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Does having cats/dogs in the house make it "nasty?"


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My husband and I are about to have a brew-ha-ha! I have a dog and two cats - all of which are *mine* and he doesn't like them or really want anything to do with them. I have had my cats for 11 years now and they are not going anywhere. My dog has allergies and other issues that make him unadoptable, so he is also not going anywhere.

 

My dh says that cats are just nasty. If he sees a paw print on the counter, he rants about how "nasty" it is. If the cat tracks some litter on the floor, it is nasty. If he sees cat hair on a lamp shade (why do cats like to rub around lamp shades???), it is nasty. Of course, if the dog has an accident in the house, it is nasty. I tend to agree, but I am also very diligent about cleaning it up and doing the best I can to get to it before dh sees it and remarks about it. It has spurned more anger and arguments than anything else in our marriage. I am just not sure how to change this without getting rid of my animals...and if I were to do that, I would resent my husband forever! I love my animals and I had the cats when he married me. He knew what he was getting into! It is just so frustrating. Can anyone offer advice for helping to change his mind...any cleaning tips, products to use, etc.???

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Hmph. I don't think anyone thinks that cat litter is exactly pleasant, but most people are perfectly willing to deal with such minor annoyances because the animal's companionship is more than worth it. Sounds like your dh is just trying to be snarky.

 

We had similar issues when I moved in with my now dh. I had two cats coming into the relationship, and I told him very blunty, "These cats are like children to me. They were here before you, and if you have a problem with them, they'll be here after you're gone."

 

With pets, there's a certain amount of mess, no matter how diligent you are. I would just tell him that your pets are important to you, and his negativity isn't going to do anything positive. My dh stopped complaining after he finally bonded with the male cat.

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:grouphug: This is one of those dilemmas, in my opinion, that is really difficult. Feelings about animals go so far back into personal history and changing those feelings seems impossible. We had this issue in our marriage (I was the one with animals) and we just lived through it. I wasn't going to be able to change his mind, and he wasn't going to change mine. But we got through it. Eventually, we just kind of agreed to disagree, though he was never really happy about it. He did pick a few priorities that I was able to compromise on, such as he didn't want the animals in the bedroom. Sometimes when we'd have a "flare-up" about the animals, it seemed that there was really another issue that we needed to work on -- something that had nothing to do with the animals, KWIM? Some of the animals in the shelter were given up due to issues like this, but I suspect there was more involved than that -- probably no happy ever after.

 

Anyway, this went on a bit longer than I intended. I have no real advice, I guess, but I just wanted to offer a little support and say, "Hang in there." There are always unresolvable issues in any relationship; that's where the love and respect overcomes.

 

Sandy

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I've had my dog for 10 years now (he was my first "baby"). DH has nothing to do with him. I do not find my dog nasty.....he sheds quite a bit, and I definitely do not like that, but I do not find him nasty (unless he's licking his bottom LOL.....well, or hunting in the front yard for cat poop to eat. Ick. Okay, he's a little nasty LOL). Now for cats.....we owned cats for 2 years and finally had to get rid of them (mainly due to my allergies, which I didn't know I had until after we got the cats....but I was also tired of dealing with them). I do think that cats are nasty. Especailly if they get on the table/counters. I mean, they step into their litter box and then step out and walk around. Who knows what they may have stepped on. And they shed so much hair that unless I vacuum daily, their hair would blow like a tumbleweek across the kitchen floor. So to me, cats are kind of nasty.

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Depends on your definition of "nasty":D

 

I guess your dh would not enjoy my ferrets, then, huh? :lol:

 

We have 1 small dog, 2 cats, 4 ferrets, & 4 hamsters. Some people might think my house is "nasty" but we think it's clean (most of the time!).

 

I've been in some NASTY (:ack2:) houses and my house is far from that!!

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Oh, and I just wanted to add......if someone doesnt like animals, there's pretty much nothing you can do to convince them that animals are not nasty. My husband despises animals and dislikes our dog. He tolerates him for my sake....and still complains about him sometimes.

