Miss Peregrine Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 Friends invited us to Chuck E. Cheese for their son's birthday. They have never ben and I was hoping it would stay that way, LOL. Anyway DD7 was talking to other dd and I heard her say that they are(something I am too embarrassed to say that she called them) for inviting us to Chuck E. Cheese. I am soooo furious. Is is better to make her go and endure the "torture" of Chuck E. Cheese, or leave her at home with older DD( who will be at home and can watch her) I know the other 2 will have fun once we are there and then DD7 will know what she missed. This is hard because I don't do "punishment" but, boy, do I want her to feel this one! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 I would leave her home. I wouldn't call it a punishment. I'd let her know that you overheard what she said and it's too bad that she feels that way. Given that she is not happy to have been invited she gets to stay home with her older sister. End of discussion. Even if she says, "But I didn't mean it." Sorry you feel that way, but the decision has already been made. Tomorrow might be a good time to talk about the power of our words and the way that we talk about others when they aren't around. :grouphug: It's a hard lesson to learn. Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daisy Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 (edited) Hmmm, makes me wonder if she has overheard others making those kinds of remarks before?? I don't know. She's only 7yo. I think she has just picked up on someone else's dislike of Chuck E. Cheese. I'd talk to her about manners and then take her. She'll probably have a blast. If she said a dirty word, I would punish for that separately. Edited December 21, 2009 by Daisy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hornblower Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 Honestly, there's no wasy I would punish her for this. I can't imagine what word she used - was it something she heard from you? Is she mirroring your attitude about this place? If she's using language that you don't want her using, then address that. "dd, those are adult words and I don't want you using those." Or does she not want to go? If she really doesn't want to go I'd let her stay home but if she wants to go, just do a quick review about manners (don't ciriticize the host, don't criticize the host's choice of venue, smile and try to have a nice time, remember the host is the star of the party. I would also specifically address any comments or attitudes YOU have communicated about this place & let her know it's ok for her to have fun there.) She's young. I wouldn't worry about this at all. No need to make a big drama out of a word. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dobela Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 She only said this to a sister right? not to the inviting family? Are you sure she hasn't heard your own negative remarks about ChuckE Cheese and just regurgitated them? I would let her know you heard and give her the choice to stay home (since she apparently feels it is not a good invite) or go. Since she has never been, I don't know how effective the punishment will be because she won't fully realize just what she is missing if she is forced to stay home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daisy Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 Honestly, there's no wasy I would punish her for this. I can't imagine what word she used - was it something she heard from you? Is she mirroring your attitude about this place? If she's using language that you don't want her using, then address that. "dd, those are adult words and I don't want you using those." Or does she not want to go? If she really doesn't want to go I'd let her stay home but if she wants to go, just do a quick review about manners (don't ciriticize the host, don't criticize the host's choice of venue, smile and try to have a nice time, remember the host is the star of the party. I would also specifically address any comments or attitudes YOU have communicated about this place & let her know it's ok for her to have fun there.) She's young. I wouldn't worry about this at all. No need to make a big drama out of a word. :iagree::iagree: And you said it better than I did. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 Hmmm, makes me wonder if she has overheard others making those kinds of remarks before?? I don't know. She's only 7yo. I think she has just picked up on someone else's dislike of Chuck E. Cheese. I'd talk to her about manners and then take her. She'll probably have a blast. If she said a dirty word, I would punish for that separately. :iagree::iagree::iagree: I agree with Daisy, although I wouldn't necessarily punish her for having said a bad word (if it was really a curse word and not just an insulting one.) I would be more interested in where she'd heard the word, and then letting her know that certain types of language are not permitted in your home. It sounds to me like she was trying to be a "big kid" by repeating something she'd heard someone else say, particularly because it appears that she was using language that she wouldn't normally use in conversation. If you hoped your kids wouldn't have to go to Chuck E Cheese, I suspect your dd may have gotten the negative impression about it from you, as most kids think CEC sounds like fun. Whatever the case, I think you're definitely over-reacting, and I'm not criticizing you for it, as we all do things like that! :001_smile: Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Peregrine Posted December 21, 2009 Author Share Posted December 21, 2009 For anyone interested the word is butthole. No, I really don't know where she got it and she says it a lot. It is something we are working on with her, though obviously not successfully. Thanks for the reminders about letting her enjoy it. She is the youngest and has been tainted against many things most younger kids enjoy because the olders put it down. I never