Getting an apartment (instead of dorm) with opp. sex roomie (Xpost college)

[Chris in VA]

I'm upset about this--ds and his current (male) roommate won't get housing on campus next year (well, chances are slim to none--only freshmen are guaranteed housing), and they want to ask a mutual friend (girl) to go in with them.

I have reservations, particularly since ds would love said girl to become a girlfriend. FWIW, I'm pretty conservative (didn't ja know? ), but I wouldn't have a huge problem with it if there was completely no interest. Just a little problem...

I feel for the girl--I mean, I don't think it's appropriate to sit around in one's nighty or undies if the opp sex is around, and, since I kinda like to do that...I feel she won't have a lot of freedom in her own "home." I also think it can lead to temptations. She has a boyfriend, too. She's really sweet and lovely, don't get me wrong--I just find it inappropriate.

 

So I tell ds that I'd like to talk to him about that, and he blasts me in an email.

 

I feel hurt. He's been so irritated with me in general that we can hardly have a conversation at all. Now something comes up that I would like to give him some gentle advice about, and he just...well, I'm hurt.

 

Yes, he's 20. Yes, he's never been really independent, and now I think he's pulling away in a way that's basically healthy. He's also an Aspie, gets impatient, has some social skill problems, doesn't always know the consequences or think things thru (b/c it doesn't occur to him)...

 

We are paying for his room and board, up to the amt we would pay if he were in the dorm. I don't have a problem with that. I just wish we could TALK with him, and process with him.

 

Vent over.

[Peek a Boo]

I'd cut purse strings completely if my ds did that.

 

He'd be more than welcome to come home and I'd pick up the tab again, but I wouldn't support a decision like that At. All.

 

but that's just me. ;)

[RanchGirl]

So sorry your feelings are hurt! I assume he is not thinking clearly because he is romantically interested in this girl.

 

I think it's reasonable have a rule of no opposite sex roommates while you are contributing money to his monthly bills (and that will certainly be our family rule when our boys go off to college!). Then he can decide between the freedom to make bad choices and the financial assistance you are offering. If you try to pick and choose which girls he can live with and which he can't, that might seem very arbitrary to him -- even though you are just trying to help him avoid a potentially hurtful situation due to his feelings for this girl. But really, feelings could develop for any girl he lived with, it might be better to have a clear cut standard in this area.

[kalanamak]

Just to reassure you, I had nearly all male roomies in my many years of school, and never got involved with ONE of them. They were more like brothers. A girl in the house keeps boys better behaved.

 

Deep breaths. People do this all the time.

[Peek a Boo]

Just to reassure you, I had nearly all male roomies in my many years of school, and never got involved with ONE of them. They were more like brothers. A girl in the house keeps boys better behaved.

I would posit that your experience is NOT the norm, and we have quite a few statistics in various segments of society to examine that point a bit more closely.

 

 

Deep breaths. People do this all the time.

 

There are a LOT of things that people do "all the time" that I think are Very Bad Choices.

 

This is one of them.

[Mrs Mungo]

My opinion on boy/girl roommates isn't relevant. So, I'll just say-I think if you are mostly supporting him then you have a say in with whom he shares housing. If he doesn't like it, then he can foot the bills alone.

[Michelle in AL]

Forgive me if I'm wrong, but isn't this the son who just had his heart broken? Being an aspie, he might not be aware of how he'll feel living with this girl and watching her fall for someone else. We all know how that can hurt. I would think this might effect his school work negatively if he becomes too focused on her.

 

If you decide not to allow it, I would stick to my guns, patiently explain why you don't want to put him in that awkward, potentially hurtful situation and refuse to pay under those circumstances.

 

I know it hurts, I have a hard headed dd too that refuses to take my advice. I have seen the benefits of setting boundaries with her though. She's much happier when I do.

 

:grouphug:

[elegantlion]

Does he feel stuck? I mean if he says "my parents say I can't" will he lose the male roommate and then be left out in the cold for housing? If I were in his shoes that would be my fear.

 

Option #1 - dorm (unlikely)

Option #2 - room with friend and girl

Option #3 -????

 

I'd discuss your reservations of option 2 and help him find option 3 and beyond.

[Miss Sherry]

Just to reassure you, I had nearly all male roomies in my many years of school, and never got involved with ONE of them. They were more like brothers. A girl in the house keeps boys better behaved.

 

Deep breaths. People do this all the time.

