s/o youthgroups. . .christians NOT going to church. . .

[freetobeme]

i noticed several mentions of this in the youth group thread. i find myself to be a christian without a church after spending my life there. if you care to share, what does this look like for you? i am doin' this alone with my children and don't really have anyone irl to discuss it with. is this a long term decision? an interim one? is it a particular church or churches in general that you take issue with? anything else you care to share? thanks!

[lionfamily1999]

I was churchless for a long time. It was a combination of my own misunderstanding and unwillingness to forgive (not to say that's YOUR reason, it was mine). The best thing I ever did was start to read books about Christianity in general, then read my Bible and eventually the stiffness left my neck and I found a wonderful new church.

 

The kids both went to a youth group that was run out of the home of an old friend of mine. He started an outreach program in his neighborhood and it was perfectly planned for us ;)

 

So, for you I recommend, 'More Than a Carpenter,' 'Mere Christianity,' and 'Knowing Aslan' (if you've ever read the Chronicles of Narnia). I know that last recommendation sounds strange, but I gleaned a lot of wisdom from that little book. My favorite part was when he talked about people believing churches were full of nothing, but hypocrites. He explains that this is pov, 'a church is not a showcase for saints, it's a hospital for sinners.'

 

:grouphug:

[Mommyfaithe]

i noticed several mentions of this in the youth group thread. i find myself to be a christian without a church after spending my life there. if you care to share, what does this look like for you? i am doin' this alone with my children and don't really have anyone irl to discuss it with. is this a long term decision? an interim one? is it a particular church or churches in general that you take issue with? anything else you care to share? thanks!

 

:lurk5:

 

You know, I was going to post something like this yesterday. I LOVE Jesus. I do not love church. It is not my favorite. I was raised Jewish (not a religious family) and church is very foreign to me. I tried for years to fit in (I do not blend!) There are just too many total nut jobs and weirdos...there I said it!!! I am too sensitive to apostasy and heresy...and so are my kids who are very well versed in scripture. I have been to all the Christian churches in my area...so many, I have lost count...from the Roman Catholic to several Dutch Reformed...to Lutheran to Episcopal...2 Messianic Congregations...loads of non-denominational....Community churches...Grace Fellowships...Harvest Churches....Vineyards....Southern Baptist...Missionary Alliances...Assemblies of God... etc. Some we visited once, some we joined and were active in for years. And, where we have found many many friends and sisters and brothers in the Lord...close family friends etc. we just plain old ...DON"T FIT IN. I am not comfortable with tradtional liturgy nor in free flowing...anything goes and call it a move of the Spirit.

 

I don't like my babies separated from me. I don't like youth groups, which are for unsaved kids to be a terrible influence on my kids. I don't want my kids to be paired up with the worst behaved kid in the bunch with the hope they will rub off on the other kid. It never works that way. I don't want my tithe to go into building the church building. I want my tithe to go to build the Kingdom....(and I try to be quite generous in that area now that I do not have to write a weekly hefty check to a building, I know where my tithe is going.)

 

There are so many reasons I stay away...BUT, I can't help praying we will find like minded Christians...those who love the Lord, but aren't brain-washed automatons....Those who don't blindly follow whatever the pastor says as Gospel...those who can rightly divide the Word of God and aren't afraid to think outside their comfort zone...or think for themselves. Those who can distinguish between an act of the Spirit and an act of out of control flesh.

 

In the past years, we have seen so much...and that is good. It has caused us to have discernment and I hope, wisdom.

 

We daily read the Word of God to our children. We discuss it on the way...when we rise and when we sit. We try our best to walk the walk that the Lord has put before us. BUT, I can not fall into a category...I hate denim dresses and tennis sneakers. I like to cut my hair trendy, I allow my kids to compete on a swim team...IN A speedo! I like a glass of wine. I believe God can heal and do miracles...I also believe Dr.s are a help sometimes and I believe in Get off your butt and do something toward your own miracle. I believe in God's Word. I believe in His Son. I pray I am not sinning by not becoming yoked with a Church group. I found that whole experience VERY stressful...and so did my family. And NO...we do not feel we are just "so much better than everyone else." as someone accused me....OY!!!! I do not say everyone should homeschool....that is silly. I do not say everyone should be a vegetarian or everyone should join a certain gym. In the same way, I don't want to be made to feel bad because I DON"T send my kids to school...or we eat meat...or we would rather NOT join the gym. LOL.