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Obviously he's not an animal lover. I can relate to his feelings as I too like animals from a distance only. So, from that perspective, here is my feelings about it:

 

Paw prints on the counter....yes I think that is nasty. Do you know where those paw prints have been? ewwww. And now they've walked across the counter where presumably you're about to make your sandwich. I don't allow people to put their shoes or purses on my food surfaces (do you realize where the bottom of your purse/diaper bag sits in the public restroom, or under the table at the restaurant, etc). I would not be thrilled about an animal tracking across it either. And my brain then wanders to what was the cat doing up there....licking something, tasting the fruit, lapping up a spil? Ewwwwww. Do you know where else that cat's tongue has been!! I just can't even type the answer to that!

But...I have no clue how you'd stop a cat from jumping up whereever they please. And honestly, if the dog is "standing" up and putting his paws on the counter to sniff around, that is nasty to me as well....paws for the same reason, and nose...well, where has IT been?

 

 

The hair on the lampshade probably wouldn't gross me out enough to call it nasty. Of course, I also have children with very long hair and am constantly finding it everywhere, so maybe I'm a bit immune. We don't have nearly the amount of dust bunnies as we do hair clumps. Now...those wet furballs that cats hock up....I'd probably end up hocking too.

 

I don't think you'll be able to change his mind about the pets.....my DH has accepted that I don't like pets, so we've never got any (except fish and a spider that lived in an old fishtank). For a while there the kids would ask, I'd refuse, they'd run to him, and he'd come try to talk me into it. I finally sat down and told him how that bothers me....he knows my feelings about them, and all the various reasons (we move a lot, we live in small cramped area, the sanitary or "nasty" part of pets, the fact that I'd be the one having to do all the work, lol, etc). And also how his trying to talk me into pets "for the kids" undermined our "united we stand" promise about raising kids, lol.

 

Anyway......you can let him know that it hurts when he says those things about your beloved pets. Ask him to please stop saying those things out loud around you. And ask him, short of getting rid of them, if there was something he thinks you can do so that they don't annoy him as much. Communication, affirming his displeasure, they can all go a long way. I would think that if I were in his position one of things I would absolutely want is for you to thoroughly clean the counter BEFORE you put food on it, just in case the cat/dog were up there. And change the cat litter BEFORE you can smell it. I avoid several friends' homes because the minute you walk into the house you can smell the animal scent everywhere. I find that "nasty". But, I'm not even sure just changing the litter would help, most times it's in the furniture/carpet/etc.

 

Good luck. I do understand on an intelligence level how important pets are to some people, but I have to confess on an emotional level I just don't get it. I'm guessing your husband feels like I do.

Edited by ConnieB
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I have three dogs in the house, and not cats at this time simply because our house is not set up to allow for a litter box. That said, i am uber diligent about cleanliness and smells! I can remember visiting friends (and now my parents - my how times have changed) and smelling 'pet smells' I really can't stand it! So, are they nasty? Not necessarily. Do they require extra work to avoid nastiness? Absolutely!

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I have a cat and a dog. Yep, they can be nasty. Riley likes to roll in deer scat--it's a mess, and it's hard to get off. Lydia occasionally pees where she's not supposed to, and will now only eat canned cat food, which is pretty gross.

I do NOT allow Lydia on the counters. A good spritz with the spray bottle of water will keep her off--but she has just started coming down and interacting with the dog, so she hasn't been in the kitchen very long.

I change the litter box frequently, and so do my kids. We keep a towel or a rug under her box so she has to step on it and "wipe her paws" before she leaves the area. It's also in the basement, which helps.

 

Both offer so much sweet joy that I am willing to put up with their needs. They are not nasty all the time. Just like you can have a toddler with a diaper that needs changing or drool coming out of her mouth or what have you--He seems squeamish to me, and I wonder how much he did for your kids when they were in a "nasty stage?"

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I think whether or not people agree that pets are nasty is not really the point -- the point is that your husband does and he has a right to his feelings. And they're not unreasonable either -- 2 cats and a dog in one's own home is a lot for a non-animal lover to deal with.

