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what things do you do to help your growing son (12yo) be respectful to you? My ds (middle child) is very much like me so we have an understanding of each other and a very close relationship. However, he is reaching that age of naturally pulling away and testing his leadership. My dh treats me with lots of respect. He models it and he won't let my ds get by with talking to me disrespectfully. But ds has hit puberty and today, especially, I have realized that he senses he is growing bigger and has said things that push the limit - like when I asked him and his younger sister who wrote in the dust on the grand piano (a whole different issue :)) and said that it wasn't like that this morning he said very sarcastically, "Then you obviously didn't look good enough, Mom." I realize that some would not take this as disrespect and that is fine. But in our house, there is a way to say something respectfully and that was not it. But yet I sense that I am not dealing with childhood disrespect (which I know how to handle) but a whole different level. I just wondered if any of you who have already had strong willed teenage sons who will likely be strong leaders can tell me how you keep this in check while allowing them to grow up (and possibly even having to physically look up to them while you tell them they are out of line!)

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We're beginning to deal with this. Right now, I'm trying to draw attention to it (ei. "Do you realize how you sound? Even though you didn't say the word, you made me feel like I'm stupid. That's disrespectful"), and if it's happening frequently (more than once daily), asking him to go up to his room and think about why he's lashing out. I let him sit for a while, then I go and talk to him.

 

Generally, he gets annoyed and is disrespectful when I tell him something he already knows, or remind him of something in a way that he feels is nagging. Our conversations have made me aware that he's growing up and I need to try to understand his perspective (not to infer that you are not - it sounds like we are on the same path).

 

Good luck, I'd love to read some other responses.

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