though about that.:001_huh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stripe Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 (edited) I guess I don't see why she can't have her own opinion about how fun Chuck E. Cheese is. If she thinks it is boring, which seems to be a position she shares with you....so what? I think we all let down our guard around our friends or sisters. I think it's not fair to enforce thought control. You may have standards for not swearing or encouraging kindness, but I think this should be dealt with in a not-frantic way at least for now. You overheard her having a private conversation. That doesn't mean she'd talk that way to you or to the other family. I would have a non-angry conversation; if she doesn't want to go, and that's okay with you, can't she do something else? Or you can just discuss that sometimes we do things for the people, not because the activity itself is particularly interesting. I feel like I'm missing something. ETA: The previous post hadn't yet been posted when I replied; that being said, I understand not liking the term she used (although if she's using it often, the problem is her language in general and not this one time). I still think she has the right to not want to do something, but she could use help understanding how to express her feelings without insulting someone. Edited December 21, 2009 by stripe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 I can understand why that's a word you don't want her to use. I wouldn't allow it, either, as I find it incredibly offensive. Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crimson Wife Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 If it were me, I'd make her stay home AND do some tiresome chore like polishing the silver for having a bad attitude. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LND1218 Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 If you don't do punishment, it's not fair to her if you punish her. That sends a completely mixed message. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dtb1999 Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 For anyone interested the word is butthole. No, I really don't know where she got it and she says it a lot. It is something we are working on with her, though obviously not successfully. That's it? Really? Honestly, if that's the worst she said, I would totally ignore it. I probably would have laughed, too, but that's neither here nor there. :o Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dtb1999 Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 If it were me, I'd make her stay home AND do some tiresome chore like polishing the silver for having a bad attitude. :tongue_smilie: You would make her do all that for saying "butthole". Why? No snark, I honestly just don't understand how saying "butthole" is that bad. :confused: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 That's it? Really? Honestly, if that's the worst she said, I would totally ignore it. I probably would have laughed, too, but that's neither here nor there. :o I would have laughed out loud right there. Not because it is a funny thing to call someone. But because it is ridiculous to call someone a name like that simply because they have different tastes in entertainment or party venues. I would then sit down and talk with the child about the superior attitude that is coming through loud and clear, and about how offensive that is as a character issue. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FriedClams Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 I would leave her home. I wouldn't call it a punishment. I'd let her know that you overheard what she said and it's too bad that she feels that way. Given that she is not happy to have been invited she gets to stay home with her older sister. End of discussion. Even if she says, "But I didn't mean it." Sorry you feel that way, but the decision has already been made. Tomorrow might be a good time to talk about the power of our words and the way that we talk about others when they aren't around. :grouphug: It's a hard lesson to learn. Cat I agree completely. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted December 22, 2009 Share Posted December 22, 2009 Very, very, very gently...... Was she echoing a sentiment offered by adults in her life? If I read your post correctly, you were hoping to avoid CEC yourself. Could she have simply been a less censored mirror of your thoughts? And if it's at all possible, I think not only should she be permitted to go, I think she should be given permission to have a great time and even change her pre-concieved ideas about having a kids' party at CEC. Life is too short to be a party snob. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Peregrine Posted December 22, 2009 Author Share Posted December 22, 2009 We just got back a little while ago:001_smile: She had a great time. So did the other kids. Yes, she was influenced by our attitudes. We talked about it and she admitted it. We didn't use a yucky word, but we were just as snobby.:o I talked to the other kids about how we talk about things that might influence her and ruin her fun. We are going to work on that. We did talk about the use of inappropriate words, too. I had to laugh(to myself), though, when we arrived and we were handed a stack of coupons to order our own food. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flyingmommy Posted December 22, 2009 Share Posted December 22, 2009 I think I'd be more concerned about teaching her to be careful what she says because she never knows who might be listening. I'm certain she didn't expect you to over hear her, but you did. What if someone from the inviting family had heard? She might not realize what she was saying, but the other person might still have been offended. Words can be powerful and I don't think 7 is too young to start learning that lesson. Just my 2 cents. J Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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