 

It would be an awesome gesture on your part to try to solve the problem even though you don't (and perhaps couldn't ever possibly) understand his feelings on this issue. It sounds like the cats are the most bothersome to him - maybe offer a compromise of getting rid of the cats and keeping the dog, and dog is limited to certain areas of the home/garage plus the yard?

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With pets, there's a certain amount of mess, no matter how diligent you are. I would just tell him that your pets are important to you, and his negativity isn't going to do anything positive. My dh stopped complaining after he finally bonded with the male cat.

 

:iagree:

 

I think that's the key - the other person has to bond with the pet(s) if the issue is going to be resolved.

 

DH and I went through something similar with the dogs he brought into our relationship. They were his dogs (had been since they were puppies) and they had been with him for 7 years before we even met. It was clear that they only tolerated me (one of them would always try to squeeze between us on the couch when we first started dating - I was encroaching upon her territory!). I had always considered myself a "dog person" but I really struggled to bond with them (and did my fair share of complaining about how they always tracked mud in the house, etc.). I finally just had to decide that because they were important to DH, they were important to me. They both passed away a few years ago (at age 13 and 14 respectively) and I'm glad that I had resolved my issue well before that.

 

After being pet-free for a year after the dogs passed away, we adopted a cat. Since we adopted her together, it's been completely different - she's our cat. We both love her, she's messy at times, but it's no big deal.

 

Don't know if that helps - but (based on my experience being in your DH's shoes) your DH just needs to realize how important your pets are to you and make the decision to change. Easier said than done, I know... :001_huh: And having said that, there are some people who just aren't "pet people" - don't know what you do in that situation....

Edited by Dandelion
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Our cats get on the counters at night. They know better than to do it while I am up here. I have gotten in the habit now of just spraying the counters with chlorox and wiping them down before I cook anything.

 

Doesn't everyone usually wipe down the counters before starting to prepare food? I know I do, and it has very little to do with our cats specifically - just that I want a clean surface, regardless of who might have been on there.

 

You can likely guess what my answer is to the initial question of animals being nasty or not. See avatar, blog, sig, and screenname if you're unsure. :laugh:

 

My dh pretends he's not an animal person... it works, until I catch him nuzzling a cat belly with his nose. BUSTED. ;)

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I wouldn't say animals in the house are nasty, but there certainly are a lot of gross things about them. I have compromised on outside animals, so we have those. Well, it's not much of a compromise since dh agrees with me, but the kids certainly don't!

 

Would your dh be happier if the animals were outside or even outside some of the time? I just don't like animals touching me when I am inside the house. Does your dh feel the same way? Is he upset that they are in "his" space and he doesn't have any space that is animal free?

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I'm lucky... my cat doesn't walk on our counters... or our table for that matter. Our dog... well... he counter surfs.... (all food is for him... if he can reach it!) But, I don't put food on our counters. I always use something, and did before I had animals. Regretfully, my step daughter has never accepted the dog, and is put off by him. He's 60ish pounds.. and a bundle of energy. Unless you're in his way... when he's running out to the back yard.... everything's good. I love him so much! He's a great dog! He's gentle with all the people, except the drunk guy next door, that he seems to want to devour! I think that animals have germs... but so does everything else! I did find this tool... the furminator... and that helped a bit..

:)

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My husband had a dog when we met. It was his BABY. His dad died when my dh was 21 and this dog had come along just before his dad passed. They bonded like nothing else. The dog lived to be 17 and shed so badly that we occasionally VACUUMED him. It didn't matter. My dh loved him anyway. When his dog got older, he cost us thousands of dollars in medical expenses...but again, he was dh's dog. He got to the point where he could not walk and *I* carried him up and down the stairs many times a day to let him out to potty. When he had diarrhea on our NEW carpet in our old house, it was me on my hands and knees at 3am cleaning it...and NOT complaining.

 

His dog was Nasty. He didn't seem to notice!

 

When I married him, his love for this one dog made me think he was an animal lover. It was deceptive. He was a one dog lover. He is very choosy and loathes little dogs. If a dog pees inside even once, it must be an "overly bred sh*t dog." Lovely.

