Mommy Sick Days

[Jean in Newcastle]

We got into a discussion on another thread on whether it is fair for a dh to be able to take a sick day where he is cared for vs. a Mom having to still take care of her duties. I felt like the discussion was taking away from the legitimate vent of a poster who didn't feel well so I am moving the discussion over here.

 

I wrote that unless I was physically unable to get up, that I would never call dh home from work to take care of me or the kids. Let me elaborate. If my dh takes a sick day, I don't esp. take care of him. I go on with our schedule. I do try to keep the noise down to a dull roar but our school time isn't particularly noisy anyway. Dh is expected to forage for things to eat or to eat what I prepared for everyone.

 

If I am sick (not my chronic pain kind of sick but a cold or flu) I do take a sick day of sorts. Once my kids are past about age 3, they can take care of simple needs even food needs. My kids often will take care of me in that situation, getting me a cup of tea, a blanket, the tissues - just like I would do for them. I will liberally use the t.v., videos or computer games to entertain the children without guilt. And I won't feel at all guilty about asking dh to get some take-out to bring home on his way home from work. Or if that isn't possible, to having the kids open a can of soup or even eating cereal for supper.

 

I don't take feel resentful against dh if he takes a sick day. He cannot take a nap during his work hours. He works with very sick people. He cannot be the male version of "Typhoid Mary" so he has to stay home if he has something communicable. On the other hand, he often goes to work if he has something non-catching like a head-ache.

[Parrothead]

If I'm sick enough for dh to be home - stuck in bed - then I do expect him to take care of me, dd and the chores that need doing. Unfortunately, dh expects that if he is home, he is home as a day off. I get grief from him if I ask for water and Advil. Not so much grief, but attitude that I was bothering him.

 

Then when I am finally able to get up, I have to clean because he has none. nothing.

 

But when dh is sick and needs bed rest, he wants TLC, ect. That makes me resentful because he doesn't do the same for me.

 

Needless to say things aren't pretty around here when one of us gets sick.

[JudoMom]

I would never ask dh to come home from work if I was sick (unless I needed to be driven to the ER).

 

The fact is that my job is much more flexible than dh's. I don't have a boss to report to. I don't have to sit at a desk/look through a microscope/go to meetings/etc all day long. If I am sick, I can lay on the couch and make sure the boys don't set anything on fire (yes, even if they are toddlers/babies). I can put in videos if they are younger. Lunch can be cereal or crackers or whatever they can reach if needed.

 

Does it stink that sometimes when I am sick I have double work to deal with when I am well? Yes, but that happens at jobs outside the home, too. When dh goes back to work no one has done his job and he has to play catch up. When ds10 had strep two weeks ago, he had double work to do to catch up.

[kpupg]

Jean, I'm not aware of the other discussion, but what you describe is exactly how it works for our family.

 

I was sick enough not to be able to get up at all one time when the kids were preschoolers too young to take care of themselves. DH took a couple-three days off work to take care of them. He didn't clean the bathrooms or anything, but he did keep the kids fed and diapered, and prevented them from killing themselves or others :)

 

And I, too, have served cold cereal for supper a time or two. :)

 

Karen

[ChristusG]

When I'm sick, I do not ask DH to take time off of work. I call my mommy LOL! She lives right around the corner. If I'm so sick that I cannot really care for the kids (mine are still young at 5 and 2), then I'll ask my mom to either watch them at her house or to come over to mine. But I do not do that unless I'm REALLY sick.

[Parrothead]

Let me just clear up my previous post. When I say that I have to clean when I am well again because dh hasn't done anything. I mean that I have to pick up dh's dirty clothes, wash his and dd's dishes that they used while I was sick, things of that nature. I don't expect him to dust, vacuum, mop, and other heavy chores.

 

Do you remember the cold medicine commercial from years ago that has a lady come downstairs after being sick and not even able to find a path from the stairs to the kitchen because her dh and lkids made a humongous mess while she was sick? That is what I have to deal with when I'm better.

