How you motivate an intellectually lazy child?

[Michelle T]

DS is 11, will be 12 in June. He does required school work with a minimum of whining, he is not defiant. But he never does more than the absolute minimum, he really does as little thinking as possible, and he shows no interest whatsoever in pursuing anything beyond what is required.

 

And he's like this in most areas. He just does not like to think much, he will almost immediately give up rather than actually tax his brain to come up with answers.

 

Any suggestions on motivating a DS like this to actually work his brain a little?

Michelle T

[Whisperlily]

Some kids are naturally like this. ;)

 

What does he visualize in his brain as the purpose of schoolwork? Does he do it because math is part of school and you want him to be/it is important to be educated? Does he write or do projects because it's part of "school" which he's being "subjected to" because it's what kids have to do before they become adults?

 

Can you take him places that interest him, and show him how those specific subjects factor in to the person's ability to do their job? Not just... "Scientists need to have good math skills"... but see it actually put into action in a specific way? If it has no personal value to him, it's just busywork. If he can't see how you plan to have him use those math skills later on to serve some larger (interesting) purpose, it's just plain boring facts to be regurgitated.

 

I'm using math as an example, but it applies to any area of study. Can you talk about "doing the minimum" and give him inspirational examples of how doing more than what is required is rewarded in real life? Can you spend some time working on character examples (outside of school work) that you or DH model going above and beyond?

 

Model, model, model... show him living examples... if you're movie watchers, try to find some inspirational examples... (The rocket building movie comes to mind... what was the name of that one? Father was a coal miner, son was building rockets...??) That movie inspired my boys for months... and not just in science. ;)

 

It's a skill that needs to be learned, and is harder for some than others. My biggest piece of advice is to approach this in ALL areas, not just schoolwork. Don't make it only about academics, but the training should carry over into academics.

[Myrtle]

If given the opportunity to do what he wants, how would he spend his time?

 

I just eliminated all tv, video games, and internet games from our home and my first grader and second grader play chess with each other during their free time, they did a bunch of kiddie sudoku, and spend more time outdoors. My older one, about the age of your child, is finding more books to read.

 

Have you tried project kits such as Snap Circuits, robot kits, etc? He just doesn't like any of it? What have you tried? How does he choose to spend his free time?

[rafiki]

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[jmgconner]

This is my 12 yo! Absolute minimum, but not defiant. Needs checklists. A good reader, but everything in life is accomplished by doing the bare minimum. It drives my crazy! I'm all ears in how to help him. :bigear: We're really trying to praise and reward him when he does go above and beyond, but some concrete tips on how to help him would be great!

[jacqui in mo]

Is the movie "October Sky"? I googled "rocket building movie coal miner" & this is what came up.

[Mama Lynx]

I always say that my 12 year old would stun and amaze the Classical Writing folks with the way he manages to complete their assignments with the fewest words possible. No one can boil a three-page story down to four sentences like my kid.

 

I have nothing to add beyond what others have said. I just sympathize.

[Whisperlily]

Is the movie "October Sky"? I googled "rocket building movie coal miner" & this is what came up.

 

That's it! :thumbup:

[Peela]

Lol. I think you just accept them as they are.

You are lucky, my 12yo does the minimum also, but he does whinge and whine that it's too much.

I actually keep it at the minimum so that he can spend his free time doing what he wants to do, which presently is skateboarding. He is obsessed. He reads a lot, so I just need to be content that while I think Latin and writing are important, he doesn't, and if I look from his perspective, I can see why. Whether I can empathise or not, I think it's important to accept kids' quirky personalities. We don't know why are they here and what they have to offer the world.

[Janet in WA]

My guess is that he hasn't found his passion yet. When he does, you'll see him light up.

 

As for "giving up", it may be a self-defeating mechanism because he has a fear of failure (or disapproval from others).

[Rosie_0801]

Maybe it's a conflict of world views? Maybe you think you are both classical homeschoolers, where he thinks he's an unschooler. If you try really hard to find something educational about whatever he wants to do, you'll feel better. One can argue that cooking is about maths, science and art. A less imaginative person will just say they were hungry.

;)

Rosie

[cricket1178]

to be interesting. I have graduated 2 ds's. The oldest was/is just as you described. I tried everything. His friends still tease him about being grounded all the time. He wasn't really grounded "all" the time, but I'm sure it seemed like it to them. It didn't seem to matter what I did, he simply wasn't enthusiatic about school. He graduated his college class with honors by pretty much the same way he graduated his homeschool.:) My other ds had the same attitude as his brother. I couldn't face another highschool experience where I was forcing school so I had a long chat with him. It worked for the first couple of weeks:D. Then I forged ahead and graduated him with scholarship offers to 2 of his choice schools. He is in college now and completing his work and making good grades.