 

People do a lot of things that are not advisable and disrespectful to their parents. In your case, if your parents were not objecting to you doing this, than that would not have been an issue. In the case where the parent paying for the living expenses of the 20 year old child says I do not approve of the living arrangement,yes, it is inapporpriate and it is also well known that immorality is a HUGE temptation especially for that age range.

[Carrie12345]

Parents footing the bills get to call the shots, imo.

 

Me, I've lived with male roommates twice, and there weren't any issues. I did, however, have extremely big and uncomfortable issues with a female roommate! But she was randomly selected, while the males were already friends of mine.

 

I am somewhat overprotective of my own aspie though (and he's only 11!!!!), so I can't tell where that would factor into my own decisions. I'm still wondering about how I'll feel when he wants to go away to school, regardless of who he'll be living with!

 

:grouphug:

[CalicoKat]

to you.

 

He's 20. You've said your piece.

 

However, you are supporting him so you do have more of a say in the matter.

 

As long as someone else is paying your bills there are a different set of rules -- less freedom -- that still have to be respected. If he doesn't like your rules then perhaps he's ready to pay his own way. Always said in the most calm, rational, loving, matter of fact tone possible.

 

That's how my folks worked with me. They didn't like some of my decisions and they told me their opinions, but if I was paying for it then my duty was to listen respectfully and go my own way respectfully if I disagreed.

[Chris in VA]

I think I'm just...disappointed.

 

And maybe getting depressed again. Life has been so stressful these past few years, and was finally getting better, what with (other) ds home now.

 

I just feel our family is so broken. It will never heal. I will never heal.

 

Now I fear my relationship with this dear son is hurting, too.

 

It's just too much.

[Kathleen in VA]

:grouphug:Chris:grouphug: Mine are getting older, too, and making decisions that I wouldn't advise. It is hard to watch them do stuff you wouldn't choose for them and yes, very disappointing. I find it very, very difficult to stand by and do nothing but I don't see that I have any choice. I'm sorry you are having to deal with this after everything you've already gone through, I truly am. I will be praying for you, Chris, that God would give you the wisdom to deal with this.

[Laurie4b]

I'm upset about this--ds and his current (male) roommate won't get housing on campus next year (well, chances are slim to none--only freshmen are guaranteed housing), and they want to ask a mutual friend (girl) to go in with them.

I have reservations, particularly since ds would love said girl to become a girlfriend. FWIW, I'm pretty conservative (didn't ja know? ), but I wouldn't have a huge problem with it if there was completely no interest. Just a little problem...

I feel for the girl--I mean, I don't think it's appropriate to sit around in one's nighty or undies if the opp sex is around, and, since I kinda like to do that...I feel she won't have a lot of freedom in her own "home." I also think it can lead to temptations. She has a boyfriend, too. She's really sweet and lovely, don't get me wrong--I just find it inappropriate.

 

So I tell ds that I'd like to talk to him about that, and he blasts me in an email.

 

I feel hurt. He's been so irritated with me in general that we can hardly have a conversation at all. Now something comes up that I would like to give him some gentle advice about, and he just...well, I'm hurt.

 

Yes, he's 20. Yes, he's never been really independent, and now I think he's pulling away in a way that's basically healthy. He's also an Aspie, gets impatient, has some social skill problems, doesn't always know the consequences or think things thru (b/c it doesn't occur to him)...

 

We are paying for his room and board, up to the amt we would pay if he were in the dorm. I don't have a problem with that. I just wish we could TALK with him, and process with him.

 

Vent over.

 

Mom of teenaged sons here: I understand the hurt, but I'd encourage you not to take it personally. I think you nailed it in the sentence "Now I think he's pulling away in a way that's basically healthy." I think that in that process of pulling away, they make mistakes, even sin, and so do we as moms. It's hard on both sides. So if you can get yourself to a place where you can think of it as developmentally likely sin (new phrase there!) you may be able to let go of some of the hurt.

 

And from your post, it sounds like it's more the hurt even than the living arrangements you're concerned about. (And yes, I get that you're not thrilled with the living arrangements.)

[KidsHappen]

I think I'm just...disappointed.

 

And maybe getting depressed again. Life has been so stressful these past few years, and was finally getting better, what with (other) ds home now.

 

I just feel our family is so broken. It will never heal. I will never heal.

 

Now I fear my relationship with this dear son is hurting, too.

 

It's just too much.

