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I never thought this day would come, but my son wants to live with his father.


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I was hoping that I would never have to say that.

 

I feel like I failed. I know every teenage boy wants to be with his father. I know that boys who have good relationships with their fathers grow to be better men (most of the time). I know my son is depressed.

 

He doesn't want to stop homeschooling, and I suppose he won't have to. I left his dad 10 years ago, and he's always hated packing up and moving to his dad's every weekend. I've hated that, too.

 

I remember what his dad did to me. I remember what he did to the marriage. I never told my son that-I didn't want him to be mad at his father.Recently he asked me point blank why I left, and I told him. The man in his life is not who he thought he was.

 

Yet, he still wants to live with him, but he's agreed to wait on big decisions like this until we go see someone about his depression.

 

I know he still loves me. I know his dad loves him. I know his dad and I never should have married...but J is the only thing we've done right, and now J wants to make a decision of his own. He's 15 now, and old enough in most states.

 

If he wanted to live exclusively with me, would I be this sad? Probably not as much.

 

Please keep me in your thoughts for the next few days, and thanks in advance for being patient while I sort out my feelings.

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I remember what his dad did to me. I remember what he did to the marriage. I never told my son that-I didn't want him to be mad at his father.Recently he asked me point blank why I left, and I told him. The man in his life is not who he thought he was.

 

Yet, he still wants to live with him, but he's agreed to wait on big decisions like this until we go see someone about his depression.

 

 

{{{{hugs}}}}}

 

Here is an endless supply of many understanding hugs.

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:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I am very sorry for the pain you are feeling. I don't know if it makes it any easier to bear but it is expected that a son at his age would want to go to his father. He needs to learn for himself about his father, about what he is like on a daily basis. It may not last long but he needs to go. It was probably very hard for him to tell you this. I am sure he doesn't want to hurt you. As a child of divorce, let me tell you that feeling like you are choosing between your two parents is the most painful aspect of it. Please, let him make his choice (as long as there is no danger to him) and please support him in this choice. Help him move, get settled, keep his schooling going. That way, when he finds out that he wants to come home to you, it will be that much easier for him to make that decision as well.

 

Good luck.

 

:grouphug:

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Oh gosh...my momma heart is broke for yours.

I have a dear, dear friend who is going through similar.

These are the hard parts of life where there is no perfect answer.

What I learned about my friend during the process is that she is so, so brave and perfectly trusting of Father God.

you are in my thoughts.

e

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:grouphug:

I watched my mother go through the same thing with my 16yo (at the time) sister. I dread going through the same thing with my now 11yo ds.

 

If it's any consolation at all, my sister went through many difficult emotions and carries some scars, but she came through it stronger than before. She was able to see things for herself, which carries much more weight than any warnings from another person.

:grouphug:

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I am very sorry for the pain you are feeling. I don't know if it makes it any easier to bear but it is expected that a son at his age would want to go to his father. He needs to learn for himself about his father, about what he is like on a daily basis. It may not last long but he needs to go. It was probably very hard for him to tell you this. I am sure he doesn't want to hurt you. As a child of divorce, let me tell you that feeling like you are choosing between your two parents is the most painful aspect of it. Please, let him make his choice (as long as there is no danger to him) and please support him in this choice. Help him move, get settled, keep his schooling going. That way, when he finds out that he wants to come home to you, it will be that much easier for him to make that decision as well.

 

 

:iagree: It's not only sons ... I went to live with my dad when I was 15. My mom handled it beautifully, although as a mom myself now, I'm sure it broke her heart. I decided a few years later to move back home and I'm grateful that my mom made the entire growing up/discovering myself/ discovering my dad/life with my dad/moving back home so easy.

 

:grouphug:

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I can offer hugs and understanding like you wouldn't believe. I have played this scenario over and over in my mind for YEARS now. When my older son's dad and I divorced, my son was 3. I think I really started mentally preparing myself right then and there for the day when my son says he wants to go live with his dad. That time has not come just yet, but I fully expect it to. I know, in my heart, that it will.

 

My thoughts and prayers are with you at this tough time. :grouphug:

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:grouphug:

 

Oh, my. My heart is with you at this time. Let me just say, as a former teenager who struggled with depression, that we humans often blame our sadness on circumstances. For example: I am sad, so I must be married to the wrong person. I am sad, but if I had a boyfriend/husband, I wouldn't be. I am sad because I am overweight. If I lose weight, I won't be sad. Sometimes, you are sad because you are sad. I often say that unsatisfied/sad/depressed/angry single people, when married, then become unsatisfied/sad/depressed/angry married people. And vice versa.

 

And for all of you folks coming out of bad marriages, I know that you experienced real relief and the opportunity to have much better relationships. So please don't misunderstand me.

 

I am just trying to say that there is a really valid reason for the child to be saying this, but it might not fix things for him. As the mom, you can't really say it because he has to find out for himself. So, I wish you all the best in your efforts to be a really BIG person right now.

 

Julie

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