Did YOU turn out like your momma expected?

[Remudamom]

My mom and I couldn't be more opposite. When I was growing up, especially in high school I played along with her. But by the time I was married and in my 20s it was obvious we couldn't possibly be related.

 

She is a petite lady, raised Old South. She is terrified of getting her hair wet (beauty parlor once a week), bugs, wind, social blunders. Her house looks like Architectural Digest. Her little doggy wears cute clothes. She thinks horses are pretty at a distance, but smell bad up close.

 

I'm tall and getting fatter every year. Don't mind ticks or scorpions. My decorating sometimes consists of saddles. My dog rolls in cow poop.

 

Bless her heart, she finally got a daughter like herself in her dil! She claims she loves me anyway.

[beansprouts]

My mother is a militant feminist...

[Ohio12]

You sound very secure in yourself, especially considering your sil meets your mother's expectations. How are you so secure? I think constantly about what my mom will think of my home, kids, weight, dh etc. I want to be free of this, but still think about it WAY too much.

 

In answer to your question though, I am not SO far off from what my mom would want, but not exactly.

[Ohio12]

My mother is a militant feminist...

 

 

How do you handle that? Although, if you are WAY far off from what your mom is, you might as well just die to it right? If you see my post below you, my mom and I have similar ideals, but I just don't quite make it in her opinion. Not sure which is worse!

[mom2abcd]

I didn't turn out like my momma expected. (Not yet anyway! LOL)

 

Mom didn't finish college and I think she expected me to have my PhD by now. At the very least she probably wants me using my degree in a paid way at least part-time. (I'm a teacher).

 

Someday I would love to go back to school. But the time isn't right just now.

 

As far as taking after her... I seem to be developing her shape more and more in my fourth (or I guess it's my 5th!) decade...:o(

[mcconnellboys]

No, sigh, and this has me wondering - can *anyone* really turn out as a parent expects if that parent forms expectations without watching/getting to know that child, first? I mean, if the parent merely imposes their own dreams/desires/ or expects the child to be a carbon copy of themselves, how often would you think that would actually happen?

 

Regena

[mommaduck]

No. I was supposed to turn out to be just like "your father!" (negative connotation there) I turned out to be like neither her or my father. A little like my stepfather on some things. Mostly like a mix of my grandmothers. I chose to marry, have children, stay home, homeschool, etc. Didn't go become a "career woman".

[beansprouts]

How do you handle that?

 

Just fine - she is two hours away in a different state. She is polite when she visits, but we aren't exactly close. I know she is dissapointed that I never finished school...

[1bassoon]

I'm not sure. . . . . .

 

We do have a terrific relationship. And sometimes, when I look in my mirror, I see my mom's body (yick!) - but I actually look like my dad.

 

As we're studying TOG Yr 4, I'm realizing how much the 60s shaped my mom. (She and my dad married in 65, I was born in June of 69 - and Anj, if you're reading this, I will NOT break into a Bryan Adams song right now!:D) She grew up in a small Indiana town (oooh - now I'm fighting Johnny Cougar - yes, it was the SAME small town), as did my dad, and they both broke away for bigger and better things. She is very against "arrogant men" (her words - any man who acts like a man, in other words) and is all about career and achievement and equality.

 

I think, in truth, she is a little disappointed that I'm *just* a mom. Like maybe I've wasted my mind by being home.

 

And yet. . . . . . .

 

She supports me. And loves me. And tries to understand and be interested in my life. I am very blessed.

 

Sometimes I think - what if? What if my daughters grow up, and one of them chooses to work in a high-powered corporate office, be unmarried, and have a dog. (Ok, Hive, no flaming arrows, PLEASE!) Would I be supportive, and loving, and understanding?

 

I may not have turned out like my mother wished/expected. But I'm glad she's given me the freedom to follow my own path. May I do the same for my children.

[Karen sn]

I love the way my horse smells. Even more than just a "horse" smell - she has a very strong scent that could be it's own parfume.

 

Ummmm.....back to your question: I have shaved my head and pierced my nose and not shaved my legs for 2 years at a time.

