Is this appropriate?

[Granny_Weatherwax]

My 17yo DD (public school) tells me she is not interested in college and wants to go to work instead. Up until this year she had plans on becoming a vet. She had picked out a school to shoot for and her high school schedule has been geared toward that university's entrance requirements. She changed her schedule for her senior year and dropped all college prep courses and added blow off classes. She has only worked part-time and isn't having any luck finding summer employment in our town (not that she has tried all that much). She plans on spending her summer running around with her friends and having fun since it's her 'last summer as a kid'.

 

I told her if she does not work and or take summer classes at the comm. college than she needs to do 150 hours of volunteer work and I will find people for her to job shadow once a week. I have already spoken with a hairstylist for DD to shadow and am working on setting up a day for her to follow a CNA. I plan on alternating between jobs that require no education, a little education and a formal, college education.

 

What do you think? Please don't throw tomatoes. My DH and I are concerned and are looking for feasible ways to educate DD about the realities of life.

[Beebalm]

Sounds like a VERY reasonable plan to me...great job, Mom. Being a kid with zero responsibility sounds good, but it's not all it's cracked up to be. She'll have more understanding of the real world AND a sense of accomplishment...though she may not admit it to you :001_smile:.

[Guest Dulcimeramy]

My 17yo DD (public school) tells me she is not interested in college and wants to go to work instead. Up until this year she had plans on becoming a vet. She had picked out a school to shoot for and her high school schedule has been geared toward that university's entrance requirements. She changed her schedule for her senior year and dropped all college prep courses and added blow off classes. She has only worked part-time and isn't having any luck finding summer employment in our town (not that she has tried all that much). She plans on spending her summer running around with her friends and having fun since it's her 'last summer as a kid'.

 

I told her if she does not work and or take summer classes at the comm. college than she needs to do 150 hours of volunteer work and I will find people for her to job shadow once a week. I have already spoken with a hairstylist for DD to shadow and am working on setting up a day for her to follow a CNA. I plan on alternating between jobs that require no education, a little education and a formal, college education.

 

What do you think? Please don't throw tomatoes. My DH and I are concerned and are looking for feasible ways to educate DD about the realities of life.

 

No tomatoes. This is 2010, and jobs and opportunities do not grow on trees. You are doing her a tremendous favor by arranging these life lessons for her.

[jillian]

My 17yo DD (public school) tells me she is not interested in college and wants to go to work instead. Up until this year she had plans on becoming a vet. She had picked out a school to shoot for and her high school schedule has been geared toward that university's entrance requirements. She changed her schedule for her senior year and dropped all college prep courses and added blow off classes. She has only worked part-time and isn't having any luck finding summer employment in our town (not that she has tried all that much). She plans on spending her summer running around with her friends and having fun since it's her 'last summer as a kid'.

 

I told her if she does not work and or take summer classes at the comm. college than she needs to do 150 hours of volunteer work and I will find people for her to job shadow once a week. I have already spoken with a hairstylist for DD to shadow and am working on setting up a day for her to follow a CNA. I plan on alternating between jobs that require no education, a little education and a formal, college education.

 

What do you think? Please don't throw tomatoes. My DH and I are concerned and are looking for feasible ways to educate DD about the realities of life.

I think those are noble plans and appropriate...however I went through something similar as a senior in high school and got over it after I had similar requirements imposed on me.

[Granny_Weatherwax]

I think those are noble plans and appropriate...however I went through something similar as a senior in high school and got over it after I had similar requirements imposed on me.

 

What do you mean by 'got over it'?

 

DD is currently a junior and I am hoping a little wake up call to real life will help put her back on track.

[Brindee]

When I was 17 I was still a junior (one of the older ones in the class). I worked weekends as a Nurse's Aid at a retirement Home. I loved working there!

 

In the mean-time, I was going to a "Great Christian School" in a city with a huge Christian Hospital and University. Many of my classmates were doctors kids. This was back in the day when doctors didn't have to pay through the nose for Liability and other insurances, and acutally really WERE rich! :) Anyway, the rich kids were totallly catered to, because their parents not only paid their kids school bills, but also donated heavily to school programs and needs. They were held up as great Christian kids, and somehow got better grades than those of us who didn't have as much money. Really, this was the case, even with the Bible teacher. I got sooo frustrated with it, because no matter how well I did, many of the teachers STILL gave better grades to and were nicer to (brown-nosed) the rich kids! What was never mentioned, nor was anything ever done about it, was that these kids were also the drug dealers in the school. I was asked many times if I wanted some by these "fine, upstanding" young men and women! Now, not all the teachers were that way. I LOVED my Biology teacher from 10th grade, and was taking Chemistry from him my Junior year. He was a no-nonsense type. If you work hard you'll do well, if not, you flunk! That was hard on many of them who had learned to slide by because of their last name!

 

Anyway, I got so disgusted that I finally asked my parents if I could quit school and told them why. I had already talked with the Retirement Home people, and they offered me 3/4 time work once I had my GED. My parents reluctantly agreed, I took the test and did well, then went to work. I worked the rest of that year, then we moved. I ended up working full-time at good old McDonald's for the next year, then I went to college the same year I would've gone had I finished highschool. I graduated with a BS in Education.