 

After many years of trying to please everyone around me and be the woman and person I thought everyone wanted me to be, I just decided to follow my heart and do what seems right to me(and dh) and good for my family. I try to remain faithful to my Lord and Savior and walk in the ways He would have me walk. For now...that walk does not include a set church group.

 

By the way, we still love to visit churches once every month or so. Getting together with other Christians is very refreshing and fun for us...plus we get to see many friends with whom we enjoy spending time.

 

Maybe someday God will call us back into permanant fellowship. As for now, that is not how our family feels led.

 

I also wanted to say, I would never encourage someone NOT to have a home church. Even though we are not involved in a church, we are still in contact with many pastors and elders in several different churches. We can go for prayer, advice, Biblical questions and conversation etc. We also consider one particular Church Group as our family's church.

 

I know...we are weird...I am ok with that too...LOL!!!! :D :001_smile:

 

Looking forward to reading others posts!

 

~~Faithe

[Lolly]

I was churchless for a long time. It was a combination of my own misunderstanding and unwillingness to forgive (not to say that's YOUR reason, it was mine). The best thing I ever did was start to read books about Christianity in general, then read my Bible and eventually the stiffness left my neck and I found a wonderful new church.

 

The kids both went to a youth group that was run out of the home of an old friend of mine. He started an outreach program in his neighborhood and it was perfectly planned for us ;)

 

So, for you I recommend, 'More Than a Carpenter,' 'Mere Christianity,' and 'Knowing Aslan' (if you've ever read the Chronicles of Narnia). I know that last recommendation sounds strange, but I gleaned a lot of wisdom from that little book. My favorite part was when he talked about people believing churches were full of nothing, but hypocrites. He explains that this is pov, 'a church is not a showcase for saints, it's a hospital for sinners.'

 

:grouphug:

 

I have found that a hospital for nonsick children is not a good option. The sick patients tend to harm them.

[Mommyfaithe]

I have found that a hospital for nonsick children is not a good option. The sick patients tend to harm them.

 

:iagree: :iagree:

[Dee22]

:lurk5:

 

After many years of trying to please everyone around me and be the woman and person I thought everyone wanted me to be, I just decided to follow my heart and do what seems right to me(and dh) and good for my family. I try to remain faithful to my Lord and Savior and walk in the ways He would have me walk. For now...that walk does not include a set church group.

 

 

~~Faithe

:iagree:

Edited March 3, 2010 by Dee22

[elegantlion]

My dh and I are presently churchless. I had only truly horrendous experience in church as a child, terrible gossip and backtalking about my mother because she attended church without her husband. It jaded me about church for many years.

 

However, it has never tarnished my relationship with God.

 

Our next experience wasn't so bad until we moved and God started to reveal some of the things that had happened there, not just to us but to the entire congregation. Many things that were not biblical. It turned into a big mess.

 

Our next experiences left us feeling lukewarm about organized religion in general, we just never have found a place where we fit in, felt comfortable, or were even welcomed beyond the Sunday morning smile and handshake.

 

My husband and I have taught Sunday school classes, been involved in ministry leadership, and volunteered countless hours in some churches so we have some understanding about the dynamic of the church. I know there are good churches out there with real fellowship that welcomes people where they are, but we haven't found it here.

 

So we practice our fellowship at home, take ds to youth group sometimes (he was involved other activities through the church, basketball & VBS), and plan to start looking for a new church once we move.

 

In the meantime I feel quite fine about not being in a church.

[lionfamily1999]

I have found that a hospital for nonsick children is not a good option. The sick patients tend to harm them.

? I'm not sure I understand your meaning.

 

We're all sinners, it's only through Christ that we get our salvation. Even so, we all continue to struggle while the Spirit works on us. Imo, the only church you'll find without sinners in it would be in heaven.

