WWYD?- Psycho Teenage Girl Drama

[TXMary2]

OK- so my son had a brief "relationship" with a girl from the local Jr. High. It was mostly over texting, but we allowed her over a few times under our supervision. After 3 months my son "broke up" with her. Which was the best news I ever heard. I did not approve of this "relationship" to begin with, but my husband didn't want us to be overly protective or strict. He also didn't realize that many of today's teenage girls aren't like when he was a teenage boy. Anyway, we both quickly realized enough about this girl to know she was unstable. We made our feelings known to our son and then prayed he would end it on his own - which he did. His exact words, "She's crazy."

 

We allowed him to walk her home from school a few times (the Jr. High can be seen from our subdivision) and he said several times when they were crossing a street she would walk really slow and make cars wait for her. He tried to tell her that was being rude and that she should just cross the street, but she said she was more important than they were and they would just have to wait. She also implied several times that if he broke up with her she would kill herself. He also found out she has had about 20 other "boyfriends." She comes from a broken home, has 14 brothers and sisters on her father's side. She lives with her mother, step-father and step-brother. The step brother has also texted my son telling him to leave the girl alone. My son has not initiated ANY contact with this girl since he broke it off. It is all on her, but she is creating drama and telling other people that my son won't leave her alone. Which is a big load of bull and can easily be proved via cell phone records.

 

Ever since he broke it off she has been having other kids text my son and threaten him, call him names, making fun because he is a homeschooler- you name it they are doing it. Let me just say, my boy is not a wimp and he isn't afraid to defend himself if need be. He doesn't "need" me to come to his "rescue" but I am his mother and I want this bull pucky to stop. I know where the girl lives, but I would prefer to call there rather than show up to speak to her mother because her mother might possibly be as nuts as she is - but I don't have the house number. I also called the non-emergency police number and they said they can't do anything, but they did call the cell phone number of one of the kids who is anonymously texting my son. This boy that is texting my son is vile, foul, ignorant and hateful and knows no boundaries of right and wrong apparently. I can't repeat most of what he has texted my son. As far as I know this boy is no older than 14.

 

I don't want to embarass my son by being "mommy to the rescue" but I have heard of enough tragedy happening in the teenage drama scene that I do not want to wait until actual physical harm comes to my son to do something.

 

How would you handle this?

[Susan in KY]

Get him a new phone number. Make sure he hasn't any contact with these kids.

 

:tongue_smilie: Sounds awful.

[Jan in SC]

I think I would change my son's cell number and see if that alone ends it. I'm not sure what I would do next, though. This sounds like an awful situation. :grouphug:

[Tidbits of Learning]

I would change the number. When they realize they don't have anyone on the other end to antagonize, they will find someone new to bully. This is typical teenage ps behavior.

[Perry]

Does your cell phone provider have any parental controls? I have Verizon, and for $5 a month I can block numbers, set limits on time and numbers of texts/calls, etc. If you can block them, I'd try that first.

[Murphy101]

Yeah, new number and the admonishment that heck will break loose if he gives the number out to any yahoo at school except a very few select close friends.

 

and I'd call the girls mother and let her know if this doesn't stop pronto, I'm filing charges with the police, for harrasment at the very least with a protective order. Keep a record of what is happening just in case you do need to do that.

 

If death (suicide) and beatings or whatever are being threatened, then no I do not think you are being a mommy to the rescue.

 

And altho ds is probably a great guy and just trying to be a gentlemen, he needs to know there's times when he needs to walk away. That episode in the street walking her home? He should have just kept walking after telling her she was acting braty. No conversation or anythign else, just keep on keeping on. This girl craves attention, even negative attention. He shouldn't give it to her. It will allow her to manipulate him. Just note what she's doing in case it needs to be reported and move on - at a brisk pace. I wouldn't respond to the texts or emails, but I would keep them for records.

[Annie G]

If the texts are threats, there is something the police can do. And phone harassment itself is against the law...at least it is here where I live. Without going into details, we have firsthand knowledge of that. I think I might contact law enforcement again if the texts are more threats than teasing. If it's more teasing, it'll probably end soon as the teens get bored.

Have you considered sending a certified letter demanding that no further texts/calls be sent to your son's phone? Doesn't help for the texts that you can't trace but it might put the girl's mom on alert that something is going on. She likely knows nothing is going on.

If you don't take action, it might not escalate. Are you willing to take that chance?

[dangermom]

Some of that really does sound illegal. I'd tell the police the content of the messages. If they're quite horrible, you might also let the school principal know, and mention that sad recent case about the girl who killed herself from this type of thing. You can point out that your son is handling this just fine, but who else are they doing this to?

 

And also, get a new cell phone. Keep the old one for proof.

 

You might like to read "The Gift of Fear," which has a whole section on phone harassment. That guy oughta write an essay about texting harassment and post it online...

