Lost my kids to ps...

[Sue G in PA]

It was necessary to send them back. That is for sure. But we hoped it would be temporary. But they love it. They have good grades...all honor roll. I hate the curriculum. They are not being challenged. There is so much I want to do with them at home. They are talking about next year already. Dd enters high school and it is all she talks about. I feel like I've "lost" my 3 oldest kids. There are some positives. A few. But, for the most part, I feel like I am just giving in. Perhaps this is best and I am just imagining that I could do better. Fact is...it is still chaos in my home and my kids don't get along and I'm still fighting depression and chronic fatigue. Not a good environment for any child. I simply need to face facts. I'm not cut out for long-term homeschooling. I hear stories of moms who struggle with disease, fatigue, depression, etc. and still manage to homeschool their kids and do it successfully. Perhaps that isn't God's plan for me. But, I just can't accept that my kids are in "the system" and that we are at their mercy. Just venting, I guess. Thanks for listening.

[lionfamily1999]

:grouphug:

 

It sounds as though they were excellently prepared for this early intro into "the world." Good job, Mom.

[SquirrellyMama]

:grouphug: I'm sorry.

[lovetobehome]

Hugs to you, Sue....remember, there is no cookie cutter solution...and nothing is perfect, regardless of which choice you made. It sounds to me, too, like you did a great job preparing them, celebrate that! I am sure you will continue to do a great job supporting their education there...you have given them a love for learning that will stay with them forever! We all have to let go eventually....

I am proud of you for making a hard decision in the best interest of all concerned...life sure throws us some tough things, huh?

[Carmen_and_Company]

It was necessary to send them back. That is for sure. But we hoped it would be temporary. But they love it. They have good grades...all honor roll. I hate the curriculum. They are not being challenged. There is so much I want to do with them at home. They are talking about next year already. Dd enters high school and it is all she talks about. I feel like I've "lost" my 3 oldest kids. There are some positives. A few. But, for the most part, I feel like I am just giving in. Perhaps this is best and I am just imagining that I could do better. Fact is...it is still chaos in my home and my kids don't get along and I'm still fighting depression and chronic fatigue. Not a good environment for any child. I simply need to face facts. I'm not cut out for long-term homeschooling. I hear stories of moms who struggle with disease, fatigue, depression, etc. and still manage to homeschool their kids and do it successfully. Perhaps that isn't God's plan for me. But, I just can't accept that my kids are in "the system" and that we are at their mercy. Just venting, I guess. Thanks for listening.

 

:grouphug:, I had to send my dd, Storm, to school this fall because ex-DH took a 30% pay cut to keep his job. He paid 1/2 my mortgage, all our hs'ing expenses, and paid child support on top of that.

 

I had to go to work 3/4 time, and it became too difficult, as my scheduled work days change, along with the hours I work, every week.

 

Storm LOVES her TWTM based, classical school.

 

I won't say it gets easier, because it has not for me, and it's been, oh, four months since Storm stopped hs'ing after being home from the beginning.

 

Now, I'm dealing with the fact that she begins high school in the fall--yikes!

 

Again,

:grouphug::grouphug:

[OHGrandma]

At some point they would have continued their education without you directing them. You probably thought that point would have been college. But, you have successfully launched them at high school! Your job is not completely done, but it sounds like you have done what all parents hope to do, send the kids out in the world and see them succeed! Take comfort in knowing how well you have prepared them.

[EKS]

(((Sue)))

[Aubrey]

It was necessary to send them back. That is for sure. But we hoped it would be temporary. But they love it. They have good grades...all honor roll. I hate the curriculum. They are not being challenged. There is so much I want to do with them at home. They are talking about next year already. Dd enters high school and it is all she talks about. I feel like I've "lost" my 3 oldest kids. There are some positives. A few. But, for the most part, I feel like I am just giving in. Perhaps this is best and I am just imagining that I could do better. Fact is...it is still chaos in my home and my kids don't get along and I'm still fighting depression and chronic fatigue. Not a good environment for any child. I simply need to face facts. I'm not cut out for long-term homeschooling. I hear stories of moms who struggle with disease, fatigue, depression, etc. and still manage to homeschool their kids and do it successfully. Perhaps that isn't God's plan for me. But, I just can't accept that my kids are in "the system" and that we are at their mercy. Just venting, I guess. Thanks for listening.