 

:grouphug: Once you have been stressed to the point that we have it is hard to feel that you have any reserves left to deal with other issues. You've overcome tougher problems before and I have no doubt that you will resolve this issue as well hon. Give it some time for both of you to have a breather and then go back with, "I love you and I am concerned for your welfare." Proceed from a place of love. :grouphug:

[angela in ohio]

I'd cut purse strings completely if my ds did that.

 

He'd be more than welcome to come home and I'd pick up the tab again, but I wouldn't support a decision like that At. All.

 

but that's just me. ;)

 

:iagree:

[sheryl]

I'd cut purse strings completely if my ds did that.

 

He'd be more than welcome to come home and I'd pick up the tab again, but I wouldn't support a decision like that At. All.

 

but that's just me. ;)

 

 

:iagree:

 

 

 

Chris, Like you, I'm conservative as well as you may recall from my posts. For me it's not a political decision, but a moral one. I think that it would be tempting. C'mon remember when we were in college?

 

1. You're paying for it, so you have the "final" say, otherwise he needs to work to support his decision.

2. Certainly you're a great Mom who has "trained up her child". He fall make mistakes, but that in itself is a learning process. With that said, we want our children to use sound judgment and discernment.

3. He's a aspie...well, approach him in the same manner that you did while h'schooling which fostered success....either academically or relational.

4. Have your dh approach him....man to young man

 

HTH! Sheryl <><

[smrtmama]

I had opposite sex roomies my second year of college. Honestly, it was a lot more comfortable than the same-sex living arrangement of the year before (she had her boyfriend over all the time, they were *cough*intimate when he was there, in our shared space!)

 

With my male roommates (both of whom were good friends of several years, one of whom in a serious, long-term relationship -- I also had a boyfriend at the time, non-cohabitating), we set ground rules ahead of time to ensure privacy and appropriateness. It was me and two male roomies in a 3BR, 1 1/2BA apartment. We all agreed I'd have the private half-bathroom to myself, we'd set up a schedule for the shower in the other bathroom. We agreed on a minimum standard of dress -- at least shirt and pajama pants, if not fully clothed, no traipsing about in nightgowns or boxer shorts. In the entire time I shared the apartment with them, there was never a single uncomfortable or inappropriate moment -- in fact, I used to joke that one of my roomies must shower and sleep in his clothes, because I only ever saw him fully dressed (belt and shoes!).

[JVA]

One of our sons has proposed the same idea- all the string bass players want to rent a house together next year- guys and girls- about 4 or 5 of them. We've told him our position on it- they shouldn't live with girls.... We're probably going to cut the $ supply for housing if he does it. He knows better- he's pushing the envelope and I'm praying a LOT that the Lord hits him over the head with some sense.

[hillfarm]

Although we parents are fully aware of the moral implications of such a decision, I think most of our young people feel that they can handle it. Especially if they haven't been seriously tempted before and don't realize just how difficult temptation can be. So IMO, they can't really see that we are right regarding this particular facet of the situation.

 

However, I do think they might be able to better understand if our concerns were directed strongly toward the concept of focus. I'm sure all of our kids have had to deal with distraction during their high school years. If your dc's weakness was alcohol, would you pay for him to rent a room above a bar? If he really had difficulty in curbing his gaming tendencies, would you pay for him to live next door to an arcade? Then, knowing what a distraction the opposite sex is, does it make sense to be willing to pay for your ds to live with that on a daily basis?

 

Your son has only 4 years or so for you to be paying for his education. He needs to master his focus to do well and obtain his degree. He has the rest of his life to experiment with platonic and not-so-platonic relationships with females. I would consider your financial assistance as paying him to go to college, get good grades, and graduate. If you don't wish to pay for him to have the opportunity to live with a girl, then don't. He needs to learn sooner rather than later that whenever you are on someone else's dime, they call the shots. Whether it is his parents, grant money, or a boss. Not a pleasant lesson to learn, but a real life one.

Edited February 12, 2010 by hillfarm

[Danestress]

I simply told him that we would not pay for him to live with a woman. Period. Platonic. Not platonic. Whatever. We wouldn't pay but we would love him and probably her and would remain friendly and supportive emotionally. We just not provide any funds to him if he lived with a woman.

 

Guess what? He found another roommate.

 

I totally understand wanting to talk to him and give him gentle advice and all of that, but he may not want your advice. And that's okay. He just has to accept that when you are big enough to reject your parents values and input, you are big enough to pay for the privilege.