 

All I really want is peace. My cats will not live forever...they are 13 now and have some health issues. I just want to love them while they are still here. The older they get, the more they shed and the messier I guess they can be (the do vomit more and such...never any accidents in the house, though). It just makes me sad, more than anything. I didn't love his dog...but I loved HIM, so I respected his love for his dog. I just want the same respect. :(

 

...oh...and did I mention dh and I have been married just over 7 years??? You would think, if it was going to change, it would have by now. *sigh*

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Okay, frankly? I think he needs to knock of the whining and quit making you feel like sludge.

 

You've been married for seven years - and your cats are 11. You had those cats when he married you - and I assume that you didn't have them hidden away in a cedar chest somewhere, so he knew darn well that the cats came with you.

 

People who are suggesting that you get rid of the cats, or stick them outside? I can't agree with that, not. at. all.

 

[and it sounds like you don't either]

 

Believe me, I understand that - if dh turned around some day and told me to put the cats outside...well, I think I'd offer HIM some time outside. :glare:

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My husband and I are about to have a brew-ha-ha! I have a dog and two cats - all of which are *mine* and he doesn't like them or really want anything to do with them. I have had my cats for 11 years now and they are not going anywhere. My dog has allergies and other issues that make him unadoptable, so he is also not going anywhere.

 

My dh says that cats are just nasty. If he sees a paw print on the counter, he rants about how "nasty" it is. If the cat tracks some litter on the floor, it is nasty. If he sees cat hair on a lamp shade (why do cats like to rub around lamp shades???), it is nasty. Of course, if the dog has an accident in the house, it is nasty. I tend to agree, but I am also very diligent about cleaning it up and doing the best I can to get to it before dh sees it and remarks about it. It has spurned more anger and arguments than anything else in our marriage. I am just not sure how to change this without getting rid of my animals...and if I were to do that, I would resent my husband forever! I love my animals and I had the cats when he married me. He knew what he was getting into! It is just so frustrating. Can anyone offer advice for helping to change his mind...any cleaning tips, products to use, etc.???

 

All that you said (except the hair on the lampshade) would count as nasty to me. I like animals--dogs way more than cats (and am allergic to cats.) Could you do an animal clean-up right before he comes home? Make it a 15 min. routine to go through the house, wipe down kitchen surfaces and vacuum lampshades? Or maybe ask you dh to rank things in terms of nastiness and you concentrate on the top ones? Can the catbox be contained in an area where the litter doesn't track and dh avoids the closet/room, etc. where it's kept?

 

People who are not attached to animals often don't realize how much like children they can be to others and that you can go "mama bear" over your animals. On the other hand, people who feel that their children are like children can take comments about their animals more personally than they are meant.

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We have 3 cats, 2 dogs, a rabbit, a turkey, and about 30 chickens, and yeah, animals can be kind of gross.

 

I won't say no.

 

I go through vaccum cleaner bags like mad, and while we don't have many pet accidents in the house, a terrible storm can set off a nervous pup.

 

We have hardwood floors, so it helps. And I vac lots. Dh and I grew up without pets and we didn't want that for our kids. We both had a lot of sadness about our pet-free childhoods. :(

 

My dh told me a couple of years ago that he didn't know he could love a dog so much. :)

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I can see where he's coming from. My husband is not a great animal lover, and neither is his father. He will tolerate them, but they are *MY* animals, and he will NOT tolerate the animals on tables/counters. He absolutely despises the cats when they put claws in the drapes. I have finally convinced him that there is nothing I can do about them getting on the entertainment cabinet (which is parked right in front of a HUGE window because there is literally nowhere else for it to go... that's another post) and looking out the living room window, but I can keep them off all the other tables and I actively work to make sure they behave. The kittens, especially Hermes the Devil Kitten, are still learning but are making lots of progress. Other than that, there's not a whole lot I can do other than vacuum constantly, change air filters, dust, and keep training. I do make sure that all the animal messes are confined to small areas and are kept as clean as possible.

 

Seeing as we have six cats, two dogs, a gerbil, a lizard, and fish... and soon chickens in the back yard... I think he's doing really, really, REALLY well.

