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Have you homeschooled a child who is not your own?


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We have a close friend who is practically a family member and soon to become dh's business partner. My kids call her "Auntie". Auntie is a single woman raising two grandchildren. One of them is a girl my dd's age who is a delightful, but impulsive and probably hyperactive child. Because of this she is running into problems with her school. I have been playing with the idea of offering to homeschool her. She would be a grade behind my daughter, and I will also be juggling a pre/k'er and a toddler.

 

What issues do I take into consideration (pros/cons)? Are there any legal issues with homeschooling another person's child? What other questions should I be asking?

 

Please share any advice and experiences you have.

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The legal issues depend upon the state that you live in.

 

I homeschooled my foster nephew in his 9th grade year. It began by me tutoring him after his day in public school. Each afternoon we would discuss his school day and then we'd work together on Saxon Algebra. He was failing miserably. He had the typical teacher's observation applied to him: Is capable but refuses to do the work.

 

After just a few days, I realized he understood all the operations involved in solving the problems. He knew exactly what he needed to do. He was still getting nearly every problem wrong, though. I watched closely and found he did not know his multiplication facts!

 

It was a bit embarrassing for him to sit at my table and be drilled daily with flash cards but within a week he was getting 90%+ on every lesson. It was then that the Algebra teacher accused me of giving him the answers to his work. They could not believe the stark improvement and assumed he was cheating.

 

Because of other issues with what the school was "teaching" (asking how one would choose to commit suicide, encouraging students to write their own epitaph, passing out questionnaires about weapons in their homes), my brother asked if I would homeschool this young man. My husband and I didn't hesitate in saying "Yes!".

 

It was a hard road at first, because this young man had few tools for learning. He couldn't write a simple paper and didn't know that copying from the encyclopedia is unacceptable. There is more but I've prattled on long enough.

 

So, yes, it is often legal and yes, it will be a challenge but there are very great rewards both for you and for your new student!

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wow Michelle, they accused him of cheating! Ha!!

 

I did not learn my multiplication tables ( I still don't know them all..but I think I know more now after working with my kids) at around 4th grade I started failing math because of this and the school pulled me out for special math help everyday with a special math teacher (I'm wondering now if they labeled that special ed or special services...) This special teacher really only sat there and gave me extra math worksheets to complete, which I did. He never figured out my problem- I couldn't multiply...I really wonder about them missing that!

 

I figured out how to compensate and went on to take all the algebras including Algebra trig and geometry and I did well on the SAT.

 

We just started homeschooling a friend's son, he is in 2nd grade and cannot read- the school tested him and promised all kinds of help, then after the testing offerred min. help...the mom got an advocate and pushed to get 90 minutes of reading help everyday and twice a week 30 minutes of speech thereapy- I was thinking of offering to homeschool him then (beginning of school year) but I thought, heck with 90 minutes a day help with reading- he'll be reading in no time, that's more time then I would sit down and do everyday!....we'll he still is not reading and I really wonder what they did with him each day. My memories of my math "help" tend to make me doubt they did anything helpful.

 

we had our first reading session Friday, while I observed some things, it's too early to tell what is going on...I think he was nervous working with me and that might have slowed him down.

 

Sometimes just watching and asking questions could tell you much, I wonder why the schools miss that?

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One of them is a girl my dd's age who is a delightful, but impulsive and probably hyperactive child. ...... She would be a grade behind my daughter, and I will also be juggling a pre/k'er and a toddler.

 

What issues do I take into consideration (pros/cons)? Are there any legal issues with homeschooling another person's child? What other questions should I be asking?

 

Please share any advice and experiences you have.

 

The biggest issue is will you be allowed to discipline this child. If not will she run rough shod over your hsing? What I am trying to say is with a preK and a toddler you have your hands full. A child with impulse and hyperactivity problems can take up a lot of time as much as a toddler does depending on how severe the problems are.

 

What I would be looking for is if the impulse and hyperactivity is cause by grandma being too lenient or other emotional problems that you may not be able to handle. If grandma will not back up your rules then the child won't follow them and you will not only have an impulse hyper child but one with behavior problems.

 

I knew a family who hsed a child that was not their own. The child had been adopted and had impulse problems, hyperactivity problems, and other behavioral issues. The adoptive mother had to work because the adoptive father became disabled shortly after the adoption. The special needs of the child soon took over the hs of the folks I knew. The child needed to be hsed but it needed more one on one time than the hsing mother could give. So if you can hs these kids with out biting into the time you need with your student and your younger kids fine but you should know that kids like you describe sometimes need more intense one on one than the average kid.

