Arranging a sponsor family for a child away at college...

[RegGuheert]

I went to the US Air Force Academy, which was far away from home. One thing they did for each of the cadets was to arrange a sponsor family in the nearby community. The sponsor families opened their homes to the cadets so that we could have some time away from the "womb", as we called it. I didn't take advantage of my sponsor family much, but I did enjoy Thanksgiving dinner with another family one year, which was a big improvement over eating it in the dining hall!

 

We have been thinking about cultivating a sponsor family in the community where DD17 will be attending college and we are wondering about how this might be done. Some specific questions we have are:

 

- Has anyone arranged a sponsor family for your child while they are away at college?

 

- If so, how did you go about doing that?

 

- Was this a family that you knew in advance?

 

- If not, how did you find this family?

 

- Also if not, did you develop a relationship with this family before entrusting your child to them?

 

- How do you compensate and/or express thanks to your child's sponsor family?

 

- Are there other considerations with such an arrangement that we should be thinking about?

[Nan in Mass]

My sons' college does this. My oldest didn't take advantage of the service. My middle one was involved in a summer program right before he went and met several people who volunteered to be his sponser. We also made arrangements with a relative. I left it up to the child to decide whether he was comfortable being part of the sponser family's household. I will write a thankyou note and have my son bring a plant as a thankyou at the end.

 

Meanwhile, we have been a sponser family for several students, even though we are 5 hours away by car LOL. One is my oldest's roommate. We told the roommate in person, when we met him as they moved in together freshman year, that we would get him back and forth to the airport and that he was welcome to spend holidays with us, leave his car, and store his stuff. He thanked us profusely and took us up on the offer. We have received verbal and written thanks from his parents. I feel guilty because I know that because we are available, he doesn't go home as often as he would otherwise, but I also know that we make things much easier. He has been a good friend to our son and we don't feel like he owes us anything. Because of the way things are set up, I don't think he feels that he needs to repay us in any way. I hope so, anyway. It is no problem. The other is a Ukrainian friend of my son's. We had him for Christmas and Thanksgiving. He gave me some lovely Ukrainian candy and a gorgeous bunch of flowers, and his family has invited us to visit them and thanked us via skype. When I was in college, it was the family of a friend who took me in. At my second college, it was my aunt, who lived half an hour away.

 

Could you find someone through a local church? Or ask the school for ideas? The best thing would be the family of a college friend, but that wouldn't be in place beforehand, and it is often the first month or two when you need your sponser family the most, I think, before you get used to things.

 

-Nan

[RegGuheert]

Thanks, Nan! That's great information which will help us to decide if and how to do this.

Could you find someone through a local church? Or ask the school for ideas? The best thing would be the family of a college friend, but that wouldn't be in place beforehand, and it is often the first month or two when you need your sponser family the most, I think, before you get used to things.

While we're only about four hours away, we know from our experience with our son that with so many children (at home with us) it might as well be 20 hours. I learned at church Sunday that one of the elders' brothers went to Liberty and has settled down in the area. That family may be a candidate. We are visiting this week and we may ask the school if they have any formal arrangements.

 

I don't really know if my daughter would take advantage of a sponsor family or not, but I do remember appreciating the opportunity to have a break from USAFA, so I thought I would explore the idea. I suppose it will depend upon things like her relationship with her roommates, workload, extracurricular activities, etc.

 

Other thoughts anyone?

[FloridaLisa]

When I was in college, our church had a program matching college students with a host family. The family could be involved any number of ways, but it usually involved inviting the student over for Sunday dinner, delivering goodies during testing, and helping in other ways. My college roommate really connected with her family and loved it.

 

All this to second what Nan said: perhaps a local church would have a program?

 

HTH,

Lisa

[Nan in Mass]

Adding to this... The program at my sons' college says the students often use their host family for Sun. dinners, laundry, and if they have a problem and need a dentist or something like that. My personal experience (adding so it will be in the thread although I know your son doesn't need it) is that transportation to and from the airport is really, really key, even if nothing else is.

-Nan

[RegGuheert]

When I was in college, our church had a program matching college students with a host family. The family could be involved any number of ways, but it usually involved inviting the student over for Sunday dinner, delivering goodies during testing, and helping in other ways. My college roommate really connected with her family and loved it.

And you? What was your experience?

All this to second what Nan said: perhaps a local church would have a program?

We will look into that possibility. The megachurch Jerry Falwell founded, Thomas Road Baptist Church, is on, or near, the campus. Perhaps they have such a program. We will ask.

 

Thanks!

[RegGuheert]

Adding to this... The program at my sons' college says the students often use their host family for Sun. dinners, laundry, and if they have a problem and need a dentist or something like that. My personal experience (adding so it will be in the thread although I know your son doesn't need it) is that transportation to and from the airport is really, really key, even if nothing else is.

-Nan

Thanks, Nan!

 

DS20 broke his glasses during his freshman year. I think a host family would have been very helpful. That said, I don't think he would really take advantage of it.

 

We'll have to see if DD17 is open to this idea.