 

If you're not cut out for long-term hs'ing, that does not have to be bad, Sue. I'm not cut out for lots of things--cooking from scratch, growing stuff, etc. It's easy to look at other moms & think they have it all together, but inevitably, INEVITABLY, if you look closer, their lives are falling apart in places, too. We see what we want to see in other people--usually, we want to believe the best. But somehow we work the opposite when we look at ourselves. Well...sometimes, lol.

 

I don't know what your situation needs, but I'm sure it doesn't need any more guilt or regret. If your kids are doing well in ps--if that's a good choice for your family all around--then maybe you can try to be your ideal version of *that* mom. PTA or whatever makes you feel good about yourself as a mom. I hope that came out right--I'm a die-hard hs'er & have been since before I had kids, BUT I still had daydreams about baking cupcakes for class parties, etc.

 

Whatever you do, you have friends here who love you so much. :001_smile: Take care of yourself!

[PollyOR]

:grouphug::sad::grouphug:

[christine in al]

:iagree: with Aubrey.

 

no guilt,

peace and healing and joy to you.

Christine in al

[scrapbabe]

I know how you feel! I put my kids in a private school while I recoup from thyroid cancer. I struggle with constant fatigue and depression. My oldest LOVES the school and keeps talking about next year. I could cry. I feel like I "lost" him just like you said. But I'm still working towards healing me and having him back next year. Whatever happens, be kind to yourself. Things happen for a reason, and there could be some silver lining out there. In the mean time, I'm sending hugs, cause I know the pain!

 

Smiles,

Shalynn

[Sue G in PA]

Thanks everyone. Just indulging in a pity party today I guess. Feels like my only friends are "invisible" (that is what my dh calls you all...my invisible friends, lol) these days. Sorry for my indulgence...pity party over now.

[Lizzie in Ma]

Thanks everyone. Just indulging in a pity party today I guess. Feels like my only friends are "invisible" (that is what my dh calls you all...my invisible friends, lol) these days. Sorry for my indulgence...pity party over now.

 

:grouphug::grouphug: Sue

My dh calls you all my imaginary friends. :)

[Andie]

(((Sue)))

[teamturner]

:grouphug:

 

Sue, I've been on the boards long enough to be pretty familiar with some of your struggles in this situation. I'm sorry you are down about where your kids are schooling. I just want to encourage you. Sometimes I wish my kids did go somewhere else to school so they could come home and tell me about their day and I could be all sweet and loving and not have to be their task master all day every day. There are positives to your situation that I hope you don't overlook. Just stay involved with your kids by discussing things with them at home. Interject your values and beliefs into what they are learning at ps when sitting around the dinner table, driving in the car, etc.

 

You have given them a wonderful gift in the years you've schooled them. They are thriving in ps because of the foundation you have laid. A well educated person isn't just made during school hours or by a person or school. It's instilling in people the desire to learn and find out about things. You've given that to your children and they will forever be blessed by it.

 

Peace and grace,

[LibraryLover]

Gently, gently..you might want to try and connect with other families with children in schools. You might find some lovely and close families. It's not just hsing families who care about and enjoy each other.

 

I don't say deny your emotions or your loss (because it is a huge loss and change). Give yourself a chance to grieve. Yet you do still have a family. They may have some other outside interests, but unless our goal is to put a bubble around our own family and never let anyone in or out, it will happen. If you can physically manage, have them bring friends over, meet a couple of their friends parents. (Band is great for this. Band parents totally rock. lol I also enjoy Color Guard and chorus families. :001_smile: )

 

This life is new, yes, but it doesn't mean it has to be a bad life. New adventures and all that. Your children do not stop loving you, you do not stop loving your children. You do not stop sharing your love of books or history or astronomy with your children. You do not stop being a family.

 

Those are not messages you get very often on a hsing board. It's like picking a scab over and over again. It will never heal.

 

It's a big job to do nearly alone, and it's got to be nearly impossible to be in constant physical pain and to also have to deal with the stress of being the main person who 'educates' the children. We're not school-at-homers, but I have heard from school-at -homers that they wonder what it would be like to be just mommy, and not the long arm of the diagramming sentences law as well.

