helping children find their passion?

[TMarie]

My kids don't really have a "passion." I know they may never develop a great passion. They may be just pleasant, well-balanced people. Like me ;).

 

Yet, she will need to decide on a future career. I'd like to help her use these upcoming highschool years to their fullest.

 

We've tried to take every opportunity presented to us... we've traveled, visited museums, been on mission trips, taken art & music lessons, read, etc... And, I've prayed they would find a passion. Now it's time to actively help my daughter start her search.

 

How have your children found their passion? How do I begin to guide my daughter to her's?

Edited February 4, 2010 by TMarie

[Sparrows-Song]

:bigear:

[CO MOM]

When my dd was 16 we did a college visit to my alma mater since we were in the area and received some very good advice from a professor we talked to. My dd was strong in English/writing/creative projects, but wasn't sure where to go with it - journalism? teaching? writer/editor? He suggested creating opportunities in each area and seeing where it led. In other words, for journalism, contact a paper and see if they would let you observe some, start writing letters to the editor and other articles, start your own newsletter or help with a school paper, etc. For teaching, start teaching a class for younger kids in an area of interest, tutoring, Sunday school/VBS, etc. You get the idea. We made up a list of ideas and she started on the first one which was film/video/web projects. We also prayed for opportunities. Within a month, God opened a door to interning at a video production company and she has not looked back since - it has become her passion.

 

My ds is at the age of yours and is much more of a generalist, so it is harder. However, in the past few months we have begun talking to him about seeing high school as a time to begin to explore different areas. This has helped him begin to take ownership of his future and he has begun to talk more about what he might like to do. We are also discussing links between what he does enjoy and future interests. We might do some of those interest/career tests also.

 

The lady that does the Home Scholar thing had an interesting post about this also:

 

http://www.thehomescholar.com/blog/help-my-child-isnt-interested-in-anything/1709/

 

HTH,

 

Jane

[Miss Marple]

Shoot, out of 4 kids, only one has a passion. He found it all on his own. I would never have thought he would be so into chemistry, but he spends hours researching on the internet and doing experiments in the kitchen. I simply allow it and facilitate it by purchasing the needed chemicals/equipment. One son loved to cook, but in the past year, that interest seems to have waned. One son is an expert agitator - we're wondering what kind of career that aptitude can be used for. The oldest seemed to "find" his niche in February of his senior year (made for a very nervous mama).

[Guest]

I was eating lunch at a museum cafeteria one day when I overheard three very well-heeled women talking about their kids, all in private high schools, applying to college. "They can't just go to Africa for the summer anymore," one of them mourned. "They need to have a passion! I told my son, you have to get a passion!"

 

This is both really funny and very sad -- because I think kids do have passions; we just might not see them. My daughter is extremely bright and academic, so early on I expected to see her passions take academic form. They did not. After all, she's a kid. What happened is that she became absolutely obsessed with musical theater, science fiction, and horses. None of these are conventional or particularly academic. She resists any formal training, anything resembling research or structure, in her passion for them. One -- the horses -- has turned into a part-time job (she earns her riding lessons). The others are just passionate pleasures.

 

These do not look like the things I see kids doing for community service, or internships, or that will look good on college applications. They're just things she loves that give her life meaning. I think it's really important to see a child's passions in this light: to let the child own them and direct their intensity and duration. It's interesting that kids seem to find these things without necessarily having formal, guided exposure to them: nobody in my family had ever ridden a horse, I hated science fiction (although I'm getting quite interested now), and I am musically one of the most challenged people you'll ever meet. My daughter found these things on her own and I really don't know quite how.

 

In these days where the whole idea of passions is pretty much controlled and urged on us by the elite education system it's hard to take that back, hard to place it back where it belongs, with the kids. It's even harder to realize that it's okay if a child does not have a "passion" in the conventional sense, that many people do not encounter what turns out to be their life's work until high school, or college, or ever AFTER (gasp). It's important to stand back, read some stories about people who find their life's work in unexpected ways, unexpectedly late -- Greg Mortensen, who wrote "Three Cups of Tea," is one of them, for example. It's important to refuse to let a particular cultural narrative of "success" or "passion" interfere with our children's development. This doesn't mean we don't encourage or participate in what our kids find of interest. It does mean we don't try to shape it or have it progress along a pre-specified path. This is much harder to do than to write!

[MommyThrice]

I like to have my kids talk to our adult friends about their careers. Sometime the "real world" of a particular career is so different than it is described in a book. And there are so many shades/variations of each profession. My oldest had no direction until he started speech & debate. Now I can't get him to do anything else; he wants to be an attorney. So, we've talked to our attorney friends and discovered many directions that can lead - judge, contract law, trial law, copyright law, prosecution, etc...

 

Just for the record, son #2 is still clueless. :toetap05:

[K-FL]

I "ditto" the advice on seeing if they can job shadow. Dd#1 thought architecture would interest her so she spent the day at a friend's office. While she enjoyed aspects of it, decided it wasn't for her. In contrast my niece did the same w/an optometrist office, & now is studying to be one.

