laughing lioness Posted February 17, 2010 Share Posted February 17, 2010 I am struggling with jealousy. Seriously. Again. Will I never grow out of it? Just had contact with 2 friends (who are both friends) from college who used to homeschool. Now both women are working, making great money and their kids are all involved in sports, scouts, riding. They live close to "home" family, familiarity. They take vacations twice a year, work out, look great, etc. I KNOW that it's easy to look great and make life sound wonderful by screen, but seriously. We're going on our 20th year of homeschool -"20 years and no retirement" and believe me we could use it. Because of location and money we don't do a lot of "stuff" -sports, lessons, vacations. I trashed my knee and need surgery so it's painful to even walk distances....sigh. And I just spent 9 days sick. I know I'm having a pity party but somedays I just wonder... (and this after I said so definitively on the K-8th board that I "never" 2nd guess our homeschooling). And I'm homesick. Seriously. Like I just want to move "home." I can't even explain why, but it just seems so important to me. But my dh has NO interest in moving closer to home- so we are 17 hrs from any extended fam and 19 hrs from our oldest who spent 2 weeks here this year. She has a GREAT life, and I'm so happy for her, but I'm not really a part of it- we talk and email and are "in-touch" but she's very independent and living her own life. She's seriously contemplating marriage and the wedding will be there (not here) and so I won't have much participation in planning it...sniffle. And, I LOVE my older kids. They are just amazing people. But my 2nd is really searching this year and probably won't go to college and I wonder about all of the money and time doing Latin and buying the zillions of books (instead of going on vacation, and a lot of them ended up landfill anyway). Geez, I sound like I'm having a flipping crisis. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
specialmama Posted February 17, 2010 Share Posted February 17, 2010 :grouphug: The grass is always greener... usually because they use lots of manure. :glare: So um... why aren't they homeschooling anymore? Couldn't hack it? ;) Don't answer that LOL, because I know it's not for everyone. But think about it... they probably wish they could still be homeschooling. NO no wait, that's wrong too... you know... ahhh, I'm just sending hugs! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JennW in SoCal Posted February 17, 2010 Share Posted February 17, 2010 I don't suppose we EVER grow out of being jealous, of seeing that greener grass in someone else's yard. For what it is worth, your smiling face in your avatar always makes me smile, and your blog is lovely. I've been neglecting mine recently and just now I checked in with your blog and really liked, and shamelessly want to copy, your "Stuff" entry. It's a perfect way of summarizing life without having to form a linear, flowing narrative! And can I just give an official tip of the hat to you for 20 years of homeschooling. Wow! I think I'm a smug old timer for starting my 11th year, but you are the true pro. I'm all for buying lots of books. And I've planned so many wonderful trips that we've never gone on. I'm far away from family, too. I think that desire to move home is the desire to be mothered again. I love it when I'm just visiting someone's house and they feed me, just out of the goodness of their nurturing hearts -- it touches me on a very deep level because I don't have a mom to do that for me. Sometimes we all need a little mothering. I'm just getting used to having my oldest son living on the other side of the country -- I haven't even calculated the hours it would take to drive to Florida! He's been sick and I had to mother via cell phone. I can imagine it is bittersweet to have your oldest be so successful and happy but be so far away. So, here's a virtual hug and I'd share the cookies someone gave me yesterday if you were nearby! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laughing lioness Posted February 17, 2010 Author Share Posted February 17, 2010 Thank-you both for the kind words! I'm (mostly) over myself for now:001_smile: I've had so many people lately tell me things like "well, at least the kids all "got out" (of the burning house)" "isn't it nice to be settled" (we're not, we're in a leased house, with few belongings and a boat load of insurance forms, our house is torn up) .... and lots of people have been curious and want to know all the details of the house and my sister and DD's er visit, but then don't say much of anything else. Like, there curiosity is now satisfied so... see ya. Wierd. Too many emotions at once and feeling displaced...so, thanks for the understanding and support!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaT Posted February 17, 2010 Share Posted February 17, 2010 You've had a lot of traumatic events in a short amount of time - no wonder you're a bit out of sorts. Whenever I see friends who "seem" to have it all, I can have pangs of jealousy. Then I remember why I'm doing what I'm doing and the great relationship I have with my kids (the ones that are grown and the ones still at home). It's great you raised a daughter who knows how to be independent and succeed. And your second . . . I've dealt with this to some degree with my oldest. He is such a lover of life, enjoying the journey, loves learning, but is taking FOREVER to get through school one. class. at. a. time. Now he is getting married in August and they are going to struggle SO much more than they would have if he had gotten his butt through school (at my pace). It is hard to be a type A with a type B kid. I remind myself that I did my job, he is a great person, and I have equipped him with the tools to do anything he wants to. What he does with it as a grown man is totally up to him. Same with my second. He up and joined the Marine Corp straight out of high school, and while I am immensely proud of him, I would have never ever chosen that for my child. He has been away and missed seeing his siblings grow up for the past four years. Sigh. Okay, now I feel out of sorts, but I hope you feel better. :001_smile: Do you have any friends who do homeschool that you could hang out with? Too bad you're not in NC, we could go have coffee and commiserate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FloridaLisa Posted February 17, 2010 Share Posted February 17, 2010 Oh, ladies, perhaps it's also