(whine, whine) Anyone else tired/frustrated with being the 'counselor'?

[Guest Katia]

I spent all day today working on transcripts to mail, helping my dd figure out an online college application form (which was supposed to be saving info but wasn't and we spent hours typing and re-typing), and writing a letter of recommendation for my dd, along with filling out forms to forward cc transcripts to colleges, etc. etc.......ACK! And, I'm still not done.

 

This is my last baby. I really shouldn't complain. But....but.....why is it so hard and so involved to simply apply to a college.

 

I love homeschooling. I love being the teacher and planning the classes and picking the curriculum....I love the whole thing....EXCEPT when it comes to being the 'high school counselor'.

 

I'll be so, SO glad when the last of the required paperwork is done and gone. Anyone else feeling overwhelmed and frustrated with the whole process?

[DB in NJ]

YES!!!! I don't mind helping my ds, but sheesh!!!! I really DON'T have all the answers; he seems to think I do ;)

[TravelingChris]

I was trying to explain this to a mother who hasn't done it. I was talking about that even though my dh will have two years on stations next November, I am not moving in the October-February time frame of any one my kid's senior year. He can, I won't. I told her that the students worse time is JR year- 1st half of Senior and the parents is second half of Jr to a bit over first half of Senior.

[JFSinIL]

Keeping track of applications and scholarship deadlines for 11 colleges is tricky. I have a big box in the dining room, and each college has its own folder full of materials. Outside of each folder is noted deadlines, dates items were mailed, college id numbers as ds is accepted, etc. So far 9 places have accepted him - I have not been able to get rid of any folders yet!!!

Edited January 22, 2010 by JFSinIL

[Jane in NC]

I hear you. This morning I sent out mid-year reports, four via the Common App and two via snail mail. Pressing "submit" on any part of the Common App is a terrifying experience for me.

 

Although I felt relief after all of the applications were submitted, I was told by one of the regulars here that the waiting which comes afterward is a time of high anxiety. Wait, wait, wait for the those letters of acceptance (hopefully) then merit/financial aid offers. She is absolutely right!

 

The lack of uniformity in the process certainly does not help. It seems that every school has its quirks either in the application process or for scholarships.

 

I could not have done this without the help of some WTMers--what a great group on this board!

 

Jane

[Blue Hen]

Wait, wait, wait for the those letters of acceptance (hopefully) then merit/financial aid offers. She is absolutely right!

 

 

YES!! And the wait is even worst when you know the letters have gone out, your friends kids have all received their acceptance letters and NOTHING has come in the mail for your DS yet. I'm on the edge of my sitting waiting, wondering as to what I forgot to do, checked and re-checked the Common Application site to confirm that the school received and downloaded his forms..... WAITING is just awful......

 

Carole

[Susie-Knits]

Admittingly, all apps were done by Aug/Sept. Then he received all acceptances by Oct with a couple of scholarship notices. Second visit trips made looking closer at classes and college life. Then FAFSAs. Now the upcoming trips for honors college interviews and scholarship days and the realization that mid -March, the financial pkgs will finally arrive. Finally, all the cards will be on the table.

 

The stress level is increasing as the final decision is approaching.... both for me- counselor, teacher, and mom, and him- student and beloved son!

[AuntieM]

Ask me this time next year and I may likely agree! As for now, with ds15, it's still in the fun, new and exciting stage.

 

Now as for the term counselor, it's playing that role for my middle school dd that is about to sink my ship.... whew! I look forward when our issues and dramas revolve around college choices!

[cathmom]

Applying for college with my oldest was like a part-time job - for ME! I seriously spent at least 15-20 hours a week for a couple of months, and he only applied to 6 colleges!

[Osmosis Mom]

Gals, I am not sure I am following you all. Isn't part of being mature enough to apply for college the ability to do all of this yourself?? I have barely been in the background and I think that's the way it should be in order for me to trust that the kid is actually mature and able to go off to college.

 

First dd applied to 10 schools and second dd has applied to a couple accelerated admission, but they were certainly in charge themselves and I was only the cheer-leader (sometimes).

[emubird]

It really isn't the student's responsibility to make up the transcript (or resubmit the transcript numerous times when the college keeps "losing" it). And we can't expect our kids to do the rest of it on their own if every other kid in school has a counselor who can tell them what to do.

 

I also suspect that many kids need a bit of support in remembering deadlines. This doesn't mean they're not ready for college. It does mean that remembering all those deadlines in the throes of dealing with college anxiety is pretty hard. A bit of support isn't a bad thing.

 

Also, those of us who have been through college know some of the ins and outs that the kids won't know. There's no reason why we shouldn't counsel them. It's what a good high school college counselor would be doing. My daughter has always wanted me right there when she's been dealing with college people. They talk a different language. She doesn't know it. Sometimes she needs me there to translate. Mostly, I don't say anything, but I've saved her a couple of major messes by a few well timed words.

