I am grateful to the Ezzo's for....

[dhudson]

teaching me some parenting techniques I wouldn't have thought of on my own. I don't do everything they recommend but then I don't follow anyone's full guidelines.:001_smile: I gather information from many sources (Ezzo's, Dr. Dobson, Ted Tripp, Norman Wright, Jay Younts, some Love and Logic) check it with the Bible and my dh and I decide what would work best for our family. But since the Ezzo's (haven't read any Pearl books so I'll refrain from commenting) are getting quite the black eye here on the board, I'll just mention a few things that have been terrific tools.

 

Scheduling - Having a three year and twins required my day to be scheduled for my sanity, my dh's sanity and anyone who might come into contact with me during a day's sanity.

 

5 min warning - what a great tool this has been! A warning to my kids before we need to leave or before they need to pick up a toy they've been playing with. Genius! It has saved many a battle by allowing them to transition easily to something else.

 

The Appeal Rule - when respectfully approached my children may appeal a decision and my dh and I will re-think it based on the kids well-thought out appeal.

 

Self-control hands - seriously, why wasn't this taught to me when I was a child? Put your hands together and hold them in your lap. When we have self-control hands our mouths are also quiet. I have used this with an entire room of active pre-schoolers and it has allowed me to teach them quietly without any yelling or discipline problems. Great for the car too!

 

Moral reason why - Have a reason why you are giving a rule or why you are saying no and then tell you child why so they can learn wisdom. Also requires a parent to have a moral reason why which has stopped me from saying 'no' to a child merely because it was annoying to me.

 

I think these are the main things I use on a daily basis and am grateful to the Ezzo's for teaching me. Could I have learned them from other places? Possibly, but having worked at Focus on the Family for 5 years, I heard and read MANY parenting books and these techniques were new to me.

 

Going to duck for cover and go to bed.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I'm glad that you've found things that have helped your family.

[Slartibartfast]

I was tearing into them over their recommended techniques for babies, which are bad.

 

I haven't read their content regarding older children.

 

I don't agree with Focus on the Family but my issue was Ezzo's techniques for babies which are dangerous. I wouldn't call anything FoF recommends "dangerous" I certainly don't agree but I am not going to die on that hill.

 

I am glad you found something that works for you.

Edited March 6, 2010 by Sis

[smilesonly]

I am grateful to the Ezzo's for strengthening our parenting convictions to pray and stick to our Christian convictions to develop and maintain an attachment-based relationship with our dc, even during chronic illness, my dh traveling, and no family w/i 100 miles.

 

I have found that following our dc, "reading them", following Dr. William Sears and other doctors like him, and constantly parenting with mercy and grace, have allowed me to nurse our dc, respect(!), and cherish our dc in the sweetest way most possible.

 

Our dc are truly gifts from God, and after being told I would never bear a child, ever-My dh and I both have taken this gift extremely seriously.

 

I thank God that we have been able to parent our dc the way Jesus was probably parented! No feeding or sleep schedules, 100% breast milk, sleeping w/ mom and nursing upon demand. Keeping our dc close to us, so that we may discipline(teach) rather than punish. This has worked well for us.

 

We are thankful that we live in a country that allows us to read, and discern many parenting books and methods. We feel confident that we chose a way that glorifies God!:)

 

Thank God for Dr. Williams and Dr.Gordon! I believe with all my heart that Jesus was Attachment-parented. Our dc have nursed on demand, co-slept, and never been spanked or hit in any way.

 

Thank you, sweet Jesus for showing us your way of parenting!!!!:grouphug:

[Pamela H in Texas]

Dawn,

 

Thank you for sharing. I have never read any Ezzos and do (and suggest) all of those things. The "self-control hands" sounds just like the "first grade position" at my son's secular private school. He was so proud when he learned that! Whole Brain Teaching also uses something similar. And I've never met a preschool teacher that didn't use something similar, of course, but I like seeing it. I really think certain 11th graders I've met could use it! LOL

 

TY for sharing :)

[mommaduck]

Out of all the bones in the program, the last 4 are the only good things I found. Schedules can be good, but not to the extreme that the Ezzos took them and not broadbrushed for all cases and all children, so I take issue with their take on it and their particular "reasoning" for it. But there are so many other speakers that also teach the last four...they weren't exactly invented by the Ezzo's ;)

[Cricket]

Moral reason why - Have a reason why you are giving a rule or why you are saying no and then tell you child why so they can learn wisdom. Also requires a parent to have a moral reason why which has stopped me from saying 'no' to a child merely because it was annoying to me.