I think that nothing I do could shock her.

 

Even being pregnant at 35 (not married or even planning on it) doesn't shock her.

 

I don't really know what she expected now that I am writing this.

Although growing up she spoke alot about education (being able to support myself) and having kids.

I have a BSW and am an RN - one kid and one on the way.

 

So....aside from not being married - I think I turned out like she wanted.

This is gonna be a question I ask her tomorrow.

[Plucky]

No, I didn't and we are both the better for it. We've struggled a lot and somewhere in there we've been able to still have a relationship. It's been a long haul, too.

[JenneinCA]

Not in a million years.

 

I was "the smart one". I was supposed to get a highly scientific job and work for NASA. I was supposed to be very professional. I was also very likely to remain single for the rest of my life. The geeky part was my fatal flaw. No guy would ever want to go out with someone who was as weird as I am.

 

Today, I am married, have 3 and a 1/3 kids, and am a stay-at-home-homeschooling mom. I don't know that you can get much farther from expectations than I did.

[chai]

My mom always thought that I should be a teacher. I had no interest in classrooms, but here I am teaching my dd. I wish that she was around to see it. :crying:

[Elaine]

I guess I did because she tells me how proud she is of me quite often.

 

 

I know that she probably wanted me to finish school because it is what I really wanted, once upon a time, but she would never tell me that she was disappointed with the choices that I have made in lieu of that.:001_smile:

[Elaine]

My mom always thought that I should be a teacher. I had no interest in classrooms, but here I am teaching my dd. I wish that she was around to see it. :crying:

 

I'm sorry. ((Chai))

[1bassoon]

I was "the smart one". I was supposed to get a highly scientific job and work for NASA. I was supposed to be very professional.

 

That's interesting, Jenne - my high school Chem teacher told me I was wasting my brain to go into teaching (I went Music Ed)

 

What would she think now? :D

 

(And I have just finished correcting a Chem test, Lit comparative essay, Spanish grammar, and Geometry proofs. My brain's tired!)

[nukeswife]

she basically told me that the only thing that was not what she expected was that I married a man whose in the Navy and that's why I live far away from her, although she's happy I did as she always thought that to come visit me she'd have to hop a plane to some remote elephant preserve in Africa or something. She always thought I'd be a zoologist, but said she always thought that because I'd be living in "the bush", as she calls it, that I'd have to homeschool my kids.

She always saw me as a mom, with 3 kids though and that if I worked at a job other than being a mom it would be something that would be "my life" not just a job I went to and came home from everyday.

 

So I guess I'm kind of what she expected me to become, but with a few nice perks, IE: I don't live a continent away. LOL

[KidsHappen]

Before my teen years she was sure that I would grow up to be a professional fashion designer living in NY city, single and without children. Of course I would travel on a regular basis and be worldly in every way.

 

Once I hit my teens years she was sure I would end up on the streets or worse.

 

I think that she was quite surprised to see that I ended up being a homeschool mom of six that was into the whole home birth, breastfeeding, co-sleeping, healthy eating way of life. I think that she was very happy and proud of the way I turned out.

 

And she always supported me and somehow made the right choices for me even when I was at my worst. I can only hope my dds think I did as good a job as I think my mother did.

[camibami]

I was "the smart one". I was supposed to get a highly scientific job and work for NASA. I was supposed to be very professional. I was also very likely to remain single for the rest of my life. The geeky part was my fatal flaw. No guy would ever want to go out with someone who was as weird as I am.

 

Today, I am married, have 3 and a 1/3 kids, and am a stay-at-home-homeschooling mom. I don't know that you can get much farther from expectations than I did.

__________________

 

I could have written this, except I only have 2 kids. My mother thinks its great we home school (she's a speced teacher) but...she had big plans for me. She can't believe I'd "throw it all away" to stay home.

[Remudamom]

You sound very secure in yourself, especially considering your sil meets your mother's expectations. How are you so secure? I think constantly about what my mom will think of my home, kids, weight, dh etc. I want to be free of this, but still think about it WAY too much.