Edited January 26, 2010 by LibraryLover

[Sue G in PA]

Again, thanks. I do try and focus on the positives...like I am getting much more accomplished with my 8, 6 and 4yo and spending quality time with my toddler. My ps kids are finally beginning to believe that they are smart...not just cause Mom says so, lol! Dd has made some good friends...and self esteem has really improved. Ds10 was terrified he couldn't do 4th grade at ps b/c it would be "too hard". Well, he is realizing it is not hard, but rather easy and boring at times! We covered a lot of what he is learning at home last year. Ds11 is flourishing academically and is more confident in his math abilities....even with EM. Blech. So, there are positives. And I am involved and so is dh. It is hard to let go. I'm thinking that my job with my little ones should be to get them through elementary school (past the EM junk!) and super-ready for middle school. That means that ds8 has one more year at home b/c they start middle school in 5th grade here. Thanks again...and for those of you who have followed my drama on the general board...thanks for your support and encouragement. It means a lot!

[LibraryLover]

Take care. :grouphug:

Edited January 28, 2010 by LibraryLover

[Scarlett]

:iagree:

If you're not cut out for long-term hs'ing, that does not have to be bad, Sue. I'm not cut out for lots of things--cooking from scratch, growing stuff, etc. It's easy to look at other moms & think they have it all together, but inevitably, INEVITABLY, if you look closer, their lives are falling apart in places, too. We see what we want to see in other people--usually, we want to believe the best. But somehow we work the opposite when we look at ourselves. Well...sometimes, lol.

 

I don't know what your situation needs, but I'm sure it doesn't need any more guilt or regret. If your kids are doing well in ps--if that's a good choice for your family all around--then maybe you can try to be your ideal version of *that* mom. PTA or whatever makes you feel good about yourself as a mom. I hope that came out right--I'm a die-hard hs'er & have been since before I had kids, BUT I still had daydreams about baking cupcakes for class parties, etc.

 

:iagree:

 

Whatever you do, you have friends here who love you so much. :001_smile: Take care of yourself!

[HerdingCats]

:grouphug:

 

I wouldn't look at it as a "not cut out for it" situation. It's just a different chapter. Learning is ideally a life-long pursuit and you've just completed your part of being their full-time teacher. I'm sure you will continue to teach them things as their full-time mom :). It sounds like your kids are doing quite well and you should be proud of what a great start you've given them! There are lessons they will learn in ps which may be preparing them for something. Release yourself from the guilt trip and show yourself some grace.

[Sahamamama]

It's really hard to let go of some dreams....

 

It's really hard to know that some goals will never be reached.....

 

It's really hard to say good-bye to a season of life that you have loved.....

 

It's really hard to release precious children into a world that at times seems hostile and cold....

 

It's really hard to change directions, to steer a new course.....

 

BUT, Sue --

 

Think about it: Your three oldest children are doing well at public school, and you are the one who prepared them for that success! So, if you could do that, then you can do this! You can do the next steps! You can! You can make this transition! And in doing so, you will model to your children how champions handle change. It has nothing whatsoever to do with "not being cut out" for something. Life brings changes, even disappointments, and this is one of them. But you can find your courage and you will do this! Believe that it will all work out. :grouphug:

[Sahamamama]

I know how you feel! I put my kids in a private school while I recoup from thyroid cancer. I struggle with constant fatigue and depression. My oldest LOVES the school and keeps talking about next year. I could cry. I feel like I "lost" him just like you said. But I'm still working towards healing me and having him back next year. Whatever happens, be kind to yourself. Things happen for a reason, and there could be some silver lining out there. In the mean time, I'm sending hugs, cause I know the pain!

 

Smiles,

Shalynn

 

Just a note to let you know that I had thyroid cancer, too, going on 4 years ago. Had my thyroid out, went through that lovely radioactive iodine treatment :tongue_smilie:, and everything is normal, they tell me. It's a long, hard haul, Shalynn, but somehow it makes you stronger. Tired, but stronger at the core, KWIM?

 

I had a difficult pregnancy with my first, and then a C-section. When she was only 6 months old, I had the thyroidectomy, then the treatment when she was 10-11 months (talk about tough). I had to really get low before they'd do the treatment, so I was just about dead before I could get back on the hormone replacement. The following year I was pregnant with twins, then on bed rest, then had another C-section. Then the twins developed pyloric stenosis -- a clamping down of the lower stomach muscle -- so no food could get through. Projectile vomiting, times two. All day and all night.

 

It was a nightmare.

 

Finally, the twins had surgery. They recovered quickly. I recovered slowly. Actually, I'm still not back to normal, whatever that is. But it does begin to level out again.

 

Don't be discouraged. There are no guarantees that our lives will be perfect, that they will work out just the way we want them to. I wouldn't have chosen cancer, or two sick babies, or the fatigue and pain that I currently live with nearly every day. We do the best we can, ladies.