[Mrs Mungo]

My husband has come home early (4 or 5 pm instead of 6 or 7) when I was sick. He's never taken off work because I was sick, not even when they were toddlers and I was "sleeping on the bathroom floor" sick.

[MyLittleWonders]

If I am sick enough (by my standards), then dh will take a day off. He teaches and does have paid sick days, but it is a pain because each sub day is at least 3 hours of prep for him (basically an hour per math prep for him). He will sometimes come home early (though this year not nearly as much - which is another entire vent from me). I feel my boys are just now getting to an age where they can start taking care of themselves - my oldest is only eight. I am sure in a few years, I will need dh home much less often if I am sick. But, with young ones, it works for me (and usually dh) to have dh home to man the fort so I can stay in bed and sleep.

 

He will rarely take time off for himself, but when he does, I treat him in much the same way he treats me when I'm sick - give him as much quiet as I can, get what he needs (within reason - we both try and wait on the other), and make sure he gets sleep. Last spring, we both got hit with the flu pretty badly. In all, dh ended up taking about 6 days off within 2 weeks - 3 for me and then 3 the next week for himself.

 

I usually have some extra cleaning to do when I am recovered if dh stays home. ;) But, dh and the boys are learning how to do a better job of cleaning up after themselves.

[Tutor]

I wrote a blog post about this very thing a couple months ago when I was getting over swine flu. You can read it here.

 

I do not call my dh to stay home when I am sick. I may call my daycare family and ask her if she would like to keep the kids home after telling her what is going on. She has never opted to keep them home. Only once (when I had swine flu and was so tired I couldn't get out of bed) did I call and ask her not to bring the kids over. (Our families are very close and the parents work with my dh, so if we're sick, they already have it and visa versa.) My kids are very capable of running the house on survival mode while I am sick, so I just stay in bed and sleep. If my daycare kids are here, I make myself comfy on the sofa, but my older kids still carry the bulk of food prep and DVD changing. :001_smile:

[swellmomma]

I don't have a dh to call home, and my extended family does not watch the kids when I am sick. I end up with a situation I did before xmas, too sick to do much of anything, kids trashed teh house now CPS is on my case. While my kids may be chronologically old enough to be helpful, they really aren't. When I was sick DD10 pretty much watched dd2 to keep her safe, but no one was cleaning, beyond me wiping up vomit from the kids and doing the sheets daily. It was horrible. Thankfully I have a great immune system and rarely get sick. Even when all 4 kids had swine flu I did not catch it thank goodness, or things would have been worse around here.

[elegantlion]

I don't call dh to come home, even when ds was younger. Ds has always been great about caring for himself when I'm under the weather. When dh comes home for the day I check out completely.

[Dawn in OH]

I haven't been sick enough to call my husband and ask him to come home from work, but he has at least twice in the past 5 years called in sick to stay home and care for me and the kids while I was sick. I didn't ask him to, I thought I could manage to get us through the day, but he had determined looking at me that I shouldn't even try.

[Crissy]

I haven't been sick enough to call my husband and ask him to come home from work, but he has at least twice in the past 5 years called in sick to stay home and care for me and the kids while I was sick. I didn't ask him to, I thought I could manage to get us through the day, but he had determined looking at me that I shouldn't even try.

 

I haven't ever been that sick, either, but my husband did work fewer hours in the days after I had surgery a few years ago.

My boys were certainly old enough to take care of themselves, but if they had been younger I suspect my husband would have taken day off.

[mommyto3]

I have asked dh to stay home or called him to come home when I'm sick, but it rarely works. When I get sick, like vomiting, I get ill to the point of dehydration. If I'm not puking, I'm dead asleep and the kids run a muck around the house.

 

I do get resentful sometimes because dh gets 40 hrs FAMILY sick time in addition to the 40 hrs sick time that is to cover himself if he gets sick. He doesn't like to use either even though it's designed for him to be able to help out with the family. There's no reason for him not to use it, other than he's a workaholic to some degree.