[elise1mds]

I have no problem with churches in general; I too have just never found one where I fit in. A lot of the problem is that I'm too liberal for every church I've ever attended. I have tattoos, I listen to hard rock, I have somewhat unpopular views on certain topics, so to a conservative congregation, I'm a bit scary! I literally had people pray for me to be led to God one time because I didn't want to attend the only adult Sunday School class the church offered. It was a lecture-type class, which I dislike because there's no discussion. That was pretty much the last straw for that church. There had been other issues prior to that, but seriously... talk to ME about why I don't want to attend the class - don't assume that I'm not a godly person!

 

My biggest problem with finding a church home (and this is a personal issue, and I realize that) is that the liturgically-raised side of me revolts against non-denominational. I think if I could get past that, I'd probably have more luck in finding a place to attend, but I also have a problem with church service centering around one person's interpretation of the Word (i.e. a sermon).

 

I would love to find somewhere that the kids are comfortable and where I can walk in each week in my T-shirt and jeans and feel like I fit in, but it just hasn't happened yet. I'm going to keep looking, and maybe someday it'll happen, but for now, I am quite happy living the life of a Christian and not worrying about warming a pew every Sunday :)

[Denisemomof4]

we went to church for 17 years. Most of our church experience was negative. We found more bad behavior in the church, even among the pastors and elders (dh was an elder in two churches) than we have in any other setting.

 

The cliques in church remind me of high school. Yes, I fit in them. I always had friends. But I found myself regularly in a position of reaching out to people, especially newcomers, and took this beyond a Sunday setting. I burnt out because nobody else had the time for that. I DID find the church was filled with hypocrites. In my life, I have not found more people hurt by any group of people than I've found in the church.

 

I find church's pastor gratifying, not God honoring. I used to sit in the church on Sundays and wonder why I was there. It became meaningless to me.

 

I have found pastors and elders in churches to be bad people, locked in power struggles, having their own gossip sessions about people in the church, just behaving badly.

 

The church hurt my boys so much that they have lost faith in God. Oldest ds said years ago that he found more bad behavior in the church than he found in his public high school.

 

I have read the book Pagan Christianity and it spoke VOLUMES to my heart. It spoke VOLUMES to dh's heart.

 

We now meet with a group of people once or twice per month. We gather over a meal, lift one another up in prayer. All our kids are damaged from the church, and this group is a place for them to simply BE. Many/most of the adults are damaged by the church too, and this is what caused us to form this group in the first place.

 

I'm SO very tired today and can't get my thoughts out the way I want to so I will stop here. I know I'm not making myself clear.

[fairfarmhand]

You know, if my family had not found the church home we attend now, I could see us doing the exact same thing. I was raised in church so I am quite aware of how "un-Christian" some Christians can be and it makes me want to vomit. We found a great accepting church that I believe anyone could attend and be comfortable in. So they do exist. So if you are wanting the fellowship of others and missing that, invite some like minded friends over on a Saturday and have coffee. See if anyone wants to share something special that God is doing for them. It doesn't have to be church-like to be a place of worship. Sing a song if you feel like it; read a scripture and see what everyone's take is on that verse. Let the kids sing a few songs and play together.

 

Your church doesn't have to look like a church. You don't have to wear denim dresses and tennis shoes! The whole point of church is to worship and learn about God, which can be done in any setting.

[shinyhappypeople]

I don't go to church because church isn't a place a person can GO to. I, along with ever other pilgrim on this journey, make up the real church - the body of Christ.

 

I've attended Christian groups and Sunday fellowships regularly in the past. One in particular was wonderful, a couple were highly dysfunctional. The rest were somewhere in the middle with both good and bad points. I am definitely open to participating in another group in the future if I found a group that had it's focus on JESUS and not on The Rest of That Stuff that Distracts.

 

I definitely resonate with what the authors of these articles are getting at:

 

Why I Don't Go To Church Anymore: Living in the Relational Church

 

and

 

The Flabby Body of Christ Why is church so dull? A psychotherapist diagnoses the Sunday ritual.

 

 

(NO, I didn't stop going to Sunday gatherings because I was "bored." Far from it. But, I think this article raises some really good points.)