 

You all hear that? We do the best we can.

 

Be grateful that you are a living mother. Be thankful that your children have YOU, even if you can not give them homeschool. I am thankful every day that I lived, and that my children lived. If we are able to homeschool them, that will be wonderful, but if not, then if we are together as a family, it will be enough.

 

I hope this comes across as the lessons learned by a survivor. I hope it encourages someone out there.

[plain jane]

Just a note to let you know that I had thyroid cancer, too, going on 4 years ago. Had my thyroid out, went through that lovely radioactive iodine treatment :tongue_smilie:, and everything is normal, they tell me. It's a long, hard haul, Shalynn, but somehow it makes you stronger. Tired, but stronger at the core, KWIM?

 

I had a difficult pregnancy with my first, and then a C-section. When she was only 6 months old, I had the thyroidectomy, then the treatment when she was 10-11 months (talk about tough). I had to really get low before they'd do the treatment, so I was just about dead before I could get back on the hormone replacement. The following year I was pregnant with twins, then on bed rest, then had another C-section. Then the twins developed pyloric stenosis -- a clamping down of the lower stomach muscle -- so no food could get through. Projectile vomiting, times two. All day and all night.

 

It was a nightmare.

 

Finally, the twins had surgery. They recovered quickly. I recovered slowly. Actually, I'm still not back to normal, whatever that is. But it does begin to level out again.

 

Don't be discouraged. There are no guarantees that our lives will be perfect, that they will work out just the way we want them to. I wouldn't have chosen cancer, or two sick babies, or the fatigue and pain that I currently live with nearly every day. We do the best we can, ladies.

 

You all hear that? We do the best we can.

 

Be grateful that you are a living mother. Be thankful that your children have YOU, even if you can not give them homeschool. I am thankful every day that I lived, and that my children lived. If we are able to homeschool them, that will be wonderful, but if not, then if we are together as a family, it will be enough.

 

I hope this comes across as the lessons learned by a survivor. I hope it encourages someone out there.

 

Thank you for sharing this. :grouphug::grouphug:

[lisabees]

Just a note to let you know that I had thyroid cancer, too, going on 4 years ago. Had my thyroid out, went through that lovely radioactive iodine treatment :tongue_smilie:, and everything is normal, they tell me. It's a long, hard haul, Shalynn, but somehow it makes you stronger. Tired, but stronger at the core, KWIM?

 

I had a difficult pregnancy with my first, and then a C-section. When she was only 6 months old, I had the thyroidectomy, then the treatment when she was 10-11 months (talk about tough). I had to really get low before they'd do the treatment, so I was just about dead before I could get back on the hormone replacement. The following year I was pregnant with twins, then on bed rest, then had another C-section. Then the twins developed pyloric stenosis -- a clamping down of the lower stomach muscle -- so no food could get through. Projectile vomiting, times two. All day and all night.

 

It was a nightmare.

 

Finally, the twins had surgery. They recovered quickly. I recovered slowly. Actually, I'm still not back to normal, whatever that is. But it does begin to level out again.

 

Don't be discouraged. There are no guarantees that our lives will be perfect, that they will work out just the way we want them to. I wouldn't have chosen cancer, or two sick babies, or the fatigue and pain that I currently live with nearly every day. We do the best we can, ladies.

 

You all hear that? We do the best we can.

 

Be grateful that you are a living mother. Be thankful that your children have YOU, even if you can not give them homeschool. I am thankful every day that I lived, and that my children lived. If we are able to homeschool them, that will be wonderful, but if not, then if we are together as a family, it will be enough.

 

I hope this comes across as the lessons learned by a survivor. I hope it encourages someone out there.

 

Thanks you. Hugs to you for sharing the lessons you have learned along the way. :grouphug:

 

And, Sue, hugs to you. I know it's hard. But, there are some wonderful things about ps, too! We just miss our kids while they're there!

Edited January 29, 2010 by lisabees
Added note to OP

[Shasta Mom]

and at first I was thrilled - with my new-found freedom, and the ability to work at a paying job.....and then I looked at what they do at school, and I find myself mourning......I (and he) love the classical education. However, now that he's back in ps, the phone rings more often (it had become a problem) and his social skills are improving........I can totally relate to how you feel. We should congratulate ourselves on our successes, though. DS, like yours, is doing well at school - our academics were so much more thorough.......My biggest disappointments are the random history studies - no connection with chronological order, no place for pegs. He's studying native Americans and has no idea what time period they are in.......hmmmm - I remember this from my own ps'ing years ago.......the language arts is pretty bad, also.........oh well - in live - there are trade-offs, and compromise - and this is a good example of it........Best of luck to you....