 

I read one of the Ezzo books and a couple of the Pearl books years ago. My brain is jumbled enough already so I tend to pick a few things I like and trash the rest. I remember one of those books (I pretty sure it was one of their books!) say that a parent shouldn't say no all the time. Unless there is a reason to say no, you should say yes. My first inclination is always to say no whatever they ask me so that caused me to pause and rethink that.

 

I do explain more to my kids now when I do say no and I think I say yes more often than I would have before.

[MelanieM]

I am not a follower of the Ezzos by any stretch, but I always appreciate the opportunity to share gratitude, even when it's for something I don't particularly support! So with that in mind...

 

I am grateful to the Ezzos for helping the OP and her family, and anyone else that feels their parenting experience has been enriched by their teachings.

 

I am grateful to the Ezzos for creating a reaction within me that clearly showed me what I don't want, and helped to reinforce knowledge of what I do want.

 

I am grateful to the Ezzos for revising the earlier editions of their books, regardless of whether or not they were forced to do so, so that the advice they are giving has improved and is now kinder to babies.

 

I am grateful to the Ezzos for providing fodder for respectful debate, which can be a wonderful thing that leads to expansion for all involved.

 

I am grateful to the Ezzos for giving purpose to those who oppose them, as it can feel good to have a cause.

 

I am grateful to the Ezzos for providing a mirror for me, as any emotional reaction we have -- good or bad -- provides a great deal of information about the inner workings of our own minds. That knowledge is a blessing.

 

I am grateful to the Ezzos for giving me an opportunity to express gratitude. Always a wonderful thing! :)

[msjones]

I've never seen any religious materials from Ezzo. All I know of Ezzo is the Babywise book I found at Barnes and Noble. I was thankful to find that book after the birth of my first son. The only baby advice I'd been given was to co-sleep, demand feed, and baby-wear. That seemed like a religion in my circles.

 

I tried the demand feeding, co-sleeping and baby-wearing. Criticize all you want, but that just about put me over the edge with anxiety and depression. I simply could not maintain it. I was struggling mightily with the sleep deprivation, extremely painful nursing (in spite of having my son's latch approved by several lactation consultants), and overwhelming anxiety. Believe me, I had not seen any of that coming. To be repeatedly told to just keep it all up fed my feeling of failure and despair.

 

The Ezzo feeding advice was most welcome. I implemented a flexible 1 1/2 - 3 hour feeding schedule, tried a regular nap routine, and had the babies sleep in a crib rather than our bed. The change in all of us was almost immediate and such a relief. My babies were fat and happy, and I was myself again and able to enjoy nursing each baby for over a year.

[JenniferB]

These are probably taught by others too, but here are a few I learned from the Ezzo's, which I still remember and use today:

 

 

• Get down at eye level when giving instructions, correction, or praise.
  
• Pay attention for times of non-conflict and use them for instruction.
  
• Don't forget to praise good behavior.
  
• Let their time with good influences outweigh their time with poor influences.
  
• Fill up their moral warehouse.
  

One Ezzo teaching I have a hard time with, and which has caused me much trouble over the years is first time obedience. I used to parent for the goal of first time obedience, thinking that was best for them, but I don't anymore. There's so many things wrong with that being the goal. My goal now is to build good relationships with each of them, and encourage each of them in their own unique ways to have a good relationship with God.

[AuntieM]

Scheduling - Having a three year and twins required my day to be scheduled for my sanity, my dh's sanity and anyone who might come into contact with me during a day's sanity. My older was 2.4 when the twins came along. The babywise flexible schedule was a lifesaver.

 

 

Valid points, thanks for the reminder.