Edited March 3, 2010 by shinyhappypeople

[johnandtinagilbert]

Let me start by saying, there is a place for the church as we know it, and there are some within the bubble of Christian society that do get it and are there just to serve God within the confines of the building and culture that is commonly called, church. We consider these people to be in the mission field. Not everyone who attends church knows God, Jesus, or anything beyond rules and religion. We believe true believers that function w/i the body are just as legitimate as those of us who don't attend. God's hand is EVERYWHERE!

 

Let me also say, I could have written most of Faithe's post.

 

Not that the OP asked for any of that, so to answer your ??? here's what we do...

God is a part of our everyday discussion. There is not a day when we don't share what God does in our life. Meal times are a great time for this. Just now I spent 2 hours talking to a young person whose faith was in church and people and when that broke down, her world was rocked. She's now trying to grow in relationship with the Lord :) You talk the gospel whenever the opportunity arises. It's more important than any schooling will ever be!

 

We generally start our day w/ bible and worship in school. We pray together. We have quiet time where the children are to go and read God's word. On Sunday, I play worship music all day and dh sometimes leads a bible study. We mention God's handiwork in science and history, writing, everywhere we can. We encourage using scripture. Most importantly, we share our shortcomings with our children so they understand that God makes everyone accountable.

 

When we discipline, teach, punish, whatever you want to call it, we go back to scripture. God's word says if you honor your mom and dad, you'll live a long and happy life. His word says to train them up in THE WAY...we make sure we use God's word as the source for our ideas b/c His word not only gives instruction, but also consequence.

 

Here's a joyful ex. I have been wanting to share. A neighbor spanked her daughter for the first time in 6 years. They were both crying. My little 10yo said, "In God's word, Jesus says, 'I discipline those I love.' Your mom spanked you b/c she thought you really needed to learn something and since her other ideas did not get through to you, she's hoping this will serve as a reminder. Your mom didn't spank you b/c she's mean, but b/c she knows that what she's teaching you will help you in the future, when you don't live in her house anymore.'" I was so proud of her b/c the mom then asked me over to help and she and I talked about The Way for a long time (about an hour+). That was a great time of Fri. night church.

 

Get the word in them with purpose...choose what you feed them for discipline, but also just spend time in the word for learning and becoming familiar. This is a great way to Live the Way, not just study it, walk the motions, or teach them to become dependent on bible studies or other humans for spiritual growth. You Want Them To Turn to God in All they do!

[freetobeme]

i just read through your replies and i thank you. i am happy for the suggested reading. a big stumbling block for me is that i really don't know any "like-minded people" with regard to this topic. and keep on talking, please, because i'll be back for more!

thanks!

[Rosie_0801]

My mother never goes to church. She believes religion is a private matter, so she reads her Bible and prays at home when she feels the need to. Not everyone requires community in religion.

 

Rosie

[Lori Di]

I was on Fire for the Lord and our church a year ago. I am still on fire for the Lord but now I do it within my own home. We had a major upset in our church and it has left me not to trust in our pastor and ??? the church in general. I still fellowship with my christian friends on a regular basis but the word I get from reading my bible and occasionally a womans study group. It has been very hard for me. My pastor betrayed me...lied... etc.it was horrific and sad. Still trying to get over it and move slowly back into the church. My son was also attending the youth group and we pulled him out too. I feel really bad for my son that he left some of his friends but with what we had to go thru I could not allow him to continue to go there. We are slowly getting him to attend another youth group but at the moment he is not going on a regular basis. :confused1:

[lionfamily1999]

I was on Fire for the Lord and our church a year ago. I am still on fire for the Lord but now I do it within my own home. We had a major upset in our church and it has left me not to trust in our pastor and ??? the church in general. I still fellowship with my christian friends on a regular basis but the word I get from reading my bible and occasionally a womans study group. It has been very hard for me. My pastor betrayed me...lied... etc.it was horrific and sad. Still trying to get over it and move slowly back into the church. My son was also attending the youth group and we pulled him out too. I feel really bad for my son that he left some of his friends but with what we had to go thru I could not allow him to continue to go there. We are slowly getting him to attend another youth group but at the moment he is not going on a regular basis. :confused1:

Did you confront him about this?!?