 

And as far as meeting scholarship deadlines is concerned, yes, that really is my affair. It will cost *us* a lot of money if she goofs up on that. We've approached this as a joint project. She doesn't resent it and neither do I. But it is a lot of work.

 

However, I don't write her essays for her. That is her job.

 

Emu

[Osmosis Mom]

I agree with you partly, Emu. It just sounded as if some of the mothers were owning the process which I really don't think is reasonable. I had been doing research for years before oldest dd had to apply so while I had all the "supposed answers"/felt like I had a clue as to what was needed, then she certainly did all the work incl. setting up and formatting her transcript, resume etc. etc. We discussed the gameplan, yes, and mostly it was my strategies dds have been using, but they did all the work, all the phonecalls, timelines etc.

 

BTW, then we haven't gone the scholarship-application route. We are basically only applying to schools where there is money. It seems from what I can understand that monies awarded by such schools will be lessened if outside scholarships, so to us it hasn't been something we have pursued. We have basically also only looked at schools in MA where you have an excellent selection.

 

Anyways, I am digressing. I think you get my point, though. Yes, I think I have done less logistically than most high school counselors, however, strategically, then I feel I help my applicant play the game well. In the end time will show, of course!

[Jane in NC]

I agree with you partly, Emu. It just sounded as if some of the mothers were owning the process which I really don't think is reasonable. I had been doing research for years before oldest dd had to apply so while I had all the "supposed answers"/felt like I had a clue as to what was needed, then she certainly did all the work incl. setting up and formatting her transcript, resume etc. etc. We discussed the gameplan, yes, and mostly it was my strategies dds have been using, but they did all the work, all the phonecalls, timelines etc.

 

BTW, then we haven't gone the scholarship-application route. We are basically only applying to schools where there is money. It seems from what I can understand that monies awarded by such schools will be lessened if outside scholarships, so to us it hasn't been something we have pursued. We have basically also only looked at schools in MA where you have an excellent selection.

 

Anyways, I am digressing. I think you get my point, though. Yes, I think I have done less logistically than most high school counselors, however, strategically, then I feel I help my applicant play the game well. In the end time will show, of course!

 

How interesting to see a different approach. It would not have occurred to me to have my son take charge of his transcript. I view myself as the school administrator, giving and recording grades. Initially, it was my decision to follow a classical education. Hence I wrote the school profile.

 

Every school to which my son applied required a counselor letter. Many of these schools point out that the parents may supply the counselor letter if the student is homeschooled.

 

Jane

Edited January 24, 2010 by Jane in NC

[Guest Katia]

How interesting to see a different approach. It would not have occurred to me to have my son take charge of his transcript. I view myself as the school administrator, giving and recording grades. Initially, it was my decision to follow a classical education. Hence I wrote the school profile.

 

Every school to which my son applied required a counselor letter. Many of these schools point out that the parents may supply the counselor letter if the student is homeschooled.

 

Jane

 

Jane, I completely agree. I would never expect my children to do my job.

 

As the school administrator, it is my job to plan and schedule all my children's classes, make sure they do the work, give them the grades, record the grades and keep all records (texts used, course descriptions, transcripts, etc.) As school counselor, it is also my job to write the counselor's letter of recommendation, supply official transcripts to colleges, and any other administrative paperwork which colleges may request or require, which is no small feat.

 

As the student, it is my children's job to complete all work that I assign for each class to earn credit and to do the best job they can. We work together to find suitable colleges for each dc, and then it's the child's responsibility to fill out the application, write the essays, and contact schools/heads of departments about scholarship dates and reserve their spot, email the colleges to set up tour dates and/or interviews, and check all these dates/times with me to make sure they work with our schedule. That is plenty of work to show they are mature enough for college.

 

If my kids had to do all of their responsibilities, plus mine...when would they get any school work done? Or get to any of their jobs, lessons, cc classes, practice their instruments, or do their volunteer work?

 

My part of the college admissions work as school administrator is almost a full-time job for me, along with keeping up with my kids school work and schedules.....I can't imagine expecting them to do it all, and I don't suppose any of the colleges we applied/are applying to would be very happy to know that the student wrote their own recommendation, made up their own transcripts.etc. It just doesn't seem ethical to me and I, personally, couldn't let my kids do that.

 

You learn something very different every day on these boards.

[Osmosis Mom]

Gosh, people are defensive. Someone posts a different point of view and suddenly, there is only your own way of dong things.

 

I certainly took time and effort writing my letter of recommendation, but no, I have not done anything to supply the official transcripts of any classes and tests my children have taken. This year dd did a big part of the FAFSA and CSS, but that is because she was interested and willing. That would otherwise fall under parental responsibility, not counselor's, but I felt it was worth noting as I got a private message about that.