[Susan C.]

My kids passions don't have anything to do with careers, but with personal fulfillment. They love music. So unless they become professional musicians, they both will need to figure out the career. And, I have trouble with putting passion with career. That works out for some, but what about the trash collector? :)

[Shifra]

CO MOM has the right idea. I just read Light Up Your Child's Mind: Finding a Unique Pathway to Happiness and Success by Joseph S. Renzulli, Sally M. Reis, and Andrea Thompson, and it talks about how your children find their passions and how to support them in doing so. It's a great book.

 

Not such a great book (and one that supports the idea that it's Ivy League or bust) is What High Schools Don't Tell You (And Other Parents Don't Want You to Know): Create a Long-Term Plan for Your 7th to 10th Grader for Getting into the Top Colleges by Elizabeth Wissner-Gross. The advantage to this book is that it has good brainstorming ideas for teenagers to find their passions and become accomplished at fulfilling their goals. Just don't let it badger your child into thinking that if he/she has not gotten a Nobel Prize by eighteen, he/she is worthless.

[4wildberrys]

I guess my kids are different, because trying to help them with their 'passions' has only seemed to turn them off. For instance, my dd is very art and music oriented and when she was about 12 she started making really incredible beady creatures and beaded jewelry. So what was my response---"Wow, let's make a business out of this!" Well, it was her passion for a while and now she doesn't have any interest whatsoever to go hear any of her beading stuff because she burned out. Now she really loves drawing and playing her guitar----but for herself. We tried extra art classes and the city orchestra----which was too much pressure for something she loves. Our son still loves his video games and he really wants to make some sort of career in the field one day---but I figure if I tried to push some sort of 'class' now---he would lose interest. That's just my kids! ;) I think kids that have passions for things will be passionate whether you foster it or not---look at all the greats in history in every field. It wasn't extra classes and enrichment co-ops that led them down that path----it was their own inner drive. Which is something that seems to be disappearing in kids these days----and more than likely because we push them to 'achieve' so much these days without allowing for their own discovery of their own interests.

 

Just my 2 cents. :001_smile:

[gingersmom]

I was a kid who did not have a "passion". And I say kudos to you for thinking about it and trying to help your children along.

 

I loved college but came out with a very expensive and useless degree in Sociology.

 

My parents were busy off doing other things and nobody every gave me any guidance as to the "real world".

 

I have talked to my children about future careers since they were little. Maybe overkill but I did not want them to be like me (in that particular area).

 

I have no doubt my son will work at the Museum of Natural History in NYC, an aquarium or a zoo. Science and animals has been his passion since he was about 3 years old.

 

My daughter discovered ice skating 2 years ago and it has taken over our lives (in a good way). She wants to be an ice skating instructor when she grows up. I try to point out to her that while it would be a good part time job it does not come with any health benefits, vacation days, etc.

 

So I have pointed her towards teaching (she would make an amazing kindergarten teacher), nursing (again with children)or speech therapist or childrens occupational therapist (both of which we have extensive experience with).

[Ruth in Canada]

I have been surprised at the growth that happens in the middle teens. One of dd's passions has been clear for a long time--but the other one, and probably the one that will shape her career, I wouldn't have predicted. I think you just continue to be supportive and provide opportunities. In our case, as dd started moving into the larger world, she connected with people and causes that excited her.

[at the beach]

My oldest never really did have a passion. She out of the blue decided at the very beginning of her Senior Year that she wanted to be a pharmacist. :001_huh: She's in her third year of pharmacy school now. I tried to offer her many opportunities to find her passion. Music lessons. Dance. Nothing stuck. :tongue_smilie:

 

My middle child found her passion on her own. She insisted on dance lessons. I resisted, recalling my oldest dd's experience. Finally, I bought her a DVD when she had just turned 11. It was a ballet class. I watched her attempt it and became very, very worried for her if this was, indeed, her passion. But I signed her up for a ballet class, which she took to with gusto. She practiced at home when she didn't have class. At her first recital, I saw a child who looked, well, good in her dance. Where had that girl gone that looked like she was going to topple over? So, at that point, I thought, okay then. This is what she wants and we'll go with it. The next year, she signed up for tap, jazz and more ballet, which went well. But she wanted more, so we switched studios this year to get her into a place where she'd have an opportunity to dance a lot more. So, now she is dancing about a dozen hours a week in ballet, modern, tap and jazz. Next year, she'll do performance group and add more hours. She would be at that studio every spare moment if she could.

 

My youngest doesn't seem to have a passion yet. So, we'll see.

 

I think that some people have passions that drive them but we aren't all like that. In fact, I would say most of us aren't like that. My dancer daughter loves her piano but she is not passionate about it the way she is about dance. There's a difference. That fire isn't there in the same way.

[Jenn in Mo]

I was eating lunch at a museum cafeteria one day when I overheard three very well-heeled women talking about their kids, all in private high schools, applying to college. "They can't just go to Africa for the summer anymore," one of them mourned. "They need to have a passion! I told my son, you have to get a passion!"

