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What do you think about destination weddings?

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I don't mind being invited to destination weddings (elopements with an audience? ;) ). I more mind when the couple is angry that not everyone will come. If the weddings are out of the country, that means, in addition to flights and hotels, the hassle of applying and waiting for passports for everyone who will be attending (and assorted other expenses).


For weddings that are far from home, we often end up sending a representative: DH goes for his friends and family, I go for mine. That's just the way life goes. We've done the same when the invite says "no children" and we still have nursing infants/toddlers.


I actually had a friend who sent an invitation that said no children and she knew basically that I wouldn't be able to go because of where the wedding was going to be and my HIGH needs young toddler (there was a hike up a mountain, etc so I couldn't just leave him in a hotel room down the hall and attend a ceremony in the ballroom and dash back if needed). She ended up telling me later that she had REALLY wanted me there and knew that Thing 1 would've been fine strapped to my back with a book and a cup (and me being able to wander a bit while listening to the ceremony), but that they had friends with completely unruly children and no interest in corralling them ("because children should be welcome everywhere and should be accommodated at all times"), and they didn't want THOSE children there. So, they had to say "no children." Guess who still brought their children? :glare:


So - I don't think destination weddings are selfish, but I think the couple can be in how they react to the replies from the guests.

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To the question "is it selfish" you say "absolutely not" but then you go on to describe how it "should" be all about the bride. "It's her day". "Let her do it her way"


Never said that. I don't think it should be all about the bride. I think it should be all about the couple getting married. It is their marriage, not the guests'.


It seems you are saying it's not selfish - but then describing how it "should" be about nothing but selfishness.


Sorry, I fail to see how planning a wedding the way you want it is "selfish." Someone has to make decisions whenever any event is planned. Planning a wedding the way you want it is no more selfish than planning for a dinner party the way you want it ... you don't poll all your guests for when would work best, where would work best, what they like to eat best, etc. You plan the party and invite the guests. Those who want to and can come, do. Someone might be sad they can't make it because they have a conflict or whatever. Life.



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I am in the camp of "not selfish as long as you don't expect everyone to come".


My dearest friend from childhood had a destination wedding this past summer. I just told her, I am sorry, but no. If we did spend that much money on a vacation we would go somewhere else, but we didn't have the money in the first place.


She was totally ok with that. She did it primarily for her and her husband, and had no problem with no one attending.

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My SIL and her husband were planning a large wedding, but they were stationed in Hawaii and the big wedding would have been in TX where most of their family and friends live. They had saved up money for their dream wedding, but still suffered sticker shock at the cost of venue, catering, flowers, etc.


So they decided to take their wedding fund and fly their closest family and friends out to Hawaii for a small wedding on the beach instead. It was so lovely and meaningful, and for our family, it was the dream vacation we would have never been able to pay for ourselves.


So for my SIL and her husband, they decided that being with the people they cared about most was more important than the trappings of the modern mega-wedding.


Since this is an old thread, now I'm hoping the OP will see it and pop back in with an update. What did your sister decide to do? How did it go? :bigear:

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