 

I know this isn't much help, but maybe it encourages you a little. Try whatever seems best to you (we have do something, right? We can't just let them be lazy), but in the end, he'll turn out just fine.:001_smile:

[Michelle T]

DS is 11, will be 12 in June. He does required school work with a minimum of whining, he is not defiant. But he never does more than the absolute minimum, he really does as little thinking as possible, and he shows no interest whatsoever in pursuing anything beyond what is required.

 

And he's like this in most areas. He just does not like to think much, he will almost immediately give up rather than actually tax his brain to come up with answers.

 

Any suggestions on motivating a DS like this to actually work his brain a little?

Michelle T

 

 

It helps just knowing that so many others have kids like mine! DH is actually exactly like DS in this regard, they both are very active, outgoing, physical people, and not at all intellectual, "book oriented" or interested in learning new things. So I guess DS comes by it naturally.

 

DH has managed to come this far in life, despite his lack of interest in learning things, so I guess DS will do okay also. I just wish they were both more like me sometimes, if you know what I mean. :001_huh:

Michelle T

[mom2abcd]

Thanks for sharing this, cricket. Dd12 "lacks initiative", too. She's ahead in math and doing fine in other subjects. But she does the Minimum. She'd love to be unschooled, but I don't think she'd learn a thing beyond arts & crafts things and lots and lots of reading... probably all fiction and mostly "twaddle."

 

<Sigh...>

 

Thanks for sharing that kids like this actually got scholarships and did well in college!

 

 

to be interesting. I have graduated 2 ds's. The oldest was/is just as you described. I tried everything. His friends still tease him about being grounded all the time. He wasn't really grounded "all" the time, but I'm sure it seemed like it to them. It didn't seem to matter what I did, he simply wasn't enthusiatic about school. He graduated his college class with honors by pretty much the same way he graduated his homeschool.:) My other ds had the same attitude as his brother. I couldn't face another highschool experience where I was forcing school so I had a long chat with him. It worked for the first couple of weeks:D. Then I forged ahead and graduated him with scholarship offers to 2 of his choice schools. He is in college now and completing his work and making good grades.

 

I know this isn't much help, but maybe it encourages you a little. Try whatever seems best to you (we have do something, right? We can't just let them be lazy), but in the end, he'll turn out just fine.:001_smile:

[BizyPenguin]

Lol. I think you just accept them as they are.

You are lucky, my 12yo does the minimum also, but he does whinge and whine that it's too much.

I actually keep it at the minimum so that he can spend his free time doing what he wants to do, which presently is skateboarding. He is obsessed. He reads a lot, so I just need to be content that while I think Latin and writing are important, he doesn't, and if I look from his perspective, I can see why. Whether I can empathise or not, I think it's important to accept kids' quirky personalities. We don't know why are they here and what they have to offer the world.

 

Well said, Peela!

[Stacey in MA]

No answers here, though it does bother me greatly. I worry b/c he is very bright - not gifted, but quite smart. I remember being like that somewhat during school years, and what happens is that when most things aren't challenging and the A grade comes easily, you develop a habit of expecting all things to come easy. When they DON'T, we then flip out and put the brakes on completely. I have tried upping the level of things for DS to make it more "challenging" or "interesting", but then he becomes combative. I didn't make a quick effort - these were several month experiments, several times. None worked. So I keep him at grade level, have EVERYTHING on a checklist (no eliminate confused expectations), allow him to control the order, etc. It flows smoothly, but I always have the idea that he has the capacity to do more. I have just had to realize that he WILL when HE'S ready.

 

That being said, I'm trying a new idea lately. I feel that DS needs an " intellectual hobby". I'm hoping if he finds something so interesting he will more naturally be inclined to dive into the depths of at least that one topic. I've tried to interest him in coin collecting with books, samples, letting him paruse alone, reading the stuff with him, etc. Nope. He finds it interesting at a very surface level, but as soon as we have to engage our mind a little deeper, he shuts down and says it's not interesting. OK, moving on. His grandparents bought him a digital camera for his birthday, so this week's effort was to get some kid's photography books. Perhaps he might become interested in diving into this? We'll see..... Anyway, it's a pet project of mine to see if I can get him interested in something more intellectual. If he does, he could learn how satisfying it is to make the initial intellectual effort. I'm hoping once he experiences that once, he will learn to transfer that idea to other subjects that he might find boring or dry at first presently. Fingers crossed! ;-p

 

Anyway, you're not alone. We have this issue too. I truely believe it's a personality thing, mostly. My DD6 is NOT like this - she loves to read, and has a natural tendency to dive into all intellectual things that are new. The funny thing is, the ease is not as natural to her, but being relentless seems to come without as much effort to her. Funny how they're all different!

 

Good luck to you! - Stacey in MA