[hsmom]

My first thought also is new number. I hate to say it, but most of the kids anymore are like this. I keep seeing more and more of this with my older two. Most see it as normal, which freaks me out because this is not normal.

 

If it doesn't stop after the number change I would go to the home and speak to the mother. Now when you do go take someone with you, maybe a friend and have them wait in the car or something.

[TXMary2]

Does your cell phone provider have any parental controls? I have Verizon, and for $5 a month I can block numbers, set limits on time and numbers of texts/calls, etc. If you can block them, I'd try that first.

 

Yes! We have Verizon....I just went to the website and blocked the numbers and set up phone usage restrictions!! Thank you for this, I did not know about it!!!

[TXMary2]

Thanks for all the suggestions. Unfortunately because my son responded to several of the texts it is not considered harassment. After speaking to the police my son's last text said, "Do not text or call me again." As long as he no longer responds, but the texts keep coming in then at that point it would be harassment. Of course now that I am blocking numbers the kids won't be able to harass him.

 

I may call the church though because this particular vile boy has threatened to jump my son at youth group Wednesday night. I think this is a perfect example of what a joke the church "outreach" is. The church youth group should be a safe haven for christian kids who WANT to be there, but basically it is a hangout for every punk and fool kid in the community to come be ridiculous. They cause trouble and then right when the service starts about 20 of them leave. This is a whole other issue, but that is part of what I am dealing with. I homeschool because I don't want to deal with this c**p, but we are surrounded by it.

[hsmom]

Our youth group in town is the same way. It is a joke and my son no longer goes for that reason.

[Tap]

As others have said....change the cell number. It just takes a quick phone call to the cell company. It didn't cost anything when I changed ds's number a few months ago on Verizon.

 

If he was my son, I would have him miss a few youth group nights, just to let the incidents die down. The bullies will find something else to do and forget about your son soon enough. If he doesn't want to do this, then talk to the pastors/elders/staff of the church. Ask them to step into any conversation they see between your son and these kids. Just ask them to step in an join in the conversation. Enough times of this happening, and they will just move on. Tell ds to avoid standing around, that is just asking to be picked on. Tell him to find something to be doing; rearranging tables, putting chairs away, helping the pastors in any way he can. It will make him less of a target. If he can stay engaged in conversation with an adult, or at least someone who is older, it will decrease the chances for him to be alone and singled out.

 

The more he engages them, the more they will pursue him. Just tell him to not say a word and walk away....no matter what, don't respond to them.

[Joanne]

I homeschool because I don't want to deal with this c**p, but we are surrounded by it.

__________________

 

My son's first interest was a homeschooler with similar propensity to drama.

 

It was a mess. If I had not been involved and helping him, he would have been in way over his head.

[Peela]

Here in Australia we have a thing called a restraining order.

I would go to the police and ask for one. They dont necessarily protect you, but they show you mean business and they show that you have considered the situation serious enough to make the effort.

[wy_kid_wrangler04]

Why on earth can the police not do anything if it is harrassing???? That boggles my mind!

 

Yes by all means change his cell number, and I would contact the school these kids go to. Usually schools have counselors, talk with the counselor about this and see if they can talk to these kids (starting with the girl you know about) Give them these numbers and see what happens there. Let the counselor get the parents involved (without you there!) :grouphug: How scary! Keep us updated!

[TXMary2]

I have not changed the number, but I have blocked the numbers through Verizon. One thing I love about living in a small town is that if I want information it won't take me long to get it. We positively id'd the boy and I contacted his parents. They were apologetic and said they would "take care of it." I trust they will. If not, I won't be as nice next time around. The girl's mother likely won't do anything so for now I am letting that go unless she sends someone else to harass my son. I don't think the boy will be showing his face on Wednesday night, but my older son is going to escort his brother just in case. My oldest is big, strong and can be intimidating if need be so I think all will be fine.

 

On the upside ds13 has sworn off girls for now!!!! Wooot! :w00t:

[TXMary2]

My son's first interest was a homeschooler with similar propensity to drama.

 

It was a mess. If I had not been involved and helping him, he would have been in way over his head.

 

 

Don't get me wrong, I know it can happen with hs girls I was just pointing out that this situation was a good example of why I hs, not that it doesn't happen in hs circles. It's actually a reason we don't do co-ops anymore! DS has some guy friends in the ps and these boys say that EVERY DAY is a drama fest of some sort and there is no escaping it.

[Danestress]

won't that eventually take care of it? Or do the just call from all sorts of phones.

 

I think I would take the phone from him for a while. That way if things continue, you can keep track of all of it and eventually if you do need intervention through the other parents, you can honestly say that you are 100% sure that he did not respond to any of the calls. Does he really need a cell phone? I would think that if you kept it a few weeks, it would eventually peter out but if it didn't, at least you could then let the girl's Mom know that you she sent X million texts and he sent 0 reponses.