 

I'm so sorry this happened to you. :grouphug:

[freetobeme]

I was on Fire for the Lord and our church a year ago. I am still on fire for the Lord but now I do it within my own home. We had a major upset in our church and it has left me not to trust in our pastor and ??? the church in general. I still fellowship with my christian friends on a regular basis but the word I get from reading my bible and occasionally a womans study group. It has been very hard for me. My pastor betrayed me...lied... etc.it was horrific and sad. Still trying to get over it and move slowly back into the church. My son was also attending the youth group and we pulled him out too. I feel really bad for my son that he left some of his friends but with what we had to go thru I could not allow him to continue to go there. We are slowly getting him to attend another youth group but at the moment he is not going on a regular basis. :confused1:

:grouphug:

i'm so sorry!

i was definitely on fire and growing when my break with my church occurred. now, i still love the Lord and in no way blame Him, but my children and i have suffered at the hands of others, including the leadership of that church. i am just trying to find my place and wondering where God will lead me, and thus, my children.

again, i am sorry. :grouphug:

[lllll]

i noticed several mentions of this in the youth group thread. i find myself to be a christian without a church after spending my life there. if you care to share, what does this look like for you? i am doin' this alone with my children and don't really have anyone irl to discuss it with. is this a long term decision? an interim one? is it a particular church or churches in general that you take issue with? anything else you care to share? thanks!

 

We haven't been to a church in years. We searched for one here, attended one for about a year, and finally gave up. I really was just trying to find a church which taught the Bible, verse by verse. And a pastor who spent time actually studying the Bible before he taught it. (vs telling tear-jerker stories, reading poems, pressuring the congregation to give more money, reading the study notes straight from a study Bible, etc., as a substitute for study and good solid Bible exposition) And I have yet to find a church which practices church discipline as commanded in the NT.

 

So we study at home. We've made it a part of our daily lives. We all have our individual Bible study time and prayer. Then, we've always done various group things over the years. We listen to 2 different preachers via radio and CD's. We discuss off and on all day. We intertwine our Bible with everything else we're learning - science, GB's, lit, art, music, etc. We apply what we learn to everyday life involving ourselves, other people, situations, and so on. We share what we've learned when appropriate.

 

Much discussion is a key factor. I'm not sure I would have even thought of that had I been able to find a church. It's all worked out well for our family thus far.

[mcconnellboys]

We left organized church about 5 years ago. We began doing things with some home church groups about a year ago. Several groups have come together in a church "home" building that was inherited from a church that was dying out. The hope is that the building and grounds will be used in a large variety of ways to minister to others.

 

I guess I was at the point of a sort of mid-life crisis or dissatisfaction with the status quo. I didn't want to be part of a church that was one stop shopping for an hour on Sunday morning. I wanted to attempt to try to live my faith. I'm still not very good at it, and perhaps never will be, but this group of people feel "real" to me. And they regularly welcome in people who are off the radar for most groups. They jump at the chance to join in any type of missional work, especially within our community. That's what I want to do. I had a four year long conversation with God about where I needed to be and this is what I got. I have to feel that it was meant to be. The rest of my family was skeptical of such a huge change at first - but I have to believe that they are all coming around to love this group as much as I do for a good reason.....

 

I highly recommend Barna's book: Revolution, if you'd like to take a closer look at the changing face of religion in America. It was written a number of years ago now, but hits the bull's eye when it comes to predicting trends in religion.

[Joker]

I'm going through the same thing. We have been in FL five years now and have not found a church to attend. We have been to so many that I've lost count. Some seemed ok, but over time turned out to not be a good fit. There were some we literally ran from. We're going to try a new church this Sunday for the first time since September. The last church told my dd, 7, that she was disobeying God and could go to hell for dressing like a witch at Halloween. :confused: She picked the costume because it was her favorite color, orange. We have tried every denomination and the non-denomination ones as well. I'm am praying that we can finally find a place that we feel welcomed. I would love to have a church home again, but if this newest one doesn't work out we may just give up for a long time.

[freetobeme]

wow, so many stories. i had no idea because i really don't know any christians who don't go to church. (i do live in the Bible belt!) i am so glad i asked. . .i am so sorry for all the pain.

thank you for sharing your journeys. your stories have renewed my hope!

:001_smile: