I REALLY want to potty train...but how?

[joannqn]

I really want to potty train DS2 (who will be three in two weeks).

 

In the past, he's come to us demanding that we change his diaper immediately after each pee or poo. Now he ignores his diaper until we demand that he lie down for it to be changed, he leaks, or his bottom hurts. His diapers leak occasionally because he drinks a lot and a single pee will fill it. He rashes if we don't change his diaper fast enough, but if he's playing in another room we don't always know he's gone soon enough. The rashes are obviously extremely painful for him.

 

He's a big kid...wears size 6 diapers. He has a potty chair that I think is too small. There is a little hump on the chair's bowl to prevent boys from spraying, and it presses up against him when he's sitting all the way back. He wants nothing to do with either the toilet or the potty chair. I've told him his bottom won't hurt if he uses the potty chair but he doesn't want it. I can get him to sit on the chair for stickers. In fact, he'll ask to sit on it every five minutes to get a sticker, but he'll pee in between the sits.

 

Are there any tricks that you think will work?

[mom2koh]

I am not a help but I am :bigear: about this. My DS2 will be 3 in 4 weeks and I want him out of pull-ups! ;)

[myfunnybunch]

What happens if you put him in underwear?

 

Cat

[joannqn]

What happens if you put him in underwear?

 

Cat

 

 

He pees in them and then wants us to change his clothes.

[MSNative]

We are currently potty training my 2 almost 3 yr. old. Like yours he seems to have little interest in it anymore. I just don't have the energy to do what we did with the older ones (Cold turkey - just underwear. Effective but ugh) We've been making him try at regular times - before bath, before bed, right after waking, right after meals, etc. One of my older boys has really taken the lead here. He gets 2 yr. old on the potty and stays there with him encouraging and entertaining him. Slower than the other method, but seems to be working and is way less stressful.

 

At some point (soon) though, I think I'm going to have to bite the bullet and just put him in the underwear. It will keep both of us more focused. Hmm, may have to go buy wine before that happens. :)

[myfunnybunch]

He pees in them and then wants us to change his clothes.

 

Urg. :grouphug:

 

I wonder, if he wants to be changed when in wet undies, if underwear might be worth a try?

 

It's a LOT of laundry (I've btdt) and he can't sit on the couch, lol, but the benefit is that he gets back into the habit of wanting to be changed, he gets immediate unpleasant natural consequences (wet clothes) and it might help with the rash too.

 

ETA: Love the wine suggestion above. Hahahaha! Stock up. ;)

 

Cat

[LauraGB]

Moms everywhere will hate my method, but it was effective for us. We used an adapter seat for the big toilet (it just sits on the normal seat but is small enough to hold up little back sides) and a step stool so they could crawl up. When they were ready (physically, of course, and doing what your son is doing; wetting, wanting to be changed, but knew perfectly well the ins and outs of the potty deal, didn't have accidents at night, etc) I took the diapers/pull ups away and used underwear. Then I showed them where the cleaning solution was and kept it next to a stack of rags. They were responsible for cleaning thier own messes - change thier own underwear, wiping up any dribbles, putting the soiled underwear in the laundry...the whole shebang. I refused to help them change thier clothes. It didn't take 2-3 weeks of that and it was a done deal. In our case, it was what I deemed behavioral - they could physically handle thier bladder and mentally know when to go, they just didn't need to if I was there to clean everything up. I think Dd was fully trained before she was 2yrs and ds was about 3 weeks later than her.

 

Like I said, lots of moms think that's the wrong route to go, and for some children, it likely may be, but it was what was needed for my dc and it worked well.

[Brenda in FL]

I would have him wear nothing on his toosh! Just a long t-shirt to cover him up. This may not work this time of year - it's much easier if they can be outside!! But maybe you have an accident prrof area that you can contain him for most of the day.

 

There's something about not having anything to contain the wee-wee that compels one to use a potty!

 

Can you go ahead and teach him to use the toilet standing up? Use a step stool to get him high enough for the real toilet. Or use the potty seat in your training area. After the first child - I bought the $30 Baby Bjorn seat to use right on the toilet - very easy to use and clean up!! Definitely worth the cost.

 

If you go this route - make no other plans for the day! This approach worked for kids #2 and 3 - wish I had tried it with #1!!

[Desert Rat]

I'm not an expert at potty training but this is what worked for my two boys. I got the kind of potty seat that fits on the regular toilet and took of the boy guard. It always hurt them. I just showed them how to push their willies down. We had a sticker chart by the potty. I never used pull ups. I just put them in thick trainer underwear and they got the hang of it. It was a bit of a pain to clean up but we only had accidents for a couple days.

I will say though, that mine were 3 when they trained. Your little guy is a bit younger.

HTH

[MotherMayI]

I agree with the nothing on the tush! You do have to watch them closely though:tongue_smilie:. One thing my friend did was combine an M&M with a fun "pee pee in the Pott-y" dance/song for each successful ending. Her ds loved the song/dance-they got the whole family involved and he loved the attention.

 

The song went like this:

 

Pee pee in the Pott-y

Pee pee in the Pott-y

 

Pee pee in the Pott-y

 

And poop! :lol:

[Starr]

A potty chair that fits or the seat on the regular toilet. We stopped the diapers but boy did we clean a lot of messy unders. Once I started I didn't go back but ds was a little older.

[ChrisB]

I would have him wear nothing on his toosh! Just a long t-shirt to cover him up. This may not work this time of year - it's much easier if they can be outside!! But maybe you have an accident prrof area that you can contain him for most of the day.

 

There's something about not having anything to contain the wee-wee that compels one to use a potty!

 

If you go this route - make no other plans for the day!

 

We went this route for our son. He was 2.5yrs at the time. It was October up North here and we stayed inside. It worked within 2 days!! Nothing else was working so we tried it after my sister with two boys suggested it. Another acquaintance mentioned her grandson was having trouble training and I told her what worked for our son. After she mentioned it to her daughter, the daughter tried it with her son and, voila, it worked. You can tell within a couple of days. Just make sure you have nowhere to go for a long weekend or week. Also, I always train my kids on the big potty, not a potty chair. It works for us.

[joannqn]

Argh! He just peed and pooped in his pants. We'll take the clothes off after nap.

 

He is terrified of the big toilet. I can't see that working.

[Karen in CO]

My ds potty trained at two (it was the norm back then). I just got him a potty seat with handles, a stool, and trainer underwear. I don't thing there were pullups back then, if there were, I didn't use them. I just took a weekend, stayed home, and had him change his undies and help clean the mess if he didn't make it. Lots of lemonade and water to drink helps. Also cheerios make great targets in the toilet. My girls were even younger, but they were in cloth diapers. Put waterproof pads on the bed - if you go undies, go undies all the way no crutches.

[Cera]

We just got the baby bjorn adapter seat for the regular toilet, a stool and told the kids they were big enough to use the potty. We made a big deal of going out to pick the underwear they wanted and that was it for diapers (except a pull up at bedtime). If they had an accident I cleaned it up but they had to stick around and watch/help (take the wet clothes to the laundry). It is a lot of work but really only takes a week or two for the vast majority of kids to get it if you are consistent.

[ChrisB]

Argh! He just peed and pooped in his pants. We'll take the clothes off after nap.

 

He is terrified of the big toilet. I can't see that working.

 

We just got the baby bjorn adapter seat for the regular toilet, a stool and told the kids they were big enough to use the potty.

 

Maybe a seat adapter and a stool would help with his fear of the big potty.

[ChrisB]

Also, it took DS about another year (so 3.5) until he was able to hold it even while taking naps. Since we started training, he has only worn undies during naps. He is now four and can hold it during naps, but still wears a diaper at night. We've tried cold turkey, but the kid just cannot hold it more than a couple of hours. Too many late night (early morning) sheet changings :ack2:!!

[SeekingSimplicity]

What worked for my ds was outdoor potty training with dad.

 

We had tried and tried to get him to use the toilet and he wouldn't even tho he seemed ready to potty train. One day we were in the yard and I saw ds holding himself and doing the pee pee dance. I told DH to go to the back yard and pee, and take ds so he can see you do it. So they went back there together and did their business. DS thought peeing in the yard was the greatest thing ever! Once he stopped wetting his pants, he was ready to poop in the toilet. We got him trained so fast after that day.

[joannqn]

Ok, so we've been doing the naked method for about 3 hours now. DS has been "going potty" every 5 seconds. His first "success" consisted of him peeing down his leg onto the bathroom floor. He dribbled 2 or 3 times onto the carpet, each time letting out a shrill little shriek as he realized what was happening. Then he peed all over a cloth chair. Finally, he's peed twice in the actual bowl of the potty chair.

 

I'll be getting a new potty chair tomorrow. This one is too small and the bowl sticks to his bottom, coming out of the chair base every time he stands up.

[Parrothead]

oops.

Edited February 15, 2010 by Parrothead

[Caitilin]

Another thing to think about is getting some cloth diaper trainers or covers that you could use with the underwear he's wearing, once he gets the hang of it better. That way you'd have a backup plan, but he would still definitely know when he was wet if he had an accident while you were out, or overnight, versus pull-ups, which are too absorbent. You wouldn't need many, and maybe even the cheap Gerber plastic pants would work, depending on whether he's the chunky-legged type. ;)

[birchbark]

My DS is going to be three in a month and so far nothing has worked. We've tried $$ potty-training pull-ups that get cold when wet, training underpants, and the bare toosh. And M&M's. He just holds it until I have to put a diaper on him for naptime or leaving the house. He's watched big brother and dad do their business a lot! He's just not motivated.

 

It has been suggested to me to try having him stand by the toilet on a stool. I've heard floating Fruit Loops in the toilet to aim at really helps. So that is what I'll be trying next. :tongue_smilie:

[Parrothead]

My DS is going to be three in a month and so far nothing has worked. We've tried $$ potty-training pull-ups that get cold when wet, training underpants, and the bare toosh. And M&M's. He just holds it until I have to put a diaper on him for naptime or leaving the house. He's watched big brother and dad do their business a lot! He's just not motivated.

 

It has been suggested to me to try having him stand by the toilet on a stool. I've heard floating Fruit Loops in the toilet to aim at really helps. So that is what I'll be trying next. :tongue_smilie:

Have you tried not putting the diaper on him for nap time? Has he experienced wet? What about telling him that we can't go to XX place until he goes potty - especially if it is somewhere he wants to go like the park or McDonalds. Big brother could be a motivator too, "C'mon, go potty already so can go to the park. We can go potty together. But let's go already."

[Karen in CO]

My DS is going to be three in a month and so far nothing has worked. We've tried $$ potty-training pull-ups that get cold when wet, training underpants, and the bare toosh. And M&M's. He just holds it until I have to put a diaper on him for naptime or leaving the house. He's watched big brother and dad do their business a lot! He's just not motivated.

 

It has been suggested to me to try having him stand by the toilet on a stool. I've heard floating Fruit Loops in the toilet to aim at really helps. So that is what I'll be trying next. :tongue_smilie:

 

I see this as the problem. He knows you will put a diaper on him. And he is holding it so he is way more than ready. C'mon. You can do it. Ditch the diapers and the pull-ups.

[MaMa2005]

This is what I posted on another thread about potty training:

 

I've trained three children and three grandchildren with this method. So far it has worked every time.

 

*Set aside Mondays for training.

*Go buy a six pack of underwear.

*On Monday morning, put on a pair of underwear (pants are optional).

*Tell child that if they need to go potty to let you know and you will help them.

*If (when) they wet their underwear, no big deal. Just change to a clean pair and keep on going with your day.

*They will wet all 6 pair of underwear in the morning :D. When the sixth pair is soiled, back into a diaper. Matter of factly tell child that you will try again next Monday.

*Next Monday (repeat process).

 

Within three weeks, your child should be trained (or at least all 6 of mine have been). Friends have also used this method with great success.

 

No rewards, just lots of praise and hugs. And for what it is worth, using this method also (once successful) limited accidents. We never used Pull-Ups.

 

It also helps to make them drink lots of liquids (almost as a treat). All six of mine LOVE sweet tea, but it is always a treat. Not during potty training. They got to drink it to their heart's content

[MelanieM]

Do you think he'd be motivated to see his little sister going to the potty? (We do elimination communication here, so our babies all go to the potty as infants. My baby (7 mos now) currently does about 95% poo on the potty, and maybe 40-50% pee.) Maybe he would get excited about the baby going in the potty -- which is very easy to achieve if you put her on there after a nap -- and want to go himself to either model it for her, or to show that he's the bigger kid. And if it doesn't work, at least you'd be a few less diapers for the wee one and, if you keep it up, won't have to ever get her used to the idea down the road!

 

Also, if he likes getting stickers for sitting on the potty, could you maybe switch it to getting stickers for sitting on the potty successfully?

 

Best of luck to you!

[nono]

This is what I posted on another thread about potty training:

 

I've trained three children and three grandchildren with this method. So far it has worked every time.

 

*Set aside Mondays for training.

*Go buy a six pack of underwear.

*On Monday morning, put on a pair of underwear (pants are optional).

*Tell child that if they need to go potty to let you know and you will help them.

*If (when) they wet their underwear, no big deal. Just change to a clean pair and keep on going with your day.

*They will wet all 6 pair of underwear in the morning :D. When the sixth pair is soiled, back into a diaper. Matter of factly tell child that you will try again next Monday.

*Next Monday (repeat process).

 

Within three weeks, your child should be trained (or at least all 6 of mine have been). Friends have also used this method with great success.

 

No rewards, just lots of praise and hugs. And for what it is worth, using this method also (once successful) limited accidents. We never used Pull-Ups.

 

It also helps to make them drink lots of liquids (almost as a treat). All six of mine LOVE sweet tea, but it is always a treat. Not during potty training. They got to drink it to their heart's content

 

OT: Today is the 3rd week of trying this MaMa -- let's start praying. I'm guessing my son might not be of your gene pool! :D

[Carrie12345]

I haven't had a single "easy" kid in this department. :glare:

 

I thought this last one might be easy, since he actually LIKES the big potty, but he will only use it when he's in the mood to use it, and NEVER for poop. He just refuses to do that in the potty.

 

Other than nap/bed time, ds is almost always nekkid or in underwear (no pants) at home. Hasn't mattered a bit. Wet/soiled underwear doesn't bother him at all. Having an accident on the floor doesn't bother him at all - he'll even clean it up!

 

So, while I have no advice, know that you aren't alone!!!

[MaMa2005]

OT: Today is the 3rd week of trying this MaMa -- let's start praying. I'm guessing my son might not be of your gene pool! :D

 

Here's to some good thoughts heading your way. BTW, all three of my children are adopted - maybe that is why it worked!:lol:

[lionfamily1999]

Our toilet set has another smaller seat built into it. Dh bought it at Walmart.

 

For us, there were two periods of potty training, for all three kids. The first period, right after they were able to get up to the potty, I would put them on the potty for five minutes every thirty minutes. Half the time they would potty on the potty, but it was really just because I put them there, iykwIm.

 

Then, when I started having too many meltdowns and 'I hate the toilet' moments I give up. No more potty training, they're back in diapers, I'm back to changing them. This normally lasts a very few weeks. For older ds, though, it took about nine months.

 

Then, we go into the final period of potty training. They decide they don't want diapers and for the most part, because they have the mechanics down, there aren't too many accidents.

 

I don't know why or how this works. For some reason, they take their time off and must remember how much nicer it was to be in underwear?

 

It works for us, lol, for what it's worth ;)

[HappyGrace]

sorry-no time to read other posts, but df who is from France said they are ALL potty trained very early like that over there-often before age 2! They take the diaper off them and leave them bare and just watch them and take them in. I didn't think it would work but she has easily trained all three of her kids so far with this, and it went quickly! They were all just past two yrs old.

[Pamela H in Texas]

Short version: Potty Train in a Day. It takes 4 hours for them to "get it" and a week to back up what they learned. A handful of kids take a second 4 hours. I have potty trained LOTS of kids and NO child has taken more than 2 weeks. Some children were as young as 20 mo but most were 2 to 2.5 yrs old. My son was 99% by the end of the first day at 25months (my daughter trained herself much earlier so she doesn't count).

 

I have boys stand to pee. They hold the seat up so as to be facing the right direction. This is MUCH easier in a daycare center where the toddler and two yr old rooms have small toilets, but I've done it at home also (fosterkids, childcare kids, son). At home, you need a stool for most 2yos.

 

Anyway, I have outlined this more detailed in many posts through the years, so I'll spare ya, but as I've done this for years and read these posts for years, I'm convinced that this way is the easiest and allows the CHILD to be trained (rather than mom) while 2yrs old rather than waiting til 3.5 and 4yrs old as so many people are apt to do these days.

