can I vent to you instead of my kids?

[Guest momx2]

I am a rather new, quiet member of the board -- and I can't figure out of these new board stuff either... another subject.

My ds5 is in half day K and then is "after-schooled" to learn and I have a ds7 (1st grade) at home. Today at teacher conference I was told that ds5 had very low penmenship skills, that he was "frustrated" and did not want to do his work. When I suggested the teacher write it out for him to copy (what we do) she said that kids would not learn to spell nor would they learn the correct sematics of spacing words etc etc if she were to write it out! HE IS 5!!!!!!! I was tempted but did not ask how the child was suppose to learn something he did not know without being taught but I withheld. I already know this teacher is very "young", and does not share the same education beliefs (she had a kid crying because she didn't want to read). But I get home and give a review of capital letters to ds7 and he can barely pull off a straight line let alone letters. I am just frustrated. I realize it is my expectations, kids do not need to write until 2nd grade or so but you would think it is skill with enough practice the boys could figure it out!!! DH (dear dear DH) is also worried because writing is a nice way of showing intelligence that our children lack at the current moment--

I feel like banging my head against a wall but I appreicate the board to sound off instead....

[Scarlett]

I would bring the 5 year old home and not worry about the teacher's expectations of him.

[Mom2jnb]

I agree with Scarlett. If the teacher isn't agreeing with you on the basics and you are already afterschooling him. I would pull him home. You know what is best for him.

 

Good Luck. I know it is hard to deal with. I pulled my son home this year after fighting teachers and principals that didn't agree with some basic knowledge. I waited too long and I am regreting it as now my son is flourishing at home where he can work at his own pace for understanding.

 

Alison

[Scarlett]

AND you will get more out of your 5 year old, if you school him in the morning. By afternoon he is tired...he should be left to play by them. :(

[Dayle in Guatemala]

bring him home. He's frustrated, too. It sounds to me like you want to develop a love for learning in your dc and nothing will kill it faster than the situation he is in right now.

 

Good luck. You'll do great!

[Jean in Newcastle]

Handwriting skills are one of the last developmental milestones - and are often later for boys than girls. Bring him home. Stop working on handwriting at all for a few months. It won't hurt him - at all. There are so many things to learn and explore at that age that don't require writing a straight line!

 

If you do want to do some handwriting- fine motor type stuff, I would tape a large sheet of white paper on the wall and give him a chunky crayon to practice making big (maybe 2 or 3 in. long) vertical marks etc. Let him play with making circles, lines (both vertical and horizontal). Praise him out the kazoo and really make it a good experience for him. If he resists or gets tired right away, do something else.

[Soph the vet]

I've found handwriting comes later than reading but I have one child it seems to be the opposite! I would bring him home too. You don't want to turn him off to learning, which may happen if left with that teacher.

[Frontier Mom]

Although this might not be the case where you are, I find most preschool, K, and p.s. teachers and moms pull out a few "benchmarks" to a great education in every discussion.

 

For instance, it is usually handwriting and reading. Later it becomes year-end test scores. I have to believe these are the few quantifiable ways to separate children into contrived categories.

 

We have always home schooled and I did not teach any of my boys to read until they were 7. Not that it is the only method, I just felt they needed more hands-on experience when they were little. We drew letters with sidewalk chalk on the driveway, in cornmeal and studied lots of bugs, trees, etc. I read to them a great deal.

 

Saying that, I would not let someone tell me my little boy is behind because he can't write well.Excuse my language but that is just :ack2: Bring him home and give him time and space. A little dirt to play in just makes it better. Those days go by so fast anyway, why let someone else have the best part of his day?

[Quiver0f10]

Another vote for bringing him home.

[cin]

My daughter is advanced; she could read at 3 1/2 and wanted to do more....So, we started doing math, reading and logic. And I did the writing for her. She is 6 1/2 and still has atrocious handwriting. Fine motor skills are a weak spot for her. We still do some work orally or I write her answers down for her, because writing is so time-consuming for her. I know that someday, she will write fine, btu at this point, I don't want that to cause her frustration with her school work. She LOVES to learn, read and do stuff, so I know I'm not pushing her.