 

This is both really funny and very sad -- because I think kids do have passions; we just might not see them. My daughter is extremely bright and academic, so early on I expected to see her passions take academic form. They did not. After all, she's a kid. What happened is that she became absolutely obsessed with musical theater, science fiction, and horses. None of these are conventional or particularly academic. She resists any formal training, anything resembling research or structure, in her passion for them. One -- the horses -- has turned into a part-time job (she earns her riding lessons). The others are just passionate pleasures.

 

These do not look like the things I see kids doing for community service, or internships, or that will look good on college applications. They're just things she loves that give her life meaning. I think it's really important to see a child's passions in this light: to let the child own them and direct their intensity and duration. It's interesting that kids seem to find these things without necessarily having formal, guided exposure to them: nobody in my family had ever ridden a horse, I hated science fiction (although I'm getting quite interested now), and I am musically one of the most challenged people you'll ever meet. My daughter found these things on her own and I really don't know quite how.

 

In these days where the whole idea of passions is pretty much controlled and urged on us by the elite education system it's hard to take that back, hard to place it back where it belongs, with the kids. It's even harder to realize that it's okay if a child does not have a "passion" in the conventional sense, that many people do not encounter what turns out to be their life's work until high school, or college, or ever AFTER (gasp). It's important to stand back, read some stories about people who find their life's work in unexpected ways, unexpectedly late -- Greg Mortensen, who wrote "Three Cups of Tea," is one of them, for example. It's important to refuse to let a particular cultural narrative of "success" or "passion" interfere with our children's development. This doesn't mean we don't encourage or participate in what our kids find of interest. It does mean we don't try to shape it or have it progress along a pre-specified path. This is much harder to do than to write!

 

 

 

Thank you SO MUCH for this. All of it. I really needed to read this.

[lllll]

I never really had a passion for any occupation. When all the other kids were making college plans, I was trying to get my father to send me down to LSU so I could live near the relatives. That was my only reason for wanting to go to college. Pathetic, huh? :tongue_smilie: I always felt like somewhat of a failure because I had no idea what I wanted to do for the rest of my life at the age of 17yo ... and I STILL have no idea. ;) I seem to live more day by day, whatever that means.

 

Dh, however, says he's had a passion for science ever since he can remember. I can't even comprehend that.

 

Only 2 of our 6 kids have a passion for something specific which I'm aware of. 25yos wants (is???) to be a writer. He writes constantly, when he's not doing his school. Stays out in the shop until wee hours of the morning, scribbling away - with pen and paper, or on our only computer(no internet), if nobody else is using it. I think we are going to buy him his own computer soon for his writing.

 

35yos's passion was always tools. From about toddler age. In hindsight, I would have helped him learn how to run his own business (garage) so he could have actually made some money at it and done what he loved. He currently has a full basement crammed full of tools. His garage is also crammed full. He even worked for a major tool company for a short time. I believe he does home repair now. But he can't manage money.

 

The other 4 - have many hobbies. 26yos studies and writes about Bible and theology and scientific things, when he's not doing his school. 21yod is always drawing and painting. She also gardens and does chickens and peacocks. 19yod knits, crochets, sews, writes. 17yod does music and languages and is teaching herself fencing. But whether or not they'll ever become 'jobs', who knows. It's really up to them.

Edited February 7, 2010 by ksva

[Rebecca VA]

I used to be afraid that my son, my college freshman, would never get interested in anything except computers and end up completely useless in life. In fact, five years ago I wrote a post asking about trade schools for people who had no ambition in life.

 

Since then, that boy has turned a corner in life. He now goes to a wonderful college (he lives at home) and has nice friends. He works part-time and is in heavy demand for his video and computer repair skills. *THIS WEEK* (brag, brag) he is part of the cover story in Business Week magazine (you can read it online) about AT&T and iPhones. A photo of him appears on every page of the online article.

 

Praise the Lord, I now have time on my hands to worry about my next child, who has no interests at all except ballet.

[Yolanda in Mass]

Outstanding and much-needed advice many need to hear. On the one hand, we homeschoolers reject so much of the world's 'conventional wisdom' only to re-embrace it again as the kids get older. Wonderful topic and a whole lot more interesting than curriculum.

 

Yolanda

[Kareni]

I used to be afraid that my son, my college freshman, would never get interested in anything except computers and end up completely useless in life. In fact, five years ago I wrote a post asking about trade schools for people who had no ambition in life.

 

Since then, that boy has turned a corner in life. He now goes to a wonderful college (he lives at home) and has nice friends. He works part-time and is in heavy demand for his video and computer repair skills. *THIS WEEK* (brag, brag) he is part of the cover story in Business Week magazine (you can read it online) about AT&T and iPhones. A photo of him appears on every page of the online article.

 

 

Brag away, Rebecca! What a great story about your son.

 

Regards,

Kareni

[Rebecca VA]

Thank you!

[lllll]

:thumbup1: You must (and should!!) be very proud of your ds, Rebecca. He's probably a joy to be around, too. :)