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HELP! My SIL is struggling with her 10year old....


Makita
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My SIL started homeschooling last year (this year would be her 2nd) after her boy was having trouble in school - particularly with bullying. After a shaky start, things seemed to be going well. Now not so much.... below is the content of a letter she recently sent me (she doesn't presently have a computer and thereby she doesn't have access to WTM). Can anyone help provide some insight or suggestions ??

"Anyhow- School here is not so great. I am trying to hang in there but I am getting so frustrated. DS is SO frustrating. He just does not care at all and I am at the end of my rope!"

 

"My friend Shawna also homeschools and she offered to school DS and DD one day last week so I could work. So I took her up on it- left her with the kids's work, came back that night and I could tell she was worried - DS had gotten every math problem wrong and she was like "He doesn't know any of this" and she goes on to tell me about his writing problems."

 

"The thing is HE DOES KNOW IT! He just honestly could care less so he just rushes through it in order to be done. He still can't comprehend the fact that he will have to sit there until he corrects it and that takes a lot longer. He will just sit there and pout- stare off in to outer space! His writing is awful- not because he can't- because he doesn't want to. He starts complaining the second we start and then just puts his head down... I don't know what to do! He doesn't care at all. He never has."

 

"When he was in public school his teachers told me the same darn things I am seeing for myself now. I can not seem to find a way to motivate him. We have tried prize boxes, earning game time, "Fun Fridays" even earning "Easy Math Days" He would just rather sit and complain and not try I guess.... AHHHHH"

 

Positive note - he does enjoy reading for leisure!

 

Any words of wisdom would be appreciated! :)

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My SIL started homeschooling last year (this year would be her 2nd) after her boy was having trouble in school - particularly with bullying. After a shaky start, things seemed to be going well. Now not so much.... below is the content of a letter she recently sent me (she doesn't presently have a computer and thereby she doesn't have access to WTM). Can anyone help provide some insight or suggestions ??

"Anyhow- School here is not so great. I am trying to hang in there but I am getting so frustrated. DS is SO frustrating. He just does not care at all and I am at the end of my rope!"

 

"My friend Shawna also homeschools and she offered to school DS and DD one day last week so I could work. So I took her up on it- left her with the kids's work, came back that night and I could tell she was worried - DS had gotten every math problem wrong and she was like "He doesn't know any of this" and she goes on to tell me about his writing problems."

 

"The thing is HE DOES KNOW IT! He just honestly could care less so he just rushes through it in order to be done. He still can't comprehend the fact that he will have to sit there until he corrects it and that takes a lot longer. He will just sit there and pout- stare off in to outer space! His writing is awful- not because he can't- because he doesn't want to. He starts complaining the second we start and then just puts his head down... I don't know what to do! He doesn't care at all. He never has."

 

"When he was in public school his teachers told me the same darn things I am seeing for myself now. I can not seem to find a way to motivate him. We have tried prize boxes, earning game time, "Fun Fridays" even earning "Easy Math Days" He would just rather sit and complain and not try I guess.... AHHHHH"

 

Positive note - he does enjoy reading for leisure!

 

Any words of wisdom would be appreciated! :)

 

I wonder if he has picked up his former teachers' and this friend Shawna's and his mother's angst about his not caring, so he has taken on even more of an "I don't care" attitude? Esp. after "coming home" because of bullying. The only positive thing about him here was that *you* said he likes reading.

 

Sometimes for me, it does take a mental shift to get things moving positively again - instead of me seeing a child with all sorts of stubbornness or not learning something or making a mess of his/her paper, sloppy handwriting, etc., I have to stop and look for some positive things. It helps me to clear my head and be able to *think* about a different approach - maybe I gave out too many math problems, or maybe that dictation was too long, or or or......I have to stop and look at my *child* as a *person* not a learning machine that I am trying to stuff up with information. I find when I do that mental shift, it's easier to evaluate the nitty gritty of the academic details. For a child like the one you are talking about, I might even capitalize for awhile on his love of reading - read to him, read with him, talk about books with him, work on our relationship so he knows that things will get better after his experiences, and do bare essentials in academics until things ease up and he starts caring about things again.

 

Of course, I think it's normal for many kids to not care about schoolwork, and it's bothersome to us parents who are completely enthusiastic about it :lol: - but we can nurture along our personal relationship and his personhood, too, as well as prepare him academically.

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Not everyone would agree with me obviously (depends heavily on your parenting style), but I award small prizes for 100% correct on the first try. I had to do it heavily for a while because DS would stop trying. He had never been to PS at all so it was just a personality thing, in a hurry. It got us over the hump and it is better now.

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Start over. Basics, basics, basics. I have found many times that I think they know something, but they never really grasped the foundation necessary to succeed when the fundamentals grow. Perhaps he can't write as well as she things. He should learn sentence structure and outlining at his age.

 

Perhaps he's weak in math facts and is frustrated working further.

 

Sometimes, they just don't get it b/c of mental processing immaturity.

 

Perhaps he's bored to tears.

 

There must be a place where attitude can be used in favor and not against. I don't pretend to know where, but it's a thought.

 

I'd cut back on all things beyond fundamentals and perhaps simply show ds how much he DOES know. Perhaps, he really believes he doesn't know. Since he came from ps...maybe he doesn't know or have the confidence in himself to believe he does.

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I would do everything under the sun to make learning FUN again for my child. Games, reading, science experiments...anything. Deschooling can be critical in situations like this. Surround him with fun games (Mastermind, Set, etc) books, and lots of math games--my kids love dice games, playing for pennies. He's older so you might have to change up the rules a bit.

 

I always try to keep in mind that I am trying to help my children become lovers of learning--above all. If they're dreading learning or complaining, then I need to shift gears. Of course, a small amt of complaining always happens, but if it doesn't stop, then I am doing something wrong.

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These are all great suggestions! Thank you so much everyone... I'll be certain to share what you've said with my SIL.

 

My brother (the father) owns his own business and works a lot - his experience in school was very similar if I recall. Mom and Dad used to worry that he wouldn't even graduate. He is very successful now though in what he does (auto body paint specialist - predominately doing custom paint jobs on classic cars).

 

:)

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These are all great suggestions! Thank you so much everyone... I'll be certain to share what you've said with my SIL.

 

My brother (the father) owns his own business and works a lot - his experience in school was very similar if I recall. Mom and Dad used to worry that he wouldn't even graduate. He is very successful now though in what he does (auto body paint specialist - predominately doing custom paint jobs on classic cars).

 

:)

 

I have a 12yo just like this. He says he is going to be a mechanic and he probably will. My father was the same way and he became a plumber and grading contractor (now he is a plumbing inspector for a city.) I think there are certain boys who are just...different. And they still turn out okay!:D

 

(Now, someone copy this and send it back to me when ds is having a rough day, OK?:tongue_smilie:)

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What age is he? My son has some SERIOUS issues some days...... my mother will "quiz" him all the time and then state "He doesn't know this...." when I know in fact he does know it and knows it well.

 

I think it might depend on the curriculum as well. My DS cannot get into workbooks no matter how much I have tried. Now we only use them for Math & LA, but I allow him to pick certain things. He wants to do Biology next year - so I'm letting him.

 

Part of his school is videos -- why? Because he likes them! I don't ask for perfection - I ask for effort. I NEVER reward with "prizes"...... do a good job - I'll flaunt your paper or your work all over the internet and inside my house.....which totally puffs up the ego enough.

 

Making him feel "in control" of some of his school has really changed his attitude about it as well. It's working out nicely. He can't say "he didn't know" because HE SCHEDULED IT!!

 

I wish her luck and hugs for patience :)

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