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You had the cats when you got married. He needs to get over it.

 

It would be different if he developed an allergy to the cats or the dog, but that's not the case. He just doesn't like them and doesn't want them.

 

Make sure that you're diligent about cleaning the litter box and that you keep the cats off the counters/table whenever you're there (obviously you can't do anything about it when you're not there). Make sure that you always clean off the counter/table before putting any food there.

 

I don't think it's reasonable to ask you to get rid of your cats or your dog. I do think it's reasonable to keep them out of the bedroom (so he has a pet-free area).

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I grew up in a house with indoor pets, a dog who slept in my bed, and cat hair on the couch. You get the picture. My dh grew up on a farm where pets belonged outside. Somehow I have come to have my dh's opinion on the topic. I am probably more against animals in the house than he is now. I do like animals, but I don't want animal hair in the house. I do have fish in the house ;)

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I read somewhere that putting aluminum foil up on the counters will keep them from jumping (after the first few tries at least). Perhaps some foil on the counters before you go to bed at night? Or you could do as we do and put our cat "to bed" in the family room every night. He can roam all he wants in there (with litter box access in a small bathroom off of the family room but the door is closed so he can't roam the rest of the house.

 

I would have a harder time with the dog accidents but that's because we have carpet and even with "nature's miracle" I worry that it never really gets out of the carpets.

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I will preface this by saying that we currently have one dog and five cats in the house, but yes, pets can be nasty.

 

The oldest cat in the house belongs to my 18 year old. He moved out a year ago and just moved back in this week. Since he has been back he has managed to pee in at least three places he wasn't supposed to and throw up at least three times. I know he is probably stressed and that is why he is having all the problems but he is requiring a lot of clean up. Even though I have had this cat since he was 8 weeks old, I am quite disgruntled with him right now. I know that the reason is because I don't have the emotional bond with him that I used to have.

 

When we first got the dog, he was a major hassle. I know that he didn't get any easier. I just bonded with him and now the same issues aren't as pressing.

 

So yes, pets can be nasty and it can be especially pressing if you don't have a bond with them. However, in your situation, I would say hubby needs to compromise some. He knew what he was getting into so he needs to figure out a better way to deal.

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My husband and I are about to have a brew-ha-ha! I have a dog and two cats - all of which are *mine* and he doesn't like them or really want anything to do with them. I have had my cats for 11 years now and they are not going anywhere. My dog has allergies and other issues that make him unadoptable, so he is also not going anywhere.

 

My dh says that cats are just nasty. If he sees a paw print on the counter, he rants about how "nasty" it is. If the cat tracks some litter on the floor, it is nasty. If he sees cat hair on a lamp shade (why do cats like to rub around lamp shades???), it is nasty. Of course, if the dog has an accident in the house, it is nasty. I tend to agree, but I am also very diligent about cleaning it up and doing the best I can to get to it before dh sees it and remarks about it. It has spurned more anger and arguments than anything else in our marriage. I am just not sure how to change this without getting rid of my animals...and if I were to do that, I would resent my husband forever! I love my animals and I had the cats when he married me. He knew what he was getting into! It is just so frustrating. Can anyone offer advice for helping to change his mind...any cleaning tips, products to use, etc.???

 

 

Children and their poopy butts, runny noses and dirty feet are pretty nasty, too, not to mention when they get really sick and puke all over their beds, their jammies and the floor. How does your husband feel about them?

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Lol, my dh hates cats with a passion. I have always been one for bringing home baby animals, and having kids was an excuse to do it more!

Our first cat though, he terrorised, until the poor thing woudl jump out at our feet with all claws out and attack. I eventually couldn't handle it any more and found another home for her. A while later, dh and I were separatd and I bought the kids a kitten each- one died, but when dh and got back together, this beautiful, easy goign cat had to deal with dh . As far as he was concerned, this was now an outdoer cat- but that ca was very clvere at fining ways inside!

Dh however loves dogs- we have 2. He likes t be able to dominate an animal- he can be pack leader to dogs, but you cant do that with a cat.