 

The last thing you need to think about is if for any reason you need to stop hsing these kids will it cause a rift in the relationship y'all have with the grandma of these kids. If you dh is partners with this woman will it cause strife in the business.

 

Finally what you can do depends on the laws covering hsing in your state. In IL we are private schools and it is not that hard but in other states it might be more difficult. So find out what you state law covers.

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What issues do I take into consideration (pros/cons)? Are there any legal issues with homeschooling another person's child? What other questions should I be asking?

 

The primary issue to consider is relational.

 

Consider whether or not your relationship with Auntie is strong enough to hold up to the stress that co-parenting causes. Is Auntie comfortable allowing you to make rules for her granddaughter? Will she enforce them at home? Will she feel defensive if you report a string of behavior problems? Will she expect you to fix them yourself, if they don't show up when the granddaughter is at home with Auntie? Will she take her grandchild's side or yours if the granddaughter complains of too much work or unfair treatment?

 

Also consider the effect that having an impulsive, hyperactive, publicly schooled child around will have on your kids. Does the grandchild use language or handle problems in a way you don't want your children to pick up? Will her attitude towards schoolwork be negative, and will that give your kids ideas? Will she be competitive with your kids and/or make fun of them for failing when they are open about mistakes? Will she ridicule them for displaying the innocence that our homeschooled kids often retain longer?

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Oh, one more thing, now that I see your kids are so little:

 

If this girl is the oldest in your household, you will be gearing a large chunk of the day's schoolwork to her. You won't have as much time to devote just to your own little ones, and you will definitely not be able to customize the perfect education for them. It will be a compromise between the perfect education for your kids, and the right education for Auntie's granddaughter. Things you wanted to do with your own will be changed and the visions you had of family togetherness during those special early years will not materialize. Be sure you're willing to sacrifice that for this little girl before you commit.

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Gosh, I just realized another thing about homeschooling someone else's kid that drives me up the wall. Free babysitting! I hate it when the kiddo doesn't get picked up when they are supposed to be. Often the time of a homeschooling parent isn't valued by their community, because, after all, they're home all day anyway, they don't work. Make sure Auntie doesn't even have a teeny ounce of this, or that you don't mind having an extra kid for dinner some nights.

 

Oh, and food. My kids never ate junk food before I had to deal with low blood sugar level crankiness in a kid who was used to white bread and vegetables-optional meals. Then I had to either have it in the house, making my children salivate, or let my guest kid starve (and boy is it hard to teach a dizzy, hungry kid), since he refused healthy food. It wasn't a big, big deal; I'm okay with making my kids suffer for their own good. But it was an issue I wish I had known about beforehand.

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You have already given me a lot to think about. Rebecca has expressed some of my concerns very well...

 

The biggest issue is will you be allowed to discipline this child. If not will she run rough shod over your hsing? What I am trying to say is with a preK and a toddler you have your hands full. A child with impulse and hyperactivity problems can take up a lot of time as much as a toddler does depending on how severe the problems are.

 

TBH Right now my home is pretty chaotic during school time. I am hoping my toddler will mature some over the summer (he will be two in July). But as long as the chaos continues, the environment might not even be the best for a hyperactive child.

 

What I would be looking for is if the impulse and hyperactivity is cause by grandma being too lenient or other emotional problems that you may not be able to handle. If grandma will not back up your rules then the child won't follow them and you will not only have an impulse hyper child but one with behavior problems.

 

The family has a painful history (Mom is deceased, I don't think they know where Daddy is...) There are definitely emotional issues and probably organic issues. The girl's little brother is dx'd ADHD and on meds. Auntie is not lenient on discipline, but I think she often just doesn't know what to do with these beautiful, yet rambunctious children. I believe she would support any rules I impose.

 

The last thing you need to think about is if for any reason you need to stop hsing these kids will it cause a rift in the relationship y'all have with the grandma of these kids. If you dh is partners with this woman will it cause strife in the business.

 

I think Auntie would be okay. I am more worried about how the child would take it if things did not work out. I wouldn't want her to think I gave up on her, etc., Basically I don't want to get into it unless I am willing to take whatever comes and keep at it for the long haul.

 

Finally what you can do depends on the laws covering hsing in your state. In IL we are private schools and it is not that hard but in other states it might be more difficult. So find out what you state law covers.

 

Laws in my state are very lenient. We would probably have Auntie withdraw her from school and file the "intent to homeschool" forms. Beyond that the state will hardly care.