[Harriet Vane]

I agree with the poster who said the reality is that my job is more flexible than dh's. There is no boss looking over my shoulder, and no one will get angry with me if I take a nap during the day. I am not one of those lucky people who never get sick--far from it! If I am sick, it really doesn't occur to me that dh should have to stay home. I'd rather use his vacation time for vacation. If I am sick the kids forage for their own food and watch educational videos or TV. They do what school they can independently.

 

I remember when dd was just a little girl and I was pregnant with ds. I had no choice about napping--I HAD to have a nap. The solution was to set her up with some books and toys on my bed next to me. She was forbidden to get off the bed. It worked pretty well for us.

 

I have done similarly with schoolwork when I am sick. My ds is still pretty young, so if I am too sick to be SuperTeacher, sometimes a good solution is to have him do his work quietly in my bed, next to me, while I snooze.

 

There was ONE occasion when dh nearly did come home. I had a frightful, once-in-a-lifetime headache from a virus. I was in so much pain I absolutely could not cope. At one stage I called dh and told him that if the drugs I had just taken did not work he would have to come home. Within that half hour the pain did ease, so he didn't come. That was an occasion where I seriously contemplated going to the ER--it's the only time I've considered asking him to be here.

 

I will admit, if I had a bunch of toddlers or babies calling dh to stay home might make more sense. Once a kid is 3 or 4yo though we can figure out how to manage.

[Strawberry Queen]

I have to say that I've never been sick enough for me to consider sending for dh or anyone else. So, I have to admit that I have been very blessed. When I go through the normal sick times I just subsist and lay on the couch. My sweet girls will take care of me, make tea, put on nice music, and go away to play.:D

 

I will take care of dh when he's home sick. It's mostly along the lines of getting him a cup of tea or warming up a wheat bag for him. He is not at all a problem when he's sick (or healthy either:lol:). He'll just rest and is thankful to have someone bring him some tea. It only takes me a few minutes to do it and it makes him feel loved. He doesn't get any loving at work, which is as it should be:tongue_smilie:, so I am happy to have the extra opportunity to care for him.

 

Now, I don't want you to all gag 'cause I know that sounded a little too sweet. I do want him to go back to work because he interrupts my day. It's much harder to talk to my friend on the phone when he's there because I don't want him to think that's what I do all day. I know I could be more efficient with some things and if he was around all the time he'd know I don't have any legitimate excuse for an untidy house. I'm happier to keep him a little in the dark. After all there has to be some mystery in our relationship.:lol:

[KristenS]

I have occasionally needed dh's help for mommy sick days. He is very sweet and does his best to occupy the kids (though not usually with their school work), and does take care of me if I ask. On the flip side, the house is rather chaotic by the time I recover. Sigh. It's hard to let yourself rest and get better when the mess bugs you.

 

On 'light' sick days I hire a substitute teacher ... Ms. Frizzle, perhaps, or the like. (Videos, etc.) LOL. And the kids can handle some of their work on their own, and know when to ask for help, and let me rest otherwise. They're pretty good kids about this ... but they are used to mommy's down days, so they've had practice.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Now, I don't want you to all gag 'cause I know that sounded a little too sweet. I do want him to go back to work because he interrupts my day. It's much harder to talk to my friend on the phone when he's there because I don't want him to think that's what I do all day. I know I could be more efficient with some things and if he was around all the time he'd know I don't have any legitimate excuse for an untidy house. I'm happier to keep him a little in the dark. After all there has to be some mystery in our relationship.:lol:

 

OK - I really relate to this part!

[farmmom4him]

I remember two times that dh took over the house for me.

 

1. I had mastitis and was running a 105 temp and was about to be put in the hosp. He took me to my dr appts, but worked between them.

 

2. when I had just come home from the hosp after a c/s and got a resp infection that turned to pneumonia. We had 6 children and our baby was a nicu baby--she was home, this was 2 wks after the c/s we had been home 3 days. coughing hurt so bad that I was passing out during coughing spells. :001_huh:

 

today, I am sick with an ear infection, sinus infection and bronchitis. I just got home fromt he dr's. Dh is driving the hour to get my meds, but is picking up parts for his current job, and then dropping the meds off and going to work. He stayed home with the kids while I went to the dr 15 min from home. ;)