a bit of that time of year? When we've had enough winter, ready for the refreshment that Spring brings? I've had lots of emotional sandbags as well lately. Mostly that life is so complicated as they get older, with so many issues. Friends and texting and college decisions and continuing to convince them that they don't need to be *in a relationship* when the rest of the youth group is and dual-enrollment deadlines and . . . Part of me really, really just wants to go back to the days when they were little and spent hours playing in our backyard and I was worn out happy after tucking each one in bed. So, hugs to you. :grouphug: Battle through the emotions and continue to throw out that lies that play in your mind. Record over them with thanks and truth about the good in your life and family. Lisa I Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laughing lioness Posted February 18, 2010 Author Share Posted February 18, 2010 Thanks for understanding. Seriously. That means everything. Yea, this launching thing is hard. The hardest part of parenting so far (but the fartherst I've gotten -haha). I guess I'm just evaluating everything (as I evaluate all of our earthly belongings for the insurance co) right now. Is what we've invested in worth it. I know the answer. But I'm not feeling the answer. Know the answer. Feel the answer. Be the answer. This could be my new tag line:001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tex-mex Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyfaithe Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 awwww Lisa...I do know how you feel...sort of... I feel all of kilt and "did this really make a difference" etc. etc. My oldest is married and out, my next is away at school, ds is full time at the CC...and I am here with my 4 youngest. I have no friends anymore, because their kids are all grown. Most of the homeschool Mom's I knew, sent their kids to High School or are all finished because they only had 2 kids. The homeschool Mom's I know are all pressuring me to put my 16 & 11 y/o in school because they "need the stimulation" that I obviously can't provide. Add to that , my dh expects me to work full time from home AND homeschool my 4 kids...and be the MOM.... AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH.......It just sucks! WOW!!! I sound depressing.....:grouphug: I didn't mean to make things worse.....but I wish everyone I used to know would bugger off and stop showing me their darned green grass.... Then again...maybe THEY are just jealous...because you know...us homeschool Moms always appear as if we have it ALL under control! :lol: ~~Faithe :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 Would you want to give up those precious years of having your children home with you? I think we have to remember those early years. I was just thinking about this today. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlsdMama Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 Lisa, Sometimes when life is all topsy turvy and up in the air, it feels more like it's coming crashing down in on you. :iagree: And sometimes, just sometimes, you're allowed to feel a little down and a little jealous and a little :glare:, kwim? It's hard when things don't go according to the plan. I think homeschooling is sometimes a lot like being quiverfull. When you're young and you look at the "brochure" (you know that lovely picture you have in your head of the loving family, holding hands, singing, around the family table) you can just picture how everything is going to turn out. Then when you're deep in the midst, and you've lost some of the confidence you once had and reality is what you're living you think back to that darn brochure and think, "Hm. I had no clue what I was in for." But I think we need to realize there is a third part too. It's the part when we're older yet and we're done homeschooling (or having babies) and we look back and said, "Yup. I poured it all in.... Every bit. I was exhausted, wiped out, overwhelmed sometimes, and it was all worth it." At least I sure hope so. But I'll admit on the rough days, the really hard ones, there are days when I mutter to myself, "da*n, da*n, da*n brochure......" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laughing lioness Posted February 18, 2010 Author Share Posted February 18, 2010 Star- you are right. No, I wouldn't give up being with my kids for much of anything. And Blsd Mama- yeah, the ideals we've tried to live out. MommyFaithe- so many of the people I hang with are a lot younger cause they have kids my littles ages. I'm not in touch much with people my older kids ages for the same reasons you said. And I think, too, I'm entering a different season. No non-readers in the house, no more babies. Kids my dd's age are having babies, now:) And the messiness. Like Mama T- having kids who we've raised to be independent and then they grow up and ARE. Eek. I mean, on the hand I'm so proud of them and on the other it's Mr. Toad's Wild Ride. Thanks so much for the support. It's nice to know that I'm not alone. Really, really. Thank-you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G5052 Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 I feel boxed in and weary of being indoors a lot and dealing with the weather. I think of wearing "real" clothes to work, eating lunch out each day, and coming home to a clean house. Usually it passes though... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LBS Posted February 19, 2010 Share Posted February 19, 2010 I actually have that posted next to my desk to remember when my friends or sisters call me: when I am needy I just want to tell my little story, or problem and go over it, with somebody who is paying attention, which lessens the pain or problem, even if the one I'm talking to does not offer stellar advice or "fix" it just helps to talk and be heard. Conversely, I look right at the little notes "I just need to be heard" and "Please just listen" when someone calls me, and try not to jump in with my story or my experience, that will possibly be percieved as making less of their issue or commonizing of their problem. I'm ADD and have to remember who can handle the jumping in and interupting, and who can't, without being offended. My whine, is that I feel like I listen and sympathize and give chunks of myself to all sorts of people a lot, and it becomes a weight. I truly love my neices and nephews, but I feel none of my siblings is interested or caring about my kids lives like I do their