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When ER was in 1st & 2nd grades and EK was a toddler, I taught another little boy alongside ER. ER loved having the little boy as a friend, and there was healthy (friendly) competition between them when they played games both inside & outside the classroom. However, the other little boy was not nearly as bright & quick-to-learn as ER -- not that he was slow; he was just average -- and I often found myself having to work individually with the other boy while ER waited. (I think it also took away from the time I could spend with EK.) Finally, I wound up having to teach them on different levels because I didn't think it was fair for ER to have to wait or just do busy-work. After all, that's one of the reasons why I chose to teach him at home -- so he could move at his own pace and he wouldn't have to be bored while the teacher retaught the lesson to the slower kids. Another problem was that the other boy missed a lot of days -- probably close to 30 days each 180-day school year. The academic gap between the boys grew over the course of the two years, and at the end of the 2nd year, I just told the mom I couldn't continue. At the time, dh was traveling a lot, and we didn't get to go with him because we had to be home for school.

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With it being so close to the end of the school year (at least here, ours get out in May)....I'd suggest that they keep her in school for the end of the year and then give it a "trial period" over the summer. And that you tell Auntie that you've got concerns about your ability, how it might work out for your kids to have to share you, etc etc. That way if the issues you're concerned about rear their head and it becomes a bad situation you can easily bow out before the new school year starts (use the excuse, I just don't think it's working for with my kids...blah blah).

 

I see a horrible situation for you that you say yes, things get really bad and then it's mid-school year and it's just really not fair to the kid to put her back in, so you feel guilty, etc etc.

 

Honestly, I'd probably not do it.....my kids MUST come first. Selfish, probably.

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The problem that I would have is that I would not really be "homeschooling" someone else's child. I would be "tutoring" them. Homeschooling in our family was not just "school" -- it was a family activity that fit in with and flowed around all our other family activities. We didn't have specific hours for "school", and this became even more true as our sons became more and more responsible for their own learning. This would not have worked for a child who was not a member of our family around the clock. I would have had to "school" them differently, and I think I would have come to resent it (and they might have too).

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Many ladies have made the excellent point that you are sacrificing your family's freedom and routine in agreeing to this.

 

I talked about homeschooling my foster nephew. At the time, I had only one child and she was a toddler. The nephew's schooling in no way affected my ability to teach her.

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TBH Right now my home is pretty chaotic during school time. I am hoping my toddler will mature some over the summer (he will be two in July). But as long as the chaos continues, the environment might not even be the best for a hyperactive child.

 

 

 

I am going to be really blunt with ya now Chaos is the worst place for a child with impulse problems. I know you want to help this child but your first responsibility is to your children. If with your own kids things are chaotic it will only get worse with the added child. What happens then is that all the kids get short changed. The time needed to develop maturity in your children is lost and in that time your ever learning tot and preker learn impulsively and hyperactivity.

 

All this I know from the school of hard knocks :glare:

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I wouldn't as it would put too much stress on you and your husband, especially with "business" connection of the relationship. You then have to find out whether it's legal for you to hs another parent's child in your state.

 

I adopted an older child (9 at the time) who was NOT a match for hs'ing. I had to come to terms that a school environment was best for my child.

 

I hate to say this, but if the family wants to hs, then they should be the ones teaching. What if the child is behind academically? What if the child does not progress? What if the child has learning issues unknown to you? Will the parents blame you if the child does not learn or progress over the year? JM2C.

 

You need to ask yourself, "Why do they want me to hs and why can't they hs their own child?"

 

I would charge the going rate of one of the better private schools, and extra on top of the monthly fee for daycare & holiday breaks.

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I wouldn't as it would put too much stress on you and your husband, especially with "business" connection of the relationship. You then have to find out whether it's legal for you to hs another parent's child in your state.

 

I adopted an older child (9 at the time) who was NOT a match for hs'ing. I had to come to terms that a school environment was best for my child.

 

I hate to say this, but if the family wants to hs, then they should be the ones teaching. What if the child is behind academically? What if the child does not progress? What if the child has learning issues unknown to you? Will the parents blame you if the child does not learn or progress over the year? JM2C.

 

You need to ask yourself, "Why do they want me to hs and why can't they hs their own child?"

 

I would charge the going rate of one of the better private schools, and extra on top of the monthly fee for daycare & holiday breaks.

 

Oh, girlfriend, where you BEEN??

 

It's so good to see you. How are you?? I would *love* to know where Taz ended up applying. May I email you?

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