 

In answer to your question though, I am not SO far off from what my mom would want, but not exactly.

 

Oh goodness, if you ever met my sil you'd know. I just adore her. You gotta love someone who will be what your mom wanted you to be for you! How obliging can you get? They even sorta look alike, which is really neat, because of all mom's kids look like dad.

[Remudamom]

I love the way my horse smells. Even more than just a "horse" smell - she has a very strong scent that could be it's own parfume.

 

Ummmm.....back to your question: I have shaved my head and pierced my nose and not shaved my legs for 2 years at a time.

I think that nothing I do could shock her.

 

Even being pregnant at 35 (not married or even planning on it) doesn't shock her.

 

I don't really know what she expected now that I am writing this.

Although growing up she spoke alot about education (being able to support myself) and having kids.

I have a BSW and am an RN - one kid and one on the way.

 

 

So....aside from not being married - I think I turned out like she wanted.

This is gonna be a question I ask her tomorrow.

 

I'm cracking up, shaved head but not legs? And no shock from the momma? She's a keeper.

[Amy in Orlando]

My mom and I had a rough time when I was a teen (and now that I have teens I feel like I should send her flowers everyday as an apology! LOL) After I was married and had my first son, it hit me that my mom wasn't so stupid after all. Now, we are very close. She and my kids are very close as well. I love it. I've never asked her if I am what she'd thought I'd be, but I'm pretty sure that would be a big fat "NO." I was supposed to be rich and a writer and have a maid and no family. Go figure.

[Vida Winter]

Not specifically, maybe I am not the famous doctor that she imagined but I am successful in many, many other endeavors and even more importantly, we are best friends and always have been. That's saying a lot.

[Kate CA]

I don't really know how to answer that question. Did she expect me to have five children and homeschool? Absolutely not. LOL Is she disappointed in my choices and my children? I don't think so! We are very different, but we are very close too. I am not living my life as she lived hers, but I don't know that she would want me to do a great many things differently because the outcome (her grandchildren) would be different if we had. :) My mom let me be me even when she didn't like the specific choices I was making. I don't mean dangerous choices, but things like my choice to stop schooling after my AA degree. She would not have wanted that if she was running my life, but she knew me well enough to know that I was not happy there. She let me be me. I am very grateful for that.

 

I don't know if my children will homeschool or be stay-at-home mamas, but I certainly hope to be even closer to them than I am to my mom. I hope we are knitting the theads for life. :)

[Jean in Newcastle]

My mother has never told me what she expected! I think she is happy with the choices I've made in my life (the ones I told her about). The only "backhanded compliment" she ever gave me was when she told me that I was doing such a good job homeschooling, she was sad that I was limiting it to just my own children instead of teaching a whole classroom of kids.

[lynn]

I don't think my mother expect much but for us to be married and happy. She is very liberal in her thinking, she was raised in Germany so has very socialist views. I am more moderate in my thinking a little conservative but not overly. I do talk to her weekly and just keep my "O mother" comments complete with eye roll to myself.

[Karen sn]

Cami - I love your lemonade - vodka line!

[ArwenA]

I think so.

For awhile I was a disgrace, teen pregnancy, divorce, single parenting and I HOMESCHOOLED my kids.

Now things are different, she loves my kids and keeps telling me I'm a good mom. We never talk about my ex, what became of him I don't want to know and I've remarried. She also understands homeschooling better and is constantly impressed by how much my kids have learnt.

But I'm not a mathmagician like I said I'd be when I was six, so I'm not sure if she's fully satisfied.

[LizzyBee]

Hahaha. My mom made me take sewing in 4-H for years, because it's practical. Uh, not as long as there are tailors in the world. I detest sewing.

 

I was supposed to be a nurse, because my older sisters all went to nursing school and my mom knew the drill. I wanted to major in math or accounting, but she would not even discuss other options. I graduated at the top of my class and could have gotten scholarships to colleges other than just nursing school, but what can you do when your mom doesn't care what you want or what your talents are? So I went to nursing school for a year and then dropped out. Later on, I went back to college and became a CPA.

 

When I told my mom I was pregnant with my first child, she said she didn't think I'd ever have kids and that I just wanted my career. Huh? All I ever wanted was to be a wife and mom. How could she not know that about me?

 

So no, I don't think I turned out like my mom expected. But she's still proud of me, so it's all good.

[CookieMonster]

If my mother had her way, I would be a co-dependent leach who couldn't live without taking her advice for everything. Seriously.

 

But, I am completely independent of her (long story short; if you want to read the impetus of why you can click here) and she's so proud of me she can't stand it. She's come a long way, but part of her still wishes I was a dependent two year old.

 

But, in personality, tastes, gereralities, we resemble each other quite a bit.

 

Wow, that was probably TMI.

[Jenny in Atl]

My mom never had any expectations, except that she wanted me to be happy. She was not the type to push us (my brothers and me) in school, outside sports/clubs. She always wanted us to follow what we liked, to be honest, caring people. Her mother was very domineering and this really turned her off, so she did a parenting 180, and was a very relax parent, sometimes too much so.

[KAR120C]

Although I don't know that I've given them a whole lot to deal with in that regard... ;)

 

It was funny when I was in college because I started out in an art program surrounded by all my fellow students complaining that their parents couldn't figure out what they were going to do with their degree, and then when I switched majors to something more practical, my mom was like "are you sure??" LOL I wouldn't say she was disappointed, but she liked the art idea, practical or not, and she knew I had enjoyed it.

 

She adores my DH, dotes on DS (as she does all the grandkids), and conveniently forgets anytime she's expressed an opinion that I don't end up following her advice on. LOL

 

I would bet that I didn't turn out quite as she expected, but it's funny ...in ways I think I'm heading back toward the path she would have predicted. Just taking the scenic route. :D

[Lizzie in Ma]

Perhaps I will post her answer. :001_smile:

[Elisabeth in IL]

I don't know if she had any expectations. She never expressed or expresses opinions of any of her childrens lives. We are great friends and I hope to be as excepting, but a bit more enthusiastic, of my children as she has been with the 5 of us.

[Peela]

Not sure what my mum expected, but I am sure I disappointed her for a while there...I left home at 16 (she kind of kicked me out actually, but I finished school anyway)....didn't see much of her for years....eventually in my 20s we reconnected and have had a good relationship since then....on opposite sides of the country. Actually, I respect her and love her a lot, and I am sure she feels the same toward me. We are different, but she herself is not "normal" so "different" is just fine, lots of tolerance there- she is fairly what you Americans call 'crunchy', I just happen to be much more so.

[TXMomof4]

My mom and I had a rough time when I was a teen (and now that I have teens I feel like I should send her flowers everyday as an apology! LOL) After I was married and had my first son, it hit me that my mom wasn't so stupid after all. Now, we are very close. She and my kids are very close as well. I love it. I've never asked her if I am what she'd thought I'd be, but I'm pretty sure that would be a big fat "NO." I was supposed to be rich and a writer and have a maid and no family. Go figure.

 

That is so true of me too. That we made it through my teen years is a miracle. I don't really know who she 'expected' me to be, but I know she's very content with where I am now. As am I. *I* never expected to be a stay-at-home, homeschooling, wifely character, but it is a perfect fit for me since I got over my dreams of grandeur (I was sure I'd be a ballerina with the ABT in New York, then I grew up).

 

I wouldn't change it for the world.

[cricket1178]

I did not live up to my mom's expectations. She wanted me to graduate college, never marry or have dc. She wanted me to be a career woman with a jet set lifestyle.

 

I really thought growing up that I would do all those things, but I married and had 3 dc. No regrets:).

[Guest Virginia Dawn]

I don't know what she expected me to be, but I do know what she hoped, and I ain't it.

 

My mom is a total extrovert and I'm introverted to the max. When I was in school, she wanted so bad for me to be socializing, dating, and going out with friends. I wanted to stay in bed and read. Consequently I was accused of being naive and living in a "fantasy world."