 

Realistically, I know my son may well have his girlfriend at his house six out of seven nights a week. Or heck, maybe she lives there and I don't even know it. If he is cheating us, then he is (though I doubt it). But I won't willingly pay for it. I also realistically know that he might do other things I don't agree with, and that's okay too. He doesn't have to do everything my way for me to support him some financially. But I do have my lines in the sand.

[Tess in the Burbs]

you know...when I wanted to leave school for a year my parents did not want me to. They financially would not support that. They had given a little $$ during college here and there but I paid my own tuition and worked part time jobSSS. But yes, some money came from them. They made it clear even if/when I came back their help was over. They did not approve and I could make my choice but when I came to my senses(if ever) their financially support was gone for education.

 

they stuck to it! I came back to school and had to get a loan for the first time b/c I just couldn't work enough to pay my tuition/apt/food/misc. I learned alot though and don't regret how I got my education :001_smile:

 

I think since you pay you get to voice your wise adult voice. if he refuses to listen make it clear your financial support is being withdrawn until he can listen to your advice/talk this through. it doesn't mean he has to do it your way(unless you really want that outcome) but that he can't have your $$ until he hears you out/discusses it. I guess it's a bribe, but hey, he's 20 and I remember how stupid I thought my parents were ;-)

 

The more I read about all these teen/college kids the more I want to keep mine little forever!

[Chris in VA]

Thanks everyone.

I'm being quiet in my spirit right now.

 

And you know what?

 

I think her parents may not go for it, anyway. :D

[Thea]

Just to reassure you, I had nearly all male roomies in my many years of school, and never got involved with ONE of them.

 

 

This was my experience as well. I preferred male roommates over moody, snarky female roomies. The guys were hardly ever home and they never stole my makeup.

 

eta: I was completely and totally on my own though --nothing from mom.

[Guest Katia]

Chris,

 

Sometimes, when our sons are adults, even if we don't agree with their choices, we can support them. It helps to keep the communication channels open and they know we love them no matter what they do/decide, kwim?

 

When my ds was in college, (he was in for a Lonnngggg time, LOL), at his first college, he was in a dorm for a year; hated it. It was all jocks and he was a computer nerd. He was miserable.

 

For his second year, three of his friends and he applied for an on-campus mobile home apartment and were granted permission. They were so excited....and over the summer it was damaged beyond repair during a tornado. So, they were given their choice of any of their preference of housing on campus as a consolation for the price that it would have cost each of them to stay in the apartment. Ds chose a private dorm room with attached private bath. WOW! He could never have afforded this on his own, but it unfortunately set the standard for him in 'acceptable' college housing.

 

The next two semesters, he got an apartment off campus with a friend, and the first semester was great, the second semester the friend moved back home and ds was left to pay for the entire thing, which he couldn't so he quit school and got a job to pay for his housing! It was a night-mare.

 

Dh and I stepped in and paid his outstanding bills, and moved him back home to get him on his feet. He had to transfer colleges, and thus lost credits. sigh. But, now he was serious about doing well in college and getting that degree. The problem was housing.....he would.not. stay in a dorm as it was actually more expensive than living off campus, and apartments (that he could afford) were at a premium.

 

He finally found an apartment within walking distance to campus at a fabulous price.....with the roomie being a girl. Dh and I were floored. As in....speechless. How could he even consider such a thing???

 

Well.....he need a place to live and she was offering what he needed at a price he could afford. Dh asked ds if he could come with him to look at the place and interview with the girl. No judgment, just asked if he could be a part of it. Ds said yes, so dh went along....and came back very pleased with the girl, the situation and everything.

 

To say I was shocked would be putting it very mildly. Dh is a pastor with a very conservative bent. However, he told me that the place was nice, the girl was a serious student with a long-term boyfriend and that he felt is was important to let ds make his own decisions without out negative feedback from us. So........

 

Ds lived with this girl for two years. No problems At.All. Dh and I went to visit him as often as we could, and I think we only saw his roomie twice in those two years. Ds told me once, sometime after the first year that he was surprised that dh and I hadn't had a fit about him wanting to room with a girl, and I told him that while it wasn't our ideal for him, that he had to make his own decisions in life and we would trust him to make the right decision for him.

 

Ds worked hard and got his degree and we have our relationship with him intact. In fact, we are very, very close. Letting him know we trusted him was the right thing to do. He was trust-worthy.