We also have a rabbit- at one stage, 4 rabbits- 4 chooks, fish and a snake.

I dont know hwo you get your dh to bond with your critters. My dad is the same- his wife is a passionate dog lover and they did get a dog, but it is very clear its Rob's dog, not his, and he doesnt give the dog much attention at all. He's not hostile though.

Can you have a heart to heart wih your dh? Tell him its really hurting you, that you dont want the animals to bother him, and you care how he feels, but they are really, really important to you? My dh would absolutely freak if a cat got up on a benchtop too- he is a hygeine freak, and I am not particularly. Not that I enouraged it, but it wouldnt make me get the bleach out, lol.

Have you tried every solution- catlitter in a completely out of the way place?

I think the only soluton would be a heart to heart- maybe more than one. Instead of reacting to each other- communicate. And he may defend, but he will know how you are feeling and then has the opportunity to stop using the animals as a source of contention, and find a way to deal with it maturely. I find if I m honest that way with my dh, he will defend at first, then later he wil change as if it was his idea all along :)

Edited by Peela
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I *tolerate* our cats, hamsters, ladybugs, caterpillars, fish....

 

I love animals but prefer they remain outdoors. I was vetoed by a husband and two adorable children. I have a manageable allergy to cats, so I was willing to sacrifice but we had to come to an agreement.

 

I do not do animal stuff. I don't change litter boxes. I do not feed. I do not water. I do not clean tanks, cages, etc. I do not want them sleeping on my head. I do not clean up cat hack.

 

I wipe down counters, sweep floors, vacuum furniture, etc. to an almost obsessive-compulsive degree.

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It depends. I think pets on the counters or table is yucky. I think some other things are also yucky, but some of that really depends upon the owners more than the pet. We have a dog because my hubby loves dogs. I even take care of the dog when my hubby is out of town for months on end. Other dog people loooooove my dog, he is a really nice, good, well-behaved dog. But, I am pretty ambivalent. I'm just not an animal person. We also have fish. I make sure all pets are well cared for, and I tolerate them because my family loves them.

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Do your cats and dogs go everywhere in the house? Our dog is confined to the public areas, most of which have hard floors. She's trained not to go on the furniture unless invited onto someone's lap (washable) and has small rugs in the sitting rooms which she lies and and which are also washable.

 

Husband, who has a very sensitive nose, says that he can smell where she lies often, but that the house doesn't smell of dog in general. She only has accidents when she's in season and only on carpets, so we confine her to the kitchen then.

 

Laura

Edited by Laura Corin
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My dh didn't grow up with any pets, and in his family pets are generally considered "dirty". There was a bit of a brouhaha when we got our cat, my inlaws suggesting you could "catch an allergy" from a cat. I don't think it works that way, isn't it that you are either allergic or not?

 

Anyway, dh was very hesitant, but has been ok with it as long as he doesn't have to deal with the messy bits. Although the kids and I will be traveling alone to the States this summer, and while I offered to look for a pet sitter for the cat he agreed to take care of her (even the litter box, I was surprised).

 

One big help in getting him acclimated to the idea of pets was we let him choose the cat. He wanted a long-haired cat, which would not have been my first choice, but he found one up for adoption through work and we went with that. She is very sweet, is not a lap cat at all -- she doesn't like to be held or to sit on you, but does like to be near you, like on a chair next to you or the floor. For a non-pet person, this particular cat has been perfect.

 

My inlaws and some extended relatives don't just dislike the "dirtiness factor" of cats, but are flat out afraid of them... as in, will run from the room (literally) if the cat walks in. I generally keep her in our room when we have visitors who feel that way, but it was a surprise to me that people would be so afraid of cats.

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I think all animals are nasty. I'm glad I fell in love with a man who agrees, because animals would be a deal breaker for me.

 

I grew up with cats and dogs. When we would have company over who had allergies, we would scrub the house, vacuum every piece of upholstered furniture, wash all the curtains, and leave the animals outside. But the guest(s) would still have an allergic reaction. You cannot clean pet dander out of a house, no matter how diligently you clean.