 

She stayed at home with us just long enough to see us off to kindergarten then went off to work in the world of retail, eventually becoming a real estate agent. When we all graduated and she made enough money to support herself, she left my father. She married a contractor/builder and her life has been all about making money and keeping up with the Jones's.

 

When I told her I wanted to be a teacher in a Christian school, she almost blew a gasket. She almost blew another gasket when I decided to homeschool. She thinks I have too many kids, and doesn't understand how I can stand to be around them 24/7. I should send them to school and go to work so we can have more of the comforts of life. And she wants to pay to get me permanantly fixed.

 

All that aside, over the last few years we have been able to have a pretty good relationship. She has decided to treat us as though we are "poor relations" and it makes her feel good to give us things to help us out. She's given up arguing against homeschooling and is grudgingly proud of her grandchildren. Life is peaceful. Just don't make me live in the same house with her for more than 3 days. :-)

[Jenny in Florida]

I am a major disappointment and source of frustration for my mother. I had the bad taste to develop a mind and a will of my own and to--gasp--insist on being content and capable without her constant interference.

 

To say we are "not close" doesn't begin to cover it.

[kdeno]

pursue a modeling career. I think she thinks I am totally nuts: 5 children and hsing. I love my mom but I know she just doesn't "get" me.

 

K

[Antonia]

Well, she always claimed she was proud of me... but if she expected me to be like her, I'm not; I'm pretty much my father through and through.

[Aubrey]

Do you mean like she EXPECTED or like she WANTED?

 

My mom doesn't know the difference, so it doesn't matter anyway. And I'd say, yeah. My life is what she wishes she'd had looking back at hers. I finished school, married a man who adores me, & am hs'ing my kids. I'm a Christian *now* instead of later in life, & I ask questions.

 

She's chagrined from time to time with those questions, but whaddaya expect? :D

 

Lest I paint too rosy a picture, though, she doesn't completely understand why her life *didn't* turn out this way. I mean, she blames herself as well as others, but she doesn't change the attitudes/actions that led to where she is, so she keeps getting hurt. That's hard to watch. And I don't really feel like I can complain to her about anything. I mean, she's usually sympathetic, but I know her life was much harder. So what if I'm having a bad day, kwim?

 

And while we're on the topic, I'd just like to say that I'm getting a little tired of EVERYBODY in my family telling me how lucky I am (because of dh). *Once* in a while, couldn't they suggest he's a *little* lucky, too? ;)

[Rebecca in GA]

I had to call Mama to ask her. She said, "I'm pleased with how you turned out. But I don't ever remember expecting you to turn out a particular way." :)

 

I only ever remember my parents saying things like, "If it makes you happy, then it makes us happy." That went for career, marriage, church home, everything.

 

Even my brother who just died, who made some boneheaded and occasionally even borderline criminal choices in his life, straightened up nicely and made my parents proud in the end.

 

I think Mama and Daddy would say the same thing about him, and about my other brothers as well.

[Needleroozer]

I was born 3 months early, weighing about 2 pounds, and my parents were constantly told from the minute I was born that I wouldn't live (or have use of my limbs, would be severely retarded, etc) past the first night, then the week, then the year. I was very sickly my entire childhood, and slept on one parent's chest or the other for the entire first year of my life, because my mom and dad were so scared I wouldn't make it.

 

It is weird, but my mom just acts surprised and pleased that I am even here, and I don't think she really had any expectations of/for me. She is constantly amazed at my spunk, complimenting me on the way I move through chronic pain, and that I balance (in her eyes anyhow) the house, the art, the husband, and homeschool the kids. She is not adventurous, and is amazed at my gregarious nature. I think I sorta freak her out sometimes as I do take after my father a great deal, in personality and physicality, but I don't think that "I haven't measured up" for her at all- she seems very glad that I am here, and very accepting of my life ('course, her demensia really gets in the way of me really knowing what she is thinking at all right now, sigh.) choices.

 

There was of course a time in my teens that she and I despised each other- I physically reminded her of my father (the comment here is that I look like my mom from the neck up, and take after my father's side of the family from the neck-down,lol), and was a terrible back-talking teen. But we are good now, and I adore her.

