Graduating high schooler at 18-19 years old

[ccmom]

My son was always about 1 year behind his peers, from the very beginning. Now he is 14 and going on 15. He is aware that most kids his age are in 9th grade, but he is only partially at 9th grade level. I would like to continue at our original pace and graduate him in 4 more years, not 3. I am feeling pressured to graduate him in 3 years. I need to have peace of mind about this. If we continue on this schedule that we are on, he will be 19 when he graduates. He is working harder now, so it is possible for me to accelerate him. I just need to plan for summer school so we can do this. On the other hand, time is so valuable and I want to make sure he masters material.

 

He will attend the community college for his A.A. and then move on to the university level. He wants to attend film school, so I want to make sure he has an excellent literature and writing foundation.

 

I am feeling very frustrated and worried about this, because now I feel we are behind. Has anyone graduated their child at age 19 instead of 18?

 

Most of all, I really need peace of mind right now. Any constructive advice would be very much appreciated! I am not ready to grant him high school credit for anything yet.

[Susan C.]

A lot of boys graduate at that age, especially summer birthday boys. My son homeschooled with a whole flock of boys that were held back because of summer birthdays. My son is a summer birthday one, but we didn't hold him back. His whole homeschool career was tedious, and everything took him forever to do. At what we thought was 11th grade, he had a terrible time with Algebra 2 and Chemistry. I asked him if he wanted an extra year for high school, he said he did. It even meant he wouldn't graduate with his group of friends. So, I made that 11th grade into 10th grade, and his new 11th grade was the best year we have had in years, he was finally on level with his brain development and didn't have to struggle all of the time (he got good grades, but it took him forever to do schoolwork). He turned 19 a few months after graduation, but has friends that were 19 at graduation. I think it is more important to be working at your level than to be a certain age at graduation.

[Mommyfaithe]

A lot of boys graduate at that age, especially summer birthday boys. My son homeschooled with a whole flock of boys that were held back because of summer birthdays. My son is a summer birthday one, but we didn't hold him back. His whole homeschool career was tedious, and everything took him forever to do. At what we thought was 11th grade, he had a terrible time with Algebra 2 and Chemistry. I asked him if he wanted an extra year for high school, he said he did. It even meant he wouldn't graduate with his group of friends. So, I made that 11th grade into 10th grade, and his new 11th grade was the best year we have had in years, he was finally on level with his brain development and didn't have to struggle all of the time (he got good grades, but it took him forever to do schoolwork). He turned 19 a few months after graduation, but has friends that were 19 at graduation. I think it is more important to be working at your level than to be a certain age at graduation.

 

:iagree: :iagree:

 

My kids were all fully 18 when they graduated from high school and started Community College then. So far all have done very well with CC, 2 transferred into colleges of choice (so far) and their maturity matched their academic status.

 

My 4th is in high school now, and he is academically accelerated, but I have no plans to graduate him early. He may do some CLEP exams and maybe an online CC course in grade 12, BUT, I have no intentions of sending him off beofre he is emotionally and spritually mature enough to deal with the many decisions and pressures that come in the college environment.

~~Faithe

[AngelBee]

We are doing this as well with our ds 17. His bday is in May. He will be 19 at graduation.

[Lori D.]

Our older DS turns 18 in just 2 weeks and he is currently in 11th grade. So he will turn 19 a month before he graduates. We have *never* regretted our decision to keep him at the level where he can EXCEL! The decision allowed him to be a leader, rather than always struggling to keep up. It has also allowed him more time (since he's not always struggling to keep up) to pursue a number of outside interests he wouldn't have been able to do otherwise. In the last 10 years, the school systems here (and many homeschoolers) are seeing the benefit of NOT pushing boys (especially) through early -- so we are seeing a LOT of 19yo graduates, or graduates who turn 19 in the summer between 12th grade and starting college.

 

 

Just helping you think through your situation: What is the source of the pressure you feel, or the source of "feeling behind" -- from people outside the home; from yourself; or from your son? If from others, well, you are the one who makes decisions about your son's education; you know your son best; and you KNOW that he is where he needs to be. :)

 

If the pressure is from yourself, take a little time to go back over why you made the decision you did; review the pros and cons; has anything changed since making the decision? If so, then make a new list of pros and cons, talk it over with DH and other homeschoolers you trust about whether or not to change the decision. If nothing has really changed, then continue with your original decision with confidence .

 

If the pressure is from DS, consider putting the ball in his court. Does he really WANT to do the work it would take to do 4 years of high school in 3 years? Go over with him what credits he will need to accomplish; discuss if there are electives that would help prepare him for film school that might have to be cut out of the schedule in order to graduate early. If DS really wants to do this, then let him take the lead and show the maturity to be responsible and accomplishing what needs to happen on his own volition.

 

 

BEST of luck to you and DS! Warmest regards, Lori D.

Edited April 10, 2010 by Lori D.
fixed typos

[ccmom]

I decided in the beginning of our homeschooling journey that he needed to be one year early. As a youngster pre-school age, he was considered "severely developmentally delayed". At age 4 he was at an age 2 level in how he communicated. His motor skills were also delayed. I consulted a few experts who confirmed these delays and had some concerns.

 

I took control of the situation and pulled him out of school when he was in first grade and the teachers wanted him to be evaluated for ADD. He struggled being held to the same standard as his peers because he just wasn't there emotionally or developmentally. I would describe him early on as a "special needs" student who NEEDED one on one attention.