 

It is actually laughable the reactions here. But hey, perhaps we should all sing to the same tune and only offer like-minded opinions?!

 

My girls incidentally did lay-outs, formatting etc. on their transcripts and when it looked almost perfect their dad did a final finesse *with them*. Yes, they have spent HOURS on this, but the skills they have refined are invaluable. Their essays were completely their work, but yes, I read them and offered suggestions or more likely editing support when they were slightly too long. We discussed which essays to use where *after* the essays were written. My girls did all their online submittance and I only sat next to them at the very end as they double-checked. I think this was a great experiecne for them, but that's just me.

 

My kids also have chores. However, when dd who is now in college needs me (for emotional support or when *I* think she needs a mother) then I can be at her college in an hour and sit next to her while she works or talk her through some brainstorming. So, no, I am not that uncaring. I just need to see proof in the pudding that *my* kids are capable and learning skills I myself did not acquire when young.

 

To each his own, but this was not an inclusive discussion, was it? I guess people took my original post as meaning I did not think *their* kids were mature. Gosh, I don't know your kids, people, but while I love homeschooling then I always myself personally in regards to my kids feel a need to lightly thread the line between support and helicoptering.

[Carmen_and_Company]

Applying for college with my oldest was like a part-time job - for ME! I seriously spent at least 15-20 hours a week for a couple of months, and he only applied to 6 colleges!

 

Taz applied to only 5 schools, and I began waking up earlier than usual due to the stress--3 o'clock vs. 5:30. I'm glad I have 6 years between graduating my eldest, and when my next finishes high school so I can sleep peacefully for a while.

[mcconnellboys]

There is a ton of stuff to do, isn't there? My son went back to a private school as a sophomore, but I still had to send a transcript of all the hs level work he did at home (his school only shows 7 of the credits as a 'pass' for his freshmen year - they won't transfer in grades from any other school). Even though I already had created all the detailed class info, book lists, etc., It was still a ton of work to get everything together, make photocopies, cover letters, etc., etc.

 

I did ALL his applications at the same time and got it over with! I made a couple of extra packet copies in case he decided to apply to any other schools later, but it ended up that he didn't.

 

Thankfully, his Dad is working through all the FAFSA stuff (even though I don't think he's going to qualify). So, I hope that I'm done (until time to buy supplies for a dorm room....)

[cathmom]

Well, I said that applying for college WITH my oldest was like a PT job for me, because that is what the thread was about. I did not mention that my son put in the same or more hours. He wrote his essays - in fact, I don't even think I read them LOL. There were MANY forms that needed to be filled out with information that I had, pertaining to our family's finances, etc. I had to write things for various applications. My son kept track of deadlines. I made his transcript.

 

And all I could keep thinking about was doing it twice in one year when my twins were college-age!

[Nan in Mass]

And Osmosis Mom, I think of you as a very involved, supportive mother. You obviously judged exactly right how much of the process your daughter could manage on her own. I wish I were as good a judge. I hope you never have to do what I did. I just thought I would post in case it helps someone...

 

My oldest (not homeschooling) didn't go to college right out of high school. He applied and was accepted, but didn't want to go. We reluctantly agreed that he was probably right when he said he was afraid he wouldn't do the work because he hated schoolwork. He had a good plan for his life, one that would have worked. However, after falling off a second story roof when a ladder collapsed and coming within a quarter of an inch of losing his eye when a valve exploded and being so physically exhausted at the end of the day that he didn't want to play, he began to reconsider. And when his brother described the hands-on college he was looking at, he said he, too, might be interested in going. I made visiting and then applying to that college as easy for him as I possibly, possibly could. I didn't say anything at all that would influence his decision to go because I was quite sure that if he went just to please us, he wouldn't stay and graduate. He wrote anything that needed writing (including things that I could have written, like the request to his high school to send a transcript), but his father and I sat with him while he did the writing. And anything else that needed doing, I did. I figured out what had to be done when and how, and I did the gathering. This college isn't one of the ones that pretends parents don't exist, so it was easier for me to help than it might have been. I made the phone calls to request information for both brothers at the same time. He lacked the experience and confidence to get himself through the process, didn't want to think about any of it because it was going to be a big change, very sad in many ways, and most of the time, he was way too tired to deal with the idea. So I did it. I doubt he would be in college now if I hadn't. Yes, he might eventually have done it himself, but it was better this way. He is in his second year now and although he still doesn't like school, he is doing fine and likes what he is learning very much. The next year, as I helped his brother through the application process, I helped a cousin in similar circumstances. That student, too, is doing fine.