 

BTW, but I would MUCH RATHER people let the kid do it himself at 5 than for mom to be stressed and cause problems with yelling, hitting, being rough, even getting abusive.

[nono]

Here's to some good thoughts heading your way. BTW, all three of my children are adopted - maybe that is why it worked!:lol:

 

So are mine! :) He is slowing down...we've still got 2 pair left and it's noon! I sincerely appreciate your good thoughts.

 

ETA: Pamela, good point about the parents being in the training. I was drawn to MaMa's method because it fit our lifestyle and would keep my stress down. I don't even really care about my son being trained. I would like to be able to have my MIL worry about something new though. LOL

Edited February 15, 2010 by nono

[SapphireStitch]

To the OP: have you been able to find out why he's afraid of the toilet? We had a terrible time finding a big enough potty chair for my DS, so training him directly on the toilet was the only good solution.

 

DS was 3 and he would not go on the toilet. His legs were too short for him to stand to pee (he's tall, but he's all torso) so he had to stand on a short step stool. Then when he sat down to poop he couldn't stand to have his legs dangling, so he needed a taller stool to put his feet on. I can't remember if we had two stools or if we had one with two steps? (My poor tired brain has deleted some of the details of the more traumatic parts of his early childhood...)

 

Once we got the stool situation figured out he stopped being afraid of the toilet, but he still would sneak off and poop in his pants. He really preferred pooping standing up, I think.

 

We finally had to make it a matter of discipline and consequences when he was getting closer to 4 yo. We told him "You are big enough to poop in the toilet. You know when you need to poop. You *will* poop in the toilet, or you will have this consequence." He tested us just one time, suffered his consequence (I prefer not to think in terms of "punishment" for something like this..there are things in life one can't do if one can't deal with one's poop...consequences) and from there on out he did just fine.

 

Sometimes I think this is one of those areas (like reading!) where you just have to suffer through the trial and error until something clicks. It's not fun, and having wine and/or chocolate on hand for yourself is a great idea.

[lionfamily1999]

To the OP: have you been able to find out why he's afraid of the toilet? We had a terrible time finding a big enough potty chair for my DS, so training him directly on the toilet was the only good solution.

 

DS was 3 and he would not go on the toilet. His legs were too short for him to stand to pee (he's tall, but he's all torso) so he had to stand on a short step stool. Then when he sat down to poop he couldn't stand to have his legs dangling, so he needed a taller stool to put his feet on. I can't remember if we had two stools or if we had one with two steps? (My poor tired brain has deleted some of the details of the more traumatic parts of his early childhood...)

 

Once we got the stool situation figured out he stopped being afraid of the toilet, but he still would sneak off and poop in his pants. He really preferred pooping standing up, I think.

 

We finally had to make it a matter of discipline and consequences when he was getting closer to 4 yo. We told him "You are big enough to poop in the toilet. You know when you need to poop. You *will* poop in the toilet, or you will have this consequence." He tested us just one time, suffered his consequence (I prefer not to think in terms of "punishment" for something like this..there are things in life one can't do if one can't deal with one's poop...consequences) and from there on out he did just fine.

 

Sometimes I think this is one of those areas (like reading!) where you just have to suffer through the trial and error until something clicks. It's not fun, and having wine and/or chocolate on hand for yourself is a great idea.

I don't recommend that while potty training....

[SapphireStitch]

chocolate

 

 

I don't recommend that while potty training....

 

:lol: Not even stashed away somewhere to be only accessed after you've disinfected your hands? Or is the color and texture just too...reminiscent...to be palatable?

[Impish]

Princess has been my toughest kid to train, kid you not!

 

We had our potty on the main floor, in the livingroom. I know that grosses some folks out, but our only bathroom is up a flight of stairs, and there's just no way a potty training kid can make it in time (found that out with Tazzie :lol:)

 

We went through pull ups. Yeah, right. Just another diaper as far as she was concerned. Tried to put on underwear, and you'd think all the demons of Hades were pinching her tush.

 

So, we let her go bare butt. And suddenly, she was pottying. Then we got the big seat for the toilet.