 

Fast forwarding to today, he has matured immensely and WANTS to succeed. I see his struggles and know that he realistically can't do it in 3 years. He has always needed TIME, and with time he has succeeded in everything he attempted. The pressure I am feeling is from him. He wants to be considered a "9th grader". I never told him about his delays. I always encouraged him and told him that he can succeed and I worked with him.

 

I am going to take the advice given here and talk to him about what he needs and how time can be used to his advantage. It is better to take the time needed than to rush through and always feel "behind". That causes undue stress for him and me. I want him to succeed and I want him to feel success, not constant struggle. After all, that is why we homeschool.

 

I think it's time for him to play a more active role so he can take control of his goals, seeing time as an advantage instead of a disadvantage.

 

Thank you all for your input!

[FaithManor]

My nieces graduated at 19. They had September birthdays and were small for their ages. School began the first week of August and so their parents decided to wait a year. It worked out just fine for them. Both are in college and on good scholarships. I think most colleges and employers are used to seeing graduates in the 17-19 range. Plus, more kids are also choosing gap years and so an older college freshman is getting very common and according to many professors, something of an ideal.

 

Don't rush...its just so more important to look at mastery of subject and maturation.

 

Faith

[ccmom]

Thank you!!

[Chris in VA]

Mine graduated at 19. We held him back in 3rd grade, and he skewed older anyway, since the cut-off for ps in Texas was Sept 1, and he had a birthday a few days after. He felt behind his peers (we kept him with his age mates in youth group--he started homeschooling in 9th grade, so grade didn't really matter), and he was a little embarrassed when they all went to college and he wasn't going yet. But we did graduate him in December, so technically, he graduated in the same year as they did. It was goofy, but it mattered to him. He studied all summer and so was able to complete all the requirements. He worked really hard the rest of the year before going to college.

 

Do what you have to.

[Ellie]

My son was always about 1 year behind his peers, from the very beginning. Now he is 14 and going on 15. He is aware that most kids his age are in 9th grade, but he is only partially at 9th grade level. I would like to continue at our original pace and graduate him in 4 more years, not 3. I am feeling pressured to graduate him in 3 years. I need to have peace of mind about this. If we continue on this schedule that we are on, he will be 19 when he graduates. He is working harder now, so it is possible for me to accelerate him. I just need to plan for summer school so we can do this. On the other hand, time is so valuable and I want to make sure he masters material.

 

He will attend the community college for his A.A. and then move on to the university level. He wants to attend film school, so I want to make sure he has an excellent literature and writing foundation.

 

I am feeling very frustrated and worried about this, because now I feel we are behind. Has anyone graduated their child at age 19 instead of 18?

 

Most of all, I really need peace of mind right now. Any constructive advice would be very much appreciated! I am not ready to grant him high school credit for anything yet.

I would graduate him when he's 18. The truth is that once he begins attending community college, what he did in "high school" is almost irrelevant (depending on where you live; in California, if a student transfers from a c.c. to a state university or college, no one ever even looks at the high school transcript).

 

In 10 years it won't matter that he graduated almost a full year behind his age peers, but it would matter to *me* *now.* I'd make sure he's ready for c.c. work and not worry that I didn't cover as much as I might have before then. What he studies there and at the college will be plenty of preparation for his career path, and if he thinks he needs more, he'll take care of that himself.

[Susan in TN]

I turned 18 in Nov. of my senior year of high school. When I went to college, I was a bit older than most of the other freshmen, but I was also "older". kwim? It was a great benefit to me.

 

My ds will be a month shy of 19 when he graduates from High School. I'd go with what your son needs. I don't think anyone is going to go around questioning him on his age.

[Brindee]

Definitely talk with him, as others have said, and see where he's at with it all! I was one that didn't like being older. I turned 18 in October of my senior year, and I didn't particularly care for being older than most of the other kids. However, my dh turned 17 in September of his senior year, and was younger than pretty much everyone, and he didn't like that either! My ds16 was homeschooled all the way through until this school year. Due to circumstances around here, and nothing on his part, he is going to a Christian school this year. He was a perfect one to homeschoole as he needed to move around and talk out loud, etc. to learn well. His maturity level has been behind his age, and he often had younger friends. Anyway, when the decision was being made to go there we discussed what grade to put him in. DH and I were leaning toward sophomore, because of his maturity level. We felt it would be better for him to be a little older when he graduates, rather than a little younger. However, we left it up to him. He chose to be in 10th this year, and it's worked out very well for him. He'll be 18 through his whole senior year, and closer to 19 when he graduates. He is absolutely fine with being older. DD, on the other hand, has a bug in her bonnet. She's been working so hard, and is excited about being in 9th grade next year. She will be younger than her brothers when she graduates. She'll turn 17 a couple of months before she graduates.

 

So, it does have to do with how the student feels. Not all of them are upset or unhappy with being older. My ds feels like he will be better prepared by being older. But not all want to be older--dd likes where she's at and doesn't want to be any older to be where she's at. :)

 

So, amongst other things that you know about your son and his needs, I say go with his feelings, really. It could be a defeating feeling if he wants to graduate with others his age and you want him to wait.

 

 

LOTS to consider! Best wishes with your decision!

[MamaBookworm]

I was 19 when I graduated from public school. I survived :001_smile:My mom would have been a great hs'er too bad she didn't know it was an option. The truant officers came when I was 7 and made her put me in school ( she was so bummed! "But she's so YOUNG for school" lol) so I was always old for my grade. I spent my whole senior year writing notes "I didn't feel like coming yesterday" lol