton of siblings, some closer than others, some of their grown children and then my hubby parents. We are also very close to my mothers best friend and her family. I have a hard enough time keeping up with all of these people. In the last month, we have been to my dd house in GA twice, she has been here, my FIL has visited as has my brother and my mother's best friends son. We are friendly with the neighbors, take are kids to visit all of their friends and my hubby has couple pretty close friends through his various activites. I am more of a homebody and already feel like my plate is full.

[StephanieZ]

yes. several. love them!! FWIW, the dhs sort of go along for the ride while us wives are the energy behind the relationships. The dhs do like eachother and hang out gabbing around the grill, etc.

[Wheres Toto]

My dh is older than me and we had our ds later in life, so we're older parents with an only child. (Egads! I hate typing that, I feel old.)

:iagree:

Most people the age of my dh (53) have grandchildren not toddlers. We recently saw one of his best friends who was visiting our area because his daughter was graduating from college. Our kids are 4 and 2.

 

The parents of oldest dd's friends mostly don't have young kids, my mom's club friends usually are younger and don't have any older kids to deal with. We haven't really had any luck finding a couple that we both get along with or have anything in common with.