kids. Its not a requirment of loving my neices and nephews, it just hurts a bit, cause my kids are great kids too. I just want to have someone know that the AP Statistics teacher is a kook and a witch, and how badly my son is stuggling with her, and when the school finally retired her and replaced her, how easy his life became. I am only five hours from my family but that is a huge distance. I think any more than day trip distance, 2 hours, just gets to be huge, esp. when the kids were little. Do you have a friend who will listen to you? Well, you do here, obviously. Laughing Lioness, I don't know the details of your fire, but I'm wondering if this disconnection from your kids, and homesickness feeling could be a reaction/delayed shock to that? ER visits, rented home. Oh, gosh. The loss of your home and things, I can't imagine. Maybe you need to be kinder to yourself and give yourself some more time and maybe therapy to recover? You don't sound jealous of what those other friends had, you seem in touch with all your wonderful stuff....maybe you just hanker for calm? I have a friend who lectures me about my job being to set my kids free, equip and teach them well, and teach them to be independant....but I resent when she delivers that lecture sometimes. I'm kinda rambling from my bubble, but you just sounded so well in touch with your specific sadnesses....I feel sure you'll be okay. I have faith in your strength to work thru your crisis, which is less because you recognize it for what it is. Warmth and hugs, LBS Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mama25angels Posted February 19, 2010 Share Posted February 19, 2010 I actually have that posted next to my desk to remember when my friends or sisters call me: when I am needy I just want to tell my little story, or problem and go over it, with somebody who is paying attention, which lessens the pain or problem, even if the one I'm talking to does not offer stellar advice or "fix" it just helps to talk and be heard. Conversely, I look right at the little notes "I just need to be heard" and "Please just listen" when someone calls me, and try not to jump in with my story or my experience, that will possibly be percieved as making less of their issue or commonizing of their problem. I'm ADD and have to remember who can handle the jumping in and interupting, and who can't, without being offended. My whine, is that I feel like I listen and sympathize and give chunks of myself to all sorts of people a lot, and it becomes a weight. I truly love my neices and nephews, but I feel none of my siblings is interested or caring about my kids lives like I do their kids. Its not a requirment of loving my neices and nephews, it just hurts a bit, cause my kids are great kids too. I just want to have someone know that the AP Statistics teacher is a kook and a witch, and how badly my son is stuggling with her, and when the school finally retired her and replaced her, how easy his life became. I am only five hours from my family but that is a huge distance. I think any more than day trip distance, 2 hours, just gets to be huge, esp. when the kids were little. Do you have a friend who will listen to you? Well, you do here, obviously. Laughing Lioness, I don't know the details of your fire, but I'm wondering if this disconnection from your kids, and homesickness feeling could be a reaction/delayed shock to that? ER visits, rented home. Oh, gosh. The loss of your home and things, I can't imagine. Maybe you need to be kinder to yourself and give yourself some more time and maybe therapy to recover? You don't sound jealous of what those other friends had, you seem in touch with all your wonderful stuff....maybe you just hanker for calm? I have a friend who lectures me about my job being to set my kids free, equip and teach them well, and teach them to be independant....but I resent when she delivers that lecture sometimes. I'm kinda rambling from my bubble, but you just sounded so well in touch with your specific sadnesses....I feel sure you'll be okay. I have faith in your strength to work thru your crisis, which is less because you recognize it for what it is. Warmth and hugs, LBS :grouphug: just wanted to give everyone in this post a group hug. LBS your post describes me so well. I just want to be heard, everyone calls me when they have a problem because i'm a pretty good listener, but no one ever just listens to me. Sigh! My SIL called a few nights ago to have me tell my DH (her brother) that she was going to miss him and the conversation became about how hard it was going to be for her because she didn't get to come and visit him before he left for deployment. Add a high needs toddler, three teens that are struggling because their Dad is going to miss so much of their life and well, you guys know how hard it is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laughing lioness Posted February 22, 2010 Author Share Posted February 22, 2010 LBS, that's really it. Just being heard. Thanks to all of you for permission to just not be together. I've felt really heard here and cared for and it has helped me get through a hard week with some fall-out with people I dropped the ball on. They dropped the ball, too but I guess my drop was more obvious? Anyway, I just apologized, didn't make excuses, cause I did drop the ball. I've been emotionally beat and just couldn't deal with any more of anything - and really, I couldn't. They didn't really apologize but that's o.k. I am older, so, hopefully, more mature ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dymphna57 Posted February 22, 2010 Share Posted February 22, 2010 It is so humbling to be the one who whines, but I really appreciate empathizing and getting the weight off my heart as well. I think that it just evaluating our lives we should avoid. :lol: Seriously, we arent at the end of the race, just at the bottom of a hill. I have many many wishes that our home schooling coulda been. I see books, books and more books and the ones I was sure we would get to might all be avoided by our youngest free spirit. What will it mean then? It is just too easy to see what we havent done, havent gone. We live on the edge of Europe where we were going to plan trips to all the great cities. hah We save up money to go home and see family! I keep doing what I am doing because it is the best I know how. Whether it will be enough is every mother's prayer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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