 

I understand why people love animals so much. They are cute, and I can appreciate the companionship component. But you will not convince me that having an animal living in your house is not unclean. :tongue_smilie:

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I read somewhere that putting aluminum foil up on the counters will keep them from jumping (after the first few tries at least). Perhaps some foil on the counters before you go to bed at night? Or you could do as we do and put our cat "to bed" in the family room every night. He can roam all he wants in there (with litter box access in a small bathroom off of the family room but the door is closed so he can't roam the rest of the house.

 

Double-sided tape where you don't want the kitties works, too. Cats don't like anything sticky on their paws.

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I really, really don't like or understand having a dog. With 6 kids I don't need anything else to clean up after. I can tolerate cats, but the hair....eeww. My kids go to my mom and dad's and come home with hair on them. I look at my hardwood and cream color carpets and shudder at the thought of a dog. Nasty, probably not unless you are like my neighbors who keep the dogs in all day and they go to the bathroom in the house all the time. But then again my neighbors are just plain nasty.

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My dh didn't grow up with any pets, and in his family pets are generally considered "dirty". There was a bit of a brouhaha when we got our cat, my inlaws suggesting you could "catch an allergy" from a cat. I don't think it works that way, isn't it that you are either allergic or not?

 

You definitely can't "catch" an allergy from an animal, lol. :tongue_smilie: Some people develop allergies when they get older, but it doesn't result from exposure to cats. I heard awhile back that scientists actually think that kids who are around animals have less of a chance of developing allergies.

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I agree with your husband, but that's irrelevant. I don't think this is about the pets or their nastiness, but something else. Try to have a heart-to-heart about it without mentioning the pets. Either way, he needs to get over it because he can't change the rules mid-marriage without a lot of trauma for the whole family. No matter how nasty the pets are (& I think they are) the health of the family is way more important.

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I think it's healthy to grow up around pets.

 

I made all of my kids work in our organic garden so they would be exposed to all the good things in the soil. I also let them run around bare foot even though it distressed my nosy neighbors greatly. Ideally, they would have grown up working on an organic farm. Humans live symbiotically with nature; IMO, we need to be exposed to some of the dirt and microbes. Of course, unhealthy stuff is no good, and that should be avoided if possible.

 

So my vote is for the pet.

 

PS My husband used to call our cat Poo-Paws but he's warmed up to her since.

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I don't think this is about the pets or their nastiness, but something else. Try to have a heart-to-heart about it without mentioning the pets. Either way, he needs to get over it because he can't change the rules mid-marriage without a lot of trauma for the whole family. No matter how nasty the pets are (& I think they are) the health of the family is way more important.

 

I agree. Around the seven year mark it's not uncommon for those things that we can't change about a spouse to prompt some strong feelings. You tolerated his pet out of love and respect for him, but he's not reciprocating with yours and it would be natural to feel sad/hurt/slighted/resentful.

 

If this is the real issue and a heart-to-heart doesn't make a difference, maybe some outside counseling could.

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Okay, frankly? I think he needs to knock of the whining and quit making you feel like sludge.

 

You've been married for seven years - and your cats are 11. You had those cats when he married you - and I assume that you didn't have them hidden away in a cedar chest somewhere, so he knew darn well that the cats came with you.

 

 

 

:iagree: Oh, and people are nasty, too. How many skin cells do we shed all day? You mean you are getting into bed with all those cells that dust mites are feeding on (unless you have the energy to wash your sheets every single day:)). Sprinkled tinkle on the toilet is nasty. Reusing hand towels is nasty if you think about it. Pretty much, every living thing is nasty to some degree. Yet we all deal with it. Time for someone to put on the big boy boxers:).

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My answer to your question is "sometimes". I've been in some pet homes that are generally clean and some that are downright nasty (same goes for non-pet homes as well). Honestly, the scenarios you described would not be something *I* could live with because those sorts of things really gross me out. Dh feels the same way. It's why we don't and won't ever have pets. :)

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OP- Is there something else that could possibly be stressing your dh? Perhaps he is venting unspoken frustrations on the animals. I agree with the other posters who have suggested a heart-to-heart chat. Cleanliness is important, but lots of things are "nasty" when you think about it. As long as you are cleaning up after the critters, I really don't see anything wrong with dogs or cats. (Please remind me that I said this the next time my dogs come inside after, um, "snacking.":ack2:)

 

*sigh* I'm so glad I'm married to another dog person!