[jmgconner]

I didn't turn out like anyone, including myself, expected!

 

As a child and teenager, I hated babysitting, cooking, sewing, anything remotely domestic. I was the tomboy. I would NOT have children. I was 'the smart one' in the family and it was assumed I'd go into law. Even I thought that was how my life would play out. Did God have plans for me?! He has given me a heart for my children, a desire to make a home, and a wonderful DH. At family reunions, people will still comment that they can't believe I have children and am a stay-at-home Mommy.

 

Regarding my Mom specifically, she's just disappointed that I never really got into playing softball. :lol:

[Mama Anna]

I didn't turn out like anyone, including myself, expected!

 

As a child and teenager, I hated babysitting, cooking, sewing, anything remotely domestic. I was the tomboy.

 

Yeah, I could just about second this! I turned out very close to both parents politically, faith-wise, and even intellectually, I guess. I even loved music, which was probably the biggest expectation in our household. But then you get to the part where I was supposed to love frills, skirts, babies, and cooking (that last all on my own since my mom is not too fond of it)! I can still remember the look on her face when she took me to task for forgetting to change my jeans between riding my horse bareback and taking up the offering in Sunday night service . . .:lol: Poor woman!

 

We're getting along better the older I get. In some ways I think I've exceeded her expectations while in other ways we're just not on the same wavelength and repetition is meaningless in our communication. She loves the kids, she just (I think) secretly wishes I had about 9 more. (She always wanted a dozen but had to stop after 4 C-sections.) She's generous to. a. fault. Especially with the stuff she doesn't need anymore or wants to upgrade on. (Or is slightly broken, but I won't mind that, will I?) Anyway, time to stop on the stories.

 

If I have another kid, I might even let her into the delivery room. And, more importantly, be really glad she's there, you know? After all, we're only here together on this side of eternity for a little while and maybe some things aren't as important as they used to seem.

 

So there you go!

 

Mama Anna

[Mama Anna]

I didn't turn out like anyone, including myself, expected!

 

As a child and teenager, I hated babysitting, cooking, sewing, anything remotely domestic. I was the tomboy.

 

Yeah, I could just about second this! I turned out very close to both parents politically, faith-wise, and even intellectually, I guess. I even loved music, which was probably the biggest expectation in our household. But then you get to the part where I was supposed to love frills, skirts, babies, and cooking (that last all on my own since my mom is not too fond of it)! I can still remember the look on her face when she took me to task for forgetting to change my jeans between riding my horse bareback and taking up the offering in Sunday night service . . .:lol: Poor woman!

 

We're getting along better the older I get. In some ways I think I've exceeded her expectations while in other ways we're just not on the same wavelength and repetition is meaningless in our communication. She loves the kids, she just (I think) secretly wishes I had about 9 more. (She always wanted a dozen but had to stop after 4 C-sections.) She's generous to. a. fault. Especially with the stuff she doesn't need anymore or wants to upgrade on. (Or is slightly broken, but I won't mind that, will I?) Anyway, time to stop on the stories.

 

If I have another kid, I might even let her into the delivery room. And, more importantly, be really glad she's there, you know? After all, we're only here together on this side of eternity for a little while and maybe some things aren't as important as they used to seem.

 

So there you go!

 

Mama Anna

[OnTheBrink]

No, I'm a complete disappointment to her. She has never supported anything I've been passionate about, to the point that she'd sneer or ridicule anything or anyone I've held dear. She's never once told me she's proud of me at all, ever.

 

I'm glad she's 2,000 miles away.

[Lady Katherine]

:blink:

[Doran]

Just fine - she is two hours away in a different state. She is polite when she visits, but we aren't exactly close. I know she is dissapointed that I never finished school...

 

 

 

 

 

(LOL!)

 

 

Judging by the way my mother has said more than once, "Never in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine you operating a tractor!" I don't think I turned out quite the way she pictured. But, she has always been supportive (well, mostly), and I know she can still see the "me" in what I've chosen to do in life. :)

 

Doran