[i.love.lucy]

I also had a nice experience as a new parent with the Ezzos. All of the things the op posted are positives for us too. My caveat is that I took the "Growing Kids..." classes (baby, toddler, older kid) as classes with a group. In this way we watched videos of the Ezzos teaching and could discuss it as a group and with a teacher that had implemented these ideas. (When you hear them speak it seems there is no way you could misinterpret his intentions in scheduling!)

 

I am a fairly intelligent person and it would have NEVER occurred to me that the Ezzo methods would have lead to any problems. I think it's because in our classes we had so much support and help in understanding "moderation" and the clues from our babies that might be present if there was a problem. I honestly don't know how I would have survived those first few years without these skills. I was SO uprepared for parenting and had no family close by. Just close friends from church (lots of them) who had great experiences with the Ezzos who could come along side me and help me.

 

I stayed out of the other thread, but it does give me pause that if the Ezzos are as dispised as the Pearls but yet I had a perfectly positive experience, maybe the Pearls are somewhat misunderstood too. As with any advice, someone somewhere is going to pervert and distort it for their own means. Just like people do with the Bible.

[mommaduck]

I also had a nice experience as a new parent with the Ezzos. All of the things the op posted are positives for us too. My caveat is that I took the "Growing Kids..." classes (baby, toddler, older kid) as classes with a group. In this way we watched videos of the Ezzos teaching and could discuss it as a group and with a teacher that had implemented these ideas. (When you hear them speak it seems there is no way you could misinterpret his intentions in scheduling!)

 

I am a fairly intelligent person and it would have NEVER occurred to me that the Ezzo methods would have lead to any problems. I think it's because in our classes we had so much support and help in understanding "moderation" and the clues from our babies that might be present if there was a problem. I honestly don't know how I would have survived those first few years without these skills. I was SO uprepared for parenting and had no family close by. Just close friends from church (lots of them) who had great experiences with the Ezzos who could come along side me and help me.

 

I stayed out of the other thread, but it does give me pause that if the Ezzos are as dispised as the Pearls but yet I had a perfectly positive experience, maybe the Pearls are somewhat misunderstood too. As with any advice, someone somewhere is going to pervert and distort it for their own means. Just like people do with the Bible.

It may depend on the facilitators also.

[Tenaj]

I stayed out of the other thread, but it does give me pause that if the Ezzos are as dispised as the Pearls but yet I had a perfectly positive experience, maybe the Pearls are somewhat misunderstood too. As with any advice, someone somewhere is going to pervert and distort it for their own means. Just like people do with the Bible.

 

Thank you for saying this so well. I, too, stayed out of the other thread but have had positive experiences with many of the Pearl's materials (just too chicken to say so until now) as well as the Ezzo's.

[MelanieM]

I stayed out of the other thread, but it does give me pause that if the Ezzos are as dispised as the Pearls but yet I had a perfectly positive experience, maybe the Pearls are somewhat misunderstood too. As with any advice, someone somewhere is going to pervert and distort it for their own means. Just like people do with the Bible.

 

As someone that is not a fan of the Ezzos or Pearls, I can say that there are degrees of distaste, and people could (dis)like one or the other for a variety of reasons that may or may not overlap. So it's rather like me saying I don't like vegetables (which would include the Ezzos and Pearls), and someone else saying they don't like green vegetables (which only includes the Pearls). Just because some of us lump them together for one negative reason or another doesn't mean that they should be lumped together for positive reasons. (See, I might be able to write an appreciation list for the Ezzos, but it would be way too painful to do it for the Pearls!)

[Colleen in NS]

Dawn,

 