 

Of course, in our situation, ds wasn't hoping to make his roomie his girlfriend. But, just because a guy lives with a girl doesn't mean sex will occur. It just doesn't always happen. I think it depends on the intentions involved from the outset. And, just because an opposite sex roomie worked with my ds doesn't mean it would work with yours. I'm just relating our story to maybe help you think things thru from another angle........and to let you know you are not the only one that has had to walk this road.

 

Good luck.

Edited February 12, 2010 by Katia

[Laura Corin]

This sounds very hard for you - I'm sorry you are having to cope with it.

 

I shared mixed-sex apartments for most of my time at university. Yes, the girls wore long robes around the house, but that didn't feel like an imposition. There was a brotherly/sisterly atmosphere that was comfortable and supportive.

 

Best wishes

 

Laura

[Bev in B'ville]

almost all of my friends were guys. I had exactly two female friends, the rest were guys. That didn't change as I became older. While I was in college I had a platonic male roommate with whom I shared an apartment. Of course, mom and dad were not paying anything towards college and/or living expenses, but they let me know strongly they didn't approve. They actually stopped speaking to me for a year. It irreputably damaged my relationship with my parents (and I'm speaking from a way down the road viewpoint). I was an adult, had never been in trouble of any kind, had made mostly sound decisions to that point (accepted responsibility and fixed things when I didn't) and, yet, they didn't trust my decision.

 

After my male roommate moved out (he married his girlfriend) I had a female roommate. I have to say, I preferred the male roommate. I was very uncomfortable with her walking around nude or nearly nude. I bought her a robe for a Christmas present, hoping she would take the hint. At least with a guy roommate, him going around topless was okay and he NEVER paraded around in his underwear and neither did I. I didn't parade around in my underwear with a female roommate in the shared living space either. To each their own.

[TravelingChris]

My main concern I would have if I was you would be because he is an Aspie. I will relate a story of my college days. I lived in a co-ed by floor and the following year by room dorm. I had a friend who was a boy but he was not my boyfriend. In fact, when he started bothering me it was my second year and I was already involved with my then boyfriend, now husband of 25 years. That is sort of the point: even though I had boyfriends most of the time in college and was steady right after second year started to today, he misunderstood. So I guess my warning is that a situation that others may see as brotherly-sisterly in nature may be misconstrued by an Aspie who has general problems with reading social cues.

[nono]

I think her parents may not go for it, anyway. :D

 

I'm conservative, and as a mother, I would be very pleased for my daughter to find nice men with which to room. From a safety perspective, it helps to have men around the house.

 

So, if your son and his friend are nice young men, and her parents think like me about this situation, they might surprise you.

[sarawatsonim]

From a safety perspective, it helps to have men around the house.

 

For three out of my four years in college I had at least one male roommate at any given time. The dorms were really expensive and from the friends I had that lived in the dorms, it was way more wild than I would have liked anyway. So I am happy with my decision. I found male roommates were easier to get along with in my experience (I had some really bad female roommate experiences). It was also nice to have a male around for safety reasons as well. A bat got into our apartment once and the male roommate stated he would take care of it. By the screaming, you would have thought he was a woman. It was one of the funniest moments of my life. FWIW I met my husband through my last male roommate. He was sitting on my couch when I came home from work one night. He says it was love at first site, I don't really remember our first meeting;) My parents helped me pay my rent at that time as well. They always met the people I was moving in with first.

[Veronica in VA]

I wouldn't be thrilled with it, but I wouldn't cut off support. He could just as easily get involved with someone not living in the apartment. Now if he said he was actually living with someone and having a relationship with her, I would say no more $$ from me.

[Impish]

I'd cut purse strings completely if my ds did that.

 

He'd be more than welcome to come home and I'd pick up the tab again, but I wouldn't support a decision like that At. All.

 

but that's just me. ;)

:iagree:

First, I would probably have his father take on that conversation

:iagree:

when I first moved to this city, I had a male roommate. It had been explained, over and over again that this was ROOMMATES ONLY, and he understood.

 

Or so he said.

 

Once I was actually there though...whole different ball game.

 

I woke up with him standing over me. Diva and I shared a room, my eldest in another.

 

He freaked when I started dating Wolf. And I do mean, FREAKED. Called Wolf, lied, said we were involved, etc. Got drunk one night, pulled back his fist like he was going to hit me.

 

We left the next day, went to a shelter until I found an apt for us.

 

Your son is an Aspie that doesn't read social cues well. I'd be terribly concerned that he'd misread a cue, and think the girl was responding to his interest in her...and could end up with criminal charges. All it takes is an unwanted kiss for someone to be charged.