 

She's been trained for a year. We still use diapers at night, because she hasn't got that down yet. Nothing like a crying toddler in the wee hours because her bed is wet :glare:

 

Tazzie, on the other hand, has never wet the bed. Ever.

 

Different things for different kids.

 

As I assure Wolf, she won't wear Overnight Pullups on her honeymoon. He starts twitching and shuddering at the thought of his baby on a honeymoon, and that ends the conversation :lol:

 

And good news! She LOVES wearing underwear now. Yes, the exact same ones she screamed blue murder about before. *sigh*

[joannqn]

Once we went naked, he did well. Yesterday we didn't mess with potty training. He's sick and we were super busy. He's in undies today. We're still waiting for a successful poo.

 

He's afraid of falling into the toilet. I bought a better potty chair and a portable seat for the big toilet. It has Elmo and friends on it. He gets a kick out of sitting on Elmo (He's ALL boy). Once I physically picked him up and put him on it, and he realized that he wasn't falling in, he was ok with it. He still wants the little potty but at least I can get him on the big one with the portable seat when we are out of the house.

[Chrystal]

I turned my son around backwards on the big potty.

We had the opposite problem. He was younger and not tall enough to *ahem* clear the splash guard when he stood up.

Once he had the hang of going all the time in the potty I showed him how to stand on a stool. I did the same thing for my friend's son and it worked with him too. Of course he has to be stripped from the waist down, so spring or summer is the ideal time because he can run around with a shirt and underpants and not have as much to remove before sitting down.:001_smile:

I also gave one skittle, m&m, something small for each successful trip to the potty for pee pee and 2 for poo. My son was using the potty successfully in less than a week all day and all night in 2.:D I also promised him special underpants (colored like dad's instead of white) and that seemed to motivate him alot. :D

 

My youngest daughter was almost 3 and she had to have a reason to potty train. She wanted to be able to ride the bus at church K3 and they told her she had to have no diapers to be able to come. Needless to say, she also did it very quickly. Before that, she had absolutely no interest in the potty at all. :tongue_smilie:

[WiseOwlKnits]

I'm sure my response won't be popular, but I've had two children potty trained before 2 (DD at 20 months, DS at 23 months) and this is how I did it. Take the child to the store and let him/her pick out the coolest character underwear or whatever that s/he likes and talk it up for a couple of days that on Monday (or whatever day is PT-day) is going to be super cool! I bought a bunch of training undies where there is more fabric between the legs to absorb accidents. Go home, (wash the underwear), take the diapers and put them in the trash on PT-day. Tell said child that there aren't any more diapers to wear, but they get to wear the training underwear till they can earn the character underwear because "Elmo/Spiderman/Diego/etc doesn't like to be peed on so we have to get really good at not peeing in the potty before we can wear those."

 

Now is the hard part, although it probably wouldn't be so parent-intensive if the kid was older...my just-turned-3 DS could do all of this much more independently than he did at 23 months. Put a potty chair in the living room or wherever the kid is going to spend most of their time. If the weather is warm enough (it was for my DD), let him go around without underwear on. If it's too cold (it was for my DS), as few layers as is possible....or just crank up the heater for a couple of days. Take him or tell him to sit on the potty every 15 minutes. Praise for just sitting on it. HUGE praise the first time they pee in it - we scream, jump around, dance, etc. for a good 5 minutes. Same with the first poop. If you're using the training underwear, put 2 pairs on. I don't like cleaning up puddles and that will absorb most of it.

 

With my kids, I didn't make a big deal over a mess. But if I were training my 3-yo today? I'd make him take part of cleaning up a mess...not in a punitive way, but more a "This is what we do when we have an accident." way. He stands to pee now and he knows and "gets" that he has to clean it up if he pees out of the potty. He knows where cloths are to clean it up and how to do it.

 

Anyway, the first day is pure he!! or was with both of mine. They both had maybe 15 accidents? But they also both peed in the potty at some point the first day. The 2nd day, they had maybe 5 or 6 accidents and pooped in the potty. The 3rd day my DD was completely trained and never looked back. My DS had a couple of accidents the 3rd day, 1 the 4th day, and was completely trained on day 5. At that point, I move the potty into the bathroom. With a bigger kid (neither of mine could sit on the big potty even with the insert b/c they aren't made for kids that young), I'd go straight to the big potty.