Thank you for sharing all that. I got many of the same tools out of their books as you mentioned - one big thing for me was giving a moral reason for a rule or behaviour expectation - I'd never thought of that before. That is *so* helpful to me, esp. as my kids got up into the age ranges they are now. I, too, suppose these things are taught elsewhere, but it was these books that I happened to come across at the time I needed some reading. Dh and I also participated in a GKGW (and really, I don't like that title) class a few years ago, which some friends of ours facilitated, and it wasn't at all like the descriptions I've seen here and elsewhere. It was laid back, with all of us watching the video and then all of us talking about the material. There was no pressure from our friends to conform our ways - we just basically sat around, eating dessert, talking about parenting, examining some of the tools being taught, praying for those of us who *requested* prayer, and having fun together. Our friends also emphasized that they were merely *facilitating* - providing a meeting place - they were not *leading* and telling us what to do with our kids. I've forgotten a lot of the intricate details in all those books, but the main thing I got out of them is that routine and reasoning can contribute to family peace. As long as I keep those bigger ideas in mind, I can figure out detailed ways to encourage that along in our family. And yes, I've read lots of other parenting books - there is something to be gleaned from a lot of them. It's just that, at a particular time in our lives, the practical tools in these books stuck out to me.

Edited March 7, 2010 by Colleen in NS

[kmacnchs]

teaching me some parenting techniques I wouldn't have thought of on my own.

 

I 2nd that

 

Scheduling - yup!

 

Self-control hands - oh my goodness! My 2yo who NEVER stops moving (NEVER!!!) will put her hands in her lap and close her mouth when I tell her to "get self control" - it is AMAZING!!!

 

Oh there are SOO many things I am thankful for that I learned from them!!!

 

Another GREAT one is how to interrupt respectfully (putting their hand on your leg when you are talking to let you know they have a Q WITHOUT interrupting with their mouth - works even with a 2yo. It is GREAT!)

 

I definitely would have thought that every time my baby cried, I would need to feed her so I am thankful that they debunked that for me. I am also thankful that they listed in their book when growth spurts normally happen! Then, when my baby normally went 3 hrs but now she is waking up after 2, I look in the book and low and behold, she is 6 weeks (or whatever) and that is when most babies have a growth spurt...others would say, why do you need a book to know that your baby is hungry? but for me, it made me feel better about it. Otherwise, I would be stressing about my milk supply and probably would have put her on formula. Thank you Ezzos!

 

I'll stop there but I have learned MUCH from them especially about babies.

 

I am thankful for Tedd Tripp as well (for older children advice)!

[Joanne]

I just can't see past the bad exegesis and scripture twisting to consider merit in the material. In the case of the Pearls, I truly believe Mr. Pearl has a personality disorder. In the case of the Ezzos, I believe the character issues are significant.

 

I do, however, undersand learning useful information from a variety of parenting sources. I personally did not have a parenting skill set. Even "common sense" parenting needed to be taught to me.

[dhudson]

Thanks for all the great comments. I appreciate having a positive conversation - even if we are not in agreement!

 

Again, I have never read anything from the Pearl's so I will refrain from commenting. I try to read a variety of parenting books, take from them what I find useful and ignore the rest. Much like I do with home schooling. My dh and I have led several different parenting classes and have found that when a dedicated group of parents come together, great things happen. Whether it is over GKGW, Shepherding a Child's Heart or Love and Logic, I find parenting classes a great way to learn new things and discuss what doesn't work and why with a variety of people.

 

Let's not throw out the baby with the bath water on parenting classes. Take what we can learn, see if it is biblical and apply it if it works with our parenting philosophy and throw away what doesn't. We are the parents and we are responsible for what we do with our kids. Isn't that the heart of a home schooling parent anyway? I don't put my kids under anything before thoroughly thinking it through.

[Heather in OK]

I just can't see past the bad exegesis and scripture twisting to consider merit in the material. In the case of the Pearls, I truly believe Mr. Pearl has a personality disorder. In the case of the Ezzos, I believe the character issues are significant.

 

I do, however, undersand learning useful information from a variety of parenting sources.

And I can't get past taking advice on breastfeeding from someone who has no clinical knowledge of it and whose advice has caused babies physical harm. Or taking parenting advice from someone whose own daughter apparently doesn't want to have anything to do with him.

 

It's great some people are able to take some things from the books. To each her own. I just know that it caused much regret for me in my early parenting. I should have been smarter than just going along with it because my doctor recommended it. I wish with everything in me that I could go back and do it all over again without that wretched book.

 

So I guess you could say I'm grateful to the Ezzo's for helping me see and realize the mistakes I was making because of their advice. And for realizing there were other ways to be attentive to my children's needs so I could be a better parent without their advice.