 

It worked for me. But my parents would NOT have allowed me to just run around. I took responsibility and worked hard at the jobs I had.

 

 

Sorry that went on so long! I think it's GREAT that you're setting those up for her! I hope it works out and that she figures out what she wants to do!

[jld]

It sounds like it worked well for you and you saved your parents some tuition money, too, Brindee. Have they ever commented to you on how impressed they were by how you took responsibility for yourself at a young age?

[Brenda in MA]

One question -- without a summer job, how does she plan to fund her summer hanging around with friends? If this were my child, I would provide food/clothing, etc. for her, but I would not give her any cash for going out to eat, movies, etc. Hopefully, she has a plan to earn that money.

 

You might also do an economic exercise with her where you look at the pay rates for the jobs she is shadowing. Look at the costs of apartments, food, clothing, a car, insurance, etc. in you area.

 

I'm not suggesting she should necessarily pursue the career/area with the highest pay, but I think it's important for kids to understand the fiscal realities of the path they are headed down.

 

Best wishes!

Brenda

[Chris in VA]

One question -- without a summer job, how does she plan to fund her summer hanging around with friends? If this were my child, I would provide food/clothing, etc. for her, but I would not give her any cash for going out to eat, movies, etc. Hopefully, she has a plan to earn that money.

 

You might also do an economic exercise with her where you look at the pay rates for the jobs she is shadowing. Look at the costs of apartments, food, clothing, a car, insurance, etc. in you area.

 

I'm not suggesting she should necessarily pursue the career/area with the highest pay, but I think it's important for kids to understand the fiscal realities of the path they are headed down.

 

Best wishes!

Brenda

 

:iagree: The economic reality is a real wake-up.

 

How about having her job shadow in a vet's office? Sounds like Vet Tech might be a good choice for her--not as demanding as Vet, still working with animals, still requires some school but not an overwhelming amt, pays fairly well (depending)...

[elegantlion]

:iagree: The economic reality is a real wake-up.

 

How about having her job shadow in a vet's office? Sounds like Vet Tech might be a good choice for her--not as demanding as Vet, still working with animals, still requires some school but not an overwhelming amt, pays fairly well (depending)...

 

I had a long post written out last night and my computer ceased to function, not a server issue. :glare:

 

:iagree: with Chris. I worked as a veterinary assistant for 5 years. I did not have a vet tech degree, but had on the job training for most of it. The pay was minimal, no way could I have supported myself, and it was hard work. A vet tech degree would give her the opportunity to work with animals and have a degree. I would add either shadowing a vet or volunteering at an animal shelter.

[creekland]

I definitely think it'd be worth a try. I'd also be seriously wondering if something else is involved (drugs, excessive alcohol). I might be jaded, but I see way too much of that happen at our local public hs. Kids that have a plan and a future (regardless of whether it's college, military, trade school or something else) get involved with other kids that don't and prefer getting high to anything else. They drop out of any tough class and don't do so remarkable in their blow off classes either. They only want to hang out, play with cars, and similar sorts of things.

 

I'm NOT saying this is what's happening with your daughter, but it is worth watching out for. It's really, really tough to reach a teen that's "seen" the light, but doesn't realize that light belongs to an oncoming train (regardless of anything "else" involved. Having your daughter shadow all different sorts of workers and do volunteer service sounds like a great idea to keep her eyes open to reality. If she finds something she likes, it can really be a plus for her future.

[momofkhm]

I would add either shadowing a vet or volunteering at an animal shelter.

 

:iagree:

 

At least around here, we just had a news story that the local shelter has enough work for over 100 volunteers but only has about 30.

[justamouse]

I think that's an awesome way to handle it.

 

But a vet-which is a lot of schooling to nothing?

 

This is a far reach, but could it be that she's just plain ol burnt out?

[Granny_Weatherwax]

I definitely think it'd be worth a try. I'd also be seriously wondering if something else is involved (drugs, excessive alcohol).

 

We have looked into that. She has been drug tested and it was negative.

 

I will share that there is a boy involved who exerts a negative influence over DD. She is enamored with him and whenever they are together her personality changes. It was when she began dating him that her future plans changed. We have had a dramatic year with DD and this boy (way too much drama for me). I will spare you all of the details but it hasn't been good.

[Granny_Weatherwax]

 

This is a far reach, but could it be that she's just plain ol burnt out?

 

I don't know. We have been fighting this thing for over a year. It began as a gradual decline and then - bam - big changes.

[Heather in VA]

First I want to just offer :grouphug: I can imagine how stressful this must be for you and your DH. I also want to applaud you that you are looking for practical ways to help her understand her choices and the ramifications of them. I can guarantee my DH's answer would be - 'you are taking these classes, you are going to college - now get in your room and study.' He means well but that's not going to change the underlying attitude.