 

YOU are the parent, YOU know the child, and YOU can take control

[myfunnybunch]

Developmentally 5 y.o.'s are still all over the map. It steams me beyond belief when such young children are already judged as being "behind" when they don't meet certain criteria. It's kindergarten! IMO, it's not developmentally appropriate to be judging a child's academic performances at such a young age. The teacher's expectations are unreasonable.

 

OTOH, I think your suggestion of letting him copy the words is perfectly reasonable. Copywork teaches children all of the things the teacher expects the children to learn-- spelling a word or spacing a sentence correctly the first time with a prompt is far better practice, especially for a beginner, than practicing the skill incorrectly and having to correct a mistake.

 

And, if it's any help, my now 7 y.o. did not particularly enjoy or excel at writing or drawing at 5 or 6. I asked him to copy a few words now and then. I let him dictate his words to me. As time passed I insisted that he do a little more on his own, but tried to judge how much might be too much. When he said, "I can't," I said, "It doesn't have to be perfect. Try your best." This year, after his 7th birthday, it suddenly "clicked." His fine motor skills took a leap. Now he has nice handwriting and feels much more confident about his drawing. I am so glad that I waited patiently and said, "Just do your best" instead of "It's not neat enough." (And, to address your dh's concerns, my guy was and is a pretty sharp cookie, despite his not-so-hot handwriting. ;) )

 

Cat

[elizam]

I agree with the others that is is so common yet PS teachers don't seem to understand this these days!

 

I ahve two dses and neither one has good handwriting. They both are intelligent. The oldest one struggled terribly in PS kindergarten and also had a young teacher. He had whole pages of handwriting to do each night, along with math and phonics. Nearly had a da*n nervous breakdown--I kid you not!

[JennifersLost]

Chiming in...

 

Most boys don't "get" writing until at least 7. I pity the teachers today who feel the need to struggle with writing before then - it's a pointless exercise. They should be wandering around the fields behind the school yards teaching those kids to identify things in the natural world around them.

 

I'd bring your son home, too. There's so much fun stuff to do at age 5 - there's no call for any kind of "desk work" yet.

[Rosie_0801]

Oh goodness! Handwriting is not an indicator of intelligence! It's just a skill which people learn to do well, or don't. Some have a natural inclination to be beautiful writers. Some, like me, hit a glass ceiling and no amount of practise would improve it.

If handwriting was an indication of intelligence, I'd be labelled as being moderately retarded!

Falling behind in skills like this only matter when one is in a competitive environment. Bring the boy home, then you can all relax.

:)

Rosie

[Desert Rat]

And as a note, my absolutely brilliant 8 yo who scored off the charts in several areas still has difficulty with penmanship. It was difficult for me at first to accept that I don't have anything concrete to show for all his smarts. I got over it. I take dictation as needed. I don't think writing (or lack thereof) should slow done kids. Huck would have been so frustrated if I had waited to teach him more complex subjects until he could hold a pencil!

On a positive note we started cursive a month ago and his cursive writing is beeeauuutiful! I'm shocked and amazed!

Good luck!

[Stacey in MA]

He balked at writing - it was his weakness. So we did some math, some spelling, etc. "orally", where I would ask him the answer and write it in. When writing finally fell into place for him, he was about 7, maybe 8. Then he cruised through learning letter formation and started cursive this year (3rd grade, age 9). He's not the neatest writer, but he caught up to his age level very quickly.

 

FWIW, my DS9 is a lefty, which may have been part of his frustration.

 

I am told that to increase fine motor coordination, lots of scissor work will help. Also, lots of playdough, stringing small bead, anything where they must concentrate on fine motor with their hands and fingers. Kumon makes some scissoring books that are fun - perhaps check and B&N for some of those?

 

GL - Stacey in MA