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Pets in the house aren't nasty in and of themselves.

Paw-prints on the counter though, *definitely nasty*.

Cat litter tracked out of the box? :ack2:

 

I'd definitely train the cats not to go on the counter, and I'd do something about cat litter tracked about on the floor. We had one of those outdoor mats that are plastic "grass". The cat would step out of the box onto the mat, which would catch any stray litter. Then the litter would fall into the strands of grass and be "invisible" until we changed the box and hosed off the mat. Perhaps something like that might help? If he couldn't see the tracked litter, it might be better.

 

Better yet, could you train your cat/cats to "go" outside? As a farm family, we have had many stray animals make their home with us over the years. We only have the litter box in the house until they're old enough to begin going outside for gradually increasing periods of time. Then we get rid of the cat litter box, and the cat just lets us know when it needs to go out. It's worked with every cat we've had (probably upwards of 20 or so). It's always a relief when the cat litter box goes out! :)

 

We trained the cats not to get on the counters by being vigilant with a spray bottle. We squirted them each and every time they attempted to get up there, and they do get the message if you're consistent about it.

 

As for pet hair, that doesn't gross me out unless it's profuse. I'm careful to vacuum the carpet & furniture every day, and we change filters/bags in the vacuum often. Do you have a vacuum that's good with pet hair? That helps too.

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What you're describing isn't nasty at all. But then I'm a person with dogs, cat (and I foster rats)......& my animals are allowed all over the house and in our beds (though usually only the cat chooses to sleep with a person)

 

 

 

 

Observation studies show that anywhere from just under 1/2 to more than 2/3's of men don't wash their hands after toileting.

 

THAT is nasty.

 

I'm not sure about having men in the house.

 

 

 

Toddlers barfing & diarrheaing all over - ew.

Snotty kids with gunked up noses and smears all over their hands wandering round the house - yuck.

Hungover and barfing in the toilet - bleh

Stomach flu - ick.

 

.....

 

I actually think this kind of antipathy to animals is a rejection of the animal nature of US. WE are just as nasty. We shed. We smell.

Most of the dust in the house is our dead skin.

 

WE are animals too.

 

(but why is it that I find human hair weirdly grosser than dog & cat hair?)

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I'm in the same boat except I'm in your husband's place. I'll admit there have been times that I have considered 'visiting' my parents and refusing to come home until the dog is gone. I hate her. I hate the hair, the smell, every. single. thing. about her. And we only have one dog. My parents are allergic to dogs and cats and so I didn't have one growing up and when my husband wanted one, I wanted to make him happy. I had no idea. Most of the time I try to deal because getting rid of her would make dh resentful. On the other hand, I resent my husband for putting me through this. It wasn't a big deal to me to deal with her until we had a baby and I just couldn't stand the nastiness of having my precious child crawling around where the dog was. Dh didn't watch the dog around our son as well as I thought he should have- he doesn't believe that the dog would ever do anything, so he'd leave the room with our son on the floor and the dog in the room completely unsupervised. Even now, it disgusts me when I see my 2 year old with dog hair stuck to his face. We fight about it several times a week (down from several times a day when my son was an infant).

 

So, I'm sorry, but I understand your husband's POV. I have no idea how to solve the problem, but I wish I did.

 

Oh, and the stupid dog is only 4 years old- I'm looking at another 9 YEARS of living with her. I try not to think about it because it feels like a prison sentence when I do.

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Yes, pets in the house can make it nasty. They bring a level of dirt into the home that you have to be diligent about cleaning up. However, that is also part of owning a pet. You either deal with it or don't get a pet. If your spouse doesn't like it he has two choices. 1. Ignore what he considers "nasty" and stop saying negative things. 2. If he sees something that he considers "nasty" clean it up without saying negative things.

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