 

I think your plan is good. I also concur with those who said not to offer any spending money. I also think if she drives, that unless she's paying for gas (and perhaps a share of the insurance) that she only drives to the work and volunteer situations you've set up for her. No free use of the car for personal reasons. After all - cars aren't free.

 

More :grouphug:. I'm sure it's going to be a tough summer for you.

 

Heather

[Brindee]

It sounds like it worked well for you and you saved your parents some tuition money, too, Brindee. Have they ever commented to you on how impressed they were by how you took responsibility for yourself at a young age?

Hmmm, not that I remember. I know, though, that they were happy about it. They trusted me enough to let me use the car to drive to work, and take care of/save the money so I could go to college.

 

I guess the only thing I regret about that experience now, and it's really not much of a regret, since I still feel it was the right thing for me under those circumstances, is that I don't have a class reunion or great memories of my senior year and pics of highschool graduation. With communication levels what they are these days, I recently saw pics of a class reunion from what would've been my senior class. I recognized many of the people and thought, oh, it would've been nice to go to something like that.

 

But really, it's a fleeting thought, honestly. I probably wouldn't have been able to afford to go to it anyway!:tongue_smilie: :lol:

[Brindee]

First I want to just offer :grouphug: I can imagine how stressful this must be for you and your DH. I also want to applaud you that you are looking for practical ways to help her understand her choices and the ramifications of them.

 

I think your plan is good. I also concur with those who said not to offer any spending money. I also think if she drives, that unless she's paying for gas (and perhaps a share of the insurance) that she only drives to the work and volunteer situations you've set up for her. No free use of the car for personal reasons. After all - cars aren't free.

 

More :grouphug:. I'm sure it's going to be a tough summer for you.

 

Heather

:iagree:

 

:grouphug: and prayers from me too!

[creekland]

 

I will share that there is a boy involved who exerts a negative influence over DD. She is enamored with him and whenever they are together her personality changes. It was when she began dating him that her future plans changed. We have had a dramatic year with DD and this boy (way too much drama for me). I will spare you all of the details but it hasn't been good.

 

Your family is in my prayers - and I still think what you propose is a great idea to try to help adjust the focus a bit.

[Granny_Weatherwax]

Thank you all for the prayers and kind thoughts.

[Night Elf]

I'm trying to get my dd17 back on track. She is dragging her feet in finishing her diploma. She still has 5.5 credits and she thinks she is going to finish in January 2011. Before that, she thought she would finish in May 2010. Before that, she had thought it would be cool to graduate in January 2010, half a year before all her public schooled friends. Now, they are graduating in a few weeks and she's a year behind.

 

She has a part-time job and brings home a nice sum considering her only current financial obligation is monthly $50 for her cell phone. She's getting a car for her 18th birthday at the end of this month. She's saved up almost $3000 and we're chipping in some so she can buy a beater car and have no payments. So... this means she has to continue working now because she has to pay insurance (though as long as she lives in our home, her car is considered a 3rd car on our policy which saves her a HUGE amount of money), gasoline, and maintenance.

 

I want her to get a diploma. I really do. She talks about going to college but I truly believe she's trying to mollify us (her stepmom is always on her case about a "real" education). I don't want to just graduate her because her transcript shows work through Junior year. She's missing an entire senior year. I've read the GA homeschool law and it seems to imply the parent can decide what is good enough for a diploma, but that doesn't account for the requirements to get into college. I'm worried she will decide to go to college later. What will they do if she has no accredited diploma, no portfolio, and no senior classes? She will basically look like a dropout. I guess at that point she'll be forced to get the GED.

 

At the rate she is going, she could possibly become an assistant manager at the cafe she works in. She absolutely loves that job. She works between 25 - 35 hours a week. She doesn't want to consider a GED because of the bad reputation it has. My guess is that she fears her job applications will show a GED as highest education and she feels she is above that option.

 

So, I'm sort of in the same boat as you. It sounds like you guys have a good handle on things, including the fact that your daughter seems to want to do what is necessary to graduate. You're father ahead than I am! :tongue_smilie:

[Storm Bay]

 

I told her if she does not work and or take summer classes at the comm. college than she needs to do 150 hours of volunteer work and I will find people for her to job shadow once a week. I have already spoken with a hairstylist for DD to shadow and am working on setting up a day for her to follow a CNA. I plan on alternating between jobs that require no education, a little education and a formal, college education.

 

 

I think this is a great plan. In the end, it's going to be up to her. If you force her to go to college, she can simply not work and fail, wasting everyone's time and money.

 

I'd consider a scholastic compromise next year, however, so she doesn't close too many doors.

 

One of my brothers didn't even finish high school. He had to learn a lot in the school of hard knocks for a few years, but in the end has done quite well for himself. He has never gone back to school. Ultimately, your dd is going to grow up and legally be able to do whatever she wants to, and I think working with her like this and providing a structure to keep her active is excellent.

[jillian]

What do you mean by 'got over it'?

 

DD is currently a junior and I am hoping a little wake up call to real life will help put her back on track.

i realized that working in the "real world" was not all it was cracked up to be and i didn't want to work my way through the ranks of minimum wage