Edited April 20, 2010 by RegGuheert

[FloridaLisa]

And you? What was your experience?We will look into that possibility.

 

Well, I was born and raised in the same town that I then attended undergrad and graduate school. :001_smile: I lived on campus (that entire time actually), but still had all my home church, friends and family connections. So no need of a host family!

 

And ds1 will be in a town where we lived for 11 years, so he also has many friends and families happy to take him under their wing.

 

Lisa

[LibrarianMom]

I went to a large state U and the only sponsor program was for international students. However, I found my own sponsor families through the church I attended. I ended up with four unofficial sponsor families right away. Later the church began a more formal sponsor program and I gained another family. These are all families that I got to know very well and still stay in contact with. In fact, most attended our wedding. So connecting with a church is huge.

 

At the small university where I currently work, there isn't a formal sponsor program. However, all incoming students have dinner at a faculty member's home and are in a small group which is typically led by a faculty or staff member. We are small enough that requests for rides and other needs frequently come across our email.

[Nicole M]

I work at a small liberal arts college and I have never even heard of this idea! My college bends over backward "taking care" of students (to the point where I feel it's detrimental, actually), so it seems like this would be a really valuable service to offer students.

[LynnG in Arizona]

We spent three years living at West Point and sponsored around a dozen cadets. Most of them quickly became members of our family and surrogate "big brothers" to our girls. It was a mutually beneficial relationship and one of the best aspects of living at the US Military Academy. Our first cadets are now 28 yo men, mainly married and starting their own families now. :)

 

Just to say . . . I wish to goodness that other schools offered this program, though I think there would inevitably be security issues and the occasional bad experience. But now that it is *our* 18 yo far away in a strange city, BOY do I wish that she could be taken care of and loved like our cadets were ten years ago.

[Nan in Mass]

I know. I know others here disagree, but I think college age kids still take lots of parenting. There are so many adult things that are done for the first time after the age of 18. We've done everything from making sure they had ice scrapers and a full tank of windshield fluid before heading off on the day-long drive to their families, to enlightening them about the existance of such fantastic, cheap, life-altering comforts as hot water bottles, to lending credit cards to pay for emergency room visits, to listening sympathetically when traumatic events occur or they are scared about something, to backing them up when they come to conclusions about life and living. It seems like as they grow older, you can't continue to do all the parenting for your own children. Other people do some of it. And you do some of it for other people's children. One of the major advantages of having friends at this age is access to the friends' families. It is a great pooling of resources and a very nice step between being embedded in one family and off on one's own. Sponser families can continue to say the things the parents would say but can't because they are trying to let their children grow up. It is amazing what you can't say to your own young adults. Your role shifts. And hopefully there are other parents around to continue in the old role. Another advantage, I think, is that they provide a reality check, a reminder that college and its artificial, self-centered life-style is not what being grownup is. Grownup is what happens beyond that. But I am getting overly philosophical. The bottom line is that sponser families/friends' families can make growing up safer, easier, and more comfortable.

 

-Nan

[Sebastian (a lady)]

I know. I know others here disagree, but I think college age kids still take lots of parenting. There are so many adult things that are done for the first time after the age of 18. We've done everything from making sure they had ice scrapers and a full tank of windshield fluid before heading off on the day-long drive to their families, to enlightening them about the existance of such fantastic, cheap, life-altering comforts as hot water bottles, to lending credit cards to pay for emergency room visits, to listening sympathetically when traumatic events occur or they are scared about something, to backing them up when they come to conclusions about life and living. It seems like as they grow older, you can't continue to do all the parenting for your own children. Other people do some of it. And you do some of it for other people's children. One of the major advantages of having friends at this age is access to the friends' families. It is a great pooling of resources and a very nice step between being embedded in one family and off on one's own. Sponser families can continue to say the things the parents would say but can't because they are trying to let their children grow up. It is amazing what you can't say to your own young adults. Your role shifts. And hopefully there are other parents around to continue in the old role. Another advantage, I think, is that they provide a reality check, a reminder that college and its artificial, self-centered life-style is not what being grownup is. Grownup is what happens beyond that. But I am getting overly philosophical. The bottom line is that sponser families/friends' families can make growing up safer, easier, and more comfortable.

 

-Nan

 

I had a wonderful sponsor family plebe year. I think one of the things that makes sponsorship so important at academies is that you can actually put on some normal clothes, loll around on a couch, and eat a meal without serving upperclassment (let alone answer rates like how many days until Army-Navy). It was great to have a place where I could really let down my hair.

I didn't stay close to my sponsors all four years. I think that they had been sponsors for so many years and had been really close to some of their mids that some of us later folks just didn't form as strong of connections.

 

I also ended up really benefiting from the adult mentorship in the campus religious organizations. The reps for one organization were so close that I gave the wife mother's day cards as my at school mom. She was the one who helped me learn to cook, gave me hugs when things got rough at school and listened to me cry over a couple broken hearts (before telling me that I'd been something of an idiot).

 

In the military, you keep getting sponsors with each duty station, who help you learn about the features of your new home, help you get settled, and act as one of your first resources. It is a great help.