[always cookin']

If you don't mind, I am currently in treatment for thyroid cancer. I had the surgery and I will have the radioactive iodine treatment in about a week. I am really struggling with the decision to keep my kids at home or not. I have 4 (13,11, 6 and 3). I really have a hard time with the 11 year old dd. I am not super-organized or motivated school-wise to begin with. On top of it all, we bought a puppy the day before I found out about the thyroid cancer. I am thinking of getting rid of her (the puppy, that is). I don't know what to do with the kids though. Obviously, you don't know my family situation, and I don't have the energy to go into it all right now. I just don't know if I can deal with it all, but on the other hand, I don't want to stick her in ps and regret it later. She can be very defiant and disrupt the whole house.

 

Did it take a really long time to feel well again? Any advice for someone going through this? Thanks for any wisdom you can share. Feel free to pm me.

[LunaLee]

I feel like I lost my dd too. I know she won't be coming home again and it makes me really sad. I am so sorry. ((()))

 

Me too. I was resigned to it, but then she kept asking to be homeschooled again when she was having a rough week. I knew she wasn't really serious, by my heart soared and I spent an evening outlining a plan for her to look at, creating a budget, and finding online AP classes for her. It's really hard when as her mom I can see she isn't happy (according to her she's not unhappy), and my heart aches for her because I think she would be happier at home. She doesn't paint anymore and hasn't taken any interest in her photography since she went back in August and spends most of her time sleeping or detoxing...:crying:

 

And don't even get me started on the below par, inadequite education I feel she's getting there. Mind you this is an award winning, fundamental school, but in her 10th grade english class they wrote 2 essays and were not required to read any books other than the 4 they listened to in class. She's excelling in all of her classes, though, and all of her teachers love her (because she's respectful, pays attention, participates in class and turns her homework in on time) I am trying to afterschool, but it's hard. She's 15, spends all day at school, and has a small social life; she's a good sport about the things I try and have her do, but it's not nearly enough, I don't think.

 

Sorry Sue...I feel as if I hi-jacked your thread, but I thought it would be silly to start a whole new one, when your title pretty much sums it up.

 

:grouphug::grouphug: for all those of you that have "lost" your kids too.

Edited January 31, 2010 by LunaLee

[Sue G in PA]

Luna, sounds so much like my dd and her school experience. She had a rough first couple months...actually first semester was bad. She begged to come home. Now, she loves it. All her teachers LOVE her and she is mostly at the top of her class in her classes. Why? b/c of the sub-par curriculum and the fact that she was so advanced at home. She's looking forward to high school, but doesn't want Honors classes...b/c this year was such a cake walk for her she is intimidated by the "challenge". I told her that Honors classes would still be easy for her. Ugh. I wish she's decide to come back home. I already have her 9th gr. year planned on paper. :001_huh:

[LunaLee]

Luna, sounds so much like my dd and her school experience. She had a rough first couple months...actually first semester was bad. She begged to come home. Now, she loves it. All her teachers LOVE her and she is mostly at the top of her class in her classes. Why? b/c of the sub-par curriculum and the fact that she was so advanced at home. She's looking forward to high school, but doesn't want Honors classes...b/c this year was such a cake walk for her she is intimidated by the "challenge". I told her that Honors classes would still be easy for her. Ugh. I wish she's decide to come back home. I already have her 9th gr. year planned on paper. :001_huh:

 

This happened to dd too. By the first week of her English class, I knew it was going to be too easy for her. She ended up acing it with A's both semester which has earned her the right to be bumped up to Honors next year. Which means if she stays at school (I can always have a little hope whe won't), she'll be in Honors English and US History. It's pretty sad when an Honors class is equivlilant to what a regular class used to be. DD used to have a habit of not wanting to excel or not do the "harder" classes when she was at school because she didn't want the pressure of trying to succeed there, But after her time at home she's realized the importance of actually getting an "education" instead of being a seat warmer. BTW she's in 10th this year, so maybe your dd just needs a little time to think about it and mature. Also, and I don't really know your philosophy on the whole issue, but I didn't really give dd a choice when it came to being in the more challenging classes. I did that when she was in elementary school, and it was a huge mistake.