[Lizzie in Ma]

I am so sorry you are feeling hurt. I know you have been through so very much already. I have nothing to offer save my own experience, in the hopes that it may help.

 

(Adding that my parents helped out with books but I put myself through college.)

 

I was 22 in college, had to spend the first year in all girls dorm. Nightmare central, a dorm of women. Always asking to borrow my car or buy them alcohol. And the drama, holy crap Batman, the drama. There were a couple, also older students I really liked but I didn't want to live with any of them.

 

The second I was allowed, I found an apartment with some male friends of my kid sister. I can only say that I would rather live with a man than a woman any day of the week. It was a safer and more supportive environment. At least in my experience. It still is. :)

My parents never had an issue with it, they knew these guys. They had been around for years.

 

No one ever even though of walking around in underwear or pajamas, we all took turns cooking and cleaning and if any of us felt romantically about the other, I never knew about it. We hugged all the time but there was never a hint of impropriety.

 

These are the friends that really made college what it was for me. We studied together, played together, took turns driving home together, walked to classes together and hung out together. We helped each other keep it real in our dating life too, really looked out for each other.

Grant you, they were all hometown guys, we all knew each other and our families. That is, perhaps, an advantage most don't have. But I can't imagine having spent those years with anyone else and to this day I adore them. One introduced me to my husband and I found him the love of his life too. 2 are our daughter's godparents. Maybe strange but even in my 30's I had no close girlfriends.

 

It never occurred to me that it was "wrong". And I can't say, even now, that it was. But that was me.

[OhM]

As long as someone else is paying your bills there are a different set of rules -- less freedom -- that still have to be respected. If he doesn't like your rules then perhaps he's ready to pay his own way. Always said in the most calm, rational, loving, matter of fact tone possible.

 

That's how my folks worked with me. They didn't like some of my decisions and they told me their opinions, but if I was paying for it then my duty was to listen respectfully and go my own way respectfully if I disagreed.

 

:iagree: This is how it was explained to me, too. I made the decision to pay my own way in order to have my own rules. Best decision of my life.

 

What I hear is that you are most distressed that he won't even hear out your reasoning. It's not at all unreasonable that he should hear and respond to your concerns in a mature and respectful manner if (and because) he is receiving support from you.

 

I have mixed feelings on the subject. I would have to know the boy (in our case - having dd's) pretty well to feel comfortable. I do like the safety aspect of the arrangement, though.

 

When I was in college, I lived with three other girls in the upper two floors of a house. Two guys lived in the first floor. We had separate entrances and didn't have access to each other's spaces. We had the safety of the guys downstairs without having to share our space with them - it was ideal.

[Peek a Boo]

considering the statistics of college kids and sex/violence/drugs, I'd be leery hedging my bets on having a man in the house as "safer" by default.

Get a big dog that's trained as a guard dog.

 

and it's a lot easier to avoid rooming w/ moody, drama queens if you find female roommates that aren't moody drama queens. ;)

or skip the scenario altogether and rent a room from some old lady...:lol:

[AnitaMcC]

I would not send my kids off to college unless I could trust them to behave when on their own (especially if I was footing any of the bill). If I couldn't trust them, then they would be staying at home unless they can foot the bill on their own. So the gender of a roommate doesn't matter to me. As long as it is platonic.....

 

From our experience, living in an apartment/house co-ed is no different than many dorms.

 

My niece lived in the dorm at a state university her first two years. The first year she shared a bedroom with another girl but the floor was co-ed with bedroomes all up and down the hall with two community bathrooms in the center (one male, one female). Her neighbor rooms were males and She had to go to the other side of the floor to the girls bathroom/showers (the side of the dorm floor her room was located, had the male bathroom).

 

The second year she lived in a "cluster dorm": two bedrooms with a joined living room and shared bathroom (it cost more of course). She didn't know her immediate room mate, nor the other bedroom's occupents. One cluster roomie was a thief and gossipy, another was always bringing her boyfriends around even though she wasn't "supposed" to.

Edited February 14, 2010 by AnitaMcC

[Peek a Boo]

I would not send my kids off to college unless I could trust them to behave when on their own (especially if I was footing any of the bill). If I couldn't trust them, then they would be staying at home unless they can foot the bill on their own.

 

for me it has nothing to do with trust and everything to do with life experience based on real numbers and pro-active advising.