 

My point is that sometimes students need a boost. They lack the energy or the confidence or the knowledge to get themselves through the application process. If they genuinely want to go and have the skills to survive once they get there, I don't think it does any harm to help them get in. It might be a good idea, though, if you can manage it, to make sure they are rested up both mentally and physically before they go. Make sure they remember their math and know how to use their laptop, too. And don't forget to continue to provide tons of support the first semester or two.

 

I really admire the students and young adults who manage to do all this for themselves. I think they are wonderful, and I suspect that like anyone who is talented, they don't understand how anyone else is unable to do what they do. I think the parents who are like that have children who are like that, also. (I can't imagine highly competent Osmosis Mom having children who were unable to do this. She would make sure her children could.) I just know that I wasn't that sort of person (my parents helped me) and I happened to have a few children who couldn't, either. People aren't always uniformly adult in all areas. Some of us muddle through as best we can, and hope we have family to help. : )

 

-Nan

[Jane in NC]

 

I really admire the students and young adults who manage to do all this for themselves. I think they are wonderful, and I suspect that like anyone who is talented, they don't understand how anyone else is unable to do what they do. I think the parents who are like that have children who are like that, also. (I can't imagine highly competent Osmosis Mom having children who were unable to do this. She would make sure her children could.) I just know that I wasn't that sort of person (my parents helped me) and I happened to have a few children who couldn't, either. People aren't always uniformly adult in all areas. Some of us muddle through as best we can, and hope we have family to help. : )

 

-Nan

 

Thank you, Nan, for writing this. My son leaves later in the week for a scholarship competition at a Midwestern college. He will fly by himself but I booked the flight for him. He probably could have done this, but with so much else on his plate I know that he appreciates someone else looking after some of the details. And frankly I like being able to assist!

[Osmosis Mom]

And Osmosis Mom, I think of you as a very involved, supportive mother. You obviously judged exactly right how much of the process your daughter could manage on her own. I wish I were as good a judge. I hope you never have to do what I did. I just thought I would post in case it helps someone...

 

My oldest (not homeschooling) didn't go to college right out of high school. He applied and was accepted, but didn't want to go. We reluctantly agreed that he was probably right when he said he was afraid he wouldn't do the work because he hated schoolwork. He had a good plan for his life, one that would have worked. However, after falling off a second story roof when a ladder collapsed and coming within a quarter of an inch of losing his eye when a valve exploded and being so physically exhausted at the end of the day that he didn't want to play, he began to reconsider. And when his brother described the hands-on college he was looking at, he said he, too, might be interested in going. I made visiting and then applying to that college as easy for him as I possibly, possibly could. I didn't say anything at all that would influence his decision to go because I was quite sure that if he went just to please us, he wouldn't stay and graduate. He wrote anything that needed writing (including things that I could have written, like the request to his high school to send a transcript), but his father and I sat with him while he did the writing. And anything else that needed doing, I did. I figured out what had to be done when and how, and I did the gathering. This college isn't one of the ones that pretends parents don't exist, so it was easier for me to help than it might have been. I made the phone calls to request information for both brothers at the same time. He lacked the experience and confidence to get himself through the process, didn't want to think about any of it because it was going to be a big change, very sad in many ways, and most of the time, he was way too tired to deal with the idea. So I did it. I doubt he would be in college now if I hadn't. Yes, he might eventually have done it himself, but it was better this way. He is in his second year now and although he still doesn't like school, he is doing fine and likes what he is learning very much. The next year, as I helped his brother through the application process, I helped a cousin in similar circumstances. That student, too, is doing fine.

 

My point is that sometimes students need a boost. They lack the energy or the confidence or the knowledge to get themselves through the application process. If they genuinely want to go and have the skills to survive once they get there, I don't think it does any harm to help them get in. It might be a good idea, though, if you can manage it, to make sure they are rested up both mentally and physically before they go. Make sure they remember their math and know how to use their laptop, too. And don't forget to continue to provide tons of support the first semester or two.

 

I really admire the students and young adults who manage to do all this for themselves. I think they are wonderful, and I suspect that like anyone who is talented, they don't understand how anyone else is unable to do what they do. I think the parents who are like that have children who are like that, also. (I can't imagine highly competent Osmosis Mom having children who were unable to do this. She would make sure her children could.) I just know that I wasn't that sort of person (my parents helped me) and I happened to have a few children who couldn't, either. People aren't always uniformly adult in all areas. Some of us muddle through as best we can, and hope we have family to help. : )

 

-Nan

 

 

Nan, I am thinking my over-confidence might also have something to do with the fact that I was talking about my two oldest *girls*. Next one in line is a BOY so my tune will probably be a lot more humble 2-3 years from now.....;)

 

Nadia

[Nan in Mass]

LOL - My parents had three girls. I had three boys. For the last 22 years, my parents have said at least once a week, "Wow! Boys are different!" And my boys aren't even at the extreme end of boyness.