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Does anyone remember a funny posting about decorating Christmas trees?


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Yes! I remember this! It was a *riot*!

 

Let's see... was it Nick's mama? No...who is our Pirates of the Caribbean fan? I think it may have been her. Let me think about it tonight and I might be able to remember who wrote it.

 

ETA: was it Niffercoo?

Edited by Aggie
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I found it! I still think it's really funny:

 

THE TEN TREE COMMANDMENTS

 

Rule #1: Thou shalt assemble the artificial tree and bend the branches for no less than one hour for a realistic appearance.

 

Rule #2: Then thou shalt apply the lights beginning at the top of the tree progessing to the bottom, taking the strand all the way to the center of the tree and out again on every single branch or thou wilt be smitten.

 

Rule #3: Concerning the number of lights. Thou shalt strive for the perfection and beauty of not less than 10 100 light strands for a total of 1000 lights. Less than this and it shall be proclaimed an "ugly" tree.

 

Rule #4: Thou shalt then begin apply the ornaments. Small ornaments shall go at the top. Large ornaments for the base. Thy tree must be proportional.

 

Rule #5: THOU SHALT NOT ALLOW THE ORNAMENTS TO SIT ON THE BRANCH BENEATH THEM! IT IS AN ABOMINATION!!! THEY MUST SWING FREELY ON THE TREE!

 

Rule #6: Thou shalt consider thy work no less than every three ornaments placed by standing back and looking for "holes" in thy tree. Fill the wretched holes with ornaments.

 

Rule #7: Thou shalt decorate the WHOLE tree front and back. Place the old scratched ornaments on the back of the tree lest it be naked.

 

Rule #8: After the ornaments come the garland. This must be artfully draped in even "swags". Then though shalt humor thy grandmother to come "adjust" the parts she condemns as uneven.

 

Rule #9: Lastly, though mayest apply tinsel to thy tree. NOT IN GREAT GOBS but by no more than 5 strands at one time. Then though must be a good steward of thy tinsel being ever watchful to not pass to closely by the tree, lest you remove the tinsel causing a bald spot.

 

Rule #10: Thou must promise on pain of death to return on New Year's Day to dismantle thy grandmother's tree or guilt wilt follow thou all the days of thy life.

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